Selfwork With Dr. Margaret Rutherford | Self-help | Mental Health | Depression | Anxiety | Relationship Problems| Therapy

  • Autor: Vários
  • Narrador: Vários
  • Editor: Podcast
  • Duración: 219:22:10
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Sinopsis

Welcome to SelfWork! Do you have things in your life you want to change, but you struggle to believe you can? Dr. Margaret has a direct, down-to-earth approach to therapy and treatment, and uses her twenty years of experience to guide you in making the changes you want. No psychological jargon here! Rather, she uses a solution-oriented approach to depression, anxiety, trauma or grief - what Dr. Margaret calls, "What you can do about it." Subscribe today!

Episodios

  • 225 SelfWork: Broken (in the best possible way): A Conversation with Jenny Lawson

    02/04/2021 Duración: 46min

    Jenny Lawson is a blogger, known as The Bloggess, has literally thousands who follow her. She's also a mom, a wife, and luckily for us, an author. Broken (in the best possible way) is her newest book. In all her books, she’s more than open about her struggles with chronic mental illness, including severe social anxiety and chronic debilitating (at times) depression. So debilitating that for months she’s often dysfunctional. Yet as she writes, Jenny makes you laugh until you don’t think you can laugh anymore as she describes her persistent battles with insurance, with her autoimmune disorders – with destructive side effects of medicine… wacky things that go on between herself and her husband - and these embarrassing side stories of what her life is actually like. Her memory’s shot. She loses crap all the time. She has a fascination with weird animal creatures. And the graphic on the front of the book says it all, as every day she hauls around her illness like a huge horned animal, always present and never

  • SelfWork YGTG: How Do You Say Goodbye?

    28/03/2021 Duración: 06min

    Welcome to SelfWork's You Get the Gist, five minutes of some ideas you can ponder for the rest of the day. Today YGTG is about saying goodbye. When I knew back in 1992 that my husband and I were going to leave Dallas and move to Arkansas, I distinctly remember a conversation I had with my therapist. I was wondering how I would say goodbye to all these friends and family that were so important to me. It seemed overwhelming. He gave me such an important way of understanding something about goodbyes that's I'd never considered - that many of us don't handle endings very well. We don't know how to grieve. It helped me not personalize what happened next. We'll talk about all kinds of grief - and what you can learn about how you say... goodbye. You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join

  • 224 SelfWork: 7 Steps Out Of Enmeshment and Into A More Solid Sense of Self

    26/03/2021 Duración: 27min

    In today's episode, sponsored by BetterHelp, we’'ll be talking about enmeshment. It sometimes can be confused with codependency, terms which some use interchangeably. We'll focus on not only enmeshed families or couples, but also parent/child enmeshment. And I'll offer seven steps to slowly and carefully begin to gain more of your independence and sense of self. Families are extremely different in how well they build safety, love and caring within the family, while also supporting each member through their own development of  unique beliefs and skills. What are these seven steps? First you have to realize that rarely will you get permission to gain some distance. And you also have to recognize that enmeshment created within an abusive relationship has to be handled extremely - as even setting appropriate boundaries can be punished with violence. The seven steps are: Realize the overt and covert rules that you are following. Write them down. . Realize the beliefs associated with those rules. A

  • SelfWork YGTG: Is Meghan Markle's Experience Unique?

    21/03/2021 Duración: 05min

    Today's YGTG, or "You Get the Gist," deals not with who's right and who's wrong in the ongoing drama between Meghan Markle, Prince Harry and Great Britain's royals. Nor about the very serious allegations of racism. As a psychologist, what I'm concerned about is how this focus on talking about suicidal thinking is affecting those whose loved ones have already died by suicide, and how this could affect the way those words are recognized in the future by anyone who actually hears them. For every suicide “success” as it’s ironically labeled, The American Foundation of Suicide Prevention reports there are 25 attempts. We'll discuss common but painful reactions from families. And we need to realize that everyone who kills themselves has thought about it before. Maybe even shared their thoughts with someone. It's so important to listen, and try to help. Important Links: Seven Women's stories about overcoming suicidal thoughts You can hear more about mental health and many oth

  • 223 SelfWork: Shining A Light On Women's Bravery In The Mental Health Arena

    19/03/2021 Duración: 24min

    It's Women's History Month! And I’m excited to announce that SelfWork has a new sponsor -  Premium Jane. You can visit them at premiumjane.com and use coupon code SelfWork to get 20% off your purchase. Today we’ll talk about women who’ve been important crusaders for mental health awareness, both present-day celebrities and historically important female voices, Their brave words and actions, as well as the research statistics that demonstrate women's social reality, help all of us see just how much women still have to face. We’ll focus on why women seem more vulnerable to certain mental illness and of course, what positive mental and emotional traits do women have that are more unique to them. The listener email for today is from an early 30’s young woman who feels very enmeshed with her parents, who’ve built a reality for her that the world is a scary place – and haven’t supported her to live independently from them. It's called enmeshment and it's a complex issue, as well as hard to ident

  • 222 SelfWork: Seven Ways To Prevent The Straw From Breaking The Camel's Back

    12/03/2021 Duración: 26min

        How can you prevent something that may be seemingly inconsequential or something "I should be able to manage" from becoming the straw that breaks the camel's back? Here are seven ways to prevent that from happening. We’re all handling isolation, quarantine, job loss, financial troubles, boredom, loneliness, grief, fear – a new brand of anxiety that’s literally about taking your next breath. So today, in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, I'll focus once again on "what you can do about it." Here are the seven preventative tips:' Practice self-compassion Recognize the cumulative impact of stress and ambiguity Stop comparing yourself to others Practice mindfulness and awareness of the present moment Know and honor your triggers Remain humble rather than prideful Go for help if you develop clinical depression, flashbacks or severe anxiety The listener email today is from a woman who listened to the podcast on sibling sexual abuse in early February. I simply wanted to comment f

  • 221 SelfWork: Getting To Happiness Thru Gratitude

    05/03/2021 Duración: 25min

    We're killing two birds with one stone on this episode of SelfWork, one again sponsored by BetterHelp. I talk about a recent Ted Radio Hour interview I heard with A.J. Jacobs. He's the author of the recent new book Thanks A Thousand. He did a fascinating and arduous life study of how to make himself happier - and wondered if expressing gratitude would get him there. What did he do? He chased down everyone that even had a minuscule amount of responsibility for providing his morning cup of coffee - and thanked them. He was using - whether he knew it or not - the "as if" method that can be very effective in therapy to move toward changing your behavior. You basically make choices "as if" you already had the trait you're trying to learn - or try on for size. You act "as if" you believed in yourself. You act "as if" you're relaxed or not anxious. And lo and behold, your actions lead you to feel like you do believe in yourself or you're not so anxious. It's a

  • 220 SelfWork: Careers That Kill: A Conversation with Dr. Adam Hill

    26/02/2021 Duración: 39min

    This is the first in a series here on SelfWork about careers that can kill. Over the next few months, we're going to interview people who are led to careers that hold within them the ever-increasing danger of suicidal ideation or suicide itself. Doctors, police officers, the military. We are losing the people that we, as a culture, expect to do very difficult jobs psychologically. Yet the professions themselves don't encourage mental health treatment, or even disparage those that reveal struggle. Sometimes you don’t know why, but you’re drawn to someone or to their story. Adam Hill is one of those people for me. Adam presented himself as a thoughtful guy as well as being a doctor who’d trained as a pediatric oncologist at some of the finest schools and research centers the USA has to offer. And then came the fact that he is a recovering alcoholic. He's the author of Long Walk Out of The Woods – which when you read the book, you totally get that he’s not simply talking metaphorically, but quite li

  • SelfWork YGTG: Do Empaths Actually Exist? Here's The Debate

    24/02/2021 Duración: 05min

      Today I’m sharing the work of Stacey Wright, a psychotherapist in Georgia whose work is frequently featured on The Mighty. She specializes in the treatment of highly sensitive people. I thought what she had to say was very clear in her latest article on The Mighty. And she further distinguishes those who are highly sensitive (HSP) people to those she terms true "empaths." And yet there's debate about the term and even the concept of an "empath" being a noun is disputed as an appropriate label for someone who's simply highly empathetic. We can hear the other side as it's voiced by Rick Cormier, a retired psychotherapist and author of Mixed Nuts, He says the term was lifted from Star Trek, in fact was made up by its creators, and doesn't exist other than in science fiction. It's a hot debate! Whatever you believe, you can make up your own mind – But I hope you get the gist. Important Links: Contact Stacey Wright through her blog! The Mighty's new podcast!  Judith Or

  • 219 SelfWork: Four Tips On Avoiding Pandemic Burnout With Your Pandemic Partner

    19/02/2021 Duración: 27min

    "I want this over!!"  is being shouted from the rooftops by many after this round of holidays held little release from the sacrifices we are all making. But pandemic fatigue can easily morph into pandemic burnout, meaning that whatever skills you’d been using to dig a little deeper or find some laughter or hope – those skills are maxed out . It's easy to take frustration out on the person who's your pandemic partner. And the three facets of burnout - excessive fatigue, detachment  and cynicism, and a feeling of lack of accomplishment - can too easily be focused on your relationship. So in this episode of SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp, we'll also focus on four considerations that might help you realize that the pandemic is dramatizing what are fairly normal facets of long relationships. What are these four considerations? Realize the problem could lie with you as you might've become clinically depressed. Be aware of how others might be negatively impacting how you think about your

  • 218 SelfWork: Explaining Hypnosis

    12/02/2021 Duración: 28min

    Today in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re talking about hypnosis. Not only will I try to debunk the various myths there are out there about it, but help you understand exactly how it can work. I’ve been hypnotized several times myself and I’ll explain what I experienced.  I’ve also been trained in hypnosis so I can explain what it’s like to actually do hypnosis; what you’re watching for in the client, how you set the process up for the most success. I’ll draw heavily on the work of Michael Yapko, whose trainings I’ve attended and who’s an international expert on hypnosis and its effectiveness with depression. It’s truly a fascinating experience – both to use it in therapy and to participate in it. And I'll include the most dramatic example I've had thus far in my practice of it helping my client tremendously with PTSD. Our listener email today is from a woman who’s talking about something we touched on in last week’s episode about sexual abuse; that one of the lingering issues can be the st

  • SelfWork You Get the Gist (YGTG): Why Exactly Did I Write A Book?

    10/02/2021 Duración: 06min

    Writing a book is the hardest and most labor-intensive task I've ever accomplished. And sometimes, while I was deep in the throws of its creation, I would wonder why I was doing it, even though I was so passionate about its message. What did I really hope would happen as a result? Well, two things have happened this week that remind me of why the topic of perfectly hidden depression is vital for our mental health culture- and you - to understand. The first was from a conversation I had with psychologist Lindsay Weisner, who was interviewing me and was reading Perfectly Hidden Depression. The second was an email from a middle-aged man who was shocked at his own identification with PHD - and what that realization was leading him to do. Such an honor.  None of us ever know how others will perceive what we do or what we try to offer, do we? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfW

  • 217 SelfWork: When Brothers and Sisters Abuse One Another

    05/02/2021 Duración: 28min

    Trigger Warning: If you choose to listen to this episode on sibling sexual abuse, please keep your own self-care in mind. I’ll have international sexual abuse hotline numbers in the show notes: But the US hotline is  1-800-656-4673. Sibling sexual abuse is a complex and painful subject that's vastly underreported. And it can happen in any home, anywhere. How is it different than normal sexual curiosity between siblings? What sets the environment up for it to occur? Why don't they tell a parent? How does it affect its victims? What if they themselves repeated or even forced sexual activity on others in the family? I'll use a case from my own practice to talk about how and when it can occur - and as always, what a parent or loved one can do about it. What's important to know from the beginning is that sexual abuse isn't only about sex; it's much more about control and grabbing power. In this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we'll go over in detail a very moving email I received – and

  • 216 SelfWork: Is Your Life Picture Perfect or Truly Happy?

    29/01/2021 Duración: 24min

    How much do you count on people "liking" or "following" you or the videos you put on Instagram, FB or TikTok?  And are you really happy or does your life appear to others as happy? Is your self-esteem found in the present or does it lie in the amount of positive attention something gets on social media? This of course is part of creating the persona of perfectionism that I stress in my work on perfectly hidden depression. But today, we focus on the three components of true happiness and how to add happiness to almost any experience you have: Positive psychologists say that all you have to do is add pleasure, challenge or meaning - and happiness will arrive. The listener email today is from someone who suffered childhood neglect and knows it’s affecting her relationships in her adult life. I’ll hope to help out where I can. Hope you enjoy this episode on true happiness - sponsored by BetterHelp. Important Links: BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! Victor

  • 215 SelfWork: Ten Fears You Choose to Face When You Risk Giving Up Control

    22/01/2021 Duración: 28min

    Today’s podcast is one that, if you’ve been listening to SelfWork for a while, you know that this topic has been my own personal passion – as it’s closely aligned with my work on perfectly hidden depression. We’ll talk about ten fears you face when you choose to give up or ease out of being or looking as if you're in total control. Those ten fears are: The fear of vulnerabilty The fear of uncertainty or unpredictability The fear of facing the past The fear of your anger exploding as it's been long suppressed The fear of not being able to forgive yourself/your imperfections The fear of there being no other way to succeed The fear of rejection The fear of not being needed The fear of being wrong The fear of intimacy The listener email comes from a graduate psychology student whose experiencing greater and greater insecurity as the end of her training approaches. She wants to know if I felt the same way and what recommendations I could make. How do you bolster your self-confidence when you can’t measur

  • 214 SelfWork: Three Ways to Govern Your Emotions (Rather Than Them Governing You)

    15/01/2021 Duración: 29min

    If there’s ever been a time when we need to manage our emotions, it’s now. None of us are sure what these next few months will bring – or even 2021 – and that’s true on many fronts. So this week’s podcast is on managing your feelings. The term for doing this in psychology is emotional intelligence, aka EQ. Here's the definition: the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically. Here are the three questions you'll find the answer to today! 1) Does one emotion govern you more than others? And if so, how that might be leading away from actual regulation and more toward instability?. 2) What are some actual things you can do to self-soothe or to learn how to not to react to your emotions, but to respond to them? 3) What to do if you don’t like the way you feel and want to change it. The listener email today is from someone who strongly related to the fairly recent podcast on trauma bonding. She wanted to know a l

  • SelfWork YGTG: The New FDA-Approved Treatment for PTSD Nightmares

    12/01/2021 Duración: 05min

    There’s an  exciting new product on the market – especially for anyone who has suffered with horrible PTSD-based nightmares. I should first tell you I have no relationship with the makers of this product. But since I've treated many patients with both PTSD and CPTSD, I know how exhausting and frightening these nightmares are. It’s a newly approved product by the FDA for just this use; however, it requires an Apple Watch. I’ve used hypnosis fairly effectively in the past for these kinds of traumatic nightmares – but there are many who don’t understand hypnosis and/or it doesn’t work completely or for a long enough period of time. The testimonials are meaningful, as the research was done with veterans of war and this is the first relief many of them have had from these intrusive and almost constant events. Important Liinks: Episode 206 What Dreams Are Made Of Article announcing Nightware's FDA approval Nightware's website BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now

  • 213 SelfWork: Continuing The Convo About Your Struggles in Therapy

    08/01/2021 Duración: 30min

    Thank you to all of you who contacted me these past two or three weeks! This week’s episode is a conversation – not literally  - but I’ve heard from so many of you about the last couple of SelfWork podcasts, I wanted to respond. You sent me your stories of your own struggles with a therapist, especially about termination and boundaries; I was very moved to address the core issues of what went wrong and discuss them in more detail. The listener email is actually two other responses I received about people pleasing - and how that trait had affected therapy. I was reminded that there was even more to it than Episode 212 had covered! Important Links: SelfWork Episode 210 on Leaving or Staying In Therapy SelfWork Episode 212 on People Pleasing Article by Dr. Clifford Lazarus in Psychology Today on common mistakes WebMD Link to serotonin syndrome BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, S

  • 212 SelfWork: Pros and Cons of People Pleasing

    01/01/2021 Duración: 28min

    Wow. Sometimes when I pick a subject for SelfWork, I have to dig deep to find research that I can bring that will add clarity or give you what’s new out there on the subject. People pleasing?  There are YouTube videos galore and all kinds of other resources. Most everyone agreed on how it starts - with an anxious/insecure attachment to a parent. We'll define what exactly a people pleaser is, and focus on some issues in therapy that are very specific to those who struggle with being uncomfortable not being the "giver" in the relationship. The listener email today is fascinating. It's about growing up in a narcissistic family and being handed a role to play - the golden child, the scapegoat and the invisible child being the most common. Her healing began when she began to let go of that old dynamic – and she asks if growing up in a narcissist family might be correlated with perfectly hidden depression. Important links: SelfWork episode 062 on Enmeshment BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provide

  • 211 SelfWork: A Conversation with Anxiety Slayer's Shann Vander Leek

    28/12/2020 Duración: 47min

    Here's a bonus episode for you during the holidays!  I couldn’t think of a better guest than Shann Vander Leek. She’s the cohost of the extremely popular podcast AnxietySlayer and the website AnxietySlayer.com. Her gentleness and broad knowledge of all things calming is incredible. She and her partner Ananga have created a complete experience of teaching you the how-to of what you can do right now about your anxiety, through words and music, meditation and calming practices. What I especially love about this episode is that Shann demonstrates some actual techniques you can try while you’re listening as she and I - and now you - do them together. BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click

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