Pursuit Of Crappiness

This month, the Pursuit of Crappiness gang goes back to a classic - what is considered the original "So Bad, It's Good" movie. Plan 9 from Outer Space has been a cult classic for almost 60 years, but its the first time some of us have watched it ever (spoiler, its NOT Beryl this time). Join us as we explore what people thought alien life was like before we went to the moon and what government conspiracy was like before Watergate. This fun family romp is best enjoyed in black and white (NOT color) and with a whole crowd of people, so grab your closest friends, pop it in, then isolate yourself from the world while you listen to three ding-dongs from Minneapolis talk the movie you just saw for 50ish minutes. PLUS Important announcement at the end of the episode!

Rollergator. Its a movie that promises by its very title to be a moving about a rollerskating alligator. This is a lie. Instead, the gang suffered through an 83 minutes garbage pile written by a 10 year old for your amusement. Hailed on Amazon as being again the Geneva convention and praised for the ceaseless guitar noodling soundtrack, you should leave this one to the professionals. Do not try this at home.

Remember those fun nature documentaries that you used to watch in school? Well, this documentary is just like those movies if those movies were made by a coked-up Steven Spielberg. Join Emma and her ode to nepotism as she and her brother Ted talk about Cane Toads: An Unnatural History. Learn about invasive species, toad sex, and the best live version of Mario Kart on the planet. Also featuring: Australian Stereotypes!

Stop, collaborate, and listen, people! In this very special episode of the Pursuit of Crappiness, Emma drops the zeroes and gets with some true heroes. While Beryl and John sit this one out, Dan Jaquette and Beth Gibbs from Totes Recall (@totesrecallpod) join Emma to discuss the masterpiece that is Cool As Ice. Listen as Dan, Beth, and Emma explore the world of the worst of the Ices, Vanilla Ice, and try to answer the burning question that is in everyone's mind after watching this movie: Does Vanilla Ice know how horses work, or is he too busy making a living being cool (as ice) to care?

Its time for our yearly book episode of the Pursuit of Crappiness, and, this year, John really found a turd. Listen as the gang dives into the magical worlds inside of the anthology book Sword and Sorceress (Volume One, because, apparently, there are twenty-eight of these). Because its scientifically proven that there is a finite amount of motivation in humans, John, Emma, and Beryl read only three of the fifteen stories in the book. Its more than enough to convince everyone to never touch the book ever again, thus answering the question - is there a book worse than The Breast. Unfortunately, yes...yes there is.

This month Emma, John, and Beryl celebrate the month of Saint Valentine by diving head over heels into 80s (no guys, it's really, really 80s) PSA "How Can I tell If I'm Really in Love?" because, let's face it, who doesn't want to muse about the mysterious ways of passion with well-coiffed, misguided, shoulder-padded, Gen X teens? No plot, characters, or story in this episode, folks, just good ol' fashioned narrative on how to handle those fluttery feelings when they inevitably hit. A "dad" reads pick up lines from his little black book, the original version of the Stranger Things cast dance around in acronym shirts (oh god), and Jason Bateman looks 13. Remember to bring your step ladder.

Jawesome! This month Beryl, John, Emma and a special guest explore the garbage dump of 90's cartoon shows and pull out Street Sharks, a show that is as baffling as it is stupid. You might be tempted to think that this show is nothing more than a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles copy-cat made to sell toys to dumb kids, and you would be 100% correct. Between the terrible voice acting and the grotesque character design, the crew finds little to recommend from this show, yet Vin Diesel gives this turd two thumbs up!

It's the holidays again CrapHeads, and that means its time to embrace the endearing torture of Holiday TV Specials. This year the crappiest podcast around covers "Nestor, The Long-Eared Christmas Donkey", a bargain-bin rip off of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer made by the once-famous Rankin/Bass production company. This tale of a donkey with long ears not only acknowledges that God is real, but sets up a mythology in which Santa has a donkey in order to help him plow snow. So magical. Grab some eggnog, turn on the yule log station, and get ready to ring in the new year with the underdog story that nobody needed to hear (but hey he skis on his ears, and that was pretty cool).

Holy terrible adaptation, Batman! Even though the new Justice League movie isn't quite living up to the hype, trust us when we say it could have been MUCH worse. Enter Justice League of America, the TV movie created by CBS in 1997 to launch a superhero sitcom for the 21st century. Starring none of your favorite DC superheroes (unless you twerps like The Atom), this movie will leave you thinking "wait, who is that?" Fortunately for all of us, the thing was so bad that it wasn't even shown in America! Join the PoC cast as they try to make sense of the odd editing, terrible costumes, and the worst CGI we've seen on the podcast since Birdemic.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and you know what that means, boys and girls. That's right! An unnecessary tie in! This month, the PoC crew covered a little film called Thankskilling. As you might have guessed by the not-so-subtle title, Thankskilling is an artful genre mash-up between horror and holiday celebration. Lol, just kidding, its about a killer turkey. Whatever your expectations are for this movie, take them down at least 3 more notches. Between the talking turkey, the awkward musical number, and the terrible Thanksgiving puns, we can guarantee that Thankskilling will leave you thinking "What the hell did I just watch??" Tune in for a healthy serving of passionate rants from Emma about why this film is the worst film covered by the Pursuit of Crappiness, stay for a nice slice of debate about what makes a bad film enjoyable. After, you can savor your holiday knowing that you won't ever have to wonder if you missed out by not watching Thankilling. You didn't. Trust us on this one guys.

It's been a year, y'all! Well, kind of. To be more specific, it's been twelve episodes. Regardless, the PoC gang decided to celebrate with a bonus episode including reflections on personal lives, jobs, and all things crappy. Thank you all for sticking with us this long. We look forward to the next twelve episodes and beyond! P.S. - The opening song is an instrumental version of the normal theme song, and the closing song is a theme from HorribleJingles.com. Shockingly enough, it was TOO crappy for this podcast. We wouldn't subject you guys to that on a monthly basis.

Happy Halloween, Crapheads! This month, the PoC crew dips their feet into the horror genre with the not-so-scary adaptation of The Wicker Man. Starring the greatest actor of any generation, Nicolas Cage, The Wicker Man explores what a matriarchal society looks like in the most confounding, bee-ridden way. And let me tell you, friends, this movie has everything: sharks, car crashes, Nic Cage on a motorcycle, creepy blind twins, a bird in a desk, and a bear costume. The result will make you wonder - but really, HOW did it get burned?

Cowabunga, dude! This month, the PoC gang talks about everyone's favorite live musical event: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out of Their Shells. With such memorable songs as "Walk Straight" and "Skipping Stones" this family-friendly event will bore the shit out of your kids and make you want to kill yourself. Listen as John and Beryl curse Emma's uncanny ability for finding the most painful pieces of garbage to cover on the podcast. And, as always, we will include countless plugs for our twitter account and website because we can.

This month the gang dissects Manborg, a 2011 Sci-Fi parody that is...actually not half bad. Made with only 1000 Canadian dollars (so like, 12 dollars US?), this amateur film is about a war soldier that wakes up 200 years later to discover that he has been soldered to bits of questionable looking metal and forced to fight laser-studded, Scott Pilgrim-esque gladiator shows to save humanity (I mean, who hasn't had that happen to them, amiright?) with a ragtag bunch of walking anime/gamer stereotypes (Mortal Kombat and Dead or Alive ripoffs, anyone?). Also, find out how robots can be bros and how illiteracy can be a serious setback in time-critical action sequences.

This month John, Emma, and Beryl discuss the nearly unwatchable Iron Fist, an unfortunate mistake in an otherwise worthy Marvel franchise. Wooden acting? Check. Dialogue that goes nowhere? Got it. Existential crises that go on way too damn long and involves clearing up your identity with way too many people? ("I'm Danny Rand!" "No, really, I am Danny Rand!" "The name is Danny Rand." "Did I mention that I am Danny Rand?") All there. The gang tries to discuss the plot but Emma was the only one that made it past Episode 3. Tune in.

This month, the PoC crew steps away from their usual gig of ripping apart entertainment to ripping apart the world of advertising. The ads we cover this month tackle deep topics such as racism, mortality and police brutality with such reckless abandonment, we are honestly astonished that these companies still exist. Join us for an episode where everything you know about the Pursuit of Crappiness is turned upside down: Beryl is the expert this time.

Every few years, a movie comes along that changes everything. A blockbuster that makes so much money and is so critically acclaimed that it is an instant classic. Then, there are the movies that follow shortly after that attempt to cash in on the hype - that is the story of Tammy & The T-Rex. Imagine Jurassic Park meets Sixteen Candles. This mind-blowing movie might be near-impossible to find, but, this month, the PoC Crew (minus Beryl, plus a special guest!) dissect this mess of a movie that is as enjoyable as it is ludicrous.

Grab your Beats by Dre and pump up the bass! You'll definitely regret it! This month, the PoC Crew examines not one, NOT two, BUT THREE bad songs guaranteed to make you think "Oh yeah, I forgot about that song!". Travel back to 1985 with Jefferson Airplane Jefferson Starship Starship and their incredible synth anthem "We Built this City". Then, go back three more years to a time when a white man could write a hit song about Africa, a country he has only seen through UNICEF ads. That's right, we are blessing rains with Toto's "Africa". Finally, remissness on the YouTube sensation Rebecca Black and her hit song "Friday". It is really as bad as you remember it. Hey, Nickelback doesn't seem so bad now, right? (LOL, no they still suck).

A podcast about crap is not truly a podcast about crap until it has explored the cinematic nuances of the James Nguyen 2010 fan favorite film (and when I say film, I mean 93-minute excuse to exhibit the pixelated flying bird gifs that they proudly stole from Pong-era floppy disks and that audiences will later only be able to watch by chain-eating Trader Joe's sour cream cheese puffs to distract themselves from the unique visceral pain) Birdemic: Shock and Terror. John leads the discussion on this utter failure of the film and the POC crew examines its absolutely lifeless acting, nonsensical plot devices, unconvincing death scenes, and why clothes hangers are the ultimate ornithological assault weapon.

The month, the PoC gang reads The Breast, and Beryl leads the charge in dissecting this miraculously bad diarrhea of words, forces John and Emma to read aloud the few select prose bits that not will risk damaging trajectories in their selected professions, vehemently defends herself and all other English majors ("No, I swear to God! This is NOT what we read all day! I swear I found this by Googling 'crappiest books in literature,' really!), and brings back the timeless and universal dilemma of "but is smut or is it art? And why is it lying in a large hammock?" To find out how a man would handle the inner psychological torment of becoming a huge boob, tune in.