The Dating Den

Marni and Chris Gillis break down the double-whammy that was Bachelor in Paradise. So many juicy lessons in this episode about non-negotiables, emotional unavailability, prima donnas, and F-boys! If you are in the dating pool and consistently not meeting the right guys, tune in and chill out.   Takeaways from this episode:   Beauty fades and money is never enough Love language connection How to express what you need Being more than your story What to do when a date is not a match   Needs versus Wants [4:08]   This episode of Bachelor in Paradise revealed some perfect examples of ladies who have unrealistic expectations about what a guy needs to do in dating. A guy can be interested in a woman without being a slobbering mess and falling all over her. A woman who needs constant validation of her lovability and worth doesn’t make a good partner.   Hey Genevieve and Shanae, if a guy doesn’t treat you like Disney princesses you don’t have to turn into witches!   When starting to date someone and they

Marni and Chris Gillis break down the insecurities, easy hookups, and control struggles that were all over this week’s Bachelorette. Marni shares the solid takeaways from the show, especially the importance of remembering that dating is a process, and there is value in the entire process.   Takeaways from this episode:   Stop romanticizing the perfect man Show up strong, not insecure Keep your cool when dating around Focusing on externals doesn’t fix internal insecurities   The Pitfalls of Romanticizing Someone You’ve Never Met [3:55]   Chris calls fantasizing about someone you’ve never met a delicious pitfall, but it isn’t one that you can risk falling for. It only sets you up for disappointment and a lack of a true fresh start. After Teddi’s date with Andrew, she takes a step back to realize that maybe her romantic fantasies about him sabotage any chance for a relationship before they even meet. Marni thinks that the fact that she ran away means she is emotionally unavailable and has serious avoi

Marni welcomes Tessa Alburn to the Life Check Yourself Studio. Tessa is a certified master coach at the Institute for Living Courageously and has been working on the You’re Courageous Life VIP program. She has helped countless women connect with the essential self, let go of limiting beliefs, and start to write the blueprint for the whole self life that they really want to live.   Takeaways:   How to communicate your true self Recognize the power of how you show up in the world Overcoming your self-limitations Uncover what has been holding you back   Creating a Life of Core Meaning [4:30]   Tessa reveals the reasons that so many women come to the ILC and the core change that allows them to finally start creating a life of meaning. Core change means understanding and being your essential self and recognizing how it expresses energetically in the world.   Tessa reminds us that there is nothing wrong with us, but we have to be able to express our true self. We have to learn what needs to shift and then get the

Marni and Chris gather the Dating Dos and Don’ts from this season’s first episode of Bachelor in Paradise. There were some great lessons about what to share on the first and second dates. FYI, IBS isn’t one of those things, Hunter!   Takeaways:   Subconsciously adopting social constructs like age The art of setting boundaries Creating pseudo-intimacy by over texting When to reveal your fetishes   When to Share Your Medical Truth & Age Issues [:56]   In the episode, Hunter offers us a great Dating Don’t opportunity. She talks about her IBS with Johnny. It made Marni uncomfortable when she heard it. Her advice is not to share this type of information too soon. Romeo became overwhelmed by all of Hunter’s issues.   Dating Don’t — Don’t share all of your medical conditions on the first date.   This season seems to be the geriatric version of Bachelor in Paradise boasting several over 30 contestants. Chris Gillis warns against accepting social labels as our own. Age normally doesn’t become an issue until we m

Marni welcomes former Hustle Culture Devotee, Sara McElroy to the Life Check Yourself Studio. Sara is an ex-Chief Marketing Officer, the WSJ poster girl for a pandemic career burn-out, and a two-time member of the great resignation. After a stress-induced shingle diagnosis in 2021, Sara decided to hit the reset button on her life. While looking for alignment in her life, she created Raze to Rise to amplify women’s voices, and inspire others to blaze new trails.   Takeaways:   Some people change slowly and others take a fast 180 Redefine what success means to you Quiet quitting is an acceptable first step Break free of good-girl conditioning   Resign as Many Times as You Need To [1:47]   Sara reveals that during the beginning of her corporate career she didn’t have self-trust. She was the quintessential corporate soldier. She outsourced her power and agency and put her future in the hands of the corporation she worked for.   Sara says we get to the breaking point more quickly when we know what we are willing

Marni and Chris discuss the fired-up season finale of the Bachelorette 2022. Marni is a bit perturbed about how it seems women on the show can do no wrong and making the guys look like villains is acceptable. Rachel tears into Tino after learning of an indiscretion and then breaks up with him. Then, Gabby turns the other cheek and gives Erich a fighting chance even after learning about his offenses.   Takeaways:   Tips for breaking up when it is the right thing to do How to question someone with empathy Owning up to an indiscretion Compassion and Forgiveness   The Rachel-Tino Breakup [2:39]   The projection of Rachel as the queen and making Tino appear to be the villain undermines all the good communication and healthy relationship advice Marni has ever taught. Rachel didn’t handle the breakup with dignity. Tino was trying so hard to express himself but he just couldn’t get there. Rachel was emotionally unavailable and Tino felt insecure. So Tino goes out and kisses someone else.   It is not OK tha

Marni welcomes Eva Selhub into the Life Check Yourself Studio. Beyond having explanatory superpowers, Eva is a Board Certified Physician, Speaker, Scientist, Author, and Executive Leadership and Performance Coach who served as an Instructor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School. She specializes in Corporate Wellness and Resilience. She provides clients the guidance to use their powerful gifts to translate complex information and make it practical and usable.   Takeaways:   Six Pillars to Cultivating Resilience How to make decisions in your best interest Choosing joy and curiosity Accepting the dark and light sides of ourselves   The Keys to Faith & the Mechanics of Resilience   In Eva’s books, she describes her struggles and how she looks at them as opportunities for growth, and change. It’s what resilience is all about, she says. Feeling knocked down for being a woman in academia, she found herself in a male-oriented, structured box. She recognized others were threatened by her and her ideas.

Marni, Chris Gillis, and Dr. Emily discuss the emotional trainwreck that was last week’s Bachelorette. Beyond Rachel and Gabby needing therapy, they believe the guys who are left to be high-quality guys. Lessons strained out of the cold soup that was this episode include being realistic about what makes a good, long-term relationship and being present when important milestones are happening.   Takeaways from this episode:   Be clear about what you want early in a relationship Always ask the follow-up question — What do you mean exactly? How to spot a high-quality guy Feeling lovable even when you have childhood trauma   It’s All About Expectations [1:30]   Marni points out that this episode brings to light something many people struggle with — Making sure the person they are interested in has the same expectations and is looking for the same thing as they are. And, the importance of always asking the follow-up question — What do you mean by that exactly?   During this episode, we find out that five

Marni welcomes Certified Master Coach Angie Hooper into the Life Check Studio to talk about letting things go. Angie shows professionals proven strategies to get to the roots of their stress, make values-based decisions, and make great relationships with their customers. She worked 20-plus years in corporate America for international publicly-traded companies. She shares how we can let go of past regrets, build mastery over stress, and unlock our intuition.   Takeaways from this episode:   The path to forgiveness How to say I’m sorry Transform a pain story into a hero’s story Waiting for an apology is a waste of time Is justice really revenge?   The Forgiveness Path [3:10]   Angie created the forgiveness path when she was working with a client who was extremely angry at her ex-husband. The client couldn’t focus on the task at hand because a cloud of anger was getting in the way. Angie says we all may know that “forgive and forget” is commonly suggested during times of resentment; many people don’

Chris Gillis and Dr. Emily join Marni to talk about what could be the best episode of the Bachelorette in a decade. Marni was at the edge of her seat. When the characters don’t play by the rules it causes conflict and breaks the format in a new way. Gabby’s plan is upended by her own insecurities, Jason just wants followers, and Rachel doesn’t have an authentic bone in her body.   Takeaways from this episode:   Quit sabotaging your relationships How to spot a player who thinks he is a quality casual. Rachel becomes the female Clayton. Don’t make excuses, just tell a guy you are not interested.   Gabby Sabotages Herself   Gabby claims she is looking for a long-term relationship but she can’t seem to get out of her own way. While she recognizes her fear of being unlovable, she is creating her reality by wallowing in self-doubt.   Johnny and Jason are both out. Johnny freely admits he is a player who is not looking to be engaged. Jason, on the other hand, is a player who pretends he is a quality casua

Marni welcomes Dr. Megan Rossi, aka The Gut Health Doctor, into the Life Check Yourself studio. As a Registered Dietician, Dr. Rossi is one of the most influential gut health specialists in the world. She is a nutritionist, a leading research fellow at King’s College in London, and the founder of the Gut Health Clinic. Her book, The Gut Health Doctor: An Easy-to-Digest Guide to Health from the Inside Out, is a must-read for those looking to be their best self.   Takeaways from this episode:   Nourishing the brain through the gut Health benefits of pre and probiotics Should we eat superfoods? Tips for adding plants to a diet   How Food Connects to Our Emotional Wellbeing [2:10]   Nutrition has systemic benefits for every organ in our body. Gut bacteria do more than people realize. So what we feed them has a direct cause on how they can help us. Nutritionists today understand much better than in the past the connection between the gut and the brain. Hence the term gut instinct.   Food can not only ta

Marni and Chris Gillis break down the ad-laden, commercial-driven, brand partner extravaganza that was this week’s Bachelorette. Fortunately, there were some important dating nuggets in the show for Marni to extract but for the most part, after watching viewers felt compelled to book a cruise with a Kardashian.   Takeaways from this episode:   Dating 101: Lead with you, not your children if you have them Say what you feel when you feel it Get rejection-proof Men aren’t as well-versed in being emotionally vulnerable   Nate the Great [4:03]   During the episode, Gabby breaks up with Nate because she doesn’t want to be a mom or think she will be a good mom. Marni gives kudos to Nate for not trying to change Gabby’s mind. That is just not something you can change somebody’s mind about. Nate said that his daughter is his light and he wants someone who will share that. He wants someone who wants to be a mom.   But, in the past, Nate dated someone and didn’t tell them he had a kid. Chris asks Marni what a

Marni is joined by a client who had her entire life change in six months. Sherry was a self-proclaimed type-A perfectionist who would beat herself up. She admits that before last year’s Ignite Your Life event, she couldn’t envision how good her life could be. Now she has a partner who shares her vision.   Takeaways from this episode:   Inner child work Raising the bar of what is possible Becoming rejection-proof Leaning into a vision How to live courageously   That Was Then [1:26]   Sherry says she had done a lot of personal development work before discovering the last Ignite Your Life 3-day workshop. She was not in a content place. She had been dating someone from work who ghosted her despite them seeing each other every day.   She couldn’t seem to let go of the hurt and rejection she felt. She was stuck. She knew she needed to get over it but couldn’t quite get there no matter how much she tried. She went to different coaches to try to shift things until she signed up for Ignite Your Life.   Sh

Marni is joined by Chris Gillis and Dr. Emily to discuss the Hometown episode of the Bachelorette. Everyone on the internet is wondering why this season is such a letdown. What started as somewhat interesting has turned into a car wreck. You don’t want to look but you can’t turn away. Let’s find out how Gabby and Rachel navigated their guys’ families on their turf.   Takeaways from this episode:   Get clear about your values and vision Trying on guys to see what fits Things to communicate early in dating Stop taking things personally   Gabby Hometown [1:50]   Each contestant has the option of visiting the hometown of four guys. Gabby only chose to do three hometowns and is making quite the stir about it. She never lets on about why she didn’t meet four families but it may imply she already knows who she is choosing as her partner.   Marni questions why two of the guys, Jason and Johnny, who got all the way to this point tell their parents they don't think they can marry Gabby in the near future. Gabby insis

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Marni is joined by Mindset Manifestation Coach, Efia Sulter. Efia is a content creator with good vibes. She empowers ambitious women to stop playing small and access their innate magic to have an expansive reality to live the life they want, not the life they feel they are supposed to. Fully surrender to manifest the future you’ve always wanted.   Takeaways from this episode:   Common myths about manifestation Why setting intentions is the second step in manifestation Creating strong boundaries Balancing masculine and feminine energy Don’t fake it til you make it   Circumstance Does Not Define Us [1:40]   Efia says as a teenager, she believed she wanted to have a “normal” life that mirrored everyone else she knew. In her 20s, she discovered she did not like living her life based on what everyone else did or had and transformed herself into a person who would live life on her own terms. She says the question that changed her life was “Who do I want to be?”   A common misconception about manifestation is that

Marni and Chris break down episodes 1‒5 of the latest season of the Bachelorette. Gabby and Rachel may not be as mature as some of the guy contestants. Tyler is young but so manly, Tino is the frontrunner, and Zach is too nice for Rachel. Eric, Jason, and Johnny are all Gabby has left. Listen in for all the other juicy nuggets derived from this season and prepare for next week’s Hometown segment.   Takeaways from this episode:   Navigating relationship conflict The downside of self-doubt How sexy should a date be Using King and Queen to describe a date Genuinely loving the person you versus just liking the attention they give you   Bachelorette [3:25]   Chris and Marni are now into week 5 of the Bachelorette and it seems to be Groundhog day. The same situations, the same conversations, and the same old issues are starting to wear on viewers. Gabby continues to stress out and Rachel still has no self-confidence. When will it end? When will the ladies work through their issues and grow up?   Unders

Marni welcomes a certified Applied Neurology Practitioner who moves people out of pain, unwanted behavior, and stress response. Elisabeth Kristof is the founder of Brain-Based Wellness, an online platform that trains your nervous system and body to resolve old patterns, improve performance, and increase your well-being.   Takeaways from this episode:   Tools to regulate the nervous system How to modify attachment styles What a well-functioning nervous system looks like How to respond instead of reacting   Regulating the Nervous System [2:03]   It is normal for humans to experience stress; by design, we are not supposed to be even-keel all the time. The problem comes when we get stuck in chronic states of stress and threat responses. It causes our nervous system to pump out hormones like cortisol and adrenaline which are not intended to be long-term solutions.   Too much stress for too long comprises the nervous system.   Elisabeth describes the different fear-stress responses our bodies go into and

Marni and Chris Gillis celebrate the best dating and relationship tips gleaned from the finale of Love Island and the new Bachelorette. If you haven’t finished bingeing on Love Island yet, you will hear some spoilers.   Dating takeaways from this episode:   Overcoming relationship challenges Repairing trust Building connections The issues that come from taking things personally Becoming rejection-proof   Love Island Recap   Spoiler Alert — If you are still watching Love Island episodes on Hulu, skip ahead to the Bachelorette recap!   One of the reasons Marni likes Love Island is that for eight weeks the couples get a chance to build connections, resolve conflicts, repair trust, and set boundaries. Few other reality shows allow couples to have this extended time together and it mirrors what we all might experience in real-life dating.   The last few episodes highlight how struggles or bumps in the road can bring couples closer together. It is how they navigate the conflict and resolve it that allo

Marni and Chris Gillis are celebrating two million downloads of Life Check Yourself! During the conversation, they reflect on some of the biggest hot takes and lessons derived from the amazing episodes of Love Island, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Love on the Spectrum, and other reality dating shows.   Dating takeaways from this episode:   Doing the inside work to find your authentic self How judging others creates a love shield Finding joy amidst the chaos Balancing feminine and masculine energy The power of vulnerability   Build a Dating Strategy From the Inside Out [2:24]   Some people believe that what they don’t have is what is keeping them from finding a partner but no matter how beautiful and successful someone is if they don’t have core foundational self-worth they will not be able to attract the right person for the long-term. One thing the reality shows teach us is that beautiful people still really struggle.   When we listen to our critical inner voice it can steer us into uncertain