Absolutely Not

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast Heather shares the psychological torture she endures everyday living with Diva Red in lockup. These two are in the words of MegtheStallion “savage, classy, bougie, ratchet”. This is just the tip of the iceberg! That and more!     Go to zola.com/absolutelynot today and use promo code SAVE50 to get fifty- percent off your save the dates!   Go to talkspace.com and use the code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show!   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this solo episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is falling apart at the thin ankles, literally. With a burnt taint, a rolled ankle and nothing to do, she has hit a new LEVEL OF NOPE. She cant even record this episode without her mom walking into the office to make it about her....typical Robin. If you thought the voicemails were wild last week, wait till you hear that the crazies have been up to now. Were week 852 into quarantine and still no one knows what the hell is going on!    Go to talkspace.com and use promo code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and help support the show!   To learn more about GoMacro’s giveback programs, and to give their tasty bars a try, visit gomacro.com and use promo code ​ABSOLUTELY​ for 30% off plus free shipping!   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather relives her emotional journey after having hot coffee spilled on her vagina in the Starbucks Drive-Thru. The Grundle is crispy, the attitude is sassy and for some reason she is super thirsty.....ya know like actually thirsty. Heather hits the Absolutely Not line and from this batch of voicemails its ABSOLUTELY apparent that everyone has lost their friggin minds!      Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather decides to flip the script on Love and find out whats been happening to her single friends during LOVE, LOCKED UP RAW! Just because we are in quarantine doesn't mean people aren't still trying to find the one, or just send penis pics, and she is here to get the scoop from the opposite sex. Her dear friend and former elementary flame, Tommy Bardis is here to break down from the dude's perspective what is happening during this beyond awkward time to date. They will giggle, They will cry, they will be triggered with emotion, but hey, its a lot of Absolutely Yes on this episode!  Go to OMAXHealth.com and enter code “ABSOLUTELY”’ to get 20% off CryoFreeze and sitewide!   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has dear friend and fellow shit talker extraordinaire, Jackie Schimmel in the studio. They both look as equally hideous on zoom as they do in person, so no surprise there. The girls discuss trying to stay motivated, where they are on the emotional roller coaster that is quarantine and how much they are both starting to literally hate, well, EVERYONE. That and more!    Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast,  Heather is sweating from the leather couch in her Mom's basement and has a whole lot of attitude. She is hitting the hotline hard and taking your calls from quarantine. Since we are all just trying to survive and giggle a little this episode is especially silly and sweaty... did I mention how sweaty she is. That and more on this episode of Absolutely Not!   Go to omaxhealth.com and enter code “ABSOLUTELY”’ to get 20% off CryoFreeze and site-wide!   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather interviews her sister from another mister, Fashion Icon and fellow podcast host, Pia Baroncini. These two have eerily similar lives that have led them both to marrying Italians and moving back in with their moms. They discuss the character building days of  slinging drinks in NYC to losing their dads and moving into their childhood homes. Pia runs a wildly successful clothing line, LPA THE LABEL that makes hot latex pants that will make anyone pussy pop in a handstand. This epsiode is a raw and real convo about adult lady shit and giving zero fucks. That and more! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of Absolutely Not, Heather is joined by the Georgia Law Lady herself, Ashley McMahan. They may be sisters.... more of a Kourtney and Khloe kinda relationship if you will. Two McMahan's in one room is always a wild time, but as soon as these two hot tots start hashing out stories about their family life, things will finally make sense. It's obvious they were both old eggs from when Robin had them late in life, but thats just the tip of the iceberg, baby. They discuss how the baby boomers need to be locked up, how Jeff is eating them out of house and home and Ashley gives you legal advice! All of this and more on this family drama episode of Absolutely Not. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her fra-t daddy- ding -dong comedian friend, Andrew Collin. He's been on the podcast before and now that he has been cooped up in his Brooklyn Apartment he's extra bitter with a side of ridiculousness. Truly a one-of-a-kind conversation. They discuss being "locked up raw" How they are coping with the anxiety and whats next on the books for 2020... ya know other than hell fire and brimstones.... That and more!!!     Visit ​www.gomacro.com​ and use code ​absolutely​ for 30% off + free shipping.     Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits in quarantine with her Italian Stallion, Jeff Daniels. Since every single thing he is doing has been driving her up a fucking Ficus tree, she figured it would be a great time to air out their grievances for the whole world through couples therapy, aka this podcast. They discuss their upcoming or maybe forever cancelled nuptials and really hash out their mood swings for the listeners to judge! Keeping it light and positive over here, don't you worry about a thing!    Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is coming to ya LIVE! from Atlanta, Georgia. She took the Oregon Trail to escape NYC in this wild time were living in and realized after all is said and done, she might run for city council...... or maybe just he head of her mom's Home Owners Association. We are gonna giggle and gossip on this episode because let's be honest, what ELSE is there to do?!! Don't panic, don't worry, Heather's got you! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Raymond Padilla, Heather's half Chinese, half Mexican, but 100% full of shit bff, is back again to break down his most recent trials and tribulations, his pending apartment eviction. After being accosted by a  nutter butter neighbor and bamboozled by a his HOT landlord, were cracking the case of this legal situation. It's a shit show and don't we know it. Raymond is also serving us an extra slice of humble pie when he helps Heather break down the Voice mails from the Absolutely Not line!    Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is fired up hotter than a her Irish skin on the Fourth of July. She calls out some haters and challenges them to a duel.... at the Beverly center! It’s a wild ride of emotions and commotions!   Check out the Milky Jelly Cleanser and get 10%off your first order on Glossier.com/podcast/absolutely !   Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh off a 3 day gal-a-palooza girls tip to Minneapolis where she was promptly roofied & witnessed a shoot out. The Midwest is a crazy place where you should never trust a nurse named Chet. She is extra sassy and still chugging electrolytes while she takes your calls from the Absolutely Not hot line!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back in the studio, fresh from Asia and answering your phone calls and hot fire voicemails. Things take a turn for the best when she calls back a feisty fan who leaves a day-drunk message. Heather also updates us on her 10 year anniversary bamboozlement when Jeff essentially "Cartier" teased her! It's a whole cluster-fuck of love, money and voicemails on this latest episode.   Shop Biossance.com and use discount code 'absolutelynot20' for 20% off!      Produced by Dear Media.    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her very own Gayle King, Raymond Padilla. He is coming In "guns hot" as the kids say, sassier than ever. They catch up on life and take your voicemails from the "Absolutely Not" line. It's a giggle-a-minute and sometimes Ray and Heather truly feel like they are doing the Lord's work by breaking down the world's top problems..... one cunty comment at a time!    Check out ​www.gomacro.com​ and use promo code: ​absolutely​ for 30% off plus free shipping for a limited time!   Get 15 % off your order at buyraycon.com/absolutelynot !   Produced by Dear Media.    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is back from Asia, feeling like a piece of pickled kimchi with the Jet-lag and soy bloat but ready to take on the week! She gives you a full cultural recap of what she learned abroad, and how she is ready to star in her own travel show... if someone will fund it. She feels like Samantha Brown wrapped in her newly made, custom fit, red silk robe while she sips hot tea like a bad bitch who has learned something. She touches on all the sassy things y'all Dm'd her about while on the road and dont worry she is still coming for you SHERYL. love and light and all funny things on this episode and more!  Shop biossance.com and use code: absolutelynot20 at checkout for 20% off!  Produced by Dear Media.   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this weeks episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is still on the road with her bff and travel buddy, Chris Ketner. They have one more week in Asia and while they recap their travels they also hop on the scale to realize Asia isn't exactly "Parasite City". Coming in guns hot and splitting their Old Navy jeans from excessive noodle consumption these two ding dongs realize they have to get their lives right while some how still DOING THE MOST in Asia. For a full itinerary and rundown of cities like Ho Chi Min , Chang Mai and Koh Samui, check out this week's episode, of ABSOLUTELY NOT!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of The Absolutely Not podcast, Heather gives you live and in the moment updates from her trip with Tony award winning producer and bestie, Chris Ketner. When Chris isn't on the road hold Heather's hair back on "THE FAREWELL COMEDY TOUR", he's helping her expand her mind and life by an epic friendship trip to Asia. They talk all things travel, how to stay "regular abroad" and their fail-proof plan to start "shredding for the wedding" in Vietnam! Follow along while these two ding-dongs have some fun abroad.    Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her T.V. business buddy and fellow creator, Jen Zaborowski.  This episode is a rare-BTS look at a project they've had in thr works but are too afraid to discuss because, well, thats Show Business.  Since Heather deems herself as "White Oprah" it would only be appropriate that she introduces you to her "white Gayle" aka.. JEN. These two talk about hollywood schmucks, Britney spears, private school and how much they hate nannying. After a quick glass of a french Sancerre, these two basically take their tops off and spill all the the dirt. It's wild what two white women will say after a glass of wine! This and more on Absolutely NOT!    Thanks to our partners:   Head over to DHMdetox.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off.   Get started on Skinsei.com/absolutely with a free diagnostic and get 20% off your first order with code ‘absolutely’.   Shop in-store, online at TheRealReal.com, or download the app, and get 20% o