What Fresh Hell: Laughing In The Face Of Motherhood

Lenore Skenazy is the author of Free-range Kids: How Parents and Teachers Can Let Go and Let Grow, the hugely influential parenting bestseller with a newly released second edition. The free-range movement really got started 12 years ago after Lenore's newspaper column “Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone” created a media firestorm. Now Lenore is co-founder and president of Let Grow, the national nonprofit promoting childhood independence. In this "Fresh Take" interview we discuss the "back in our day" style of play we grew up with, and why having a free-range kid these days is more complicated than clearing their schedule and opening your back door. We talk about the crucial role of free play with kids of various ages in our children's development, and how to foster that idea in our schools and neighborhoods. Lenore is full of wit and insight, and you'll feel empowered to "let go and let grow" after listening to this episode! To find out more, check out letgrow.org, and follow Free-Range Kids and Le

Why are some things hard for us but not our partners or our friends? Do we make things harder than they need to be? Or are some things, like picking up the phone and talking to a stranger to order pizza, just stupidly difficult for everyone? We asked our listeners: What seems harder to you than it needs to be? What's something you struggle with that you suspect you might be making a little more complicated than it needs to be? In this episode we discuss all the things that are perhaps overly hard for at least one of us, like packing for trips back-to-school shopping having people over cleaning out the car making new friends Is there hope? Can we learn anything from our friends for whom these same things are not at all hard? Listen and find out! Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now,  you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh. The Cozi Family Organizer is for

Our kids may be adorable and fresh-smelling when they are little, but somewhere along the way (thanks puberty!) they transform into oily stink-monsters. Once our kids reach a certain age, keeping up with our kids' hygiene feels like it shouldn't be a parent's job. But if we give up all oversight, some kids might walk around with bad teeth and frightening body odor. Most kids are capable of managing their own self-care, but they need to be taught the proper way to wash themselves brush their teeth take care of their skin apply deodorant Don't skip the step of really sitting your kids down and explaining HOW to do all of these things. If your kids are having trouble keeping up with their hygiene routines, or you find yourself constantly reminding them to brush their teeth or shower, consider making a schedule so these routines can happen without your involvement. If Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday are shower days then you don't have to constantly discuss whether or not your kid needs to shower. They just d

Nikki Weiner is the founder of Building Bold, and has served as a guest speaker in the U.S. and abroad on writing and the college admissions landscape. Nikki’s ultimate goal is to provide students with the tools to thrive through the admission process and beyond to reach their full potential.  She tells Amy what's changed in the college admissions landscape– and it's a lot. Is test-optional here to stay? Why are so many schools suddenly so much harder to get into? What makes an application stand out? How can a student and her parent get through this process and still like each other on the other side? Whether you're going through the admissions process, are about to, or just wonder how it's all changed since you applied, you'll love this informative and reassuring explanation of how to navigate today's college admissions process. Follow Building Bold @buildingbold on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, or at buildingboldstudents.com. Nikki and Amy both recommend the blog written by Jeff Schiffman, Director of A

The news is hard for anyone to escape these days– and that includes our kids. Even the littlest ones might see a stray notification on a parent's phone, or overhear something scary from a television that was left on. A lot of us struggle with what to tell our kids, how much, and when. But if we don't give the kids any context, some older kid in the cafeteria might become their primary source of (mis)information. We discuss what age is old enough for difficult topics, what to do when the story is close to home, and how we can always lead with reassurance– plus the best ways to consume the news with, and in front of, our kids. Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Paul Underwood for NYT: Is the News Too Scary for Kids? NPR Parenting: What To Say To Kids When the News Is Scary Liz Gumbinner: No, I Don't Know. Please Don't Tell Me Common Sense Media: Best News Sources for Kids Special thanks to this month's sponsors: The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling c

All kids lose stuff sometimes. Some kids lose stuff all the time. Sometimes it's ADHD or general inattention. Sometimes it's just a slower development of executive function. No matter what, it's frustrating (and expensive). What's a parent to do? A member of our Facebook group asked:  Any suggestions for the kid who loses everything? My son is 9. He lost three sweatshirts in the two months he was in in-person school, a tennis racquet at tennis camp, baseball glove at baseball practice, shin guards at soccer camp… and don’t even get me started on water bottles!  The “lost and found” turned up one of the many things he has lost, but that is it. He swears each time that he put the things in his bag. Unless, there is a sweaty shin guard thief, this obviously is untrue.  We’ve tried charts and check lists. We’ve tried making him earn the replacement items, but nothing seems to stop the constant misplacing of items. HELP! For the truly forgetful kids, the oft-cited "natural consequences"– if he doesn't have his shi

Heidi Murkoff is a mother, a grandmother, and the author of the legendary What to Expect When You’re Expecting, with more than 19 million copies in print. Heidi is also the creator of the What to Expect Project, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping all moms expect healthy pregnancies, safe deliveries, and healthy babies. In this interview we discuss maternal health for all women– and the clear and present need for improved maternal health care both in the U.S. and globally. An easy way to help raise awareness: July 21 is Bump Day! Tag your "bump" (past or present) on social media with the hashtag #bumpday and tag @whattoexpect. To find out more about the What To Expect Project and how you can get involved, go to https://www.whattoexpectproject.org/resources. Special thanks to this month's sponsors: The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store! Green Chef’s

Youth is wasted on the young. We wasted our youth taking the wrong classes in college and layering imaginary agendas onto other people's dopey behavior. Sound familiar? We asked our listeners: If you could time travel, what advice would you give your younger self? Here's the best advice we all learned from doing things the wrong way! Special thanks to this month's sponsors: The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store! Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping! Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off. Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’

One of the most important lessons from the pandemic may be "It is OK for kids to be bored". A lot of parents fear boredom because of the whining and complaining that comes along with it - but in this episode Margaret argues that one thing we learned from all of our downtime during the pandemic is that there IS something on the other side of boredom. Resist the urge to become the "cruise director" all summer long. Structure the day in loose blocks (yes - you can use your white board!) such as: Clearly defined screen times Clean-up time Reading time Kids choice (but no screens) Movie afternoon Family book club Kids only sports Board game time (kids only) Board game time with an adult Outdoor time (yes - even it is raining!) Parent/Kid time (a time when parents are fully involved and active in their kids' play) Bucket list activity (a fun activity that your child or your family has chosen - i.e. 'make Harry Potter chocolate frogs') It doesn't matter what these times are but these kinds of categorie

Olivia Martinez-Hauge is a marriage and family therapist specializing in the treatment of families, couples, and individuals who are caregiving for children or adults with neurodiversity. She is also a licensed occupational therapist with over two decades of experience helping children and their families. She is also a mother of three children, two with neurodiversity. In this "Fresh Take" interview, Olivia explains the grief and isolation that might come with special needs parenting her own journey moving past those emotions by parenting "from a place of present" the team of support that a parent of a special needs child needs how we can change our friend groups, schools, and societies to be more supportive of families with children who have special needs Whether you're a parent of a special needs or neurodiverse child, or just want to be a better friend to someone who is, you'll learn so much from this interview. Find out more about Olivia and her work at The Center for Connection and Neurodiversity h

Time for some easy wins! Here of some of our (and our listeners') favorite hacks for naptime diapers laundry kitchen sibling squabbles and General Sanity Preservation. This stuff really works! Special thanks to this month's sponsors: The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store! Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping! Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off. Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off! Jane.com is a boutiqu

It's a "Best Of" episode that launched a movement: What Kind Of Monster? Or #WKOM, as the Fresh Hellions in our Facebook group call it. Our highest calling here at What Fresh Hell is to serve as a safe space for our listeners to tell us what really, truly drives them up the wall. What kind of monster listens to videos on speaker? Keeps the keyboard clicks on their phone? What kind of monster takes up two parking spots? Puts empty cereal boxes back in the cabinet? (Disclaimer: there is a monster in the mirror, as well. But we're not talking about that today so much... or ever.) Special thanks to this month's sponsors: The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store! Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping! Italic is a new kind of

We see birth order play out pretty clearly, both in our own families and in our families of origin. But is it a bad thing? Is it a thing to fight back against? Is there a way to make the older child less stressed, and the baby maybe a little *more* motivated? And is it a problem if our own birth order has shaped who we are as adults and how we parent? We think the answer is: not really. These stereotypes are so ingrained because the effects of birth order are real. But that's not to say the things that result are all negative, or completely determinative, or that your middle kid is doomed to a life of unhappiness just because she was unlucky enough to get a younger sibling. Still, awareness of the effects of birth order seems important, if only to catch ourselves when we're inadvertently reinforcing those roles. That's when we can give the youngest a little more responsibility, the oldest a little less– and let the middle kid pick what’s for dinner once in a while. Interested in hearing more? Check out two of

We sometimes feel nothing should be kept secret between us and our children, but that's not really true. We do need to talk often with our kids about the difference between inappropriate secrets (an adult asking them to keep something secret from their parents) and appropriate ones (the present we are hiding in the garage for Dad's birthday). Today's question comes from our Facebook group: How do teach kids when to keep secrets? Like not telling other kids about Santa, or how babies are made? Or how twhen not to talk about a topic, like puberty, with others? Conversations about secrets should be ongoing. What is the difference between tattling and telling? When is it appropriate to keep a friend's confidence? What if you know a friend is in trouble, but you've been asked to keep it secret? Your child will likely need help navigating these types of dilemmas throughout their childhood. One way to make this easier is to define a spectrum of secret-keeping. On side are secrets that are always inappropriate: Adu

Dr. Dawn Huebner is a psychologist, parent coach, and the author of 10 books for children, most of which we have on our bookshelves at home. Her new book is The Sibling Survival Guide: Surefire Ways to Solve Conflicts, Reduce Rivalry, and Have More Fun with Your Brothers and Sisters, which helps kids acquire the skills they need to get along with their siblings. Dawn believes that sibling rivalry is best quashed by the kids themselves, not by parents coming in to settle scores. She tells kids that they truly have the power to "stop feeling so bothered and start having more fun."  In this episode, Dawn explains the difference between treating siblings fairly and treating them equally, the difference between tattling and telling, and how our stepping out of the role as referee can lead to a seismic shift in how our kids get along. Follow Dawn on her Facebook page and website: dawnhuebnerphd.com and get The Sibling Survival Guide here: https://www.dawnhuebnerphd.com/the-sibling-survival-guide-surefire-ways-to-so

Can we become more inclusive as parents? Inclusivity has great benefits for everyone involved. We loved this explanation from Bright Horizons: "Too often, inclusiveness is described as something we should do to benefit others. Being inclusive is more than a moral obligation—although this alone is enough reason to practice it. When we are inclusive we aren’t divided. Instead, our world becomes enlarged. We gain relationships and experiences that enrich us. We recognize that we are all different, and that those differences bring joy to living." In this episode, we talk about how to get "wider" (more intentionally inclusive) in our family lives and in our communities. and how to bring our kids into that conversation. Here are links to some writing on topic (plus our own episodes) that we refer to in this episode: Melissa Hart for Parents: 5 Ways to Help Children Be More Inclusive of Other Kids Bright Horizons: Raising An Inclusive Child welcomingschools.org weneeddiversebooks.org Fresh Take: Judith Warner Talkin

It can be confusing and a little concerning when a toddler suddenly develops a stutter or a stammer. A member of our Facebook group asked: My daughter (27 months) seems to have recently developed a stammer/stutter, or maybe it has just gotten to the point where we notice it now. Instead of saying "Can I have that?" like she used to, she now says "Ca- ca- ca- can I have that?". It's usually only at the beginning of a sentence or thought, and most often when she is excited. But it's happening a lot. Part of me thinks it's nothing to get too worried over as she is only two, she's still developing her language skills, and it's more prevalent when she is excited. And the other part of me is a little worried. I've heard it's best to just wait patiently for her to finish her thought and that's what I usually do, although my husband keeps telling her to think about what she wants to say before saying it. If anyone has gone through this with their little one, did it resolve itself? How? When? What's the best approa

Margaret "Maggie" Quinlan and Bethany Johnson are the co-authors of the book You’re Doing it Wrong! Mothering, Media and Medical Expertise. This book investigates the history of mothering advice in the media, from the 19th century to today, and the processes by which mothering has been defined, from getting pregnant to being pregnant to giving birth to whether "that baby" needs a hat on. Like most moms, Maggie and Bethany questioned their own parenting decisions because they understood their choices would be met with scrutiny exercised in few other arenas. They suggest that the first step to freeing ourselves from the socially prescribed perfectionism of motherhood is to realize that no matter what you decide, there will always be someone telling you "you're doing it wrong." Margaret "Maggie" Quinlan is a Professor of Communication at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. She explores how communication creates, resists and transforms knowledges about bodies, and critiques power structures that margin

It's hard to admit things aren't perfect. It's especially hard for moms. Psychologists Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett described three types of perfectionism in the 1990s: self-directed (I must be a size 2), others-directed (do that piano exercise again until you get it right), and "socially mediated" perfectionism, which comes from society making unrealistic demands of a person or a group and punishes that person when she falls short. Sound familiar? Turns out the amount of socially mediated perfectionism a parent feels is directly related to her level of "parental burnout," defined as exhaustion in one’s role as a parent, feelings of being fed up as a parent, and even emotional distancing from one’s children. Not the place any of us want to get to. So why is it so hard to admit things aren't perfect? And how can we start? Here are links to some of the research on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Fatemeh Ghanbari Jahromia et al: The relationship between socially prescribed perfectionism and depressio

One question we get over and over again is about dealing with grandparents who say to our kids, "I want to– but your mom won't let me." We have a general guideline that you only have three times available to speak to your parents or in-laws about things they do that bother you. This "Rule of Three" forces us to consider whether any given issue is worth discussing, and most importantly, whether it is the rare behavior that might actually be changed by having a confrontational conversation about it. With the issue of undermining, Margaret thinks it might be worth a try. Sit down and have a conversation where you simply say, "When you say that you'd like to do something that my kids wants, only I won't allow it, it hurts my feelings, and it makes it harder for me to enforce the rules that are important to me." If this simple statement doesn't change this behavior long-term (spoiler alert: it probably won't) then the next step is to respond by restating your rules and your reasoning to your children, each and ev