Being Well With Dr. Rick Hanson

We all want a relationship that's more than just functional, we want one that's truly fulfilling. On today's episode Forrest is joined by a wonderful therapist and author who focuses on giving people the tools they need to communicate, navigate hard times, and create deeper connections with other people: Elizabeth Earnshaw. They explore:  How the pandemic impacted our relationships The Gottman approach The stages of a relationship Balancing differing needs for intimacy How to request, and give, repair. They then close the episode with a fun game focused on debunking common relationship myths. About our Guest: Elizabeth is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, the founder of A Better Life Therapy, and the author of I Want This to Work. You might also know her as @lizlistens on Instagram, where she’s helped countless people transform their relationships. From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Our holiday s

Today we're continuing our exploration of the key inner strengths and psychological skills we truly feel like we couldn’t live without. In the second of two episodes dedicated to this topic, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson talk about joy, seeing the mind's deceits, keeping your good humor, the wild spirit, and finding meaning. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Our holiday sale is going on now, and podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25  for another 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:30: Cognitive restructuring: fighting your negative brain. 7:10: Not taking things so seriously.  9:40: The “stage play” of life. 12:40: Joy. 17:40: The wild spirit.  23:20: Breaking our patterns.  25:15: The “routinization of charisma.”  29:00: Finding meaning.  38:40: R

Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore which key inner strengths and psychological skills they truly feel like they couldn’t live without. In the first of two episodes dedicated to this topic, they talk about benevolence, patience, curiosity, self-regulation, and grit.  Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Our holiday sale is going on now, and podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25  for another 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:00: What do you take with you? 4:15: Benevolence.  8:10: Patience.  12:15: What helps us learn how to wait? 16:40: The value of “asking the question.” 17:30: Curiosity. 22:30: Self-regulation. 28:30: Regulation enabling exploration. 32:30: Grit. 40:50: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the

Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson focus on two of our most important subjects, attachment wounds and traumatic experiences, with a longtime therapist, trainer of therapists, and world-class expert on attachment theory: Dr. Diane Poole Heller.  About our Guest: Dr. Heller focuses on using somatic, or body-based, approaches to help people resolve the painful experiences and negative patterns that hold us back. Her work on adult attachment has created a path for adults with childhood attachment injuries to develop the secure attachment skills that lead to more connected and fulfilling adult relationships. Key Topics: 2:30: What is attachment, and why should we care? 4:45: Secure attachment. 7:50: Avoidant attachment.  12:30: The potential for movement toward secure attachment. 16:00: Ambivalent (or anxious) attachment. 20:45: Disorganized attachment.  24:15: Somatic approaches to attachment wounds.  29:50: Allowing the body to move out of threat. 34:10: Secure attachment skills. 38:55: Repatterning ourselves.  47:20:

The most important relationship we have is with ourselves. You’re the only person you’ll be around every minute of every day for the rest of your life. And, unfortunately, that relationship is often our most difficult one. Today Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore how we can become better friends to ourselves, and learn to like ourselves more. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:20: What does it mean to “like ourselves?” 5:20: Why don’t people like themselves? 11:50: Giving yourself the same breaks you give others. 14:10: Regulating impulses.  19:15: Does “liking ourselves more” make someone narcissistic? 24:30: What supported Rick in liking himself more? 29:00: Seeing yourself clearly. 32:30: The IFS model and the caring committee.  36:30: Our nurturing parts. 39:10: A practicing of being for yourself. 45:10: Recap. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: From Dr

How can we create relationships that last? On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson lean on Rick's 35+ years of couples counseling experience to explore how we can build relationships that are loving, healthy, enjoyable, and reliable. This includes learning the structure of most relationship problems, how to make vulnerable communications, and how to stay open to change. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:15: What issues brought couples into therapy most often? 4:50: The structure of most relationship problems. 12:30: Giving your partner what they need. 15:30: What differentiated couples that improved from those that didn’t? 21:15: Skills that increase the chances of building a good relationship. 21:45: Loving vs. liking.  25:00: Deliberately activating feelings of “liking.” 27:00: Getting “on the side” of the relationship. 31:10: How to make a vulnerable communication. 39:15: Openness to change.  43:40: Three re

In one of our favorite conversations, Dr. Jud Brewer joins us to explore the habit of anxiety, mindfulness practices to heal addiction, and what we can learn from the brains of the world’s most advanced meditators. About Our Guest: Dr. Jud is a psychiatrist, neuroscientist and New York Times best-selling author. He’s the director of research and innovation at Brown University’s Mindfulness Center, where he also serves as an associate professor, as well as the executive medical director of behavioral health at Sharecare Inc. Dr. Jud is also the author of The Craving Mind and Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind.  Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 2:00: What got Jud from psychiatry to studying mindfulness? 5:45: Addiction and the structure of habits.  10:15: Mindfulness as a treatment for addiction.  14:00: Liking without wanting. 19:45: Habit formation and reward-based learning. 24:00: Awaren

In the second of two episodes, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore common self-help myths and misconceptions, including ones related to hedonic adaptation, "no pain no gain," and meditation. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:30: Misconception #1: People can’t really change in lasting ways/Hedonic adaptation stops people from becoming happier. 17:00: Misconception #2: No pain, no gain. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  27:50: Misconception #3: You can only meditate by sitting quietly on a cushion.  41:15: Misconception #4: I can heal myself all on my own. Relying on a therapist means something is “wrong” with me. 50:00: Misconception #5: All therapy is talk therapy. It’s really cognitive and top-down. 57:45: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice i

As mental health and the psychological sciences have gone increasingly mainstream, so too have some common misconceptions and misunderstandings. In the first of two episodes, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore some of the biggest misconceptions related to therapy, trauma, and what it means to be "resilient." Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Membership includes expanded show notes and transcripts of the episodes.  Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:10: Misconception #1: "Personal growth is narcissistic." 5:05: The social value of individual growth. 10:25: Misconception #2: "Well-being is all about individual effort." 18:50: Misconception #3: "Therapy is for people who are messed up." 23:00: Misconception #4: "If I go to therapy, I'll become dependent on it." 30:00: Misconception #5: "If I go to therapy, it'll destabilize me or mess me up." 34:45: Misconception #6: "

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or PMDD, is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome that includes severe anxiety, depression, and feelings of shame. It affects 5-10% of women, and most don't even know they have it. On today's episode, Forrest is joined by his partner Elizabeth Ferreira to explore what PMDD is, how to know if you might have it, effective practices for managing PMDD, and how to create a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship alongside it.  About Our Guest: Elizabeth is a graduate student studying somatic psychology at the California Institute of Integral Studies. If you'd like to hear more from Elizabeth and learn about somatic psychology, she's just started a YouTube channel! During this conversation we focused on psychological and lifestyle change-based interventions for PMDD. Not everyone has a life that allows them to make these changes, and in addition to these practices many people need significant medical intervention to feel relief. Treatment options range from oral contraceptives and

Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore what "avoidant behavior" is, common forms it takes, and what we can do to limit its unhealthy aspects. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Membership includes expanded show notes and transcripts of the episodes.  Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:10: Approaching, Avoiding, and Abiding 4:25: Common Forms of Avoidance 7:30: The Costs of Avoidance 11:30: Situational Avoidance 13:40: Cognitive Avoidance 15:30: Emotional Avoidance 16:45: The True Function of Worrying 23:05: Somatic Avoidance 27:40: Useful Aspects of Avoidance 30:45: What Helps People With Their Avoidant Behaviors? 34:30: What We Do vs. What We Are 38:30: Bounding the Problem 40:50: Anticipate Blocks 42:00: Active Coping, and Critiques of Positive Psychology 46:50: An Exercise for Fighting Avoidance 49:40: Recap Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brin

What goes into making "a self," and how can we bring together the many aspects of who we are? Today Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson talk with meditation teacher, bestselling author, and podcaster (and their good friend) Michael Taft about moving from the spiritual to the secular and back again, ego dissolution, and how we can deconstruct ourselves. About Our Guest: Michael is a meditation teacher, bestselling author and neuroscience junkie. He’s been practicing meditation for over 35 years, and is the author of several books, including The Mindful Geek. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:30: Michael’s journey from the spiritual to the secular to back again. 5:00: LSD, yoga, and Shinzen Young 8:30: Reconciling the spiritual and the secular. 15:45: What is “deconstructing yourself?” 20:45: Ego dissolution and panic.  25:00: “Spiritual emergencies” and cautions around mindfulness.  29:20: Psychedelics and seeing the ego as an object.  31

We all have limiting beliefs: patterns of think about ourselves and the world that tend to hold us back. On this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore how we can push back on these problematic beliefs and build more supportive ones. Change Your Mind Workshop: Learn how to step out of old assumptions and attitudes, free yourself from limiting beliefs, and cultivate more useful, hopeful thoughts about yourself and others during this new workshop from Dr. Rick Hanson. Attend this online event live on August 28-29, or watch the recordings after. Enter code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for 25% off the purchase price. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:25: The PASS Process 8:35: Limiting beliefs about our nature. 14:10: Limiting beliefs about our ability to learn. 19:00: Limiting beliefs about our worthiness. 21:45: Limiting beliefs about vulnerability. 25:50: Limiting beliefs related to gender socialization. 31:10: Perfectionism: Limi

We all have times in life where it feels like we’re stagnating. We’re unfulfilled, bored, or trapped in cycles of behavior that don’t serve us. We’re stuck in a rut. Today Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore how we can break old patterns, and get un-stuck. Change Your Mind Workshop: Learn how to step out of old assumptions and attitudes, free yourself from limiting beliefs, and cultivate more useful, hopeful thoughts about yourself and others during this new workshop from Dr. Rick Hanson. Attend this online event live on August 28-29, or watch the recordings after. Enter code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for 25% off the purchase price. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics 0:00: Introduction 2:00: What tends to keep us stuck in a rut? 5:15: Limiting beliefs. 7:45: Appraisals and attributions. 9:30: The invisible cage. 11:15: Challenging our assumptions. 15:20: A 3-step process for challenging assumptions.  18:30: Rick applies the process to his own material. 2

We're all searching for fulfillment in one way or another. Today Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson discuss how we can find and maintain it, and if it's truly possible to be fulfilled all the time. We're exploring how we can relate to our low moments amidst a "good vibes only" culture, what gets in the way of fulfillment, and the importance of respecting individual differences in nature.  Here's the video about fulfillment on Forrest's channel that we refer to during the episode. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:45: Fulfillment: “Climate” rather than “weather.” 3:20: Context for the episode: Forrest’s video.  5:00: Authentic fulfillment in the self-help space. 9:15: The tyranny of low expectations. 13:20: Eudaimonic and hedonic wellbeing. 15:30: Pitfalls of chasing fulfillment. 17:40: The importance of nature, individual variation, and ci

Though there’s no lack of advice out there, changing in lasting ways is hard. Today Forrest and Dr. Rick Hanson are joined by Dr. Katy Milkman, an expert on the science of change, to explore how we can build better habits, sustain motivation, and change for good.  About Our Guest: Dr. Katy Milkman is a Professor at The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. Her research explores ways that insights from economics and psychology can be harnessed to change consequential behaviors for good. Katy is the author of the bestselling new book How to Change: The Science of Getting From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, and is also the host of the popular podcast Choiceology with Katy Milkman. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:30: Why is it so hard to change? 5:35: Using Rick as an example of changing a habit. 10:10: Short-term

When we’re hurt in our relationships, it’s normal to experience resentment. We don’t talk about resentment very much, we’re more likely to talk about anger, fear, or sadness. But resentment is a combination of all of those difficult feelings that causes as much harm to our relationships – and to our own well-being – as any other emotion. In this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick Hanson explore resentment:  where it comes from, what it does, and what we can do about it. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: What is resentment, and what function does it serve? 5:50: Resentment as repressed emotion. 9:00: Resentment and power differences. 11:10: Aspects of resentment. 12:40: Costs of resentment.  18:50: Given the costs, why do people hold on to their resentment? 22:20: Resentment connects us to people.  28:30: Healthy aspects of resentment. 31:00:  Feeling "good enough."  34:00: Working with resentment: what do you want your experience

Tara Brach joins Dr. Rick Hanson to help us learn how to "trust the gold:" recognizing and appreciating our essential human goodness, while resting in the key refuges of truth, love, and freedom. About our Guest:  Tara is the founder and guiding teacher of the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, D.C. Tara has taught all over the world, and is the author of four books, including her most recent book Trusting the Gold: Uncovering Your Natural Goodness. You can also find Tara through her Tara Brach podcast. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 2:05: What does it mean to “trust the gold?” 6:05: Blocks to seeing our true goodness. 9:50: The impact of childhood. 13:05: Objection #1: Fears of falling into narcissism or arrogance.  18:30: The benefits of satisfying our needs. 21:20: Objection #2: Fears of laziness and lack of success. 25:15: Two paths to t

Most personal growth content out there suggests having a "never give up" mindset. But the truth is that a big part of life is deciding when it's time to stop investing our limited effort into that job, skill, or relationship that's no longer serving you.  Today Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest explore how to determine when it's time for things to end, dealing with disappointment, giving ourselves credit for our good efforts, and getting excited about what's to come. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:15: Being sure you’re not ending too soon. 4:50: Improving distress tolerance vs. protecting yourself. 9:50: Trusting the past.  13:30: What keeps people stuck: sunk cost fallacy. 14:30: The longing for a just world. 16:50: Dealing with disappointment. 22:00: Optimism, and turning toward the future. 24:30: Understanding the limitations of our

Forrest is joined by pioneering psychologist Dr. Katherine Kinzler to explore how our speech shapes our social identity, and the views we hold about other people. A big part of human nature is to rapidly sort people into two groups: “like me,” and “not like me.” Our general tendency is to gravitate toward people we perceive as “like me,” and avoid and oppose people we perceive as “not like me.” We use many different kinds of markers to determine which group a person belongs to: markers like perceived race, gender, political affiliation, and social class.  But there’s an often-overlooked factor that might influence how we view ourselves and others even more powerfully: the way we speak.  About Our Guest: Dr. Kinzler is a professor of psychology at the University of Chicago, and the leader of the Development of Social Cognition Laboratory. She’s also the author of the wonderful book How You Say It: Why You Talk the Way You Do―And What It Says About You.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like