What Fresh Hell: Laughing In The Face Of Motherhood

Ellen Kahn is the Senior Director of Programs and Partnerships at the Human Rights Campaign. In her role, Ellen provides national leadership and expertise in public education and advocacy efforts on behalf of LGBTQ youth and families. Ellen is nationally recognized as an expert on LGBTQ family life and LGBTQ youth. She's also a proud mom of two teenage daughters. In this interview, Ellen explains how parents can create a home environment that affirms and accepts LGBTQ children, and how to advocate for LGBTQ kids in the larger world– whether they're our own children or not. As Ellen explains: "It's all of us together, chiseling away at the reason parents can be fearful when they find out their child is LGBTQ. Let's just not raise bullies anymore." Here are a few additional resources mentioned in this episode: Human Rights Campaign's welcomingschools.org pflag.org "Serendipitydodah- Home of the Mama Bears" Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Serendipitydodah Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Our merch store is live! Get your T-shirts, hoodies, onesies, and notebooks: bit.ly/whatfreshmerch. An "Achilles Heel" is a weakness in spite of overall strength. If exploited by our enemies, that small area of vulnerability can be responsible for our total, tragic downfall. This week we asked the members of our Facebook group to tell us their greatest weaknesses as parents and humans. From whistling to growth spurts to the constant, constant talking, in this episode we (and our listeners) fess up. We figured this out while recording this episode: our weaknesses and strengths are two sides of the same coin. Amy's superpower is organization; her downfall is an inability to relax amidst even mild chaos. Margaret's superpower is fun; her weak spots include the unfortunately large parenting categories of Things That Aren't Fun. Whatever your Achilles heel may be, keep in mind the "in spite of overall strength" part. All in all, you're doing great. Special thanks to this month's sponsors:   Looking for another gr

How can a mom whose only parenting experience has been during Covid feel okay about protecting her newborn in a post-pandemic world? A listener emailed us to say: I am pregnant with my second baby, due in September. Now that we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel I don't think I know how to be a mom in a post-COVID world. I have learned how to be a parent during a pandemic and that is my family's "normal," it's all we know!  Our family and friends have already started talking about how they can't wait to be able to come to my house and hold the baby when he's born, now that COVID is "over". We've been invited to huge family Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations (to make-up for missing last year) and I am already freaking out! Company with a newborn? Nope, not for me. After explaining my feelings to my husband, he and I agreed we will not allow visitors to our home for [at least] the first month after I have the new baby. Give it to me straight... am I being ridiculous and unfair? I real

Kira Dorrian and Deana Thayer are parent coaches and authors who are passionate about preparing families to thrive on their parenting journeys. They're the co-founders of Future Focused Parenting, the parenting philosophy that starts with the end in mind, thereby encouraging families to make intentional parenting choices. They are also co-hosts of the Raising Adults Podcast where they discuss parenting with a long-range view. In this "Fresh Take" interview, Kira and Dorrian explain the benefits of future-focused parenting, and how it can make our daily parenting decisions clearer– both for ourselves and for our kids. Follow Kira and Deana, and find out more about their work, at http://bit.ly/raisingadultspodcast. Special thanks to this month's sponsors:   Looking for another great parenting podcast? StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen! Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s f

The pandemic shrunk our social circles, first literally and then metaphorically. Our time for ourselves evaporated, and with that any chance of catching up with our best friend– even if she lived two blocks away. We lost the once-a -month lunch friends, the "micro-interactions" with strangers, and even the overheard conversations that spark our curiosity and feed us more than we ever realized. But picking something back up, after you've put it down for a long time, can make it seem surprisingly heavy. As the restrictions end, and we can see all of the people all of the time, we've been surprised by our own conflicting emotions about it all. Dr. Marlee Bower, a loneliness researcher at the University of Sydney, explains that "an extended period of loneliness can make social interaction feel more challenging in the longer term." In this episode we talk about how we're alternating periods of social-butterfly celebration with days we still want to hide under the covers. It's a process, and we're all feeling it. H

Conversations with kids about consent are tricky. It can be awkward or uncomfortable to talk with kids of any age about sex, but the more often we have these conversations, the more likely our kids will be able to navigate difficult situations. Have conversations about peer pressure, sex, consent, and personal safety as early and as frequently as possible, while keeping these conversations age-appropriate. This week a listener on our Facebook page asks: When and how do I have conversations with my kids about consent? Regarding their bodies.... touching and allowing touch from others (their peers?) How to be safe – physically, emotionally, and with their devices? How they can safely explore their questions and curiosities around sex and sexuality? The notion of consent is important for kids, and useful well before the idea of sex enters their lives. Play is a great place to start having these conversations. Set rules around play that emphasize consent such as: Is everyone playing, or are you shooting Nerf dar

Our new podcast Toddler Purgatory is live! Life with little ones isn't all bad. It's just... intense. Subscribe or follow wherever you listen so you never miss an episode! Radha Agrawal was named by MTV as “one of 8 women who will change the world.”  She is the co-Founder of Daybreaker, the early morning dance and wellness movement with a community of almost half a million people around the globe. She's recently launched DOSE, a new community with the goal of making joy the same sort of intentional practice as yoga and meditation. And she's the author of the book Belong: Find Your People, Create Community & Live A More Connected Life.  In this Fresh Take we talk to Radha about the intentional practice joy, and the possibilities that exist for us to find our people and build our dream communities from scratch. Find out more about Radha's new project, D.O.S.E. by Daybreaker, at https://collectivejoy.com and find her book BELONG in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523502059 Special thanks

Our kids’ summer plans keep evolving– for the better and the more confusing. We fill out forms. Then we get emails saying "Forget the old rules, and fill out these three new forms indicating you agree with these new rules." Then things change again. To be clear: thank you, camps and programs and town pools. We're not blaming the people who are most certainly doing their best to keep up, and to give our kids the most typical summer experience possible. But we're all building the plane while we fly it, and figuring out the new rules for this semi-normal summer seems, once again, to be kind of up to us. This week we're talking about our summer plans, our summer maybe-plans, and how we'll decide. Here are links to some of the things we mention in this episode: Mary Laura Philpott for Washington Post: As the world starts to open up, it’s tough to let go Gürbüz Doğan Ekşioğlu's "Venturing Out" https://www.newyorker.com/culture/cover-story/cover-story-2021-05-24 Kathryn Hymes for The Atlantic: Why We Speak More We

Do you have a kid at home who obsesses over collecting or acquiring the right kinds of things or just all the things in general? If so you are not alone. A listener had this question: What do you all do with a kid who wants ALL the toys? I've got a second grader who insists all his friends' parents buy all the Pokemon cards, and my husband and I are the worst because we refuse to buy every single thing he asks for. He's got a pile full of Pokemon cards, but they're not the cool ones, I guess. We're not going to change our buying habits, but how do we talk about this with him? All kids express a need for control by having strong opinions about things they want and need, but some kids are particularly prone to obsessing over acquiring - ALL - THE - STUFF! Margaret has labeled this phenomenon "the grabby greedies" for her kids. One way to help kids with this is to give them some context. It's important to make a distinction between things that are important to your kids (things they might want to save up for and

Our new podcast Toddler Purgatory is live! Life with little ones isn't all bad. It's just... intense. Subscribe or follow wherever you listen so you never miss an episode! Carla Naumburg is a mother, clinical social worker, and author. She is the author of three parenting books, including the bestseller How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids, which not only explains WHY we explode at our children, but also teaches us everything we need to know to decrease stress and increase patience, even in the most challenging family moments. Kids are hard-wired to push our buttons. We are hard-wired to freak out when they're pushed. In this Fresh Take interview, Carla explains how managing our triggers can help us stop the meltdowns. This episode will make you feel less ashamed, more empowered, and a whole lot better. Find How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523505425 Special thanks to this month's sponsors:   Quince is a game-changer for your wardro

These days we're surrounded by trackers– on our wrists, on our water bottles, on our phones. On the one hand, they help us pay attention to the things in our lives that are important to us, and to create new habits. On the other hand, they're crazymakers that give us new reasons to feel bad about ourselves. In this episode we discuss some of metrics for life we do and/or don't live by, like 10,000 steps a day 8 glasses of water a day inbox zero perfect attendance BMI and giant baby head circumferences. Behavioral scientist James Clear says one should "measure to see if you're actually spending time on the things that are important to you." We agree with him– as long as we make room for remembering that 9,000 steps is great, inbox one thousand is totally fine, and "perfect" is always a lie. Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Michelle Woo for Lifehacker: Your Baby's Head Is Probably Not Gigantic The Conversation: Do We Really Need To Walk 10,000 Steps a

Aren’t toddlers just the best? Are they not also, at times, the WORST? Blaire Brooks and Molly Lloyd welcome you to Toddler Purgatory, where life with littles is not all bad, but definitely less than perfect. In this premiere episode Blaire and Molly discuss the many challenges of life with the tiny, ruthlessly honest, tantrum-having, often stinky carbon copies of themselves they have running around their respective homes. Check out the first three episodes of Toddler Purgatory right now- and help a new podcast out hitting "subscribe" or "follow" for Toddler Purgatory in your favorite podcast player: Apple Podcasts: https://bit.ly/toddlerpurgatory Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3nYMJbs Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vV0ZIMTcyMzIwMDk5Mg== iHeart: https://iheart.com/podcast/81711771/ Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/show/toddler-purgatory You can also find the show at toddlerpurgatory.com or on the socials at #toddlerpurgatory. New episodes every other Tuesday!

Does the combination of your kids' squabbling, the repeated clinking of your spouse's cereal spoon, and the Mister Softee jingle send you into a rage-panic? You are not alone. Farrah had this to say on Facebook: Someone talk to me about PARENTAL sensory overload. We have 6 kiddos ages 5-12. I have found that the older I get (or maybe the older they get?) the noise level is less and less tolerable to me. I want to enjoy being around my kids they way I used to, but I find myself simply overwhelmed with the noise. Has anyone else dealt with this or something similar? Any suggestions on dealing with this sensory overload so I can get back to enjoying the company of my kids/ family? Some people really are more sensitive to noise. Dr. Elaine Aron describes "highly sensitive people" and their reactions to auditory input this way: "Highly sensitive persons process information more thoroughly, are more easily stimulated, are more aware of subtle stimuli, are more empathic, and have higher emotional reactivity." In oth

Dr. Ilyse Dobrow DiMarco is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Summit, New Jersey. She specializes in helping women use cognitive- behavioral therapy and related evidence-based strategies to navigate the myriad challenges of motherhood. Her writing has been featured in places like Psychology Today and Scary Mommy, as well as on her own blog, www.drcbtmom.com. She lives in New Jersey with her husband and two sons. Her new book is Mom Brain: Proven Strategies to Fight the Anxiety, Guilt, and Overwhelming Emotions of Motherhood. Ilyse's definition of Mom Brain is "the profound cognitive and emotional changes that occur when you have a child and the many aspects of your life (identity, relationships, work life, self-care) that are strongly impacted by these changes." In this episode we discuss the seismic shifts in our priorities that occur when we become mothers, the anxiety that can often result, and the evidence-based strategies that work best to keep us present-moment-focused. Mom Brain is compose

This week we're reviewing listener grudges, large and small, and deciding once and for all if those listeners should let it go, or no. Letting it go doesn't mean you're wrong to be annoyed. Sometimes you are totally right and you STILL have to let it go. And sometimes nursing a tiny bonsai grievance for a decade is sort of fun... but that works better when you aren't related to that person. Sometimes shifting our perspective is the best choice we have. As Margaret's Aunt Terry likes to say: you can't get pizza from a Chinese restaurant. Special thanks to this month's sponsors:   Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off. Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to public

Find yourself stuck in the kitchen 24/7 when family comes to visit? You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed and even a little resentful, even if you’re really happy they came. Jenna emailed us to ask: Since both of you have big families, how does everyone get fed when you get together for a few days? Do you get takeout for every meal? Do people take turns cooking? I am the only person in my husband's family who can cook, so I end up doing all the cooking when we get together, and I end up exhausted and don't get to spend time with everyone. Resetting expectations around who's doing the cooking and cleanup can be a little tricky. If you're a do-it-all hostess who really does make it look easy, you haven't been sending clear signals that it's hard. Amy gives tips in this episode about the systems that work when her extended family group gets together. But if you've been heading up meal prep because you're the "only one who can cook," a resetting of your own expectations may be required as well. If you're chopping

Toddler Purgatory is launching this month! Help us support the launch of our new podcast by checking out the sneak-peek trailer and following now wherever you listen. Grab all the player links at toddlerpurgatory.com.  Judith Warner’s book AND THEN THEY STOPPED TALKING TO ME: MAKING SENSE OF MIDDLE SCHOOL investigates what can be a truly painful period in any adolescent's life. Warner explains that our "personal fable" is deeply affected by our own experiences during that developmental period, even if our memories may rely on flawed or incomplete information. That matters because it can affect how we parent our tweens as they enter the middle-school stage themselves. Are parents sometimes inadvertently reinforcing the narrative that middle school is a Thunderdome of social aggression? In this interview, Judith tells Amy the history of middle school, the brain science behind its intensity, and what parents can do to make their children's path through these years an easier one. Check out all of Judith Warner's

Toddler Purgatory is launching this month! Help us support the launch of our new podcast by checking out the sneak-peek trailer and following now wherever you listen. Grab all the player links at toddlerpurgatory.com. Sooner or later, most parents discover that their kid doesn't fit society's mold in one way or another. But there's "quirky" kids with unusual haircuts, and then there's the kids who really do their own thing, with or without peer approval. In this episode, we're talking about the latter. Those parents will recognize what Dr. Perri Klass calls "the pivotal moment": "not just one moment of extreme behavior in your kid, but the last in a series of impossible-to-explain-away behavior that resonates with the parent's long-considered and long-avoided fears. It crystallizes in a parent's mind all the floating anxieties and worries of many months." It’s especially challenging for us when our kids are outside the norm because we can't help but think what will become of this kid? But at those times, we'

Kids often struggle to keep their hands to themselves– and this can be especially true for boys, who love to punch, tackle, and poke at anyone who gets near them. This week Emily asks: As a mom of boys, I am finding that my five-year-old son is very handsy with his friends and boy cousins. It's like my younger son and other boys are magnets that cannot keep their hands off each other. It's not aggressive, it's just constant touching, tickling, purposely running into each other, etc. I am not sure how to curb it,or if it's even possible. And even if I get my son to break the habit, how would I keep other kids from putting their hands all over him? It's not that I am any more of a germaphobe than anyone else, I just feel like it's a recipe for disaster... and when he goes to school in the fall ,I don't want him to be off task and missing directions. Is there anything I can do, or is this just a boy thing? Watch any nature show with a group of young lions and you'll see the cubs wrestling, biting, and tussling

Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff is the author of the New York Times best-seller Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. In this interview, she tells us about the circumstances that inspired her own "aha" parenting moment, and then the book. While on assignment in the Yucatan as a reporter for NPR's Science Desk, Michaeleen saw children helping around the house, unprompted and unapplauded. She wondered how her own life back in the United States, with a tantruming preschooler and chaotic household, could be so different. It inspired Michaeleen's exploration of how the tenets of WEIRD parenting (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic) differ from those of more ancient civilizations, and how we might all restore a little sanity by unlearning some of our Western ways. Follow Michaeleen on Twitter @foodiescience and on her website: michaeleendoucleff.com. Special thanks to this month's sponsors:   Jane.com is a boutique marketpla