The Dating Den

Marni welcomes Sarah Baldwin, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Trauma Coach in the Life Check Yourself studio, to inspect the system that controls all of our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Sarah was trained at the Polyvagal Institute, and has worked with different modalities including attachment and nervous system regulation. In this episode, the pair look at the driver, or rather the soldier behind our anxieties; our stress; our fear; our rage; as well as our feelings of joy, creativity, wonder, intimacy and peace. Sarah breaks down the role our nervous system plays in the wide spectrum of human emotion. It is a system that plays a pivotal role in the regulation of our sensations, our thoughts and our relationship with ourselves and the world.    Takeaways from this episode:  - How to change your behavior   - What’s the autonomic nervous system got to do with it?  - Shutting down is your body’s way of protecting you  - Where does it all begin?   - Your past informs your present behavior  - Why doesn

Marni welcomes mindfulness and soulfulness coach, and podcast host of On This Walk, Luke Iorio, and they delve into what it takes to lead a purposeful life. The former CEO and president of the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC) shares his own personal journey with finding his way back to himself, and as a result to leading a life of inner balance and connection. Having helped thousands of clients and listeners in their quest for meaning, Luke divulges the tools to help you reconnect with your true self. It’s about awareness, rather than blame; courage rather than shame; and owning your role within your own life.  Takeaways from this episode: - What are the questions you should be asking yourself? - How you can live life on your own terms - Change is fluid - The universe is constantly conspiring to make you whole - Awareness is the first step - How to own your role in the situation   It’s Not About Making Lemonade Out of Those Lemons [08:47] When you bear in mind that whatever rough spot

Marni, Chris and Dr.Emily, get into the sticky business that is money, especially when it comes to couples. They point out the issues that surface (or don’t for some) with the couples on reality TV show, Love is Blind, and ponder what we can learn from them. The situations that arise on the show mimic much of what goes on with us in our own personal lives, and we’re forced to take a hard look at our own values surrounding money. When is it the right time to start talking about it? Is a prenup a no-no? Is there a deeper meaning to be gleaned from asking for one? We all wonder about how to broach the topic once things start taking a turn for the serious, but it remains a sensitive subject where we’re required to tread carefully.    Takeaways from this episode: - When to set a financial plan with your partner - Disagreeing isn’t the same thing as gaslighting  - What’s the code of conduct when it comes to talking money? - Leave Open-casting in 2022 - Instagram isn’t a good indicator of who a person is - Financial

Marni and Chris take a look at the interactions between the contestants on reality show, Love is Blind, to decipher the ranking code men have for women. Should it be abolished? What even is it based on? And why do we allow men to rank us to begin with? As they navigate through the show’s hottest drama, the duo discusses whether there is such a thing as too much honesty; why men do the things they do; and how women should respond to certain behavior. They ponder whether women are indeed from Venus, and men from Mars. Spoiler alert: they are, respectively.    Takeaways from this episode: Down with the ranking system How much honesty is too much honesty? How to optimize what you have  The medium is the message Should you give stock to his intentions? What’s the open-casting approach?   The Open-casting Approach Should be a Lifestyle, Not a Trend [01:52] First things first. The title, open-casting should be abolished, but the approach itself stays. So, what is the open-casting approach? It’s what Life Check You

Marni welcomes Dave Neal in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they discuss what some of us could be doing wrong when it comes to dating. Using the contestants on the Bachelor as a point of reference, they talk about the different types of men (and women), and how they come off versus who they really are. Dave is a podcaster dubbed by Marni as the “King of Bachelor Nation”, and a stand-up comedian. Marni and Dave ponder why the behavior of some of the contestants hits so close to home. Falling in love is tough business, and sometimes you need to put in the work and accept that maybe you’re letting your ego get in the way. In this episode, the duo talks about how to look past the superficial, and who to give a chance to and when. And more importantly, why no one is living up to the idea you’ve built for yourself of the right person. Because sometimes it really is you, and not him.  Even pretty people have insecurities How to keep your ego from getting in the way Who are the ones you should root for? Get to

Marni and Chris analyze the couples on reality TV show, Love is Blind, and dig into how and why their behaviors change once they’re out of the pods. They draw parallels between the contestants’ actions on the reality show, and our own interactions with our partners when we’re dating IRL. Marni and Chris ponder why our insecurities manifest when we’re dating, and how they, in turn, affect the person in front of us. Asking the questions that matter, and giving us the answers, of course, the duo delve into the intricacies of romancing and all that comes with.    Takeaways from this episode:  - Get crystal clear on what you need  - Is honesty always the best policy?   - Why are second dates scarier than first dates?  - His words need to match his actions  - How to let him tear that wall down  - When to accept his apology    He’s Projecting His Baggage Unto You [04:20] After a certain age, we’ve all got baggage. And in a lot of scenarios, we project that baggage onto the person in front of us. That being said, som

Marni welcomes award-winning food and health journalist Carolyn Williams in the Life Check Yourself studio, to discuss a topic that has long plagued women (and men): our bodies. The author, dietician and mother of two, shares her own journey with food and discusses the culprit behind many of our physical ailments. Marni and Carolyn delve into what a healthy diet actually means and how to get on the right track when it comes to eating clean. And good news is that restriction isn’t, contrary to popular belief, not the way to go. Winner of the 2017 James Beard Foundation Award, Carolyn traces much of today’s health issues back to low-grade chronic inflammation. The journalist breaks down what inflammation actually is and how it contributes to conditions like diabetes.    Takeaways from this episode: Forget the diet mentality How you can cure bloating Throw out the stereotypes associated with food Our eating habits are part of our identity What exactly is inflammation and why should you care? Be conscious of how

Marni and Chris break down the dos and don’ts of dating. The duo takes a look at the behavior of the single men and women on reality tv show, Love Is Blind, as they navigate through the messy game that is love. Much of what the contestants do on the show mimics our real-life interactions with each other in today’s dating scene. Marni and Chris consider why it is that people act the way they do in certain situations. They dissect the personas we all put on when meeting someone for the first time; and they question the little quirks we all bring to the table and how they affect the way we present ourselves.    Takeaways from this episode: Show who you are, don’t yell it Too much mystery isn’t a thing, find a balance It’s not about what you do as much as it is about who you are Meet your date’s energy Don’t lay it all out on the first date   When He Tells You Who He is, Believe Him [13:04] Your non-negotiables are your lifeline when it comes to dating. That being said, falling in love with potential isn’t the

Marni welcomes Marc Sholes in the Life Check Yourself studio where they have an in-depth conversation about the human mind. The pair delve into existential questions we all have. Why do we act a certain way in our relationships? Why do we get obsessive when the person we like takes days to respond to a text? Why do we form certain patterns and how can we break them? Marc, who has over 25 years of experience in psychotherapy, is the author of “Reset Your Romantic GPS: Why You Steer Toward the Wrong Partners and How to Change Direction for the Better.” The psychoanalyst, and licensed clinical social worker who has helped individuals, couples and groups to get to the root of their ailments. In this episode, Marc and Marni look into attachment theory, and the different attachment styles that we develop as infants, and then take with us into our adult relationships. They discuss the tools and methods used in our road to recovery, and the sense self-empowerment that comes from standing still and being comfortable i

Marni and Chris take a deep dive into the ups and downs of the relationships of the Bachelor Paradise’s contestants. Along with Dr.Emily, the trio contemplate the most prominent mistakes men and women make in relationships, and how their personality traits and behaviors affect their journey with their partners. While it may be a younger generation, we find that the traps the contestants fall into are very similar to the ones we still fall into, at any age, when out in the dating world.    Takeaways from this episode: Know your non-negotiables Emotionally Regulate Yourself Can you get rid of the ick?  Context is Everything Love is a verb, not just a word   Don’t Negotiate on Your Non-Negotiables [2:24]   The relationship between Kate and Logan is the epitome of what happens when you choose to date someone, who you know doesn’t tick off all the boxes on your check list. Marni points out, that rather than mistreating the “wrong” someone and putting them down, knowing your non-negotiables, will save you time, e

Marni welcomes Adele Spraggon in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they get into the nitty gritty of how to train your brain and break down patterns that have been influencing your relationships. Adele is an award-winning author, an international trainer and the recipient of the 2022 Women of Inspiration accolade. In this episode, Marni and Adele discuss the reasons why we react to our partners the way we do, how to recognize certain patterns in ourselves, and how to break the cycle of emotional distress that sometimes manifests in relationships. It’s a journey of self-empowerment wrapped in a 4-step process that starts by looking inwards, without judgment. Winner of the 2021 Top Behavioral expert title, Adele’s book, “Shift: 4 Steps to Personal Empowerment” has won several awards.  It’s all about repatterning.  How to change your reaction to your partner How to make your relationship brand-new Why do we fall into the same relationships over and over again?  Breaking the Serial-Dating Pattern Why do you

Marni and Chris join forces to untangle the real-life dating lessons from this Hunger Games version of Bachelor in Paradise (BIP for the cool kids). Next week is the season finale so a lot of relationships are meeting their breaking point. And, Chris makes a BIG announcement about how to upgrade your male partner!   Takeaways from this episode:   The biggest mistake women make in relationships Is it too soon to start dating again? Finding someone new will not lessen your heartbreak The success rate of ultimatums   Relationship Readiness [3:16]   One of the biggest mistakes women make in dating and relationships happens twice in this episode. As Marni points out, you can’t get under someone else before you are healed from your last relationship. For example; Eliza chooses Rodney but it doesn’t feel right so she runs to the next boy, and keeps chasing different men because she doesn't know what will make her happy. Marni’s advice for her is to take a pause to get her mind straight.   Then, Andrew rev

Marni welcomes the head of Global Communications at OkCupid, Michael Kaye to the Life Check Yourself Studio. OkCupid is one of the world's largest dating apps. Previously, Michael served as a Product Communications Manager at LinkedIn and as a Sr. Global Communications Manager with OkCupid. He is an industry award winner who has been featured on ABC NEWS, Business Insider, Bustle, Cosmo, NYT, and more. He shares insider tips and best practices to help you find someone special.   Takeaways from this episode:   Insider tips for making the algorithm find the right match How much time to spend dating online Who should message first How to get offline and into each other's arms Big dating profile turn-offs   How Michael Became a Connection Guru [2:21]   In college, Michael didn't know how to find other men in his area. He found the safest and most discreet way was through dating apps. The great news is that he is still dating the person he met online eight and a half years later. One day, he received

Marni and Chris analyze the relationship styles of the remaining Bachelor in Paradise contestants and contemplate what effect the new singles dropping in next week will have on a season that is almost over. And, even though the contestants are hot-bodied, 20‒30 somethings, we find out that their dating mistakes are not so far off from the rest of us.   Takeaways from this episode:   Trying to find love without a good foundation of what healthy love is Why checking boxes isn’t enough for some women What exactly is love-bombing? Setting boundaries   Don’t Waste Your Precious Time on the Wrong Person [1:04]   Handsome Alex is a great example of how checking boxes isn’t enough. Chris Gillis thinks Alex left the show because he didn’t offer any of the super-cool, put-together ladies anything to dwell on. He didn’t have any emotional response and he wasn’t fun enough. He was a plain vanilla type of guy.   Marni points out that one of the people in a relationship must be responsible for asking questions t

Marni welcomes Brett Parker to the show. Brett walked away from his former career as a successful Hollywood director in LA. The burnout and overwhelm created a disconnect from everything he valued including his five-year-old son. He discovered a simple, elegant process to break free from the feeling of disconnect. He has since devoted his life to helping clients find their dream careers with passion, focus, and impact.   Takeaways from this episode:   Creating the life you want Stop making decisions from fear Get clear about your why Living your million-dollar story   Create the Life You Want [2:21]   Ladies, use this convo with Brett to remind you that every guy you meet has his own crazy going on in his life. After his divorce, Brett found it challenging, but in a good way. He focused on how he could show up to be the best dad because that was the most important thing to him. He was so burned out he felt as if he had no choice but to leave his previous life.   During a dark night on the couch, Br

Marni welcomes an award-winning international dating and relationship expert. Hunt Ethridge has over 15 years of helping people become the best, most datable versions of themselves. He helps his clients empirically become more datable. His company trains matchmakers and dating coaches. You may have seen him on one or more than 100 media outlets, including Playboy and CNN.   Takeaways from this episode:   How to communicate with Men about sex Use special phraseology to get what you want Get empirically better at dating How to give a compliment   How Do Men Learn to Be Good at Sex [3:29]   Many women ask Marni why they are not excited about having sex with their boyfriend or how they can get their partners to be better at sex. Hunt says men don’t have a lot of resources to go to for information about relationships and sex. It is hard for them to know what to do.   For men, sex is tied up with ego. And, the male ego is fragile. This is what makes it difficult to ask for relationship advice and not tak

Marni and Chris are joined by Dr. Emily to dish about what went terribly wrong on this week’s Bachelor in Paradise. In addition to extracting the real-life dating lessons demonstrated on the show, they share the contestants they identify with, and who their favorite contestants are.   Takeaways from this episode:   Power dynamics in relationships Settling for the guy who shows you attention The importance of shared values Age-gap relationships   Gender Role Confusion on BIP [2:18]   Eliza and Rodney decided they were made for each other then Justin came back. Uh oh! Eliza asks if she can go on a date with Justin and Rodney says yes, but why? In the real world, many women are confused about power dynamics. They send confusing messages to men about how much power they want in a relationship because they were taught conflicting messages about what masculine and feminine dynamics are in a relationship.   Direct and honest communication is the best gift you can give another person.   Just because a guy

Marni and Chris chew on all the juicy morsels that were this week’s Bachelor in Paradise which was hands-down the most interesting and real-life episode so far. The examples on the show prove you can have an amazing date one night and have another amazing date with someone else the next night.   Takeaways from this episode:   Learn not to take things personally It takes some people longer to process how they feel What real-life Dating with Dignity looks like #BeAVictoria Infatuation and chemistry are not values   Dating Multiple People [2:49]   The big switch took place in Casa Amor this week. Contestants have shuffled around and landed with different people to date. Surprisingly, none of the guys said anything negative about the girl they decided to quit seeing.   When you are contemplating why someone didn’t ask you out on another date, maybe it’s not that all men are malicious or there is something wrong with you, it could just be they found a better connection with someone else. Don’t take it p

Glenn Sandifer joins Marni in the Life Check Yourself studio to help successful women find a man that matches their drive, ambition, and expectations. Glenn has over 20 years of experience in field sales and marketing. He says success in the workplace is often at odds with intimate relationships. He understands how busy people can enjoy their work but fail to build or maintain healthy personal connections outside of office hours. They discuss his book, Middle Ground: How to Get Great Dating Outcomes in a Modern World.   Takeaways from this episode:   How to define your type Relationship expectations of high-quality, successful women How to find a HENRY (high-earner not rich yet) How to identify seasons in a relationship Is it time to take the lead or be the helper?   Empowered at Work, Disempowered in Relationship [1:50]   Many women express their concerns about dating in the workplace. The challenge these high achievers have is they get tangled up in relationships that don’t meet their expectati

Marni and Chris Gillis shine a light on the often hidden dating lessons from the latest episode of Bachelor in Paradise. This episode is a treasure trove of real-life riches for people who want a successful, long-term relationship.   Takeaways from this episode:   The difference between telling your sad tale and being vulnerable How to avoid activating your unmet childhood needs Be rejection-proof Don’t chase a man Be the person you want to attract   You Are More Than Your Trauma [3:40]   To dispel the common dating no-no of making a tragedy the basis of your connection, especially on the first date, BIP producers brought in a woman they thought would have something in common with Michael. The move made Marni physically cringe. The theory is that BIP producers really liked Michael A., who lost his wife four years ago to breast cancer, and in an effort to get him to stay on the show, they brought in Danielle. Danielle lost her husband to suicide eleven years ago. It is an unhealthy way to start a