Being Well With Dr. Rick Hanson

Why does change feel so difficult, even when we desperately want it? Dr. Ross Ellenhorn joins the show to explore our resistance to change, and the many good reasons we might have to stay just as we are. Forrest and Dr. Ellenhorn discuss the “fear of hope,” the allure of sameness, and what actually helps people develop the confidence to make meaningful changes in their lives. Topics include challenging conventional self-help wisdom, existential dread, dealing with disappointment, major issues in social work, psychedelics, and self-compassion. About our Guest: Ross Ellenhorn is a psychotherapist and sociologist, the owner and CEO of Ellenhorn, a community-integration program offering services for individuals experiencing addictive behaviors or extreme and complex states of mind and mood, and the author of three books including How We Change (and Ten Reasons Why We Don’t). You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:00: How Dr. Ross’s background in social work influences his outlook

Life has a way of throwing unexpected curveballs: a sudden job loss, a relationship ending, a health crisis, or losing faith in something. These moments can leave us feeling overwhelmed, lost, and unsure of how to move forward. In this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick explore a practical framework for navigating life's most challenging transitions. They break down the essential steps for finding your footing when things fall apart: managing the initial emotional impact, steadying yourself, gathering information, working with loss, and taking meaningful action. You'll learn how to process difficult emotions without getting stuck, ways to evaluate your situation objectively while avoiding common cognitive biases, strategies for decision making under stress, and approaches to building resilience and finding meaning in challenging experiences. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 4:55: Four steps to find your footing when things fall apart 7:05: Stabilizing your body, and reestablish

We all have to make big choices in life, but it’s easy to feel overwhelmed when facing major decisions about careers, relationships, or personal growth. In this episode, Forrest and Rick Hanson explore how to develop a reliable system for making choices that align with your values and goals. They break down balancing analysis with intuition, the five key decision-making styles, and common obstacles that lead to poor choices. The episode also includes two live demonstrations of working through a big decision, which includes learning how to identify what you want and pursue it from a values-oriented perspective. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:50: Analysis vs. intuition, and activities vs. results 10:45: Effort, values, and the environments you put yourself in 17:05: The five decision-making styles 28:50: Motives and attachment 33:30: Rigidity, excessive certainty, and other common pitfalls 42:10: Demo #1 - Reverse-engineering a career decision (or Rick with a legal pad)

We’re tired, burnt out, and searching for a reprieve from hustle culture. Something needs to change if we’re going to get to real productivity: doing that is meaningful and fulfilling rather than just checking boxes off an endless to-do list. On today’s episode, Cal Newport joins the podcast to explore slow productivity, deep work, and how we can achieve more by doing less. About our Guest: Cal is a computer science professor at Georgetown University and the bestselling author of eight books including Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World and most recently, Slow Productivity: The Lost Art of Accomplishment Without Burnout. He also has a YouTube channel and hosts the podcast Deep Questions with Cal Newport.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:45: Slow productivity vs. pseudoproductivity 10:35: Anxiety, procrastination, and overwhelm 17:40: Meaningful work and anti-productivity 22:40: Technology, an

Dr. Rick and Forrest answer listener questions focused on navigating relationship challenges. They explore how to rediscover yourself after a codependent relationship, distinguish between healthy and unhealthy desires, maintain friendships after romantic feelings emerge, overcome self-consciousness in social interactions, and communicate effectively during stress responses. Whether you're healing from a breakup, working through attachment issues, or seeking to build more authentic connections, this episode offers practical advice. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 0:50: After a breakup, how can I reconnect with myself and identify what I really want? 7:50: How do I distinguish between healthy and unhealthy wanting? 18:40: How can I stay friends with someone I’ve had romantic feelings for? 32:20: How can I learn to let my thoughts and speech flow more naturally? 39:10: How can I communicate with care when I find myself in an attachment-related freeze response? 56:15: Recap I

We all have an "inner child:” the part of ourselves that carries the emotions, beliefs and experiences from our early years. While this aspect of ourselves can be a source of creativity, playfulness and wonder, it might also harbor unresolved wounds that affect our adult relationships and behaviors. In this episode, Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore what the inner child really is, how it manifests in our lives, and practical ways to work with this important part of ourselves. They discuss how to identify inner child wounds, demonstrate techniques like voice dialogue, and share strategies for bringing more awareness and healing to our younger selves. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:20: What is the inner child? 7:30: How the inner child shows up in our adult lives 10:40: A CBT-ish way of thinking about the inner child 16:40: Unmet needs, and examples of inner child wounds 21:45: Promoting the positive aspects of the inner child 28:50: How to begin engaging with the inner chi

Anxiety is something we all experience from time to time, and because it’s so common it can be easy to take it lightly. But anxiety dominates the lives of many people, and in this episode psychotherapist Joshua Fletcher joins Forrest for an in-depth exploration of anxiety. They talk about the anxiety cycle, moving away from thinking in terms of a “cure,” and the key target of the “willful tolerance of uncertainty.” Josh also shares insights on exposure therapy, managing self-criticism, and developing greater self-awareness.  About our Guest: Joshua Fletcher, also known as Anxiety Josh, is a psychotherapist based in Manchester, UK, and the author of several books, including his newest, "and how does that make you feel?" Joshua also co-hosts the podcast "Disordered," and you may have bumped into his content on Tiktok or Instagram, where he has over a quarter million followers.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:30: Josh’s first panic attack 10:15: The vicious cycle of threa

Why do so many people seem to resist self-compassion? Dr. Chris Germer, co-creator of the Mindful Self-Compassion program, joins Forrest to explore how we can work with the deeply ingrained shame that gets in the way. Dr. Germer shares common misunderstandings about self-compassion, and they discuss the complex interplay between shame, self-criticism, and our capacity for self-care. Forrest focuses on the paradox of self-compassion: how approaching it as a “solution to your problems” actually gets in the way of it helping you out. Dr. Germer then shares the model of safety, challenge, and overwhelm, including how we can use it to guide our practice, get to the bottom of shame, and avoid burnout along the way. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:30: What people get wrong about self-compassion  5:10: Tender vs. fierce self-compassion, and the “paradox of practice” 11:35: Shame and self-compassion 17:35: Safety, challenge, and overwhelm 23:30: Holding ourselves before holding

In this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the all-too-common challenge of social anxiety. They break down what it really means to be socially anxious (hint: it's not just being shy), where those feelings come from, and why they stick around. Rick explains the roots of social anxiety, highlighting the role of attachment styles and individual temperament, before Forrest shares how to locate yourself on a spectrum from everyday nervousness to Social Anxiety Disorder. They then discuss evidence-based approaches to working with social anxiety like exposure therapy, cognitive defusion, and mindfulness techniques. Whether you experience feelings of anxiety or are trying to understand a friend who does, this episode will help you feel more confident and connected. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:45: What is social anxiety? 7:10: Where does social anxiety come from? 13:40: Feeling worthy, and other social factors 17:00: Nature vs. nurture 24:15: Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)

Dr. Rick and Forrest unpack the "Dark Triad" of personality traits - narcissism, Machiavellianism, and sociopathy - and explore how these traits can manifest in everyday relationships. They talk about how individuals with these tendencies use charm and manipulation to control situations and people, and offer practical strategies for identifying these traits in others. You’ll learn how to set boundaries, protect yourself from manipulation, and develop a thoughtful, empathetic approach when navigating relationships with those who exhibit these challenging behaviors. The episode also explores self-care in difficult dynamics, the ethical considerations in labeling others, and how to manage unavoidable interactions with people who display these traits. It’s essential listening for anyone who has encountered toxic behavior, and wants to learn how to deal with it more effectively. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction and disclaimers 3:50: The Dark Triad: Narcissism, Machiavellianism,

Forrest sits down with marriage and family therapist Julie Menanno to explore one of the most crucial aspects of healthy relationships: secure attachment. They discuss the impact of anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment patterns, and provide practical advice on identifying and communicating attachment needs, fostering emotional safety, and addressing the common anxious-avoidant partner dynamic. Julie highlights the importance of emotional validation and recommends strategies for communicating from the heart. Forrest and Julie then talk about what we can learn from how securely attached couples navigate conflict and repair.  This episode is perfect for anyone looking to strengthen their relationships! You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:20: Attachment styles and emotional safety 4:30: Identifying and meeting attachment needs 12:45: How attachment styles shape our relationships 19:30: The “anxious-avoidant” partner dynamic 26:55: Communicating from the heart 32:40: Emotion

Dr. Rick and Forrest dive into the mailbag, and answer questions from listeners focused on working with anxiety in ourselves and our relationships. They start with a question that’s essential to the podcast as a whole: is it possible to be too preoccupied with personal growth? Rick talks about how to manage the desire for approval, offering strategies to foster self-acceptance and healthier self-validation, before Forrest shares his own journey with finding the right amount of try-hard. They then discuss how to create more collaborative decisions in relationships. Additional topics include self-motivation and peak performance, working with diverse needs, and diagnostic “scope creep.” You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:05: Am I too preoccupied with self-help and personal growth? 11:20: How do I address my unquenchable thirst for approval? 27:15: How can I tell if I’m actually doing my best? 36:40: How do I advocate for more collaborative decision making with my partner? 54:

Forrest dives into cognitive bypassing - a common strategy many of us use to avoid feeling difficult emotions - with trauma therapist Simone Saunders. Simone and Forrest discuss the connection between cognitive bypassing and trauma before exploring somatic tools that can help us avoid an endless cycle of overthinking, and fully process our experiences. They focus on the “freeze” and “fawn” stress responses, and talk about how these responses can impact our relationships and everyday interactions. The conversation widens from there to include topics like letting go of unhealthy relationships, navigating the shame that can come with self-awareness, working through triggers, finding more agency, and changing our models of conflict.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:25: What’s cognitive bypassing? 5:55: Somatic approaches, and widening the window of tolerance 18:10: The freeze and fawn responses 22:25: Grieving letting go of unhealthy relationships 26:20: Shame, the problem

In this special conversation, Forrest explores what it means to be a good father with his dad, clinical psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson. They discuss the joys, challenges, and unexpected lessons of parenthood, starting with the advice Rick would have given himself. Rick and Forrest tackle the mental health challenges new parents face, focusing particularly on maintaining a strong relationship between partners. They get real about their relationship, and Rick offers practical strategies for "resetting" with your partner during stressful times.  They then talk about different approaches to parenting, and how to find a healthy balance of authority, aspiration, and nurturance. Whether you’re navigating the path of parenthood, reflecting on your relationship with your own parents, or just looking to gain some insight into the father-son dynamic, this episode has something for everyone.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: Did becoming a dad change Rick’s relationship with his p

In this timely episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest tackle the anxiety and uncertainty so many are feeling about the state of today’s world. They discuss why everything feels so overwhelming right now, share practical ways to manage those emotions, and explore how we can stay grounded, take ownership of what we can control, and maintain a sense of connection with others. Topics include managing uncertainty, wise skepticism, developing agency, accepting impermanence, and understanding grief as a deep form of love and connection. Whether you're feeling anxious about global events or just navigating daily life, this episode offers practical advice for building resilience. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:55: Why do things feel so terrifying? 11:45: A typical response to the state of the world 17:40: Recognizing how much uncertainty there is 25:35: Feeling grounded in your personal integrity 32:30: Taking ownership of what you are able to contribute 39:00: Our felt sense of connect

Forrest explores how we can harness perfectionism’s strengths without getting captured by its vulnerabilities with therapist and author Katherine Morgan Schafler. They talk about perfectionism’s bad branding, and how our relationship with perfectionism can lead to it being either a superpower or a stumbling block. They discuss the different types of perfectionists, the limitations of defining perfectionism merely as a defense against criticism, and the importance of shifting our language around self-criticism. You’ll learn about the difference between power and control, why self-compassion beats self-punishment, and how to keep perfectionism in check while still reaching your goals. About our Guest: Katherine is a psychotherapist, former on-site therapist at Google, and author of the recent book The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:35: Defining perfectionism 6:00: Ideals, identity, and asking yourself ho

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore one of the most interesting concepts in psychology: Carl Jung’s concept of the shadow. The shadow includes the “the things a person has no wish to be,” the uncomfortable aspects of ourselves that we deny or ignore. Facing those parts can be difficult, but becoming aware of the shadow, accepting it, and integrating it allows us to embrace all of who we are.  They start by explaining what the shadow is, where it comes from, and why it’s valuable. Rick shares some examples of shadow material, what we lose by leaving them behind, and how we can start reintegrating them. Forrest talks about modern approaches to shadow work, and viewing the shadow through a less dualistic lens. They then map out the “typical” path of what is usually a highly individualized process.  Hope you enjoy it! You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:50: Defining the shadow - things we leave out, or don’t care to know 4:30: Individuation 12:05: Some examples of shadow material 18:3

Forrest and Dr. Rick tackle the tricky topic of dealing with other people’s psychological defenses. It’s often easier to see other people’s defenses than to see our own, which can make them particularly frustrating to deal with. In this episode, Rick and Forrest explore the psychological and communication skills that will allow you to have more successful conversations. They start with a quick summary of what psychological defenses are and how they operate, before talking about recognizing our biases, showing empathy, and establishing a productive tone. Rick explains how to break the cycle of counterattacks that can happen when people get defensive, and how to balance different needs for closeness and distance. Topics include effective communication skills, moving from criticism toward values, managing frustration, and helping other people become more self-aware. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction, psychological defenses recap 3:40: Why can’t we see other people’s defenses?

Have you ever felt like you knew yourself a little too well? While self-awareness is usually helpful, it can sometimes lead to overwhelm, anxiety, confusion, and self-consciousness. In this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore what we can do if we feel like we’re “too self-aware.”  They begin by identifying some of the issues that can arise with self-awareness, differentiating it from self-consciousness, and highlighting how conflict between different parts can stop us from becoming who we want to be. They then discuss how developing ego strength can help us become more authentic and free in our behavior. Rick then guides Forrest through a role-play exercise aimed at reducing self-consciousness and social anxiety, and addressing parts of ourselves we may not like. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:40: Can we be "too self-aware?" 3:55: Three ways self-awareness can cause problems, and four stages of growth 8:25: Outside-in vs. inside-out change, and self-consciousness 14:

About 30% of people will experience depression at some point in their lives, and most of us know what a depressed mood feels like. Because depressive episodes are common, there’s no lack of good advice out there. But depression is so challenging in part because it attacks our ability to do anything about it. Depression saps our energy, is demotivating, and makes it difficult to actually put that good advice into practice. In this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore what we can do about this, and how we can break out of an episode of depressed mood.  They start by talking about what causes depression, introduce the biopsychosocial model, and identify an overall framework for most depressive episodes. Rick and Forrest then explain the vicious cycle of depressed mood before focusing on what a person can do practically to break the cycle. Topics include identifying mindsets, changing how we interpret information, fully experiencing our emotions, rumination and ruminatory processes, taking in the good, and creat