Eft/tapping Q & A Podcast W/ Gene Monterastelli - Emotional Freedom Techniques

Support the podcast! In this conversation we talk about how tapping can be used to:   * Remove the one part that is making it harder * How to find the right part to focus on * How to let go of wrong part to focus * How to deal with extreme nerves - often called the [yips](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/yips/symptoms-causes/syc-20379021) in sports   No matter what level or what setting you need to perform in, Tom will how you how to use simple tapping to get the most out each opportunity.   Making mistakes can be frustrating, but it is even more frustrating when it is something that you know you can do, have done before, but in the moment, when it is most important that you get it right that you mess up. Athletes deal with problem all of the time. There are actions that they can do over and over again in practice, but when they get in to a game setting they mess up. Often times when we think of the mental game of performance we are only thinking athletic terms, but the same thing can happen wi

Support the podcast! I can't imagine not being a thoughtful, kind person in the world. I am glad that at least some of the time I am able to respond to other people's wants, needs, and suffering. But one of the consequences of being known to be thoughtful is that other people often come for help. In extreme cases, they aren't looking for help, they just want us to solve their problems. At some point it can become too much and just because someone we love it having a hard time, it doesn't mean we are responsible for solving all their problems. We can be thoughtful, helpful, and caring without taking on everyone's burdens. In this week's audio I have a story about how I was able to change the dynamics of a relationship where I had let a boundary down to the point that it was making my life difficult. There is also a tap-along that will make it easier for you to be the kind and thoughtful person that you are without having to take care of every burden of everyone you know. (A printable tapping script can be foun

Support the podcast! Note: To get 2019 off on the right foot, we're going to end 2018 and begin the new year with a four-part series on how to make what I call "pro-you choices". These are choices that are all about taking care of yourself. This is Part 3 of 4. You can find all four parts in the Pro-You Choices Series. For those of us who are of a thoughtful and caring disposition, it is natural to want to care for others. The problem comes when we spend so much time taking care of everyone else, we don't spend the time and attention that we need to take care of our own needs. The simple truth is: If we don't put ourselves first, no one else is going to. This week I have a tap-along audio (with printable tapping script below the audio player) to help to manage the guilt we may feel when we decide to take care of ourselves. Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

Support the podcast! Note: To get 2019 off on the right foot, we're going to end 2018 and begin the new year with a four-part series on how to make what I call "pro-you choices". These are choices that are all about taking care of yourself. This is Part 2 of 4. You can find all four parts in the Pro-You Choices Series. I find that "I don't know!" is one of the hardest phrases to say. When I say it, it is easy for me to feel disempowered, incompetent, and less than. In a recent interview, actor and director John Krasinski talked about how the most powerful thing you can say is that you don't know. It is an interesting idea. When we are able to acknowledge that we don't fully understand what we are supposed to do or how to do it, we are actually putting ourselves in a place of power. Our honesty means we can make the best possible choice, without fooling others or ourselves. This week I have a tap-along audio (with printable script below the player) that will help you to be comfortable with not knowing. Subscri

Support the podcast! The month of December is a super busy time of year. There are work parties, holiday parties, meals with friends, family obligations, performances, recitals...the list goes on and on. In a vacuum, going to any one of these events is fine, but when they stack up on top of each other they can just become too much. Actor and comedian John Hodgman wrote last week in his newsletter: ALL SOCIAL PLANS ARE OPTIONAL. Especially HOLIDAY PARTIES. Everyone will understand if you can't make it. They probably won't even notice you're not there (sorry, narcissists!). And if it's a one-on-one thing, that's OK too. Your friend will forgive you if you cancel. They will probably be relieved, too. There is a part of you that knows this, and there is a part of you that feels like you are failing if you follow through and actually do this.   This week I have a tap-along audio (with script below the player) that will help you to give yourself permission to say "no" to at least one invitation so that you are h

Support the podcast! Sometimes we make choices that hurt others. Sometimes our emotions get the better of us, or we act thoughtlessly and cause someone else pain. Either way, it's easy to beat ourselves up for the pain we have caused. Even when we apologize and do what we can to make amends, we may still feel bad. This week's podcast covers how to tap for those times when we have unintentionally hurt others with our words or actions. We tap for feeling bad because we have caused someone else pain, for feeling like a failure because of the mistakes we have made, and to create space to learn from the experience so that we make better choices in the future. I have also included a printable version of the tapping script below the audio player. Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

Support the podcast! Tapping is great because it can be used on so many different issues, both physical and emotional. It works for issue from the past and worries about the future. Because the tool is so flexible, sometimes it is hard to know just where to start. You want to get the most out of your tapping and you don't want to waste your effort. When we are worried that we are going to do something wrong, such as picking the issue to tap on, it's easy for us not to take action at all. This week's podcast will teach you three ways to tap when you don't know where to start. Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

Support the podcast! Note: This is Part 4 of 5 in the Most Commonly Asked Questions series. Make sure you check out all 5 parts. Often our harshest critic is the one living inside our own head. It points out everything we are doing wrong, all the expectations we are not living up to, and how we are destined to fail in the future. As hard as it is to believe, our critical voice exists because it's supposed to help us! By pointing out what we have done wrong in the past, it wants us to act differently in the future. The problem is that it doesn't work out that way. Instead it just beats us and makes us feel bad. Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

Support the podcast! Gratitude and thanksgiving are powerful tools in helping us to be present in the moment and to help us to be even more aware of the blessings we have. But giving thanks isn't always the easiest of tasks because our lives aren't perfect. There is pain, struggle, and disappointment. This week I have a tap-along audio (and script below the player) to help us to be more thankful without being pollyannaish about the realities of our lives. Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

Support the podcast! Note: This is Part 3 of 5 in the Most Commonly Asked Questions series. Make sure you check out all 5 parts. Attempting to tame clutter can feel like an overwhelming task. There have been times when I've spent hours trying to clean up... I work and work and work, but somehow it doesn't feel like I am getting anywhere. When clutter persists and you just can't seem to get a handle on it, it's usually because there is an emotional issue underlying your resistance to cleaning up. This week I share with you a simple process that you can do to start getting rid of your clutter. The process will help you to uncover the underlying emotional resistance AND it will show you how to tap to resolve it. Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

Support the podcast! Note: This is Part 2 of 5 in the Most Commonly Asked Questions series. Make sure you check out all 5 parts. It can often feel like we are dealing with the same issues over and over again and when that happens, it can feel like tapping is just a giant waste of time. Our reasoning tells us that if tapping was working, the issue would be taken care of. There are three main reasons behind why it can feel like we aren't making any progress with our tapping. This week I explore these reasons and what we can do to recognize the true progress we are making.   Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

Support the podcast! When someone joins my mailing list, one of the two questions I ask them is, "What is the biggest issue you have when it comes to tapping?" When I started asking this question I expected to receive lots of answers about specific topics or issues that are particularly hard to deal with. I do get a lot of these types of responses, but a good 25% of the responses say something along the lines of, "I know tapping works, but I just don't do it." This week I have for you three simple steps you can take that will transform tapping from this thing you beat yourself up for not doing, into something you reach for every day. (Full transcript of the audio can be found below the player.) Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

Support the podcast! One of the main reasons that people say they don't tap is because of the belief that tapping is not going to work. This is a reasonable concern. Tapping is weird. It seems unreasonable that tapping on our body would be able to provide healing and relief. When I have encountered this resistance in the past I have asked the person who doesn't believe in tapping if they would be willing to tap on the fact that they don't believe it is going to work. A funny thing happens...they are willing to tap on their disbelief in tapping. You will notice in the first paragraph above I wrote "the reason that people say". I used the word say very deliberately. Sometimes people don't tap because they don't believe it will work and sometimes they say that as a mask for the real reason they don't tap. This week we explore why you don't tap and how to tap for not tapping. (Trust me it will make sense and it will work.) Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

Support the podcast! Recently I have been asked by a number of my clients about what type of daily tapping I do. My own tapping falls into three main categories: The first is a practical approach where I do some tapping for every task on my to-do list. I covered this process back in Bonus Pod #46 Second, when I have a clear idea of the exact issue, emotion, or limiting belief I'm experiencing, I use one of the 13 tools that can be found in Advanced Anger Management. As I have stated before, the book isn't really about anger, but working towards good emotional health. Download a free copy via the link above. Third, every morning, right after I have made my first cup of coffee, I spend some time tapping using the Set-Up Phrase Generator. The Set-Up Phrase Generator is a little piece of software that you can access free of charge from any web browser. Access the Set-Up Phrase Generator here: http://EFTSetupPhraseGenerator.com/ BUT before you do that, listen to this week's audio where I explain how it works, why

Support the podcast! Back in podcast 292 I chatted with Mark Wolynn about how we are starting to recognize the way that trauma can be passed on from one generation to the next through our genes. Recognizing that some of our issues have nothing to do with our own experience is useful because it offers us a new way to approach the work we are doing with tapping. In addition to the genetic component of trauma, our emotional understanding of our issues is also influenced by the generations before us. I have seen this time and again with my clients where they feel it is unsafer for them to heal these family patterns. The thinking goes like this: the trauma we are feeling unites our family and if we choose to heal this trauma, then we are abandoning our family. Healing our trauma means risking breaking an important family connection. This week we look at how we understand generational trauma and the sense of family connection it creates, helping us to recognize when we are sabotaging our healing. I have also inclu

Support the podcast! It makes sense that we would feel grief and sadness after the death of a loved one. But this is not the only time that we experience grief. The emotion of grief is our system telling us that we are missing or disconnected from something or someone that is important to us. This could be the end of a relationship, a missed opportunity, or when we realize that we have wasted valuable time by not acting sooner. These experiences create genuine grief, but because our definition of grief may be too narrow, we can miss the opportunity to tap for it. An emotion that goes unaddressed can simmer beneath the surface and cause us problems later on in life. This week we are going to tap for the shades of grief we experience that aren't related to death and dying. As always, below the audio player is a script that you can print out and use anywhere. Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify  

Support the podcast! Recently I was talking with one of my clients. She has been doing an amazing amount of transformational work in her life. Personally, professionally, and emotionally everything was better, but she was struggling. The basic thrust of our conversation was "I know everything in my life is getting better, so why do I feel worse?" On the surface this might seem like an odd situation, but it happens a lot more than you would think. Much of it comes down to the fact that there are different types of problems and not all of those problems are created equally. We always start with the most pressing problem first. For example, if you think terms of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we will worry about food and shelter before we worry about living a life of purpose or a fulfilling career. The same is true when we are dealing with our emotional life. We start with the most pressing needs, such as feeling safe in the world, and then we move on to higher level needs, such as issues of self-esteem and self-w

Support the podcast! Jealousy is such corrosive emotion. It makes us think ill of others. It makes us feel bad for ourselves. I don't know about you, but it leads me to make poor and rash decisions. The worst part of jealousy is feeling the emotion about someone else, but having to deal with its negative consequences. Recently, I was at a professional training event and was so overcome with jealousy of the person presenting on stage that I could barely think straight. I was able to do some tapping in the moment to clear my head, but I realized that it was a big enough issue that I needed to deal with it in a deeper way. Over the next few weeks I spent some time every single day tapping for jealousy and all the other feelings around it. This week's tap-along audio is one of those tapping sessions, with the tapping script also available in a text version. Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

Support the podcast! One of the reasons that the human species survives is because of our innate ability to learn. Every time we experience something new, we have the opportunity to learn how the world works and how our fellow humans react to a certain set of circumstances. With each new experience, we are able to make subconscious comparisons with prior experiences. New information means we are able to update our understanding of ourselves and of the world we inhabit. There are two problems with the way that we learn. First, we sometimes learn the wrong lesson. Because we may not fully understand a situation, we draw inaccurate conclusions. Second, at times we are presented with new information that conflicts with our old lessons and beliefs, so we choose (consciously or unconsciously) to ignore the new information. This conflict means that sometimes not only do we not accept new information about ourselves and the world, but it actually gets in the way of our transformation. In this week's podcast I share w

Support the podcast! It can be difficult to remain focused on doing the work to improve your life. Sometimes you are pushing forward without seeing any progress. Sometimes the goal seem so far away that it is impossible. AND sometimes we just feel alone on the journey. When we are trying to improve our lives it's common to feel that the people around us are unwilling to do the same, and may even be resistant to the fact that we are changing and growing our own. This can make the work of transformation to feel lonely. This week I have words of encouragement to keep you going, even when you feel alone. Because the truth is you are not alone. It might feel like it, but there are many thousands of people who are on healing journeys, just like you. This week we tap to know that we aren't alone AND that the work we are doing in our own lives makes it easier for others, and the work others are doing is clearing a path for us. (Below the audio player you will also find a text version of the tapping script.) Subscribe