The Dating Den

Marni welcomes credentialed Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, Speaker, Personal Empowerment Expert, and Podcaster, Amy Green Smith to the show. Through her work, Amy helps move individuals to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-worth. She helps people find their voice in her guide, How to Find Your Voice Without Being a Dick. She is highly sought out because of her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor.   Dating takeaways from this episode:   How to stop yourself from people-pleasing Finding your voice and your truth Direct communication skills How women can speak up for themselves Change the trajectory of your life   Finding Your Voice [1:56]   Amy says if we look at our biological makeup we are programmed to people-please in order to survive. Most of us have heard of the flight, fight, freeze, and fawn instincts. People-pleasing fits into the fawn defense. Fitting in is a fundamental human need because our ancestors needed a group to stay safe and survive. In modern times, it

Is your heart telling you to say YES instead of maybe, while your brain is putting on the brakes? Marni welcomes the inspirational Ken Bechtel into the Life Check Yourself studio. Ken is a podcast host and is the author of the recently released book, Follow Your YES. In his book and his program, Ken provides people with guidance on how to build confidence and eliminate overwhelm across all areas of their lives.   Dating takeaways from this episode:   The true meaning of maybe How to listen to our hearts Failures are our friends How to draw the right people to us   Your YES Comes from the Heart   Ken felt drawn to the message of Following Your YES when he realized that people weren’t setting themselves up to win. He felt compelled to write a book about it to help people lead their lives with it instead of getting around to it when there was time and space. There are a whole host of things that try to keep people from following their YES and he said enough is enough!   Ken believes YESes are like ste

Marni welcomes two young women who are close to her heart to assist in Chris Gillis’ absence. Her daughters Rayna and Kloey Battista add their perspectives to the real-life dating examples dished up on this season of Love Island.   Dating takeaways from this episode:   Is it OK to explore others while dating someone else? Collecting data on a first date without it being an interview Being present and vulnerable in a relationship Recognizing yellow and red flags Approaching dating with emotional intelligence   The Love Island Plot Twist [4:44]   In the middle of the season, the producers wait until everyone is coupled up and then send the women off to meet a set of new guys and the guys become introduced to other women. It caused a ton of drama and good dating lessons.   Tasha and Andrew have been paired together for four weeks. Andrew seems enamored by Tasha, but he tries to be chill. Tasha tells Andrew he is her person yet tells other guys that she is open and willing to get to know them.   Marni asks Kloe

Marni welcomes the best-selling author of Project Everlasting and founder of the revolutionary Manifest Your Man program, Mat Boggs into the Life Check Yourself studio. Mat has been helping millions of people around the world attract love and have fun finding fulfilling relationships. He is a sought-after dating and relationship expert. He's been featured on the Today Show, CNN, Headline News, and Oprah & Friends.   Dating takeaways from this episode:   Identifying a shared vision with the Magic Wand question What Mat means by Rehearse, Nurse, and Curse Overcoming your limiting beliefs Your history does not determine your destiny Rejection is just a step closer to what you want   Intention Vs. Impact   A human’s purpose on this planet is to learn how to give and receive love. Growth comes when we make mistakes and change the actions we take in the future. One of the best ways we can grow is to ask others for feedback. In Mat’s case, his goal was to write a book people absolutely loved or didn

Marni and Chris Gillis are back to fish out all the best real-life dating lessons from the watery depths of Love Island. The show pairs up singles and then injects new, hot singles into the mix every so often just to keep things juicy. The love lessons in this surreal show may not be readily apparent to the naked eye, but Marni and Chris know just where to look.   Dating takeaways from this episode:   Dating more than one person at a time Expressing vulnerability and commitment Why the experiment doesn’t paint a clear picture of what is possible in early dating When you should be cautiously optimistic   Should We Play the Field [3:05]   When Marni and her team coach clients, creating a funnel and dating multiple people is promoted. Of course, until they figure out who their best person is. On Love Island, they start to build connections and then they bring in new people.   Marni finds herself conflicted. The contestants have core relationships but they are flirting or kissing the singles who were r

Marni welcomes Shoshana, a graduate of The 5 KEYS to Becoming Irresistible program, into the studio to share the amazing relationship journey she has had since she invested in herself and the course. She credits the course for the major mindset shifts and healed relationships she has had in the last three years.   Key takeaways from this episode:   Investing in yourself pays off The benefits of being clear about what you want Being empowered to ask for what you want Using the relationship tools in real life   The Big Payoff   Before investing in the 5 KEYS program, Shoshana says she was a butterfly who kept telling herself she wanted a relationship but wasn’t taking the necessary actions to be ready for one. The one phrase that stuck out to her during the course was:   The common denominator in all of your relationships is you.   The phrase really impacted her. She had never thought about how she was showing up in the world when it came to intimate relationships or what her view of partnerships was

Marni welcomes the CEO of Marriage Helper and Host of the podcast, It Starts with Attraction, Kimberly Beam Holmes to the Life Check Yourself studio. Kimberly has a Master's in Psychology and for over 10 years she has been researching the ways attraction affects people personally and the relationships they hold near and dear to their hearts.   Key takeaways from this episode:   How to dig deep into another person through curiosity The Love Path method Be compassionate before you rule a guy out How to reignite the attraction of a spouse or significant other   The Phases of Falling and Staying in Love [2:43]   Most people don’t know that there is a process to falling in love. They often think it is just chemistry or a pre-destined soulmate but in reality, any two people who follow Kimberly's process will fall in love. On the flip side of that, if a couple steps away from the process they could start falling out of love.   At Marriage Helper, Kimberly’s team helps couples fall back in love. The Love P

Marni welcomes Sex and Relationship Coach Melanie Curtin into the Life Check Yourself studio. Melanie is a writer with a Master’s from Stanford. She has been featured on the Today show, New York Observer, and she hosts the Dear Men Podcast: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women.   Key takeaways from this episode:   Four reasons women are afraid to give men feedback about sex Can chemistry be created when none exists Tips for speaking up about what feels good Where most men get their sexual training and why it’s bad for women   Research Says To Have Better Sex… [1:06]   Melanie started collecting data about feelings and communication with surveys embedded in her articles. She wanted to hear from other women about their sexual experiences with men, specifically if they had ever broken up with a man because of the sex.   Many of the women she surveyed said yes they did break up with men because of the sex. When asked if they offered feedback to the men they broke up with they said no,

Marni welcomes fellow podcast dating host Amber Grubenmann to the Life Check Yourself studio. Amber is the creator of the highly-rated Women’s Dating and Confidence Podcast plus she helps ladies go from just dating to exclusive through her coaching programs.   Key takeaways from this episode:   Why women have sex before they are ready Tips for creating a long-term, meaningful relationship Exploring your inner sexiness Men’s expectations around sex   Set the Stage for the Type of Relationship You Want [1:50]   Amber shares some of the most common comments she hears from the women she works with about their mindset around why they have had sex early in a relationship or when they may not be ready:   If he has sex with me it means he likes me. I need to show him how good it is. If he doesn’t get it from me, he’s going to get it from someone else. I need to see if we are sexually compatible. If I don’t have sex with him, I will disappoint him.   Amber tells her clients that if they want to

Marni and Chris are joined by Reality Rayna aka Marni’s daughter Rayna Battista to recap Love on the Spectrum, a reality dating show with neurodiverse contestants. This is Chris’s favorite reality dating show because the daters are obsessed with the truth and are authentic. Marni says neurotypical daters do the same things but it’s all happening on the inside.   Key takeaways from this episode:   The beauty of honesty in relationships How to be coachable Finding something fun to do for a first date Not taking things personally   Dani & Solomon [4:26]   Dani has her own business, loves animation, and is dead set on finding someone. She holds high standards for herself and others. She is high-functioning on the autism scale. She says she wants a business partner, lover, and best friend!   Solomon is attractive, into spirituality, and also high-functioning on the autism scale. On their first date, Dani & Solomon have crazy physical chemistry. They kiss a lot! But it throws Dani off. She wasn’t

Marni speaks to a 5 Keys to Becoming Irresistible program graduate about how she found the love of her life in her 40s. After finishing the program, Naomi met her fiance and soon-to-be father of her child on a dating app. She shares what she was missing before joining the program, what she learned during the program, and how she applied the knowledge to meet the love of her life.   Key takeaways from this episode:   Don’t give up on your dreams. All men are not the same. Reach out for help when you have tried everything. Stop sabotaging yourself.   Giving Up Without Putting Your Best Self Out There [2:11]   Naomi remembers she was 43 and in a rough place. She had been in a long-term relationship that couldn’t last. She got really attached to a guy she had only dated for a week. She knows she wanted kids but her biological clock was ticking. She was even trying to get pregnant on her own with some of the guys she dated.   When you realize you are starting to accept that you may not be able to achiev

Marni speaks to the founder of Ordinary Sherpa, Heidi Dusek. Heidi is known as a catalyst, healthy disruptor, and unshakable optimist. She is passionate about challenging the status quo, driving change, and designing experiences. Her forthcoming book, Beyond Normal, inspires families to create authentic travel experiences through meaningful UN-tourism. Listen in to see how she is designing a life of meaningful experiences that inspire joy.   Key takeaways from this episode:   Challenge the status quo Create meaningful experiences Traveling differently — UN-tourism Simple is better How to say yes!   Challenge the Status Quo   The pandemic felt like the universe decided to challenge the status quo. It changed everyone in the world’s life. This means that right now we have a unique opportunity to grab onto a new normal that better serves us. And, with more and more companies offering positions for virtual work, we no longer need to orient our lives around where we work. It is a freedom past generati

Marni and Chris move on to dissect a new show, The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On. The new series means a new group of 20-something couples but the same relationship issues. Does everyone who issued an ultimatum get their way? Was an ultimatum the best way to wash out the issues or is it just a manipulation tool?   Key takeaways from this episode:   Ultimatums can be pattern interrupters Wherever you go, there you are Defaulting to bad behaviors Ultimatums are the opposite of dating with dignity   Manipulating Another Person to Get What You Want   It seems that all the contestants thought they would go on the show and then get their way. So, it begs the question, when we make an ultimatum, are we using manipulation as a tool to make the other person do what we want? Or, we are at our wit’s end and are tired of having our non-negotiables infringed upon?   Marni says it is unfortunate but people usually only make changes because they reach a pain point. Chris says some of the couples may be using the ul

Marni speaks with Sage, Coach, Veteran Business Strategist, and Thought Leader, Kalyn Wilson. Kalyn’s work experience includes influential non-profits, city government, part CEO, principal consultant, and Ph.D. candidate, and has cultivated talent management wins at Fortune 100 companies. Her life and career outlook are inspiring and thought-provoking. There are so many useful nuggets in this episode!   Key takeaways from this episode:   How to create your life on your terms Managing time and timing The power of waiting on inspiration The new world of work The key to flow   What Makes Kalyn So Special? [2:41]   Kalyn knows how to create the life of her dreams. She has always been an advisor. In her youth, her grandmother would let her know the family’s business if she could keep up during conversations. She learned the power of listening and how to quickly read people's facial expressions. Her gift was to be emotionally intelligent enough to know how to respond.   It may not always feel like it,

Marni and Chris recap Season Two of Love is Blind. Be warned, Marni binge-watched the season and this episode contains spoilers. Shayne and Sal didn’t win at love but won plenty of female followers, Shaina is custom-made for The Bachelor, and Deepti deserves more than a man-child.   Key takeaways from this episode:   Overcoming mistakes in relationships Acceptance and forgiveness Why do people get wasted the night before their wedding? How to be rejection-proof   When You Make a Mistake in a Relationship [2:11]   Marni points out that several incidents must have happened off-camera that are integral to the show and the end of the season seemed a bit disjointed because of it. There are pivotal moments when the couples who got married were able to let things go, forgive, and move on.   The biggest shock was when Shayne got wasted the day before his wedding. He truly showed his warts. If you are dating someone and a huge mistake is made, you must be able to accept their apology. Natalie hears the I’m

Marni speaks with the author of Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love, Jessica Baum. Jessica is the founder of the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach, a practice that provides couples therapy, family counseling, and addiction therapy. She has worked with thousands of clients for over a decade. She helps clients make a meaningful connection with themselves so they can better understand how they relate to people in relationships.   Key takeaways from this episode:   Understanding an Anxious Attachment style What it means to do “the work” Being compassionate toward other people Why your body is holding on to past trauma Cultivating a great, deep love   How the Anxious Attachment Style Relates to Your Love Life [2:17]   Attachment styles are embedded patterns that get developed early in life. They get embedded in our nervous system. We repeat hurts from childhood in our adult relationships because it is the way we learned to adapt, connect, and survive. For anxious people, it co

Marni welcomes the newest member of the Institute of Living Courageously, Patricia Diesel to the podcast. Patricia is a speaker, author, professional organizer, and certified life coach, and she educates people on the benefits of being organized to restore tranquility and a sense of order. She has been featured in Cosmo, Women’s Day, PBS, and Good Morning America.   Key takeaways from this episode:   Getting rid of old beliefs about who we are Understanding why we want to attract a partner How to release things back into the universe Coming clean to live an authentic life   Why We Need to Declutter [4:01]   When we are emotionally invested in our stuff, it is a reflection of our history and our story. That is why things can be difficult to part with. Patricia says that is why decluttering our homes and our minds can be very cathartic. Professional organizers are trained to ask the questions that individuals don’t ask of themselves. Whether or not we are talking about decluttering material things, w

Marni and Chris recap another episode of Season Two of Love is Blind. The couples are finally spending time together. They get 24-48 hours alone to see if the connections they made in the pods remain true. And, spoiler alert, love is not blind.   Key takeaways from this episode:   Being clear about what you want Sabotaging a relationship because you are insecure Looks are not everything Core values are the most important thing in relationships   Masculine & Feminine Energy [2:03]   This episode of Love is Blind, kicks off with Mallory and Sal getting 48-hours alone to find out if their relationship has what it takes to survive an engagement. Mallory seems playful, feminine, and coy when interacting with Sal. But, when she speaks with Jarrette later in the show she drops into her masculine and sounds like a dude.   Chris says Mallory is walking around like a red flag by describing how different and deserving she is. He adds that it is probably a protective measure. Chris also notes that the outc

Marni welcomes the hosts of the mental health podcast, A Little Help for Our Friends, Jaqueline Trumbull, and Kibby McMahon. Jaqueline is a member of Bachelor Nation, a Ph. D. student at Duke, who studies how interpersonal functioning is impacted by personality, and shame, and contempt. Kibby is a Clinical Psychologist and a Yogi whose passion is in helping people connect more deeply with themselves and others.   Key takeaways from this episode:   Why we do what we do Changing our narrative Managing emotions The importance of trying something new in dating Applying a growth mindset to life   How Jaqueline & Kibby Came Together [5:01]   Jaqueline and Kibby met at Duke University. They discovered they had stimulating conversations together. Jaqueline had been on the Bachelor which created a bit of a social media following. The duo decided to create a podcast to use their power for good. The podcast, A Little Help for Our Friends, focused on the mental health sphere of people who were suffering

Marni and Chris recap the third episode of Season Two of Love is Blind. The group finally leave the pods and head to Cancun to see if they are compatible face-to-face. Questions abound over the producers choice to make certain people disappear if the relationships they formed were not saucy or controversial enough.   Key takeaways from this episode:   Being a second choice isn’t necessarily a bad thing Unless in a committed relationship it is OK to date other people Wanting someone to change for you The issues that are not worth breaking up over   Getting Together After He Tries Out the Other Girl [2:46]   In the episode, Jarret chooses between Mallory over Iyanna. Mallory flat out tells Jarret that she is not interested. She does it honestly and succinctly, which is how it should be. There should be no ghosting or ignoring text when telling a guy you are not interested.   Can a relationship work out if you know you were not the other person’s first choice?   Chris says we should all be dating othe