Pero Let Me Tell You

Happy Halloween…lo que no seas offensive with your costume…we miss the Vengabus…yes we’re all immigrants, but what’s the line…We may start asking all guests to cook for us…chefs who eat fast food are kinda our fave people…chicken corden bleu is from the gods…Judge Judy could replace Chef Emeril…lately Ish cries with sooooo many of our guests…at 10 years old we could barely make sandwiches…always aim to be someone’s inspiration…what’s on your list…don’t make people cry while clubbing…balls vs bites…we swear this episode is NOT sponsored by McDonald’s…Chef Chris Valdes: https://www.chefchrisvaldes.com/End Song: River Deep, Mountain High by Tina Turner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I could be your Yoko Ono…we’re part of the GeekBro network, caballero…tremenda calenture nos espera…do what you can, even if you own a hypocritical car…ugh, salad is never anyone’s first choice…our first Tony nominee…tios & tias always help out…you can be a rebel and a good girl…again, she does know the difference between Spanish and Latin…you guys, she loves us like hell…we should all be corny in life…we miss music stores…croquetas, pastelitos, empanadas, damelo TODO…how would a babalao empanada taste…we will find our guest’s delightfully embarrassing moments…freestyle music for life…there’s no wrong way to make art…End Song: “Over & Over” by Pajama Party“The Horror of Dolores Roach” podcast: https://www.gimletmedia.com/dolores-roach“Miss You Like Hell” cast album: http://smarturl.it/missyoulikehllGeekBro Network: http://www.geekbro.net/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Happy early birthday DJ…Manny Manuel or Princes Diana…Kanye is the topic that keeps on giving…connecting ourselves to a breakdown…never leave us American cheese…Less than a minute & we use the wrong name…hate all you want, the law’s on my side…equality is bi, partisan that is…we hate working, but should still be protected there…PSA: don’t out people, it’s their declaration to make…oh vegans, we don’t get it…Caitlin Jenner, the trans community’s problematic step forward…No Vote No Voice…now taking suggestions for Spanish version of woke…ugh, we’re the worst hosts…I think we’ve found our new booking agent...the best fundraisers are a party with open bar…please somebody, come as Bianca Jagger on a horse…USE PROMO CODE “PERO” FOR A DISCOUNT ON THE SAVE HALLOWEEN TICKETS!www.savehalloweenball.orgSAVE: http://www.save.lgbt/Arianna’s Center: https://www.ariannas-center.org/End Song: ‘Happy Days’ theme Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Perfection isn’t reality, people…awkward Megyn Kelly is the best Megyn Kelly…now I want Rumer, Tallulah & Scout to be a girl group…can we interest you in some Herbalife…between the 3 of us, there’s mispronounced names to go around…quick, trademark wifeager…Jody Watley finally makes an appearance on the show…siblings should NOT sing about carnal desires…it’s our first Emmy award winning guest…poor Justin Guarini…ugh, now we’re name droppers…nothing better than filming in an open grocery store…always bring your own wigs…always start your day with maniacal laughter…Trico Tri - Happy Halloween: https://www.tricotri.tv/Bodega de Pasion: https://www.facebook.com/EOPComedyShow/videos/310330869540213/End Song: Mister Don’t Touch the Banana by Willy Chirino Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s not so bad to be co-host married…for the record, this was recorded before the Kavanaugh hearing…oh Stormy…saying “woke” in the present tense is just bad grammar…to clarify, Anita Baker was not on Capitol Hill…guarantee no other podcast quoted “The Legend of Billie Jean” today…apologies in advance to anyone misquoted in our high school yearbook…all extremes are bad…sometimes people can change…prevention is ideal…doesn’t it always come back to trust…listen beyond the surface…sometimes kids can teach the adults…paying it forward is real and it works…the dark side of technology…welcome back 80’s pop cultureChristian Piciolini TED Talk link: https://bit.ly/2xXR0SYFree Radicals Project link: www.freeradicals.org End Song: Vibeology by Paula Abdul Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Start as a country song & you’ll be ok…ugh, stupid Whitman’s Sampler…if you can do a tour of donuts, go for it…yo quiero Taco Bell, pero not in Spanish…Acthung, McDs…Salt Bae leaving a bad taste in Hispanic mouths…what cut of meat would Pia Zadora reserve…never forget the plight of Venezuela…Betty White is a national treasure…awards shows are the ultimate guilty pleasure…#likeitornotRitashappening…apparently we’re now watching Big Brother…again, not above asking for help getting Juan Pablo diPace on our show…be a proud fattie…Santa could be part of Game of Thrones, just no sex scenes…End Song: Hot Right Now by DJ Fresh ft Rita Ora Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hip hop has fans of many walks of life…gondolas aren’t optimal for losing ones virginity…Colin Kaepernick could have been part of NSync…dismissive motions could be fun…kneel, stand, sit, estamos pero que una misa Catolica…ugly is ugly, period…if you’re in South Florida, you need to visit El Dorado furniture…shout out to Cubalseros…feel yourself and feel good, even if you are tacky…novela or telenovela…quicksand and piranhas, the biggest fears of the 80s…Angelina Jolie totally ripped off Brenda from MariMar…long live Soraya…End Song: La Vie Boheme fr RENT Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sitcoms and their abandoned stories…you never forget your first, even if it’s less than great…tell us what you’re doing while you listen to us…hey there AmsterDAMN…are there levels of apology…blaming the dead doesn’t really help your case…don’t Sharknado shame…we may not even subscribe to beliefs…tongue twister fatigue…”I tell it like it is” really is just code for obnoxious…pick battles, not scars…always bring you’re a game, kids…gangarias are a way of life…End Song: I Knew You Were Waiting by Aretha Franklin & George Michael Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everybody be fluidly fluid…we’ve still got a croquet hangover…RIP Senator McCain…anyone who’s read comics knows heroes sometimes do get caught, but they always win the day…not to sound trite, but thank you to all our service men and women…making abuelas happy, one Spanish lesson at a time…nobody should aspire to be mono anything…there’s always a first time to talk about ourselves…Miami, de todo un poco…esta bien Miramar, we’ll let you in…who doesn’t like Happy Meals…never forget Trina…shout out to Churchill’s Pub…freestyle forever…never let your job drain your life force…damn inflated FED…mas tarde o mas temprano, it’s all about Kim K’s sex tape…enough with the sombrillas in the Gables…the water at the beach should stop at the shore…End Song: Asere Q Bola by Jacob Forever Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Toto, who knew…say hi at Croquetapalooza…who says what is good or bad on social media…maybe the Westboro Baptist Church just needs a hug…no shade, but you know if you need two seats…guilty pleaures are the best kind…don’t even get us started on marimbas and multi-colored nipples…Ish is really bad with dates…seriously, she could not have been dressed any cuter if she’s tried…if in Miami get thee to Islas Canarias for the BEST croquetas…we’d all like to live 4 blocks from work…Martha of Miami knows everybody, doesn’t she…music sets the mood everywhere…croqueta tongue twister…branded epi-pens would be a great thing…que rico, un mango smoothie…it’s a subtle accent to us, but we ain’t deaf…hi Chef Adrienne and Chef Michelle Bernstein…never fails, DJ likes a dish, bid it farewell…End Song: Symmertry of Two Hearts by Bright Light Bright Light Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tapestry probably IS still on the Billboard charts…cuddle up with us, after dark…seriously it was like monsoon season…who else remembers Gap 90s fragrances…ay, Omarosa…it takes a special type of person to be mean to Savannah Guthrie…I’ve been in escape rooms that were more secure than the Situation Room, apparently…we’re basically just an Abbott & Costello routine…yep, the blueberry cake donut incident…certain things were ok in 1983… sometimes limits are inspiring…who’s your Macario…guy in the alley, agent or mugger…if it doesn’t exist, make it…embrace without forgetting…terror a lo Cubano, totally trademarking it…genre films shouldn’t know geographic boundaries…side note, guys Havana Nights was LOTS of fun…bilingual productions are already here… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Yeah, it’s actually episode 27…Golden Girls + Cher = perfection…try the Air Mail, it’s sooo good…total HGTV backyard in the middle of South Miami…watch or listen, podcasts are diverse that way…we love ya NY, but you ain’t Miami…eating is about the experience, food’s just part…Latinos, always late to the party…sometimes fusion works, just look at us…do yourself a favor, try a frita…all hail Guillermina…we mention mofongo WAY too much...to be clear, EVERYBODY loves Burger Beast (and if you don’t, you can’t sit with us)…pink flamingos, Miami & John Waters…again, only REAL Havana Club on this podcast…time to learn something, kids…we need more ladies named Amparo…his name is actually Raul Esparza…so many drink recipes in this episode… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Butterflies are the epitome of fleeting beauty…tasteless jokes shouldn’t always be cause for a firing…if only pizza-gate was more fun…music does make the people come together…who hasn’t experienced a Fucatazo…it really does always come down to food & café…Nuyorican y Puerto Rican, close but very different…let us know if you know what a hammer fist is…latinos unite…actor clearly equals whoring for drugs…to clarify, Cuba is not part of Mexico…improv in español doesn’t work…totally craving picky chicky…us Caribbeans are funny folk, must be the warm water…always support the mom and pop shops Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Does Forbes actually know what self-made means…racist pizza could be yummy…Martha of Los Angeles…a Cuban is never skinny or fat…Miami, home of el exilio…Los Angeles B.G. (Before Gloria)…Hunger Games, now with picadillo…what better to be put on the map for than a pastelito de guayaba…pockets of Cubanity…Culver City, Cuban Community, we do love alliterations…if in LA, get thee to Porto’s…cocinando with shortcuts is still cooking…ladies and gentlemen, the only time you’ll hear of a Cuban party running out of food…dinner at 4 is just lunch…ay, us Cubans are really having a hard time adjusting to #metoo sometimes…what do you sandpaper yourself with…bombshells can have explosive intelligence…can’t claim bullying if you’re a bully… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Phil Jimenez is easily the nicest guy in comics…being a hand double seems like the safest job on a movie set…man, there’s a constant stream of cops in NYC…everyone’s got an opinion about Wonder Woman’s costume…except the scuba suit, eso esta super cute…zeitgeist or cultural shift…Wakanda, Wakanda…multicultural representation sometimes has unexpected angles….creator owned may not be all it’s cracked up to be…millennials do pay attention…sometimes…no lie mi gente, Ish is properly geeking out during this interview… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

All abuelas should have hip hop spirit animals…World Cup winners should only be chosen based on baked goods…futbol vs Eurovision…I can think of several other rights of passages that don’t involve underwater caves…ScarJo and the case of the trans role…Ethel in accounting never knows anything…we’re not too old for Double Dare, right…Ellis Island needs to be cherished…funny we don’t have more millionaires migrating…we all have roots from beyond these shores…despite hardships, no other country offers more promise of achievement…more of us should learn to dance in the moonlight… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1/5 of the Colada Boyz team…Cuban coffee is essentially Latin Red Bull…la colada is as Cuban as the Cuban sandwich…our goal is the podcast equivalent of 5 tasas…are you aware of ventanita culture…the nuances of cortadio, café con leche and colada…I wouldn’t drink café made by a melty old cast member of Miami housewives…Walter Mercado definitely drinks café Cubano…anonymity is key for the Colada Boyz…again we reference Alvares Guedes…los cake de los gay necesitan mucho merengue….mmmm, el Publix….sometimes cum on a cake is ok…DJ tastes café for the first time…can you tell the difference between coffee brands…it’s all about the espumita!And don’t forget to visit ColadaBoyz.com and use promo code PLMTY10 for 10% off your order of awesome colada branded merch! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As promised, here’s our conversation composed entirely of Britney lyrics….with a few other comemierderias tossed in for good measure….you can only imagine what other treasures exist in our “lost tapes” recordings… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gracias to everyone on the show and our listeners…every drinking game needs ground rules…we can’t recommend Brightline enough…#PTD, catch it…Ricky Martin & tank top encounters…talkin’ World Cup…the European version of our podcast would totally have accents …Caribbeans aren’t good footballers…US wants no part of soccer or Robbie Williams…rugby v football…one word makes all the legal difference…most border crossers aren’t Mexicans…we’re so against Neo-nazis we don’t even use white crayons…get out and vote, mi gente…memes aren’t educational…Miss Vanjie…maybe JLo’s “Feeling So Good” is about masturbation…is talking about Demi’s relapse while doing shots inappropriate…apparently we sing Britney when buzzed….finally we duet with Bea Arthur… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Croquetas are French…DJ’s parents are from a no-horse town…possibly our most Miami episode ever…Valsan, los que vienen no se van…businesses can start from a total accident…we’re all just kids of immigrants looking to make our parents proud…build on the shoulders but stand on your own…don’t all 4 year olds watch Caso Cerrado…fufu vs mofongo…fruit can be weaponized in a pinch…the great canker outbreak of the early 2000s…during avocado & mango seasons, your co-workers turn into Oprah, “YOU GET A MANGO! YOU GET A MANGO!”…we all hate when the girl at the front is comiendo mierda…Xqume Miami…Spanglish really is sort of like breathing…that damn chusma rearing its head…Alvarez Guedes, gone but not forgotten…the parting of the viejo’s balls…croqueta cake is proof of heaven... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.