Absolutely Not

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh off her Mexican vacay with a strong case of diarrhea & more sass than ever. After being completely bamboozled by Guy Fieri at the Cancun Airport, witnessing a full blown drug deal and almost fighting a women doing crunches on the beach, she is back in one-piece in the USA. There is a lot to be grateful for in the New Year, but it also doesn't stop us from remembering where we came from.... ya know the bathroom at the Cancun Airport... did I mention Guy Fieri poisoned me????? All this and more on the latest episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast!    For $20 off your Buffy bedding, visit Buffy.co and enter​ “absolutely”.   Go to Fabletics.com/absolutelynot to get 2 leggings for only $24 when you sign up as a VIP.   Visit theRealReal.com, promo code REAL for 20% off select items.   Produced by Dear Media.   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sel

On this Episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather tackles the most complicated and bitchy Voice Mails yet. We wrap up the year with gratitude and lots of grundle sweat coming to ya live from Hot Phoenix Arizona! It has been a full year of absolute abundance and blessings from above but she's also ready for a friggin Margarita. Ya feel me Claire? On this episode ?heather encourages y'all to leave your creepy uncle Dan in 2019 and get those magazine clippings ready for our Vision Board party in 2020. Let's end this year on a high note, doing what we do best, Absolute -Not "ing".  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather sits down with fellow comedian, Becky Robinson. She is a true ding-dong goof ball in every sense of the word and were are HERE FOR THIS LEVEL OF STUPIDITY. The girls cover all of your pre-holiday needs, butt stuff, relationships, how their upbringings turned them into semi-successful comics and Becky shares about the time she got her mom drunk after a dr.'s  appoitment! All of this and more on the Absolutely Not Podcast!    Get 30% off your first order by going to LucBelaire.com/ absolutely.   Get 2 leggings for only $24 ($99 value) when you sign up for a VIP- go to Fabletics.com/absolutelynot to to advantage of this deal now!   Go to DollarShaveClub.com/absolutelynot to save on the ultimate shave gift set!   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is fresh off the 10th leg of the Farewell Tour and sits down with dietitian and health guru Sammy Previte, who is truly trying to make sure Heather survives Road life! Someone has finally got to tell this bitch to put down the hashbrowns and pick up a salad, I mean JEEZ... come on already! Heather gets all the tips and tricks from Sammy and recaps what the last leg of the tour has been like.... just a lil teaser, someone attacks Jeff in Florida, YAY!! This and more on one of the sassiest and raspiest episodes yet!    Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of Absolutely Not, Heather has had it up to her flawless eyebrows with idiots this holiday season. It is truly hard to remain calm when you're trying to do the Lord's work but haters wanna hate...... and by haters you mean BEST BUY. Oh...don't even get us started on that bamboozlement! Heather is coming fresh off the Thanksgiving gratitude on a one-way ticket straight to "ABSOLUTELY-NOT-VILLE" and she is here to share it all with you! We also hit the Absolutely Not line for some giggles and a new holiday challenge! #holidaytchotchkechallenge  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather takes a moment to really breakdown what she is grateful for..... and then of course gets right back to bitching. It's been a wild ride on the road hitting 8 new cities in 9 days on tour, and baby does she have some stories for you! Thanksgiving week should be a time of reflection, family and roasting as many folks as possible. We break down all things Tour life and have a go-to-guide on how to survive the upcoming holiday season! Heather also hits the hot line for all of your disgruntled calls!    Head over to DHMdetox.com and use promo code "absolutely30” at checkout for 30% off!   Visit Tradesy.com to save fifty dollars on your very first Tradesy purchase when it’s four-hundred dollars or more- just use code 'absolutely' at checkout at Tradesy.com ! For $20 off any suitcase or bag, visit awaytravel.com/absolutelynot and use promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT during checkout! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her bestie and Farewell Tour Producer, Chris Ketner to talk about surviving on the road. Chris is a tony award winning producer who now has to shove "pepto" down Heather's throat so she doesn't have a tummy ache on tour. They break down what it truly takes to make it in the "biz" and how the Mayor of Baltimore needs to figure some shit out. Its true Road-warrior Chronicles cause these two are literally DOING THE MOST. Heather also introduces Chris to the Absolutely Not line, and they take a swing at fixing all the world's problems, one Voice Mail at a time.    Get 30% off your first order by going to LucBelaire.com/absolutely   Just head over to DHMdetox.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order.   Go to uncommongoods.com/absolutely, to receive $5 off your first purchase!   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privac

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is fresh off her Italy tour and quite honestly, NOT WELL. She is gearing up for the next two weeks on the road and got ahold of some of the Devil's Dust at Walgreens but its spitting hot fire like never before. The Italian Stallion pops in to help her answer some wild Voice Mails from the Absolutely Not Line. The two love birds find out Jeff is actually more of a Ding Dong than we thought but we love him anyways. This and more on the episode!    ​Get your first JustFab style for as low as $10 as a VIP! That’s 75% off your first item with my special link.​ Just go to JustFab.com/absolutelynot !   Visit Tradesy.com to save fifty dollars on your very first Tradesy purchase when it’s four-hundred dollars or more. Use code absolutely at checkout at Tradesy.com!   Listeners get 20% off their DHM Detox order. Just head over to DHMdetox.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.  Also, there is free shipping if you buy more than a couple boxes.  

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is coming at ya live from Fonté de Medici out in the sweet rolling hills of Chianti, baby. She is running an entire sorority out of a medieval castle in Tuscany and honestly, these hussies are losing their damn minds! We are coming at ya LIVE from this Tuscany adventure and breaking down what a truly ABSOLUTELY NOT fighting with a tiny asian man at a Gucci Outlet store is. Drinking plenty of Sangiovese and saying Arriverdici to the haters were doing the most on this trip! CIAO BELLA BABY!!!!   Go to Fabletics.com/absolutelynot, and get 2 leggings for only $24 ($99 value) when you sign up for a VIP!   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather relives her brush with death experience from the past weekend on her Virgin Atlantic flight where her right ovary, legit exploded. The details are so real and raw, you might think you're listening to a live recording of the hit movie "Snakes on a Plane", but no this is just Heather's Life. She is a survivor and warrior goddess who lives to see another day but not without spending 12 hours trapped in a trans-atlantic flight and then being rushed to a London hospital straight from the tarmac. Heather is in her truest dramatic form and has no regrets spilling the literally, juicy details and more!      Get your first Just Fab style for as low as $10 as a VIP! That’s 75% off your first item with my special link.​ Just go to JustFab.com/absolutelynot to take advantage of this deal now.   For $20 off a suitcase, visit awaytravel.com/absolutelynot and use promo code absolutelynot during checkout!   Download MASSE in the iOS App Store!   Produced by Dear Media.

On this episode of Absolutely Not, Heather is in her own personal hell-hole, the State of Florida. Fresh off a college girls reunion and nursing a 3 day old hangover she does the absolute most from her friend's beach house on the sandy strip of 30A. Since she doesn't give a shit about y'all recommendations for guests, she interviews her two besties, Broadway star, Christina Tompkins and comedian Jenny Hurlburt. LIVE FROM FLORIDA! They are old, they are weathered and stuck in a tropical storm! Pop open a white claw and tune in!    Visit lucbelaire.com/absolutely for 30% off your first order!    Visit dhmdetox.com and use code: absolutely at checkout for 20% off your order!   Produced by Dear Media.     See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather sit down with fellow comic, Andrew T Collin. He's one of her new "straight" male friends and she has already made him super uncomfortable with their friendship. They discuss the private school life, losing it all and how they had no clue what Chernobyl was. It's a savage episode of two comics doing the absolute most. Started from the bottom now we are back on Heather's couch. Andrew is a "power jew with soft eyes" says the New York Times, this is an episode you will not wanna miss.    Visit dhmdetox.com and use code: absolutely for 20% off!   Go to playabeauty.com and enter code: absolutely for 20% off!    Get 2 pairs of leggings for $24 at fabletics.com/absolutelynot      See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of Absolutely Not, Heather gets a real kick in the ass when some Sassy Susan has the audacity to chime in on the Italian Stallion. Heather tries to keep it cool but there are more Absolutely Not's in this episode than pregnancy tests at Rutger's after spring break, ya feel me. She is lit up like a Christmas tree on Angel dust and ready to keep it real and her favorite word, RAW.    Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On This weeks episode of Absolutely Not, Heather sits down with comedian Taylor Strecker, who might have an even raspier voice than Heather. They discuss getting in shape, love, life, touring, and late-in-life-lady-loving. Taylor is extra sassy in this episode because she wore a bathing suit as a body-suit and it was clearly cutting off circulation. These ladies started out as sorta-enemies and now are the best of friends, and its very clear from this hour of giggles and shit talking!    Produced by Dear Media.    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, comedian Rosebud Baker visits the studio, aka Heather's living room, to discuss real grown-woman-shit. They discuss diversity in comedy, what it's like to be a woman in the biz and how filtering ourselves will be the death of art. This episode peels back the layers of things we have all thought but needed a safe-space to discuss. Rosebud is a wildly honest, raw and hilarious comic doing the Lord's work for ladies everywhere and she and Heather really get into it You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll probably not want to move to Boston after this.    Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather discuses the life-lessons and survival tactics she picked up from the road. Fresh off the first leg of the "Farewell Tour" Heather breaks down who really shit their pants in Tampa, and how having a safe word is important for everyone. Don't think for two seconds she forgot what happened in Charleston, my little angels. Her voice might be extra raspy but her sassy and attitude are still top notch!  Get 15% off at foursigmatic.com/absolutelynot Visit woomoreplay.com and use code: absolutely for 20% off your entire order.  Get 25% off your first order and a free 30 day trial at thrivemarket.com/absolutelynot Produced by Dear Media.      See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Jeff, Heather’s fiancé, joins in on the fun aka he forced her to put him on the pod. They discuss living together, the secrets to not killing each other & take your calls and more from the “Absolutely Not” line! It’s a love fest of salami & chest hair, tune in for the fun!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Heather sits down with childhood friend and founder of the fabulous womens-wear brand Show Me Your Mumu. The ladies discuss the rocky start to their friendship in fourth grade, how Cammy built Show Me Your Mumu from her kitchen and their shared dreams of mega stardom!   Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this weeks episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather has a full blown mental breakdown and says, BYE TO THE HATERZZZZZ.  She is a week out from Tour and truly doing the most. She is cranky, sweaty and her blood sugar is dangerously low. After a night in the ER she gives you a full Wellness Update on what the Dr. said and who hit on her in a Hospital gown. We also take calls from the Absolutely Not Line and more!    www.thrivemarket.com/absolutelynot for 20% off your order and a free 30 day trial!   Visit www.woomoreplay.com and use code: absolutely at checkout for 20% off!   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, we chat with Heather's OG instagram friend and celebrity makeup artist Jamie Greenburg. This episode isn't just about serums and concealer... oh no ladies and gents, we TALK ALL OF THE THINGS. Growing up on the East Coast, Dead Parents and Mommy Makeovers, because let's not forget who doesn't love a great Beverly Hills plastic surgery moment. Jamie is truly one of the most hilarious guests of all time who has a heart of gold and speaks her mind with no reservations. Oh yeah, and don't worry she is breaks down the latest beauty trends that are ABSOLUTELY NOTS, drum roll please.... COSMIC HIGHLIGHTER and more!    Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.