Regular Features

Oh, it's a bad day to be a dolemite! But possibly a good day if you're a children's book or someone called "Rocky Balboa".

Welcome back to Britain's LEAST acclaimed podcast. It's Regular Features, gab nab it, and it's the only podcast on the web as far we know. In this episode, Steve has an update from the British Podcast Awards. Log measures our pride with a capital pee. And Matt talks about chairs for what seems like ages, but turns out is only about 12 minutes. Okay here we go.

We can't believe we're the first ever podcast to reach Episode 600. Feels a bit weird tbh. But thank YOU, dear readers, for supporting us all these years and for keeping this runaway train of nonsense chugging along and stocked up with coal. (the coal is likes and iTunes reviews and the track is Patreon money fyi)

Whaaah it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, I'm sure. Who me? Whah ah am the most readily scandalised debutante in all of Mississippi. A single nod from a brute would be enough to butter my teacakes and make my shadow scurry up my garters, ahhh doooo believe. Ahh rahhllyy achsually dooooo if you don't mind. In this episode, Joe introduces me to the fine and upstanding gentlemen of this podcast, who I am assured are decent folk of good moral standing. And Log, ah am told, goes to war with various birds. Ahhh. AHHHHH. "That Zen Moment " Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Open wide, it's time for podcasts. In this episode, Joe recounts the story of a man who drove his car into where a multi-storey car park wasn't, Steve invites us on a tour of Candyman's factory, and Log lists the animals of his local city farm that have displeased him.

Whether you're looking for the hottest new magpie or the latest dad's brother, the Regular Features podcast is your one stop shop for all things birds AND uncles. So come on down to this episode. The uncles and birds are waiting... for you?? In this episode, Joe shows off his criminal underbelly. Log learns to speak the ancient language of beak. And Steve feeds so many damn birds. Now scoot!

Hello and welcome to the only podcast that is "Regular Features". In this episode, Joe samples forbidden chlorinated delicacies of the new world, Ryan Coogler bugles his way into and out of yet another scrape, and Steve wonders what if Bebop out of Ninja Turtles wound up Pope.

Welcome back to the Regular Features podcast, the only podcast that enters your dreams every night to chase you around a big hedge maze. And when you wake up there are hedge clippings under your pillow. And when you shake your husband awake to tell him about the dream, he has OUR faces. Dream within a dream, baby! We're the only podcast that does that, we checked!! In this episode, an Instagram voodoo-witch lets Gav in on an ancient secret you WON'T believe. Joe invites you on a murder investigation with a SHOCKING twist. And Steve pings around pointlessly like a DVD logo.

It's another quiet day in the Regular Features stock market today, and OH MY GOD THE FEATURES INDEX IS CRASHING. Put in a big buy order for Log talking about Tinkletown! Sell your stocks in Pope futures, because Joe's lifting the lid on a smoky secret! And whatever you do, hold onto your animal facts, because Matt's flooding the market!

Mmm, we have just baked a delicious episode. Now to leave it cooling on the windowsill with all delicious smell lines coming out of it. We hope there are no hungry readers hiding in our begonias. HEY. In this SPECIAL two-boy episode, Joe attempts to decipher a cryptic feature idea from his notes app. And Steve reckons Katy Perry aint been quite right ever since she did a loop-de-loop near a moon.

This week we preview the 2025 Video Games BAFTA Awards one whole week after they've been announced. How did we manage such a time-bending feat? We're not quite sure ourselves.

Four podcasters, two pairings, one episode. Joe and Gav face off against Matt and Log in a barely conceived concept episode. Do not adjust your set, because your set doesn't control podcasts.

In this episode, Log is up for a BAFTA, which looks like you're SHOUTING it because it's an ACRONYM. For the sake of making each of our features sound equally prestigious: Steve is talking about EARWAX, and Joe suspects somebody might be trying to MURDER the inventor of the SAXOPHONE. OKAY?

Hi, I'm Joe Skrebels. I just want you to know that I downloaded the public domain image used as art for this episode of the podcast before I realised it looked like me on that sled. I want to make it very clear that I did not teleport back to the 1930s for a photoshoot that I could use as podcast art almost a century later. I wouldn't do that, I haven't got the wherewithal. In this episode, Matt can't stop sninning, Log processes some stuff about a Paula Abdul music video, and Joe travels back in time to go sledding. Wait, no, don't pay attention to that. Alexa, delete that. ALEXA, DELETE THAT.

Welcome to Regular Features, the only podcast that's been clinically proven to be both big AND clever. In this week's episode, teenage Steve gets a visit from The Rock out of Wrestling, Matt intrudes into the personal doings of a Pikachu, and Log designs his own cash register, or "till", as in "I'm not serving you this pint till you give me coins for my cash register".

Are you a victim of shiny ham? Did you think it was like shiny beef (which is fine), ate it, and your hands fell off? Then are we the legal team for you! We will personally sue the pig who produced your ham that went shiny. If they're already dead, we'll sue their piglets. We will get you your money back! But not your hands, those are long gone. Actually, can you bring your hands to our law office? We want to see fallen-off hands, just for our own curiosity. And while you visit, we might play you an episode of Regular Features in which Matt finds out Mavis Beacon wasn't real, Log starts but - crucially - does not finish a feature, and Joe makes a startling discovery inside an audio illusion. DON'T DELAY IF YOU ATE BAD HAM.

Hello, my name is Betty Boop, the owner of the Regular Features podcast. I am 95 years old but still as sprightly as a bag of Tennessee pickles. Teehee. Anyway it is my pleasure to welcome you to another episode I suppose. In this one, Steve's still on about aeroplanes for some reason, Log discovers the origins of Hockley Nottingham's infamous Goose Gate, and Matt lists the horses from worst to blurst.

This week Bobby Williams' monkey movie has a grip on the Regular Features boys however one of the lads refuses to be caught up in the zeitgeist and has done a feature about Family Fortunes or summin'. This episode of the podcast is dediated to Twins director David Lynch.

New year, new you? No! Old year, OLD YOU. Open up those earholes and let us slither on in again, like you always do. Change is for the weak. Continuing to listen to Regular Features is strength. Phwoar. Look at you. Have you been working out. In this episode, Joe's got hoofs on the baize, Steve's got lungs out of phase, and Log's got heraldic insights that amaze. Roll tape!

This year instead of our annual Ramblemas Special, we bring you the inaugural Regular Features Rambuary Spectacular.