Mental Health Today

Sometimes Nike's slogan 'Just Do It' isn't enough. Slogans and catchphrases are good, but sometimes they're not very motivating. They can sometimes have the opposite effect.   Fear, self-doubt, and emotional baggage often de-motivate us. Keeping us from doing things we really need to be doing.   Do you say things to yourself like:   1. What's the use? 2. No one really cares 3. Why start something if it's not perfect   I have thought these too, but you and I need to keep moving forward and not allow our negative thoughts to keep us from being and staying motivated.   What is it that you have a hard time staying motivated with?   Is it exercising? Is it keeping up with relationships? Is it writing a book? Is it starting a business?   What is it that you struggle with staying motivated to complete?   We can probably write a long list of all the reasons why we can't get motivated, but I want to talk about 5 Tips to help keep you going.   5 Tips On Staying Motivated When You Want To

Do you have self-doubt? I'm sure you do - we all do at some point in our lives.  Does this describe you?  You have an idea for a business, but you give up before you even try, because you convince yourself that no one will like your idea.   You want to ask your boss for a promotion, but you don't because you just know that he'll laugh in your face.   You have, what you think, is helpful information for your group presentation at school, but you remain quiet because you are afraid of looking stupid.   Giving up, not starting, or remaining quiet is often the result of self-doubts.   Have you been there? Have you had self-doubt about something in your life?   Sure you have - we all have.   I had self-doubts about starting my podcast show.   I had doubts that I knew what I was doing or how to launch a podcast. I had doubts that anyone would listen to me. I had doubts that my podcast would be helpful at all.   Our self-doubts can keep us from so many things: Friendships Career Advancement Reaching your

 Do you know what this feels like?   You have an important event coming up (presentation, interview, business meeting, going out to lunch) and it's a week away or a few days away, and that's the only thing you can think about.  You toss and turn and you just can't fall asleep because you're thinking about all of the things that will go wrong.   You think about how the "Spotlight" will be on you, you worry about messing up, and you worry about making a fool of yourself. Your heart beats faster and faster the closer the event gets, your palms get a little sweaty, and you feel like running away to get away from it all! Then, when you are in the moment of the event you realize that it's not as bad as you thought it would be.   After the event, you feel relieved or even ecstatic that you did it.  Then the anxiety hits again before the next event.  Does this describe you?  You know what it's like, don't you? The feeling of intense anxiety before an event that you need to do.   It

Perhaps one of the most recognized church songs, besides the song Amazing Grace, is the song It Is Well With My Soul.  Written by Horatio Spafford, 1873  Here is the first stanza of the song: When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul. Back Story: Horatio lived with his family of 5 children (1 son and 4 daughters) in Chicago. Horatio was a successful lawyer and was a close friend to Dwight L. Moody, an evangelist from Chicago. Horatio was a very successful lawyer and was able to provide for his family well, but tragedy hit his family. Horatio and his wife, Anna, lost their only son to Scarlet Fever, and shortly afterward the Great Chicago Fire destroyed much of their possessions. A few years later Horatio decided to travel to England to hear his good friend D.L. Moody preach. Although, Horatio's job prevented him from leaving on time he sent his family ahead of him with the intentio

Nashville, TN is truly a wonderful place. It's the music capital of the world after all. But, I learned something deeper, more inspiring than music, something that will change my life forever in Nashville. This episode is my personal journey or discovery (nothing really new), but something inspiring happened to me at the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) World Conference.  This episode is my account of what I took away from the conference. The workshop speakers were good, the keynote presenters were inspiring, and the worship was amazing, but what really made an impression on me was... 1. It's good to stay connected. If your company or profession has a conference I want to encourage you to go to feel connected with your trade or career. 2. We need each another. No one should work completely on their own. I am a solo therapist in my private practice, and I can feel all alone at times. It's important to know that we need others to support and encourage us through the good and bad t

One of the most lonely and isolating things someone can do is to keep their mental health disorder to themselves. The stigma and shame that are often associated with a disorder are often the reason for the silence. Psychologists, doctors, and counselors use a mental health disorder manual called the DSM 5 to diagnose and treat patients with mental health disorders. At the same time, longing to "let it out" can be so intense and so powerful that it provokes even more anxiety and fear. So, many people who suffer from a mental health disorders keep it to themselves. They can be pretty good at it too. They know how to put on a fake smile, act happy and talk about how good life is, all the while dying inside. As a therapist, I know the importance of why you should talk about your disorder. Talking to someone about your disorder can be very freeing and liberating. No, I'm not suggesting that you open your window and scream at the top of your lungs that you have a disorder to everyone who can hear.  Le

As a therapist, I often see and hear stories that would break anyone’s heart. Parent’s weeping over the condition of their child or the state of their family.  A mom sobbing over the fact that her child is depressed and miserable after suffering years of abuse. A dad riddled with guilt for failing to foresee that his own son would attempt suicide. A little seven-year-old boy saying that his life is over because he feels that he must choose sides in a bitter divorce... ...all stem from brokenness. As I talk about this I am struck with the question, “What does it mean to be broken?”  A simple search in a Thesaurus reveals definitions such as “run down”, “kaput”, “out of order”, “not working”, and “wrecked”. I don’t know about you, but when I come across a machine that I rely on for coffee, a restroom, or anything else that I need or want, and it’s “out of order” I’m not happy. Learn more about John Cordray at www.johncordray.com Smells Like Humans Like listening to funny friends discuss curious human behavior

There comes a time when we sit back and reflect on who we really are. Where we came from, how we got to this point in our lives, and where we're heading.  Thinking and reflecting about life happens a lot at funerals, weddings, and high school reunions.   A High School Reunion and 5 Reflections About Life What were you like in high school? I was reminded of this very question when I went to my wife's 25th high school reunion. You know the scenario, old friends catching up with each other while the spouses sit at a table bored out of their minds. Yeah, I was at that table. But, as I sat at the table watching old friends get reacquainted, I noticed something interesting that made me reflect on my own life. Reflections of our humanity, what makes us truly human, the cord that connects us all.  We all have a past, some we are grateful for, some we regret. Here are 5 Reflections on humanity:   1. We all have a story.  High school reunions are great places to put on a mask and pretend we hav

What goes on in the mind of a successful entrepreneur? What makes one entrepreneur successful and another not? Find out in this episode.  Ahh, the life of an entrepreneur...  The sweet life of making lots of money without working very hard. Sit back and relax, and take 10 vacations this year.   Umm, maybe, maybe not.   Are you an entrepreneur?    Here's my definition of an entrepreneur.   Someone who is willing to take a risk in order to make money, possibly a living, doing what he or she is passionate about.   Is that you? Maybe you are just starting out, or just dreaming of that day when you start, or maybe you're a seasoned pro and you are living the life right now.   Have you ever wondered what it takes to become an entrepreneur? To keep going when it's hard, to not get a big head when things go well.   If you're listening to this episode you are probably somewhere on the entrepreneurship spectrum. From just thinking about it, to dabbling in it, to an advanced pro.   But one thing that we

What do you truly want in life?   We all have dreams and aspirations. We all want to be successful. We all want to be happy.   But not everyone has their dreams come true.   Not everyone is successful.   Not everyone is happy.    What is it that you want in life? What one thing comes to your mind?  Better health/ mental health Family Better marriage Relationships Finances to pay your bills Own your own business Imagine for a moment - what if that dream came true? How would it change your life?   What's keeping you from truly living the life you want?  Fear, anxiety, depression?  Overcoming the mental barriers that will help you achieve what you desire.    Learn more about John at www.johncordray.com Smells Like Humans Like listening to funny friends discuss curious human behavior. Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify Support the showRate the show: If you enjoyed this episode, please consider providing an honest rating of the show here www.mentalhealthtodayshow.com/reviews/new . Disclaimer: The Mental He

Whether you have experienced depression yourself, or you know someone who is struggling with it, we are all affected by depression. Amazingly, according to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), as many as 8% of American adults have experienced major depression at some point in their lives, and women are twice as likely to be depressed. That's a lot of people affected by depression. Sadly, as a therapist, I see many children who are affected by depression as well. What does this say about our culture and society? There are a lot of very sad and emotionally distressed people who are hurting out, and chances are you're one of them. Are you affected by depression? Depression is not just simply feeling blue or "down-in-the-dumps", although someone affected by depression can start out that way. True depression takes over a person's mind and body and often prevents them from doing normal day-to-day activities. Feelings of emptiness, hopelessness, numbness, brokenness, and loneliness o

Note: This episode is from an article that I wrote and was originally published in the Huffington Post on May 12, 2015. Superheroes have a special place in my heart. I grew up fascinated by Stan Lee @TheRealStanLee and his creations in the Marvel comic world. There’s just something about the message of hope and goodwill that superheroes convey that’s so appealing to me. We all have superheroes. I’m not referring to Ironman, Superman, Spiderman, or Wonder Woman. I’m referring to people in our lives whom we look up to, who mean the world to us. The grandparent who always made you laugh, the aunt or uncle who always made time to sit with you and just talk about life, the best friend who was always there, the parent who always made you feel better. We all have superheroes who make a big impact on our lives. I have had many superheroes in my life. My grandpa taught me how to fish, one of my closest friends in college who always shared a laugh, and of course, my dog. Hey, dogs can be superheroes, too, you know

So, your marriage isn't doing that great. Is the fighting getting worse? Can't seem to talk to each other without throwing word "daggers" at each other? Have you asked yourself a thousand times how your marriage got to be like this? Well, you're not alone. In fact, according to research, there are more couples in your situation than you may realize. As a marriage therapist, I have witnessed some of the most hurtful and angry arguments in my office. Sometimes I'm part referee, part therapist. But, over the years, and within my own marriage of over 20 years, I have seen the wonders of this one simple rule help dissolve hostilities and repair wounds. I have also come to realize that many of the heated fights that couples have escalated into outright boxing matches because one or both couples are unwilling to try to resolve the argument. Many times the original context of the conflict is forgotten but ends with hurt and pain due to the escalating emotions. Because of the many layers

Learning this one simple parenting tip could help you reach your child. Listen as John walks parents through what they need to stop doing and what they need to start doing.  There's no such thing as a perfect parent, but if you can start parenting with this one simple "tweak" in your parenting you'll start noticing a difference in your child. Parents, stop bickering with your kids. Don't try to negotiate with a strong-willed child - it won't work. And for Pete's sake, never jump to conclusions that your child is trying to manipulate you. If your parenting style mimics these techniques please stop right now and reevaluate how you parent. Please don't misunderstand my admonishment - I'm not saying you are a bad parent. On the contrary, I assume you are a great parent who just needs a little guidance on how to handle your difficult child. As a therapist, John reminds parents that if they want to get through to their child they need to reach their heart first - before addressin

Bickering, yelling, screaming, defending, hurting, blaming, criticizing, belittling, one-upping, put-downs, the silent treatment, fleeing, slamming doors, throwing things, breaking things, crying, threatening, giving ultimatums, blackmailing, deceiving, manipulating...  All of these ways of communicating in the midst of a conflict will destroy or at least will damage a relationship.  The clients I see in my office for marriage or relationship counseling have been guilty of saying or doing some of the things I just listed. And I bet you have too.  How we communicate with others is so important, yet it's often neglected. You and I must be able to know how to communicate our feelings the right way if we want to resolve the conflicts that we find ourselves in.  This brings me to the 4 styles of communication: Aggressive, Passive, Passive-aggressive, and Assertive. John talks about all four styles of communication, and which one is the healthiest style. Learn more about John at www.johncordray.com Smell

Men, you have a hard time admitting you need help, right? Even when it comes to asking for directions.  I get it. I have a hard time asking for directions too, but as a man and a therapist, I want to encourage you to at least consider talking to a therapist. In this episode, I talk about the 10 reasons why men refuse to seek help. Ten Reasons Why Men Refuse to Seek Therapy: Shame. He might appear weak. Downplay. He thinks his problem really isn't that big of a deal. Private. He doesn't want anyone to know his problems. Defiance. He doesn't want anyone to tell him he's wrong. Narcissistic. He thinks he is better than others. Avoidance. He doesn't want to dig up the past. Embarrassment. He's concerned about what others will think. Toughness. He has been told all their life that "boys don't cry".  He doesn't want to reveal weakness. Martyrdom. He feels like he deserves what happened to him. Guilt. He thinks it was his fault in the first place. To find learn more about emot

We all have had secrets at some point in our lives, but some of you are holding onto a BIG secret that has been weighing you down. Is that you? Are you holding onto a deep secret, perhaps for years? If so, this episode is just for you. Learn why keeping secrets is not a good idea and how it can actually make you a prisoner of your own thoughts. Negative feelings such as guilt, shame, and embarrassment can keep you from exposing your secret, but in the long run, keeping that secret to yourself may be the worst thing you can do. Find out why in this episode of The John Cordray Show.   Top 3 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Keep Secrets: 1. Secrets can be harmful to your health 2. Secrets will isolate you 3. Secrets will keep you from true freedom   The counselor and author John mentioned in this episode: Ed Welch I've Got A Secret (about keeping secrets within a marriage)   Find more at www.johncordray.com   I would love it if you followed me on Twitter @JohnPCordray   Smells Like Humans Like listening to

Are you struggling with social anxiety? If so, you’re not alone. According to the Social Anxiety Disorder Association, social phobia is the third largest mental health issue in the entire world - about 7% of the world's population! Social anxiety can affect all people regardless of age, gender, or ethnicity. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, well-educated or under-educated. And yet, one of the worst things about social anxiety is that it’s invisible. How can you fight against something that you can’t even see? In this episode of The John Cordray Show, we’ll talk about the challenges of dealing with social anxiety, and how you can start to fight back. John Cordray is a Licensed Therapist and National Certified Counselor, and he’ll offer advice and tips to help you manage your anxiety, so you can start to feel better. John will talk about how to identify the signs of social anxiety, and how to start building up the courage to take on the challenges that come with it. He’ll offer practical advice

Do you have an inner critic? That voice in your head that condemns just about everything you do when you make a mistake - blaming, criticizing, and belittling your every thought and action? The negative thought cycle goes around and around, leaving you feeling discouraged and defeated. You become your worst enemy. It's time to stop calling yourself names and tearing yourself down. The inner critic often causes people to isolate themselves and withdraw from just about everything and everyone. If this happens to you it's time to start kicking your inner critic's butt. It will be a battle between your inner critic and your inner coach. An inner coach is an encouraging voice in your head that refuses to listen to the negative talk of the inner critic. How to Kick Your Inner Critic's Butt: Draw a large "T" in the middle of a piece of paper. On the left side write down all of your negative thoughts and feelings. On the right side write down the truth and evidence that counters your negative

When it comes to following through on good intentions, it can be even harder for someone with ADHD. We all have moments when getting sidetracked can be all too easy, but when you have ADHD, you may find yourself struggling to focus and stay on track, no matter how hard you try. Organization and deadlines can be a nightmare for someone with ADHD, as the brain is wired to take in so much information and can struggle to prioritize tasks and stay organized. The problem is, if you don’t have a plan of action and a system to follow, it can become difficult to focus and make progress. But with the right mindset and daily practice, anyone can learn how to stay organized and on task - even someone with ADHD. It’s a matter of understanding what is needed to stay focused, making a plan, and setting realistic goals to help you stay on track. The key is to break down tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks, create a schedule to keep track of deadlines and make sure to set yourself reminders. It may sound simple, but