The Dating Den

Marni and Chris add a bonus to the regularly scheduled Bachelor recap this week as they compare the learnings from the recent Ignite Your Life event with the important Bachelor takeaways. If you are stuck in dating and in life, this episode will help you on your journey to become unstuck.   Key takeaways from this episode:  Oversharing in dating is not vulnerability Honesty is paramount in relationships Having an agenda in dating is boring Being stuck in terminal uniqueness If you do the work, it will work    The Ignite Your Life Man Panel Synopsis [2:09]  As another IYL event ends, Marni notes that many of the questions the women ask of the quality men on the man-panel are eerily similar to questions of years past. Chris says this year's group seemed to be more aware of the internal work that is required to have a healthy relationship. One question that comes up every year is —  How do you know when a guy is ready to commit? Men go through phases, just like women do and their willingness to commit is based

Marni speaks to the creator of Inner Confidence and Host of the Leverage podcast, Robbie Kramer. Robbie works with men to create the lifestyle of their dreams. Like Marni, he doesn't believe in quick fixes or magic pills. He brings dignity and ease to traditionally taboo interactions with no cheesy pick-up routines. Robbie shares the real attraction and connection qualities guys are looking for in a woman.   Key takeaways from this episode:  The sexiest thing about a woman What to do when he ghosts you Why dinner is a bad choice for a first date Stay away from the dick pic guy When is a man ready to commit   Dating Behaviors that Waste Time [2:04] Some women tend to think of men as an evil opponent or creatures from another planet but that is a falsehood. Some men are ready to commit and some men who just want a conquest. Just like women do. Sometimes we are ready for a long-term relationship and sometimes we are not. If we are always trying to figure out what another person is thinking we get stuck in anal

Marni welcomes behavioral relationship expert Tracy Crossley into the Life Check Yourself studio. Tracy is an author and podcast host who helps people with unhealthy life and relationship patterns. transform parts of their character such as imposter syndrome, insecure attachment styles, negative belief systems, destructive self-talk, and more. She has a background in psychology and an innate emotional intuition.    Key takeaways from this episode:  How to find your authentic self Feel your feelings Be curious instead of bolting Drop the imposter and be your authentic self   Understanding Attachment Styles [2:03] Many people know of their attachment style but few know how to use the information to enrich their lives and move from an insecure attachment style to a healthy one. Tracy explains that when she first read the book Attached she didn't think it applied to her even though she identified as an anxious-avoidant. After thinking about it, she decided she didn't want to live in a dysfunctional space.  She

Marni and Chris Gillis dissect the dating games on this week’s physical-chemistry-laden episode of the Bachelor. The man-mountain who is Clayton, seems unable to lean into his feelings. Is he Matt James #2? Cassidy teaches us that sexual aggression is unattractive and that a friends with benefits scenario offers little space to date with dignity. And, Elizabeth can’t wait to spit her ADHD on people.    Key takeaways from this episode:  How to be vulnerable when sharing a medical condition Forcing yourself on someone physically will only get a physical reaction First dates are not job interviews Friends with benefits has no place in dating   I Want Your Sex [2:58]  There is one contestant who makes Marni cringe. It’s Cassidy. Cassidy is over-aggressive and actively tries to make out with Clayton every second they are together. She is obviously going for the sexual connection but her vulnerability feels fake. She says I like you and she attempts to mount him. She crosses a line that is not attractive.  Clayto

Marni welcomes the Founder of EZ Dating Coach and matchmaker extraordinaire, Mike Goldstein to the Life Check Yourself studio. Mike is a frequent guest on this show and he has been featured on the Today show and in Readers Digest. 83% of  Mike’s clients enter relationships! This is the highest success rate in the country. He uses data from the top dating sites to set his clients up for dating success.   Key takeaways from this episode:  The best time to start dating online The importance of being vulnerable How you may be sabotaging yourself Trust the process Myths women have about online dating   Dispelling Common Online Dating Myths [2:56] Mike reveals that the Sunday after the New Year is the best time to meet someone because people vow to find their love, online or at the gym. Marni points out that it means the online dating sites should be full of new prospects.  With 57% of online daters are looking for serious relationships with a higher percentage of men saying so, it dispels the myth that men are n

Marni and Chris Gillis work tirelessly to extract every morsel of dating advice from the beginning of season 26 of The Bachelor. Sweet, former NFLer and alpha-male Clayton Echard was given a cool $100k to have 31 women test his dating mettle and claim their hearts. Let’s see who stood out and who went home.    Key takeaways from this episode:  Rules on Valentine’s Day gift giving Dropping into you feminine energy Are you ready for a serious relationship? What to do if a guy keeps mentioning his ex   Salley Makes a Quick Exit [4:28] Salley, the blonde with the Love Island hair extensions, showed up for the opening show. But she did so only to tell Clayton she was supposed to get married the same weekend. Her quick exit came after telling Clayton she just wanted to meet him but she hadn’t yet fully recovered from her breakup with her ex-fiance.  It begs the question, how do you know when you should start dating again after a breakup?  If you are still pining for your ex, you are not ready to be in a serious

Marni welcomes the host of the Jewish Money Matters podcast, Yael Trusch into the Life Check Yourself studio. They discuss how-to unravel money stories, the spirit-money connection, and how women can begin designing the financial life they want for themselves and their children. Yael’s Signature program, G-d Wants You to Be Rich, has transformed the financial lives of countless Jewish women and couples all over the globe.   Key takeaways from this episode:  The spirit-money connection Getting clear about your financial why Overcoming limiting beliefs around money Parenting tips for creating financially responsible adults   Being of Service to Others Should Be the Foundation of Our Financial Why  [3:10]  Why does money matter to women? Yael says, money matters to women because it is the way we create an impact in the world. We, as humans, regardless of our family, creed, or race were put here to serve the world and make it a better place. Money is one of the resources we are given to make a lasting imprint i

Marni, Chris Gillis, and newcomer clinical psychologist, Dr. Emily Owens attempt to make heads or tails of the season finale of The Bachelorette 2021. It seems All-American girl Michelle Young has a bad picker. She chose Nayte who struggles with communications over emotionally well-versed Brandon. She may need to Life Check herself.    Key takeaways from this episode:  Make your words and actions match Play the long game when it comes to finding connection What you see is what you get with men Stay committed to your deal breakers   Your Words Don’t Match Your Actions Michelle [1:43] Michelle can’t go back and have a do-over. She chose Nayte, a guy who has never been in a relationship in his life and doesn't talk about his feelings. But, Marni says, this happens in real life to intelligent, savvy, professional women every day. Dr. Emily notes that Michelle’s body language told the story. She obviously has more of an attraction to Nayte. But, this isn’t in line with what Michelle said about needing to find so

Marni speaks with Dr. Colin Wilford, a Clinical Psychologist with 27 years in dating and relationship counseling. Dr. Wilford enjoys studying mind-personality dynamics, the power of influence, and leadership. He helps companies with leadership, relationships, and people concerns. During the conversation, he shares his 4 Pillars to Higher Emotional Intelligence and his early-dating ConeXions assessment tool.   Key takeaways from this episode:  Why relationships fail How-to grow emotional intelligence What motivates people What people want from a relationship   The 4 Pillars to Emotional Intelligence [2:10] Marni asks Dr. Wilford about how a woman can determine what motivates the man they are dating or a team member they manage. Dr. Wilford says it is all about passion. He says be upfront and right to the point and ask “What blows your hair back? What gets you up in the morning?”  We all have a passion for something and unless we ask the questions we don't know what motivates people. Most people are thinking

Marni and Chris break down this week’s Bachelorette and filter out all the golden nuggets of real-life dating advice. It looks like it is down to Brandon and Nayte and Michelle seems to be attracted to the guy who has difficulty communicating. Marni discusses what this means and what you can do if you find yourself in a similar situation.   Key takeaways from this episode:  Recognizing a person for who they really are, not their potential Getting past drama and onto what is important in a relationship Being attracted to the guy who doesn’t seem interested Why people get uncomfortable when others share their feelings   Recap of the Men Tell All Episode [2:28] This episode highlights how mean people can be to each other when they are triggered. Either a lot of the guys on the show have a low emotional intelligence or they are being triggered by TV producers who bring out the worst in them. Marni says that when we get activated, especially when one of our core values is triggered, it can be hard to hit the pau

In this inspirational coaching episode, Marni speaks with Tarah. Tarah was part of the 5-Keys to Becoming Irresistible program in May of 2020. She is a 38-year-old, single, Professional Marketing and PR Communications expert. Tarah describes how she created the life she wanted by using the foundational principles of the program.     Key takeaways from this episode:  Setting boundaries Keeping your word to yourself Knowing when to bow out of a relationship Putting yourself out there   Finding the Key to What Was Missing [2:25] Tarah was put into a position of leadership within the craft brewing community of Charleston, SC. She moved from NYC after providing financial and human resource services to a fast-paced company. She had traveled, changed jobs, and cities but still didn’t have a partner. When Tarah thought about it she realized she didn’t know how to date. She knew she needed help because what worked for her in the past didn't really work for her. She was aware enough to know that there must be a bette

Marni speaks with Institute of Living Courageously graduate Stacy McAlpine. Stacy is the founder and CEO of Journey Fuel and Host of the Ignite Your Day daily podcast. Before transforming her life, Stacy spent 20-years consulting for some of the top financial corporations. Today, she helps others start their journey to freedom. If you are ready to live a life on your terms, this episode is for you.   Key takeaways from this episode:  Finding the courage to do what is best for you Achieving personal and professional freedom Listening to your inner voice Engineering a life you love Connecting back to how you want to feel   Reaching Out for Help [2:22] Stacy shares a bit of her history from before attending the Institute of Living Courageously. At 45, she decided it was time to wake up and change her life. After her divorce, she felt as if life had beaten her up. She realized she was now responsible for her own choices instead of depending on someone else.  She initially called Marni for dating advice after be

Marni and Chris deconstruct the latest Bachelorette episode to siphon every last drop of real-life dating advice out of it. This week, Michelle was a tad too condescending when giving sweet Rodney the boot. So, Marni offers tips for breaking up with a guy without belittling him, plus why Clayton was chosen for the new Bachelor.   Key takeaways from this episode:  Don’t rule out the nice guy to quickly Why you should date multiple people at a time Break up so you both have your dignity intact Consistency matters in a man Player or Genuine Nice Guy? [1:54] Marni and Chris have a difference of opinion when it comes to Brandon. Marni thinks he is a genuinely nice guy while Chris calls him out as a player. So,  how do you know if a guy is honestly falling for you or if he is a low-key hidden narcissist? Chris says Brandon is good at pushing the ball down the field and seems to be talking Michelle into a relationship. He cleverly shows up at certain times and asks for a separate conversation with her parents. Chr

Marni speaks with professional storyteller, World-class Producer, and Founder and CEO of The Support System, Sheri Salata during this episode of the Life Check Yourself podcast. In her past life, she was the Executive Producer of the Oprah show and President of Harpo Studios. Sheri shares the keys to manifesting the life of your dreams and how to call in what is next for you from her memoir, The Beautiful No: And Other Tales of Trial, Transcendence, and Transformation.   Key takeaways from this episode:  Grieving disappointment Soothing the over-busy mind Tuning into the divine feminine Following spirit to discover your true purpose   How-to Free Yourself [3:22] For 20-years, Sheri ran one of the most beloved brands in the world, Oprah. When the gig ended she had to strip away her identity to transform into an entrepreneur. Describing the process, Sheri says, when the thing that has defined you changes you have to decide who you are without it. It was her middle-of-life-reckoning.  Being someone else's moth

During this coaching session, Marni works with April to help her break free of a relationship that doesn’t meet her needs. April keeps going back to a guy because he fits into a familiar relationship pattern.   Key takeaways from this episode:  Seeing a relationship for what it really is Dating from a mature place Feel worthy of love How to make self-honoring choices   Do You Keep Going Back to What is Familiar? [1:56] April says she can't stop thinking about this particular guy. When they first started dating, he would say he never felt the way he feels with her. He gave her compliments and said he will make her a priority. He knows her favorite song and her favorite water!   She says they dated for about 8 weeks. And, during that time he deleted his dating apps. Then, he hurt his back and their dynamic shifted. She reached out and asked him what was going on and told him what she needed. He only said he was doing the best he could. They attempted a relationship for a while but it was different so she ende

Marni and Chris mine the gold nuggets from this week’s Bachelorette episode. They have to extract with care because they don’t want Bachelorette Michelle to get defensive. They share practical examples of what to do and not to do in real-life dating scenarios.    Key takeaways from this episode:  Leaking your past hurts on to new relationships Recognizing compatibility Dating from a healthy place Exploring differences when dating Is Being Defensive a Dating Strategy? [1:24] While Michelle seems to like all the guys on the show, she can be hot and cold. If a guy says something that triggers her, she gets defensive and puts up her hackles or sits in contempt. For example, when Martin asked her if she was high-maintenance. But, Martin is looking for someone who vibes with his beliefs so he should ask qualifying questions. Can you be into someone but keep waiting for them to mess up or do something you don't like? Because of our beliefs, we interpret what someone says from the lens from which we have been hur

Marni welcomes Licensed Psychotherapist Terri Cole to the Life Check Yourself podcast. Terri is a global relationship and empowerment expert, the author of Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free, and podcast host. She offers up tips for single ladies who date, how-to say no with ease and grace, and her effective Boundary Blueprint.    Key takeaways from this episode:  Effective Communication Skills How to Set Personal Boundaries How to Say No with Ease and Grace Dating Red Flags   Establishing Healthy Boundaries [2:41] Terri describes boundaries as personal rules of engagement. Guidelines we set to let other people know what is ok and what is not ok with us. They are rules specifically customized around our limits, values, and deal-breakers. They let people know how to treat us. When we were young most of us were told to be good kids and do things for other people whether we wanted to or not. This means, most of us were raised to be self-abandoning, people-pleasing

In this Check Your Life podcast, Marni and Chris break down the real-life dating lessons from the most recent episode of the Bachelorette. Bachelorette Michelle is throwing out a lot of pink flags, and it has the guys confused. The guys need to know exactly what she wants but she or the producers are creating a lot of inconsistencies and confusion.   Key takeaways from this episode:  Are you leaking your insecurities? Do you pick guys who tell you what you want to hear? Is your feminine energy blocked by your masculine energy? Does your style enhance who you are or cover it up?    Whose Style Is It Anyway? [1:35] The show starts off with Michelle’s date with Martin. Marni finds Martin distracting and thinks he is trying very hard to make a statement with his image. A Stylist on the Life Check Yourself team says if your image shows up before you do, you are hiding in your clothes. People should notice you, not what you are wearing.  Your style should showcase you, not cover up who you are. Marni and Chris of

In this Life Check Yourself podcast, Marni facilitates a live coaching episode with Michelle. Michelle has been divorced for almost eight years. She has been dating for a while but seems to sabotage relationships when she starts falling for a guy because she is scared. Marni offers her some tools to use when she feels herself pulling away.   Key takeaways from this episode:  Redefining what a high-quality guy is Creating emotional safety  Being compassionate with your process How to stop sabotaging relationships   Why Are You Scared to Get Close? [2:39] Michelle dates outgoing, professional guys who are fun to be with but elusive. They look good on paper and check all the boxes and should-haves. What is holding Michelle back is that internally she feels as soon as things start going well she will become disappointed. Therefore, she never achieves emotional intimacy with them, even after dating for a couple of years. This stems from having her feelings hurt and not feeling heard when she was a child.  There

In this Life Check Yourself podcast, Marni and Chris discuss the dating traps exhibited by the guy contestants in the latest episode of the Bachelorette. Who does Michelle choose when presented with a strong contrast between looks-good-on-paper Jamie and the not-sure-I-am-good-enough Rodney?   Key takeaways from this episode:  Why checking boxes is a bad way to date How F-boys keep you hooked Moving guys out of the friendzone The vulnerability-vagina connection   His Worth is Not Your Worth [1:25] Marni notes that too many women become focused on how a guy looks on paper and whether or not he checks all the boxes. She warns against this because when we get attached to the idea of someone and not shared values, we end up with the wrong partner. For example, Bachelor Jamie is CEO of a biomedical tech company. He fits the image a girl would be super happy to talk to her friends and family about when we peek behind the curtain he has been seen putting other dudes down and telling everyone else they are wrong.