Absolutely Not

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews a true acting icon and apparently the podcast's biggest fan, Jennifer Lawrence. Yes, you read that right, JLAW. The two discuss life in the biz, Heather's lack of winning awards, and overall classic bullshit, in the humblest way possible. Heather essentially sweats through her shirt while getting a masterclass in everything Hollywood. This episode is a refreshing reminder that we're all gonna be ok, as long as we don't run out of chardonnay and vote! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is in her last week of Canada Glory. She has become a local, eating the fish, wearing the beanies and blasting Avril Lavigne at the top of her lungs. She is helping you figure out the hard hitting life concerns you're all thinking but dont have the chutzpah to say. It's ok, she will do it for you. She's coming to ya live from Vancouver in a ROOTS sweatsuit that she paid way too much for. That and more!    Go to blenderbombs.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20% off!   Go to framebridge.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 15% off your first order!   Go to uncommongoods.com/absolutely for 15% off!    Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is revved up after a wild tweet that sent her into a tailspin of laughter, confusion and sadness. She is also recapping her favorite new "escape show" Emily in Paris, which reminded her of her wild Study-Abroad experience. She's taking your insane calls on the Absolutely Not like and trying to give you the unsolicited life advice you never knew you needed!    Get 20% off your order of DHM Detox and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   As a listener of this podcast, you get $100 off your first month on Talkspace. To match with your perfect therapist, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show.   Feals has me feeling my best every day and it can help you too. Become a member today by going to Feals.com/absolutely and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipp

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather uncovers some uncomfortable truths about herself and gives you a full rundown of her last week locked up. She's made a list and she's checking it twice of all the shit she has to try and fix in the world before 2021 gets here. She has a lot of "associations" to call starting with the BAR, Not legally speaking, like someone who just owns a bunch of bars.... just listen to the episode and you'll get it.    To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com. Must be 21+.    Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Heather is on the brink of a full blown meltdown coming to ya live from a new state-sanctioned Quarantine north of the border in Canada. She's in town for work and they legit sent her to her room and threw away the key. Tensions are high between she and the microwave, that bitch has been getting too mouthy this week. Heather is spiraling and taking your insane calls!    Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather's dear friend, Andrew Collin, is here to bitch and swindle his way back into our hearts. He's still single and apparently getting "ripped" in quarantine.... not drunk, like in shape... again we don't know what that is like. These two talk about missing the road life, their past discrepancies and honestly try to figure out how they can better themselves in 2020, and really it shouldn't take a lot.    Upgrade your hard seltzer with Vizzy. To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com. Must be 21+.   Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has hit her September shit show wall and is literally stuck under a trundle-bed of emotion. She is pulling out ALL OF THE FEELINGS from 2020 into one solid cathartic shitshow of a podcast. The VoiceMails are dumber than ever, but it does make her feel better to know that y'all are equally as fucked up as she is. We gotta do a wellness check on a lot of you, hussies cause Fall came fast and we are NOT READY.   Visit taoclean.com/absolutely to get 62% off the Facial Brush and sitewide!   Check out Feals.com/absolutely and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping.   Match with your perfect therapist at Talkspace.com or by downloading the Talkspace app. And don’t forget to use promo code absolutely at checkout for $100 off your first month.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is chatting with her ball busting, criminal defense attorney, big sis, Ashley. Also known as the Georgia Law Lady, she helps Heather break down some of y'alls most intense Voice Mails to date... such as... "Why doesn't Mcdonald's give out free mac sauce on the side?!!!" They are single handedly changing the world for the better with each bit of sister advice they share! Who knew all this year needed was the McMahan sisters to save the day. That and more!    Check out Vizzy Hard Seltzer at vizzyhardseltzer.com. Must be 21+.   Download ​The Gift of Forgiveness with Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt​, inspiring stories from those who’ve forgiven the unforgivable. You can download and subscribe to all of Headspace Studio’s podcasts wherever you are listening to this right now.   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather interviews Kate Kennedy of the "Be There in Five" podcast. It's their one-year anniversary since they met and now everything is coming full circle with these two ding dongs. They discuss how Tik Tok has taken over their lives, Being locked up with their dogs and Kate explains her emotional investment into Taylor Swift. They bitch about just how insane this year has made everyone, and they aren't suffering fools any longer! That and more!    Get the world’s smartest litter without leaving home by visiting PrettyLitter.com and use promo code absolutely for 20% off your first order.   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather breaks down her trip to Florida and is coming in guns hot after Robin Hijacks the episode. She hits the hotline and lemme tell you what, y'all are bitching more than ever! These calls are getting downright ridonkulous and we're here for it!    Get 10% off your first order and free shipping when you use promo code absolutley, only at Brooklinen.com.   TAO Clean is offering my listeners 62 % off the TAO Clean Orbital Facial Brush! This discount ALSO applies towards any product, sitewide! Just go to taoclean.com/absolutely  to take advantage of this incredible savings.    Upgrade your hard seltzer with Vizzy. To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com.   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather catches you up to speed on her Hollywood ventures, buying a car from the Patriarchy and taking your Voicemails. We are getting dumber as the year goes on and it's very apparent by the shit y'all have called in with this week! Were already in August but it feels like this has been the longest year ever....Lord help us and save us from ourselves!    As a listener of this podcast, you can get $100 off your first month on Talkspace. To match with your perfect therapist, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show.   Head over to nodayswastedco.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order.    Become a member today by going to Feals.com/absolutely and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping.   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her hippie trip to Asheville North Carolina, where she experienced Satan at work. Between the Dog fights, Spiritual reads, and kids falling in manholes, it was a wild, but much needed ride outta town. The hotline is buzzing with insane calls of women just truly at their wits ends! The prayer circle just got tighter because the only thing that can get us out of this year is JESUS HIMSELF... AMEN!    Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather has her friend Big Daddy Raymond Padilla in town, fresh off his high horse from his luxury villa in Nantucket. He has decided to run for mayor, in a town he has never lived in - typical Ray. He is bringing all the judgement and heat, per usual, with an added side of SASS. These two giggle and argue on this episode!    Head over to NoDaysWastedco.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order of DHM Detox.    To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com. Must be 21+.    All new customers will get 10% off their first order on Glossier.com/podcast/absolutely (certain exclusions apply).   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather has her hilarious and ball-busting sister, Ashley, also known as the Georgia Law Lady in the studio. They discuss their fucked up genes, what it was like growing up with Robin and Kyle as parents and how the hell are they gonna convince Robin to drink more water. When these two ding-dongs of sisters get together its giggles non-stop and the dumbest conversations ever.      Go to Prose.com/absolutely for your FREE in-depth hair quiz and 15% off.   Get 10% off your first order and free shipping when you use promo code absolutely only at Brooklinen.com.    Get the world’s smartest litter without leaving home by visiting PrettyLitter.com and use promo code absolutely for 20% off your first order.   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather answers your pressing questions, like "Should my baby have their own instagram account", "Do you watch military return videos?" " Are you a swinger", and "Would you wear a penis sash on your bachelorette"..... ya know hardcore journalism kinda questions. Heather updates you on her virtual show and talks about truly the dumbest shit ever.. that and more!    Go to Talkspace.com (or in the app) and use the code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show.   For 20% off your order just head over to nodayswastedco.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout!   Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $60!   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is anxious and over caffeinated but doing her best to hold on to the future. The Voicemails this week are dumber than ever, but it doesn't stop Heather from losing her fucking mind. She loves you for calling in and remember, turn your AC off and roll your windows up if you're calling from the car! LOL! That and more on this week's episode!      Helix is offering up to $200 off ALL mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com/absolutelynot.    Go to feals.com/absolutely to become a member and get 50% automatically taken off your first order with free shipping!   To get a special free trial membership to Beach Body, text ABSOLUTELY to 303030.   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Heather is back in the studio, aka her Mom's "Office" with her Tour Producer, Chris Ketner. Since they can't be on the road together touring the world, the convo has taken a wild turn to REAL TALK TOWN. The discuss their lack of sex education in School, how Tik Tok is keeping them formed on Conspiracy Theories and how much they miss slinging drinks for old Broads at brunch in 2010 in Hell's Kitchen. Let's take a little trip down memory lane for some giggles and perspective.    Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $60!   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather takes a few calls from the new Hot spot of Florida and tries to figure out what the hell is going on. Were not even halfway through the year, and yet truly no one knows what this year has become/is/was/will be. She's hoping for a bright future but fingers crossed the insane voicemails on the hotline will brighten your day and make you giggle!    Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather hops back on the VoiceMails and legit LOL's till the cows come home. Y'all have taken it to another level. She discusses the chaos of living in construction, her concern for the environment and just general anxieties that keep her up... ya know amongst the covid, social injustices and impending meteor showers... That and more on the pod!    Go to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $60!   Go to talkspace.com and use promo code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and help support the show.   Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off ALL mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com/absolutelynot.    Produced by Dear Media.      See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather takes a moment to pause and very bluntly let everyone know that if you are a racist, the unfollow button is easy. Bye Bye,Sir. We will not put up with that Bullshit here! We get back to giggling and have an honest discussion of whats going on in the world today and how we can be a part of the change. Of course we get to the Absolutely Not line which is still filled with some of the most ridiculous Voicemails you've ever heard. Sidenote... y'all gotta quit calling us from hot-tubs, Heather can't hear you over the bubbles and the giggles. Love and Light my babies and more!    Head over to DHMdetox.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” for 20% off!    Get a special free trial membership for Beachbody when you text ABSOLUTELY to 303030.   Go to omaxhealth.com today and enter code “ABSOLUTELY” for 20% off Cryofreeze and sitewide!    Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at ht