Being Well With Dr. Rick Hanson

Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer listener questions about effective communication, healthy relationships, and contentment. They explore how defining boundaries, taking maximum reasonable responsibility, and extending an olive branch can help manage ongoing conflict without sacrificing your own needs. They then discuss the power dynamics, ethics, and practicalities of non-monogamy, emphasizing the importance of fairly balancing the rights and needs of everyone involved. Finally, they explore how to cultivate the habit of contentment, even amidst imperfect circumstances.  Key Topics:  0:00: Introduction 3:36: Question 1: “We had an argument and now they’re being mean to me!” 14:18: Question 2: “I set a boundary, and they’re being really passive aggressive” 27:32: Question 3: “My partner wants a non-monogamous relationship. What now?” 48:14: Question 4: “I can’t find contentment anywhere, help!” 1:03:51: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast

In this very fun episode, Forrest and Elizabeth discuss how to get on the same team in a relationship. They explore how conditions of worth, masking, and developmental trauma can get in the way of showing up authentically, and how falling into common relationship roles can reinforce this. Elizabeth talks about how healthy anger can actually be a productive force in a relationship, and how relationships change when both members start prioritizing the other’s wants and needs. Other topics include “dating yourself,” embracing the slightly weirder version of who you are, and celebrating self-exploration. Key Topics:  1:48: Getting on the same team  3:34: “Conditions of worth,” and authenticity 16:13: Vulnerability in relationships 25:38: Wielding anger effectively 38:05: Fairness, and honoring your partner’s needs 42:49: Dating yourself 47:35: Celebrating self exploration 53:57: Changing our relationship with our parts 01:04:30: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support

Today we’re featuring an episode from another show I think you’re really going to connect with: Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health. Can a meaningful friendship bridge a 51-year age gap and help combat social isolation? Meet Peter and Pooja; two unlikely companions whose intergenerational bond proves that friendships can flourish when we break down barriers and embrace human connection. In this episode of Turning Points, explore how Peter and Pooja’s weekly conversations through Boston's FriendshipWorks program evolved from a simple volunteer match into a life-changing friendship filled with book launches, grocery runs, and life advice that flows both ways. We also speak with Kyle Robidoux, Executive Director of FriendshipWorks. He shares insights on addressing social isolation and loneliness and how community-based friendship programs are strengthening social connections. Peter and Pooja's transformative friendship shows that when we approach relationships without preconceived notions, we can unl

Today we’re revisiting some of our favorite episodes to explore one of the most salient topics in psychology today: trauma. We begin by tracing its developmental roots with Dr. Lindsay Gibson and Dr. Bessel van Der Kolk, before looking at how it can be passed down through family systems with Dr. Mariel Buqué, associate somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira, and author Stephanie Foo. Dr. Jacob Ham and Dr. Peter Levine then share new perspectives on healing, emphasizing the importance of getting out of the head and into the body. Finally, Dr. Gabor Maté discusses the cultural context of trauma, arguing that it's a symptom of a toxic culture. Key Topics:  02:15: Dr. Lindsay Gibson on The Last Impact of Inconsistent Parenting and Lack of Attunement 23:16: Dr. Bessel van Der Kolk on Internalizing Abuse 39:34: Dr. Mariel Buqué on Intergenerational Trauma 58:54: Elizabeth Ferreira on Intergenerational Trauma, Complex PTSD, and Somatic Techniques 1:23:23: Stephanie Foo on Healing from Complex PTSD through Rela

Forrest is joined by one of the world’s top executive coaches, Joe Hudson, for a conversation focused on how we can reduce self-punishment and live more fulfilling lives by welcoming our emotions and loosening identification with the critical mind. They discuss Joe’s “The Golden Algorithm” - our tendency to recreate the emotions we try to avoid - and explore the three pillars of emotional fluidity, cognitive clarity, and nervous system awareness. Joe emphasizes how good change usually comes from reconnecting with who we already are, and welcoming fear, pleasure, and imperfection along the way. Really enjoyed this one, I hope you do too! About our Guest: Joe Hudson is the founder of the Art of Accomplishment, and is one of the most sought-after teachers among the world’s top leaders at OpenAI, Alphabet, Apple, and more. He coaches a small group of executives by invitation only, and has collaborated with teachers like Esther Perel, Bessel van der Kolk, Patty Wipfler, and Tiago Forte. Key Topics: 1:14:

Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss how we can regulate our emotions by feeling, managing, and processing them more effectively. They begin by unpacking common misconceptions and clarifying what healthy regulation looks like - feeling our feelings without being overwhelmed by them. From there, they walk through the three key steps of emotional regulation, focusing on practical tools like cognitive defusion and opposite action.  Topics include interoception, the window of tolerance, cognitive bypassing, suppression/repression, and finding a balance between acceptance and agency. Key Topics: 1:59: What Does Emotional Regulation Look Like? 6:08: The Three Aspects of Emotional Regulation 12:35: Step 1: Feeling Your Feelings 27:20: Step 2: Managing Your Feelings 58:50: Step 3: Processing (and maybe expressing) Your Feelings 1:10:10: Recap Rick’s Course on Grief and Loss: Join Rick for his new, four-week long online program where you’ll soothe emotional pain, find perspective and meaning, and hold whatever hap

Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer listener questions about trauma and its impact on personality, boundaries, anger, and burnout. They discuss how to distinguish the authentic self from the patterns we needed to learn to survive, how to balance duty to self with duty to others, and how to work with explosive anger by first joining with it. Finally, they discuss the importance of moving from empathic distress to compassion in order to prevent caregiver fatigue. Topics include cognitive defusion, taking a bird’s eye view, filling your own cup, and being with your feelings without judging them. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 01:30: Question 1: Trauma or Personality? 07:53: Question 2: Managing Boundaries with a Depressed Partner 28:32: Question 3: Dealing with Explosive Anger 37:45: Question 4: How to Prevent Caregiver Fatigue 47:16: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors If you have ADHD, or you love someo

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the silent killer of relationships: resentment. They discuss resentment as a combination of perceived grievance (“I was wronged”) and helplessness (“and I can’t fix it”), before talking about how over-functioning and control tendencies can lead to resentment in relationships - one person shoulders more of the load while quietly stewing about it. Topics include the role of rumination in keeping resentment alive, the difference between legitimate grievances and toxic rumination, and why resentment can feel protective. Rick shares a step-by-step framework for handling resentment when repair isn’t possible, while Forrest highlights how communication and claiming agency can be powerful antidotes. Key Topics: 00:00: Intro 04:14: Legitimate grievances vs. unhealthy resentment 09:44: How perceptions of injustice and helplessness fuel resentment 20:04: Claiming your agency 34:41: How to work through resentment with others 50:11: How to work through resentment when you can’t work t

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore humanistic psychology, the mid-20th century movement that redefined how therapists relate to clients. It challenged the pessimism of Freud and the mechanism of behaviorism, offering a more hopeful alternative: that our nature is fundamentally good, and our job is to let it shine through. They discuss Carl Rogers’ work, including self-actualization, conditions of worth, unconditional positive regard, trusting your experience, and the central role of the therapeutic alliance. Throughout, they focus on what you can take from these ideas into your life. Key Topics:  00:00: Intro 03:40: Humanism as a response to psychoanalysis 09:53: Humanism’s core principles: inherent goodness, wholism, self-actualization, agency, and subjective experience 21:35: What does humanistic therapy actually look like? 32:46: Congruence, conditions of worth, and authenticity 40:54: History and context: post-WWII and the civil rights movement 56:09: Critiques of humanism 1:02:40: Lessons we can all

AI chatbots may already be the largest providers of mental health services in the United States, raising big questions about safety, effectiveness, and oversight. Dr. Rick and Forrest are joined by Dr. Nick Jacobson to explore the risks and opportunities of AI therapy: Can a chatbot be good at therapy? Will it replace human therapists? What about AI psychosis? How should we think about privacy, bias, and regulation? Is this a silver bullet for mental health access, or are we just opening a new can of worms? About our Guest: Nick is associate professor of biomedical data science, psychiatry, and computer science at Dartmouth, and directs the AI and Mental Health Laboratory there. He’s also the developer of Therabot, a generative AI therapy chatbot that predates ChatGPT, and he’s one of the first researchers to run a clinical trial on AI therapy. Key Topics: 02:35: Is AI going to replace human therapists? 05:00: Risks of using ChatGPT as your therapist, and general vs. therapy-specific AI 14:30: What

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how to use a life crisis productively, drawing on developmental stage theories, existential philosophy, literature, personal experience, and Rick’s clinical work. They examine the anxieties of death, freedom, responsibility, and choice that often underlie these crises, and discuss how we can not only cope with these anxieties but also harness them to build a more authentic life. Throughout, they simplify, summarize, and invite you to focus on not just the next 10 years, but the next 10 minutes. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 5:26: Life Stages: Erickson and Levinson 15:34: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Discontent 17:18: Inner Conflict and the Anxiety of Choice 24:18: Guidelines for Having a “Good Life Crisis” 29:36: Seizing Each Day 33:00: Coping with the Anxiety of Choice 35:17: Authenticity, Values, and Living True to Yourself 44:17: Roles and Life Transitions 46:28: Clarifying Your Values 52:09: Taking Action 57:28: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If y

Forrest and therapist Meg Josephson explore the fawn response, a survival strategy where safety is sought by pleasing other people. They discuss how fawning can start as self-protection in childhood, but later morph into overthinking, hypervigilance, and self-abandonment. Meg shares her own experience, including how fawning creates resentment and makes it difficult to find a healthy relationship or figure out your authentic needs. Topics include becoming aware of unconscious habits, building distress tolerance, grief, self-compassion, healthy boundaries, and speaking up for ourselves. About our Guest: Meg Josephson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and author of the new book Are You Mad at Me? Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:18: Self-sabotage as self-protection 4:01: Bringing the unconscious fawn response into awareness 9:51: Silencing wants and needs, conflict avoidance, and resentment 14:33: Rediscovering wants and needs after people pleasing 18:05: The healing arc: grief, anger, and relatio

Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer questions about complex situations where good process really matters. They discuss whether to get back with an ex who has seemingly changed, relationships with someone with addictive tendencies, the difference between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and narcissistic tendencies, and why genuine change requires more than insight alone. Other topics include how much to tell your therapist, fears of being misunderstood, and how to approach meditation if you have an underlying vulnerability. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction  2:00: Should I get back with my ex? 13:40: Dating someone with long-term substance use 19:30: Narcissistic traits vs. narcissistic personality disorder 32:40: How much research to bring into therapy 39:50: Fear of being misunderstood and hyper-rationality 47:40: Safe meditation practices for people at risk of depersonalization 55:50: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow th

Forrest and therapist Brandy Wyant discuss limerence, an intense and often one-sided state of romantic obsession. They explore how limerence differs from both love and ordinary crushes, why uncertainty fuels it, and how it can take over a person’s inner world. Brandy shares both clinical insights and her own lived experience, describing the obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviors, and shame that often accompany limerence. They examine its overlap with OCD and addiction, and discuss practical strategies from CBT and ACT. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: What is limerence? 5:26: Limerence vs. a crush 11:28: Why research and treatment lag behind 13:38: Treatment approaches and practical strategies 24:47: Attachment, susceptibility, and shame 29:05: How limerence shapes relationships 38:12: Online communities and reinforcing obsession 49:18: Self-worth and validation 53:41: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors L

Dr. Rick and Forrest are joined by Mingyur Rinpoche, a renowned Tibetan Buddhist teacher, to explore calming anxiety with awareness, relaxing unhealthy wanting, and finding a deeper sense of our innate goodness. Rinpoche shares how a near-death experience during his four-year “wandering retreat” transformed his relationship to fear and deepened his gratitude for life. They discuss practical ways to see the true nature of the mind, soften the grip of aversion and attachment, reframe fear as care, and embrace impermanence as a path to freedom. Learn more about Rinpoche's live teaching in South Africa and join for free online at https://tergar.org/southafrica. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:33: How a near-death experience dissolved Rinpoche’s fear 7:06: Learning not to fight panic attacks 10:25: Seeing anxiety as clouds in the sky 14:18: Awareness, wisdom, and love as innate qualities 18:39: Recognizing basic goodness even in self-hatred 25:28: Courage to be with doubt and uncertainty 27:51: “An

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the evolution of psychoanalysis after Freud, highlighting key ideas from figures like Adler, Klein, Winnicott, and Hillman. They track how the field expanded from focusing on the individual ego all the way out to exploring the existential forces that shape who we are. They focus on what lessons we can take away from each of these influential thinkers into our everyday lives. Topics include inferiority complexes, defense mechanisms, object relations, authentic vs. false self, developmental psychology, adaptation, and our confrontation with life's ultimate concerns like death and meaninglessness. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 4:20: Alfred Adler: Inferiority, contribution, and healthy striving 14:05: Anna Freud: Ego defenses and real-time coping 20:09: Erik Erikson: Lifespan development and identity crises 33:20: Melanie Klein: Object relations, splitting, and managing complexity 46:46: Donald Winnicott: True self, good-enough parenting, and holding environments 51:09: He

Forrest and associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira talk about healthy (and unhealthy) anger. They challenge the common framing of anger as a “secondary emotion,” and explore why anger matters, how it relates to trauma, and what it can tell us about our wants and needs. They discuss how to access healthy protest and work with less healthy forms of anger like explosive rage, repression, defensiveness, passive aggression, and righteousness. Elizabeth shares insights from both her personal experience as someone with CPTSD and her clinical practice. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction: Why anger matters, and why it’s misunderstood 3:32: How trauma shapes our relationship to anger 5:40: Bypassing anger in therapy 9:04: What happens when anger is suppressed 12:29: Reclaiming anger: submit, explode, or something else 15:45: Anger as a signal of wants and needs 16:20: Boundaries, protest, and complex trauma 25:01: When CPTSD makes it hard to know what you want 30:06: Dissociation, structural trauma, and acce

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the ideas, context, and legacy of psychoanalysis, the often-controversial origin point for modern therapy. They discuss psychoanalysis’ early history and key concepts like the unconscious mind, repression, inner conflict, and transference. Alongside those major contributions, they wrestle with what hasn’t aged so well: the reductionism, murky ethics, and deep entanglements with colonialism and the Victorian worldview. This episode is both a tribute to and a critique of psychoanalysis as a rich, flawed, and deeply influential starting point for modern therapy. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction: Why do this episode? 3:40: Appreciating historical and cultural context in therapy 7:15: What is psychoanalysis? 10:35: Freud’s key insight, and the five “big ideas” of psychoanalysis 18:00: The structure of the mind 24:00: Repression, catharsis, and “experiencing out” 27:35: Transference, countertransference, and defenses 29:10: Freud’s psychosexual theory and its legacy 32:55: What

Forrest and Dr. Rick discuss what's really wrong with the self-help industry, going beyond the obvious pseudoscience and snake oil to examine deeper structural issues. They explore the industry's mixed-bag focus on individual responsibility, the risks of turning healing into a never-ending project, performative personal growth, narcissism, social media and capitalism, and honest striving vs. hustle culture. They also talk about their personal experiences navigating our relationship to the industry. Throughout, Rick and Forrest emphasize finding the middle path: balancing agency with awareness, growth with acceptance, and sincerity with skepticism. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 4:32: Healthy striving vs. obsessive self-improvement 8:27: The role of motivation: growth, shame, and self-worth 12:13: Problems with placing all responsibility on the individual 20:46: Performative self-help and spiritual status-seeking 26:13: Excessive self-preoccupation and narcissistic drift 34:34: Buddhist insights on “

Dr. Rick and Forrest answer listener questions about perfectionism, performance anxiety, trauma, and relationships. They explore how early praise for being “gifted” can create a fear of failure and contribute to “failure to launch,” and share ways to shift from focusing on an idealized future to appreciating your actual self right now. They discuss learned helplessness, the freeze response, and practical ways to build agency and vitality to counter feelings of powerlessness. Other topics include the differences between borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder, overcoming performance anxiety, and how to decide which friendships are worth investing in. Key Topics: 02:30: Gifted kid syndrome and fear of failure 08:00: Moving from potential to presence 15:50: Performance anxiety and perfectionism 18:50: Redefining success through process goals 22:30: Learned helplessness and the freeze response 29:30: Reclaiming agency and vitality 38:00: Failure to launch in adulthood 45:00: BPD vs. Bipolar diso