Being Well With Dr. Rick Hanson

You might have heard the line “attachment is the root of suffering.” It comes from the Buddha, but you don’t have to be a Buddhist to recognize that becoming overly attached to a particular outcome, person, or view of yourself can lead to a lot of suffering. At the same time, there are clearly things that are sensible to be attached to – like our loved ones, a basic moral compass, and fundamentals like food and shelter. So, what’s the problem with attachment? On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson discuss the problem with attachment, what differentiates healthy and unhealthy forms of attachment, and what we can do to relax attachment over time. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:10: Learning from Buddhism without trying to be a Buddhist 8:45: Two kinds of suffering 12:00: Distinguishing healthy desire and unhealthy desire 19:40: Markers of problematic attachments 24:10: Self-concept, and an example from Forrest

On one of our favorite episodes of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson are joined by author and therapist Terry Real to talk about how to overcome the myth of toxic individualism, break trauma cycles, and experience real intimacy in our relationships.  They discuss how to balance acceptance and agency, develop a healthy sense of trust and self-esteem, communicate what we want effectively, and experience our power through collaboration rather than dominance. Terry describes how we can move past the delusions of toxic individualism and patriarchy that plague our culture, moving away from ‘me vs. you’ and into Us. About our Guest: Terrence Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author. He is the founder of the Relational Life Institute, which offers workshops for couples as well as professional training for clinicians in his Relational Life Therapy (RLT) methodology. His latest book is Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship which comes out Ju

When was the last time you went through a day without comparing yourself to anyone? For instance, by comparing your life to someone else’s highlight reel on social media, or being critical of your own willpower and abilities? Avoiding these mental traps can be difficult in a culture that emphasizes the importance of being 'special.' Of course, we are all special – and all ordinary. On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson are joined by psychologist and author Dr. Ronald Siegel to discuss why that might not be such a bad thing. They discuss how to drop the myth of the extraordinary, how to heal from feelings of inadequacy, and what healthy self-esteem looks like. About our Guest: Dr. Siegel is Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School, international speaker on the topics of mindfulness and compassion, and author of several books including his latest, The Extraordinary Gift of Being Ordinary: Finding Happiness Right Where You Are. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You

Anger is one of the most complex, demanding, and difficult emotions we deal with on a regular basis, in part because it has both many costs and many uses. It burdens our bodies, relationships, and the world around us. And at the same time, there is a vital energy associated with anger that is extremely powerful and, when harnessed effectively, quite useful. On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore the varied ways anger surfaces, how we can relate to it, and how in recognizing what it has to tell us we can channel its energy towards good ends. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:10: Framing anger relative to other emotions 6:15: The three poisons 12:20: Useful aspects of anger and issues with labeling it as bad 22:45: Repression and not downregulating others’ emotions 28:30: Treating anger with respect rather than fear 30:15: What supports us in healthily claiming anger? 38:00: Characteristics that can predi

Self-awareness is both one of the most important skills for a person to have, and one of the most challenging to develop. In this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore what it takes to increase self-awareness over time, the different forms of awareness that come into play, and why maintaining self-awareness can be such a struggle. Rick then emphasizes how we can develop a greater awareness of the positive aspects of ourselves.  Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:45: Rick’s observations of people’s self-awareness when beginning therapy  6:10: Distinguishing internal and external self-awareness 7:40: Different types of internal self-awareness 12:20: Why is it hard to become self-aware? 18:45: Positive discoveries and Forrest’s personal experience 29:05: The natural movement toward health and sanity 33:35: What causes us to lose touch with positive aspects of our nature? 42:45: How can we cultivate more self-aware

Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson open up the mailbag to explore a variety of listener questions. They talk about what causes our brains to become attached to unwanted habits, how to know which of your thoughts are worth listening to, and the pros and cons of saying "kind of." They then consider how to improve sibling relationships, and what to do with the positive emotions we experience during meditation. Have a question for us? Email: contact@beingwellpodcast.com to submit questions or topics you'd like us to explore in future episodes.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:45: Why do our brains keep us stuck on unwanted patterns or ways of thinking? 10:45: Three kinds of craving and the machinery of becoming 13:50: Why do we say “kind of” all the time? 25:50: How do you know which of your thoughts are worth listening to? 31:15: How do you improve a sibling relationship? 40:35: What do you do with positive emotions during meditation? 48:40

We all have things we want to accomplish in life, but having goals or knowing we should be doing something is often not nearly enough to get us to actually sustain our efforts in getting where we want to go. Today on Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore how to optimize our motivation. They discuss the brain's dopamine system, and distinguish motivation from discipline and liking from wanting. They then explore how we can align the brain's underlying biological circuitry with our desires, so we can stay relaxed and engaged while achieving our goals. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:05: Motivation vs. Discipline 5:30: Why don't we just want the things we know are good for us? 11:00: Creating unity between our biology and cognitive processing 15:50: Dopamine: An Overview 21:30: Distinguishing liking from wanting 25:35: Natural variations in dopamine metabolism 28:55: How people with lower levels of dopamine can stay motiv

With so much suffering going on in the world that’s worthy of our compassion and engagement, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by it even as we have the desire to remain engaged. Secondary traumatic stress is the stress we are exposed to when we interact with other people’s stress, and it manifests at both an individual and societal level. When not managed effectively, it wears us down and diminishes our ability to contribute in a positive way. On this episode of Being Well, Forrest talks with trauma expert Laura van Dernoot Lipsy about how we can better manage secondary traumatic stress, how to avoid burnout and overwhelm, and what it looks like to stay hopeful and live fully in the face of daunting societal challenges. About Our Guest: Laura van Dernoot Lipsky is the founder and director of The Trauma Stewardship Institute and author of Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others and The Age of Overwhelm. She is a widely recognized pioneer in the field of trauma exposure a

It’s normal and healthy for us to try to process our experiences emotionally, but sometimes during that process we find ourselves getting stuck on the same painful memory, anxiety, or disturbing thought. This frustrating experience, known as rumination, is a common psychological challenge that is both discouraging and unhelpful. On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson spell out what rumination is, where it comes from, and how it functions in the brain. They then explore what practices and strategies we can use to identify rumination when it comes up, and move through an obsessive thought compassionately and effectively. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:25: How do we define rumination? 7:45: What do we get out of rumination? 13:30: Distinguishing rumination from grieving 16:30: Where rumination comes from in people 18:40: The default mode network 22:30: Ways to disengage the default mode network  25:50: Strange

We’ve spent a lot of time on the podcast exploring how we can improve our skills in romantic relationships, but for many people one of the most difficult parts of a relationship is getting into one in the first place.  On this episode, Forrest talks with Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, about the psychology of dating. They explore chemistry, romance, apps, and how to reframe our self-limiting tendencies so we can find love that is fulfilling and brings out the best in us. About our Guest: Logan Ury is a behavioral scientist turned dating coach, and the author of  How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love. She is the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, and former head of Google’s behavioral science team the Irrational Lab. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction   1:40: Why is modern dating so hard? 4:15: Romanticism 6:20: Being in a relationship for

On this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson take a deep dive into defining stress, how it functions, how it impacts our lives and bodies, and what we can do to repair from its effects.  We discuss how to distinguish stress from effort, the influence of the modern world on how stressed we feel, the various biological mechanisms involved in stress, and the challenges presented by chronic exposure to it. We then consider what we can do to increase resilience, including positively responding to stressors even in the midst of limitations and uncertainty. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:50: What is stress exactly? 3:30: Distinguishing stress from effort 7:25: Circles of concern and what we can actually influence 10:15: Zebras, and different levels of allostatic load 15:30: How the Endocrine System and Nervous System respond to stress 21:45: The amygdala response 23:20: What are the costs of stress? 35:30: The story so far 36:25: How

One of the most effective ways to change how we show up in the world is to identify and change our underlying personal narrative. On this episode, Forrest Hanson talks with Ian Cron about how we can use the Enneagram personality typing system to aid us in this process. About our Guest: Ian Cron is a therapist, master Enneagram teacher, best-selling author of The Road Back to You and his latest The Story of You, and host of popular Enneagram podcast Typology. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:30: Ian’s narrative and how it has changed over time 5:45: Overview of the Enneagram and its uses 11:30: A few examples of common limiting narratives 19:10: A quick primer of how the Enneagram works and each type 26:00: How people can push back on their unconscious narratives 35:25: Cultivating awareness of how your old story is playing out in the present 37:10: Ian’s inflection point 41:30: Integration and levels of development 43:15: The lin

We’ve talked on this show about lots of ways we can be happier over time, but one of the hardest things to do is to STAY happy as the events of life wash over us. On today’s episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore "hedonic adaptation" - our tendency to return to a stable baseline of happiness - and discuss how we can get off the "hedonic treadmill."  Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:25: What is hedonic adaptation? 6:25: Three factors of happiness 9:45: Survey of various research on hedonic adaptation and subjective well-being 19:55: Financial circumstances and relationships 27:35: How to sustain happiness - loving, knowing, growing 38:15: The single most effective intervention to fight hedonic adaptation 41:30: Forrest’s take on how lasting change happens 45:00: Antidote experiences and improving memory 47:50: Can we actually become happier? 51:00: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like

One of the underlying threads that runs through many of our conversations on Being Well is our relationship with our “self”. On this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson talk with neuroscientist, mindfulness researcher, and bestselling author Dr. Jud Brewer about where we can find the “self” in the brain, and the benefits of relaxing our attachment to it. About our Guest: Dr. Jud Brewer is the Director of Research and Innovation at the Mindfulness Center and associate professor in Behavioral and Social Sciences at the School of Public Health and Psychiatry at the School of Medicine at Brown University. He is the executive medical director of behavioral health at Sharecare, and a research affiliate at MIT. His bestselling books include Unwinding Anxiety and The Craving Mind. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:45: What is a “self”? 5:10: Distinguishing consciousness, person, and self 7:25: Can there be a unified sense of self in an e

The tone of this episode of Being Well is a bit different. For context, we recorded it four days after the Russian invasion of Ukraine.  It feels like we've had more than our fair share of difficult times over the last few years. Like many people, we wish there were more we could do to support those suffering around the world. Today Dr. Rick and Forrest focus on what we can do, in our mind and in our lives, to relate to the challenging emotions – fear, grief, anxiety, anger, helplessness, and so on – that naturally arise during these times.  The advertising revenue from this episode will be donated to charities dedicated to supporting the people of Ukraine. If you'd like to join us in donating, we’ve included links below to several charities. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 5:10: Anxiety calming exercise 12:40: Pause 18:55: Feel your feelings 23:45: Resource yourself 26:45: Compassion 29:55: Humor 32:00: Get educated 40:35: Make a

One of the most important skills we can develop is the ability to deal with disappointment and cope with failures big and small. On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson discuss what it looks like to experience failure not as falling short, but as an opportunity for growth. They explore cultural narratives around "failure," individual variation in sensitivity, and how to manage the pain of failure, adapt expectations, and develop systems of feedback to allow for a greater sense of ease and purpose. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: What do we mean by failure? 5:55: How loss works in the brain and what makes us sensitive to losing 8:30: Managing expectations of success 10:30: Attributional styles 13:10: How some can handle failure with greater ease than others 22:30: Deconstructing old narratives and failure as an opportunity for learning 28:30: Managing the pain of failure and setting up feedback systems 34:2

There’s a tension we’ve all felt at some point between the benefits of conformity and the desire to be true to ourselves and stand up for what we think is right. On today’s episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson are joined by Dr. Todd Kashdan to explore how we can combine prosocial values with principled insubordination, so we can speak up for others (and ourselves) and maximize our chances of creating meaningful change even in the face of social pressure. About Our Guest: Dr. Todd Kashdan is Professor of Psychology at George Mason University. He is a leading authority on well-being, curiosity, psychological flexibility, and resilience. He has published over 210 peer-reviewed articles, and is the author of several books including Curious? , The Upside of Your Dark Side, and most recently The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:45: Combining skillful positivity

We explore a lot of big ideas on this show, and alongside them a lot of specific tactics and frameworks that can support people in growing and changing for the better. This includes everything from how to get the most out of therapy, to how to deal with traumatic experiences, to how to manage a variety of psychological conditions and individual tendencies. There’s a question that underlies all of these domains: how does personal healing actually work? On today’s episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson discuss the fundamental strategies that allow us to become aware of and integrate all parts of ourselves–those we want to celebrate and expand, and those we’d like to heal and change. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:00: Overview of psychological patterns related to healing 7:25: Forrest’s personal journey as a case study 13:15: Rick assessing Forrest’s narrative from a psychologist’s perspective 15:45: Cognizing and othe

We’re incredibly lucky to have such an engaged and interested group of people listening to the podcast, and because of that we regularly receive a lot of interesting questions via email and social media (links below). On today’s episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson dive into a few of these questions, discussing topics such as: how to manage family relationships, principles for approaching life’s changes, and what kind of therapy Rick actually practices. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: Bringing up challenges with family when times are already hard. 11:25: What kind of therapy does Rick practice? 19:15: Taking financial risks to experience life vs. creating financial security 30:00: “Neurons that fire together wire together” explained 34:05: Developing a connection with your inner child/younger self if your childhood was filled with painful experiences 41:40: Managing challenges between your family and your partner 54:15: Reca

Kaira Jewel Lingo, a former Buddhist nun at the Plum Village community under the guidance of Thich Naht Han, joins Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson to explore how we can cultivate trust and equanimity in the face of uncertainty. They discuss the somatic experience of opening to the unknown, taking action as an antidote to anxiety, and how to have equanimity both when things work out...and when they don’t. About our Guest: Kaira Jewel Lingo is a Buddhist teacher who weaves mindfulness and meditation practice with social justice. At the age of 25, she became a Buddhist nun at the Plum Village community in France under the guidance of Thich Naht Han, where she stayed for 15 years. She became a Zen teacher in 2007, and is also a teacher in the Vipassana/Insight tradition through Spirit Rock Meditation Center. Finally, she is the author of We Were Made for These Times: Ten Lessons for Moving Through Change, Loss, and Disruption. Recording Note: This episode was recorded before the passing of Thich Naht Han. Watch the E