Selfwork With Dr. Margaret Rutherford | Self-help | Mental Health | Depression | Anxiety | Relationship Problems| Therapy

Acknowledging emotional abuse can be difficult but it's just as much "abuse" as its physical and sexual counterparts.I received an email recently that again brought to life the emotional cruelty that can be the reality of some children. In fact, his story reminded me of many others I’ve heard – of how someone in authority can be not just manipulative but emotionally abusive. The harm is intentional. The power exerted over that child is meant to demean – to assert complete dominance.One of the hardest things about being a therapist is hearing the stories of what parents do to their children. Their stories stay in your mind and your heart, with images popping into your awareness when triggered by something you see on social media or in a movie. Because you know this stuff is real – what can go on “behind closed doors” as they say can be horrific.So today on SelfWork, we’re talking about emotional abuse and the damage it causes. I’m going to ask that if you have severe trauma in your background, that

In this episode we learn exactly how couples therapy began.When you’re called “the couple from hell” by your own therapist, that’s something to think about. But Harville Hendrix and his wife of several decades, Helen Hunt, took that all in stride. They're the authors of the book “Getting the Love You Want” which sold millions of copies and put them, when it was published in 1988, on the top of the world of relational or couples therapy.In this intriguing interview, they talk about how working through their own conflict led them to defining the stages that they’re now famous for identifying. And what’s even more refreshing – Harville especially gives credit to his own couples for coming up with the language to ask for what you want. Then Harville took their words and transformed them into concepts like mirroring, validation, and showing empathy, which were new to the field, as most clinicians had only been trained in individual psychotherapy. And at the time, couples work was mostly parallel psychotherapy.

Today we’re going to talk about how to manage your emotions. Sometimes you might feel as though you can’t feel anything, other times that you feel too much and your emotions are leading you to the choices you’re making. Or you can feel that you’re stuck in a feeling – or you’re portraying an emotion to others that perhaps you don’t recognize or mean to (usually a case of ‘how’ you’re saying something than ‘what’ you’re saying). I found the work of Eric Barker, a best-selling author (his last book “Plays Well with Others,” released by HarperCollins in May of 2022), who writes about how to manage your emotions. He offers four steps: Realize, Recognize, Refine, and Reframe to Regulate. Our listener voicemail is from young woman, 20, who says she lives in an ethnic household, and after reading an article I wrote about borderline personality disorder – that she sees her mother as suffering with BPD. I’ll include the article in the show notes so that you can read it as well – and you might find yourself in the same

Today I'm answering your questions about depression, therapy, and manipulative moms.So, it's a grab bag of topics! Whether you're a SelfWork listener or you've read something I've written... somehow my work has reached you. And I love getting your questions!More specifically, we'll discuss what's called anhedonia in depression, or losing the enjoyment or meaning in activities that you've always enjoyed. We'll also touch on entering therapy for the first time or with a second therapist, how parents can manipulate and the impact it has on their adult children's lives, and the difference between guilt and shame.Vital Links:The SelfWork Episode with Terry McGuireThe SelfWork Episode About Enmeshment Between Moms and ChildrenAdvertiser's Link:Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website

This special episode of SelfWork will guide you to step into your inner power as we talk with author and personal branding expert... Jessica Zweig.I usually don’t have spiritual authors or leaders on SelfWork – not because I don’t believe in the importance of spirituality – but I’ve always kept my own spiritual beliefs more private from my work.This time, Ashley Stahl - who not only has been on SelfWork as a guest, but has hosted for me – introduced me to our guest today. So I got very interested! And I’m delighted I read this book and met this woman.Her name? Jessica Zweig. And her new book is The Light Work: Reclaim Your Feminine Power, Live Your Cosmic Truth and Illuminate the World.How Jessica stepped into her inner power: "I’ve spent the last 9+ years helping industry giants (hello Google and Pinterest!) discover their superpowers and harness magnetic personal brands at my award-winning agency SimplyBe.But I’ll let you in on a secret — behind the scenes, I was broken.Completely and utterly burned out

Do you know what hormonal replacement therapy is?Today's SelfWork guest is Donna White, an expert in bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. She's the recent author of "Hormone Makeover" and has also built an academy, The Bio-Identical Replacement Therapy Academy, that trains medical practitioners from all over the world about effective hormone replacement. Whether you're man or woman, in perimenopause, menopause, or post-menopause, she's got information that will help you out!Menopause can often bring depressive symptoms with it. Getting your hormones checked by a reliable practitioner or pharmacy is vital!I very much enjoyed Donna's drive and her wide range of knowledge. I've found myself quoting her and her book in the last few weeks since I interviewed her.Vital Links: Dr. Margaret's YouTube videos on perfectly hidden depression!Advertiser's Link:Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!You can hear more about thi

Today we’re going to talk all about blame.If you're one of the people who blame easily, if you find fault with everyone but yourself, then that's a huge problem. Or if you're in a relationship with someone who rarely if ever takes responsibility, they could be suffering with one of the Cluster B personality disorders, such as borderline or narcissism.Sadly, finding blame leads you to view life as if you’re a victim of injustice, or you're not appreciated. And justifying being angry - and staying angry - because of it.Today, we'll focus on how blame can protect you, how it can reduce you, and what you can do about it.Our listener email for today is from someone who listened to the recent podcast on grieving a parent, telling us how it affected her – so much so that she’s acting on the ideas within the episode.Vital Links: The Harley Therapy article about blameAdvertisers Link:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Today our focus is all about the safe psychedelic use of ketamine. And Dr. Steven Radowitz will be answering my questions.Sadly, the news of Matthew Perry’s autopsy report broke recently and revealed the absolute unethical behavior of the doctors responsible for prescribing ketamine for him. As the story evolves, in case it’s helpful, we wanted to share this content below for your consideration about the difference between at-home vs. in-person ketamine treatment.As people look for the safe psychedelic use of ketamine, Nushama Co-Founder and Chief Medical Officer Dr. Steven Radowitz has become the nation’s leading ketamine therapy doctor, having administered more than 8,000 journeys to 1,500 members over the past two years. Prior, Dr. Radowitz worked at St. Vincent’s NYC Midtown Medical Center, where he was Medical Director of the inpatient alcohol and opiate detox and treatment unit. He has been a DEA-licensed provider for buprenorphine maintenance treatment for opiate dependence for over a decade.Advertiser

Today I want to talk about how to find your purpose.One of the things I’ve been most grateful for in my life has been the sense of purpose that my work and my family have given me. And yet I know that many people don’t know what their sense of purpose is.I’m going to hope this episode helps you begin to find your purpose. The mantra of SelfWork is “what you can do about it” – and so I’ll offer specific steps for you to explore.Our listener email is from a woman from France and her comments to me about finding my TEDx on how to recognize perfectly hidden depression.Vital Links: The Harvard Research study on finding your purposeAdvertiser's Link:Try one free week of the self-hypnosis app designed by hypnosis expert Dr. David Spiegel, a Stanford psychologist. Just click this link! You can try Reveri free for 7 days and use code MARGARET to lock in a 20% exclusive discount!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my webs

Today's topic is on the incredible power of journaling. My communications manager, friend, and "auxiliary brain" - Christine Mathias - has chosen this week's Second Time Around episode.Here's a quick introduction!I was caught off guard the other day when in my FaceBook group, I asked them to journal about a specific topic, and someone wrote that they didn't know what journaling was. So let's talk about journaling. What is it? How is it helpful? Are there specific problems where journaling is particularly helpful? What might make it hard to do? It's an incredibly powerful tool in many instances, but there can be problems and we'll talk about what to consider as you might choose to begin.SelfWork's listener email today is from someone with perfectly hidden depression who reached out -- and didn't quite know why. She simply followed her heart and her gut -- which can be awesome to do.Thanks so much to Christine!Advertiser's Link: Click HERE for the NEW fabulous off

Do you know how to really listen? Well... you can learn.I'm out on vacation this week and my friend and incredible audio engineer John Crowley takes over the host spot, as he picks one of his favorite episodes from previous years. And this one is truly out of the distant past! Only the eighth episode I ever recorded. Wow, listening to it brought back so many memories! (Mostly how nervous I was...)But it's also a great example of how the focus here at SelfWork is "what you can do about it" as this episode is full of ideas to try and practice how to really listen. Hope you enjoy "second time around"!Advertisers Link:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then

Today we're going to talk about suicide in construction in honor of Suicide Prevention Month. Dr. Vince Hafeli, a husband, father, and construction guy, tells his very personal story of becoming suicidal and choosing to come forward to talk about healing. Vince has been a leader in the construction industry for well over 30 years; his 2023 TEDx earned the #5 highest spot in the highest number of views... worldwide. Construction, where people risk their lives every day, loses thousands of workers every year to suicide - five times the number lost through accidents on the job.And Vince wants that to stop. He wants anyone who believes that revealing emotional struggle is somehow weak or forbidden to realize there's no shame in talking. And he wants the harsh potential of not talking to sink in - that it could be you or someone you love staying silent, and losing the battle with a silent depression.Vital Links:You can reach Dr. Hafeli here!Here's the link for international suicide hotlines. Please rea

What's a good enough parent?There were many times when I was actively parenting our child that I thanked a psychology researcher named Winnicott. When he was writing (decades ago...), mothers were blamed for everything - even autism was caused by a "refrigerator mom." Winnicott came along and let moms off the hook a little bit, saying that their caring – as long as it was good enough – as long as she was consistent enough, that most children would be okay. Fathers were left out of the whole pathology-causing picture, by the way.Frankly, I had no idea how to measure “good enough” as a mom. Since it’s 2024, let’s include fathers in that equation. What makes a good enough parent? Is being good enough…. enough? We’ll talk about the answers to these questions today on SelfWork.The listener email I’m going to share today brought tears of gratitude into my eyes. It was one of the kindest I’d ever received, although your kindness toward me is something you – as listeners - often show me.Vital Links: Excel

Today’s we’re going to focus on emotional detachment and distancing. I'll explain what it is and when it's healthy - and maybe even necessary - to do just that. I'm also going to bring forward a harsh criticism of a blogpost on unconditional love that I wrote years ago, after having the experience with parents and adult children needing to distance themselves from family, sometimes painfully, sometimes with relief.What are some of the situations when emotional distancing or detachment is healthy?When expressed boundaries or basic respect for those boundaries isn’t givenWhen someone won’t take any responsibility for their hurtful actions or their impact on you or othersWhen there’s been a pattern of ‘honeymoon’ with many “I’m sorry’s” and “that’ll never happen agains” – but it doesWhen you need a break from needinessWhen others that you love and need to protect are being affected by the chaosWhen you’re getting divorcedToday’s listener email is from a woman from Poland who describes that she’s been

Today we’re focusing on the tools necessary to help you listen and "how to be there” for someone else.We'll discuss what it’s like to listen to the stories of those who trust you to create a safe space for them to talk – and what it means to “be there” for someone. What it’s like to hear things that are very hard to hear. And what it’s like to carry on with your own life as you do so. I’m going to offer a list of eleven necessary tools that I’ve learned to use over the years. What I hope is that that list is helpful to you as you go about the business of loving others and being there emotionally for them.I should say that this episode isn’t a substitute for any mental health treatment that you might choose or need.And I have two listener contacts to share with you, both of which made me smile.Vital Links: Nash Fung TEDxZazzle link for The SelfWork Mug!Advertiser's Link: Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!You can hear more about this and many

How would you answer the question, "How's your mental health?'If you watched the Olympics, you saw Simone Biles not only succeed wildly, but demonstrate to all the world how important maintaining her mental health has been to her. She talked openly about regular therapy sessions and the meditation practice that you could see her doing between competitions. Today we’re going to talk about the concept of mental health versus mental illness. It’s a crucial distinction – and one that I think a lot of people get mixed up. As Simone said of her departure from the Tokyo Olympics four years ago: “Nor do I have to explain why I put my health first. Physical health is mental health.”The voicemail message for today is from someone whose mother wants to treat her still as if she were a child – and tries to maintain control over her now grown daughter. I’ll have some ideas… although I’m happy to report that she’s read some of my work and that has offered her an explanation of why she’s feeling the way she does

How do you grieve a parent's death?Even older adults have told me they feel "orphaned" after both of their parents die. So imagine what can happen when a parent dies when a child is young. There are all kinds of reasons for that child to feel as if their life will never be the same - that the loss makes it impossible to recover their innocence or contentment.Today we'll hear from a listener who's describing this very dynamic. So much of what happens to a child depends on the adults around them. Yet, I offer ideas on what you can do about it as an adult yourself... as always. The death can't be changed, obviously. But how you live on, how you work through your grief, can be helped through these proactive steps.Advertiser's Link: Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly new

Perspective is a gift. But most of us gain our perspective from years of living and learning. Life often hands us challenges that build that perspective and that wisdom.But not too many people have two catastrophic medical conditions to cope with – and certainly not two that occurred in the span of a decade.Lindsey Roy had just that.At age 31, Lindsey Roy was named vice-president at Hallmark Cards — one of the youngest in the company’s more-than-100-year history. Her life was abruptly transformed five years later when she was nearly killed in a boating accident. Left with an amputated left leg and severe limb injuries, and facing a long and difficult recovery ahead, she was determined not just to heal, but to emerge stronger.A second blow... Eight years post-accident, fully adapted to her circumstances and genuinely thriving, Lindsey confronted the unexpected again: she was diagnosed with a rare and progressive disease that destroyed the blood vessels in her lungs, requiring a double-lung transplant. This pro

You have to acknowledge your depression in order to begin to talk about it. That may sound simple to do. But it's not quite so simple.Why? Because nobody particularly wants to realize or admit that your way of "being" has changed, without you trying to change it. And in fact, you may have become so accustomed to being somewhat depressed, that it can lull you into thinking, "Well, this is just my new normal."So today, my incredible team, Christine Mathias and John Crowley, have taken over the podcast for this week and are going to introduce you to a few clips where I talk about this very thing - acknowledging and talking about your depression.Advertiser's Link: Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceB

How do you thrive with anxiety? Dr. David Rosemarin is our guest today who talks specifically about how to understand your anxiety as something that can help you thrive - when you work with it, and not against it.David is the director of the Spirituality and Mental Health Program at McLean Hospital. And he's an associate professor of psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He studies the relevance of spirituality to mental health. His own research has identified that faith is associated with improved treatment outcomes for depressed patients who see themselves as "spiritual beings."Advertisers' Link:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed grou