Zen Parenting Radio

Why do we get "triggered" by certain people or circumstances?  You could call it a "trigger", or you could call it   a "thorn".  A thorn is when you are disturbed because something you are experiencing feels similar to a negative (or uncomfortable, or unresolved, or painful) experience from the past. Instead of feeling/responding to something in present time, the experience can trigger old pain from the past.  That makes the present experience feel like too much to bear, and you may respond in an inappropriate or over the top way. An example is when you are driving and somebody cuts you off - you go from being calm to out of control very quickly, and most likely you are having a response based on old thoughts or experiences (that person thinks he's better than me, that person doesn't respect me, that person is a jerk driver just like that guy who hit me 10 years ago....).  When we pull up all of that pain into a present-time situation, it's understandable why we go from 0-60 so quickly. We played a few cli

"Leukemia messed with the wrong girl in November 2011 - my then almost two year old daughter, Maddy. That was when my family's journey with leukemia began...."~Erin and Dan McCarthy Last month, Maddy became a SURVIVOR, after 2+ years of treatment. It was brutal - Maddy had 3 surgeries, over 50 rounds of outpatient chemotherapy (as well as hundreds of chemo meds at home), 10 spinal tap chemo injections, 4 blood transfusions, 12 ER visits, hair loss, 16 body scans, numerous inpatient admissions, and on and on.. Dan & Erin share their 2-year experience with their daughter's Leukemia and take us through all of the ups and downs of diagnosis, chemo, and what it means to be a survivor. Dan has also been nominated as a person of the year by the Leukemia Society.  Please consider donating (click here to find his page.)  Every dollar counts as a vote, and we would love to see Dan receive this tremendous honor (not to mention raise a ton of $$ for cancer research)! Erin is a professional photographer and if a li

There are 5 attributes Google, Inc. currently looks for when hiring an employee and guess what?  The school you came from and your G.P.A. don't mean that much.  In a New York Times article titled "How to Get a Job at Google" Thomas Friedman interviewed Laszlo Bock, the Senior Vice President of People Operations for Google and asks what they look for when hiring employees.  Google determined that “G.P.A.’s are worthless as a criteria for hiring, and test scores are worthless. ... We found that they don’t predict anything.” What does count? General cognitive ability- and it’s not I.Q., it's learning ability. Leadership — in particular emergent leadership as opposed to traditional leadership. Emergent leadership is described as "understanding when to assert your leadership qualities and just as importantly, when to step back and allow others to lead." Humility and ownership- “It’s feeling the sense of responsibility, the sense of ownership, to step in,” he said, to try to solve any problem — and the humi

How do we react when our children have an emotional response? Yes, there needs to be some boundaries on how our children treat us, but we must also be aware of our own triggers and take responsibility for the energy we bring. We share a recent experience when our daughter had an emotional response (let's just say it wasn't handled perfectly). We also use the ocean as a metaphor to distinguish between fear and respect.  The easier and quicker lesson is to teach fear, but is there a more effective way to communicate without passing fear down from one generation to the next? Do you want your kids to like you more?  Ask them to teach you something you don't know.  I did this last weekend when I asked my girls to tell me about "Frozen". They lit up because they loved sharing a part of themselves (and teaching me in the process). We also answer a few questions from some listeners whose partners have different parenting styles.  We also talked about this in podcast our podcas titled "Are You On The Same Page As Y

Our friend Jenny Zabrocki shares her personal stories about her modern family.  Jenny and her husband Jon had three biological children and then decided to adopt.  They adopted a son, Mesfin, from Ethipoia and a daughter, Iris, from China.  She helps us understand the challenges and celebrations surrounding the adoption process.  Jenny's very honest and grounded way of sharing her story is an inspiration, and a reminder of how much each of us has to give. Click here to read Jenny's "Live by Family" blog. Resources: If you shop Amazon by going through our website first (there is an amazon link on the bottom right hand of our home page), a portion of your sale will help fund our Be U program.  Thanks for supporting us! Check out our new website & be sure to sign up to get all new podcast sent direct to your inbox @ ZPR. Todd's Men Adventure Retreat is February 28th through March 2nd.  Please email @ comments@zenparentingradio.com for details. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us

Do you forget names or what you are going to say next? Do you walk into a room and forget why you are there? Don't fear- we can relate, and we also have some ideas to make your brain less mushy.  There is a book called "Keep Your Brain Alive" that discusses Neurobics - these are ways to train your brain to stay alert and sharp. Cathy just returned from a vacation and discusses its importance and how we put "fake" importance on our day to day activities.  If we can all step back and re-prioritize we'd be in a much better place. Lastly we discuss boys and the stigma against physical affection.  A question came in from a listener about her 10 year old son being  one way during the day and another way at night.  Along the same lines,  we discuss a blog written by Shannan Younger titled, "Thank you, Shaun White, for not medaling in the Olympics"  Shaun White (famous snow-boarding Olympian) asks for a hug from another man in his moment of defeat. Resources: Mom Translator Skit- SNL Keep Your Brain Alive by La

Last Friday night was "pizza & ice cream night" in our house.  Nowhere to go, nothing to do other than watch the Olympics, eat some unhealthy but yummy food and spend some quality time together.  At least that was the picture I had in my head for the evening. The problem was one of my daughters was not on board with MY plan and instead told me how bored she was and how she wanted to watch "Merlin".  I instantly went to a place of judgement thinking- this kid has no idea how good she has it- pizza, ice cream, Olympics.  I think about Slum Dog Millionaire when the children are looking through the trash heaps for something edible to eat.  Cathy and I discuss this experience at length and give some ideas on how best to navigate through such a situation. What would you do if your kid decided to switch from Spanish over to French?  Well that's what mine did even though I view it as less practical.  It was a test to my overly-logical view point as well as my parenting.  How would you react? We also discuss the boo

We sit down with Amy Rodgers Duffin as she explains her tactics for striking that elusive balance of career/mom/wife.  Some of the things she explains in this conversation... I am not sure who came up with this term, but to most women, it’s something we dream about, but find it difficult to have. As valuable as a winning lottery ticket, achieving work life balance means that we would actually have the time to meet the expectations of our career AND have enough quality time for ourselves, our families and our hobbies so that we feel “balanced”. The demands of work in this electronic, 24-7 iphone world are intense. Many jobs are not just 8-5 anymore, but open for business whenever our phones are turned on. Whether your career is managing a household or a role in Corporate America, achieving balance is more challenging than ever. However, there are ways that we can work to have a more balanced life so that we feel satisfied. Here are some tips to help: 1. Identify your Balance Activities Identify the activit

When was the last time you asked somebody for feedback? Maybe from your partner, your work, or your kids?  We discuss the importance of feedback, specifically how to give it, and how to receive it.  We also discuss Phillip Seymour Hoffman's tragic death and how these real life situations can be discussed in the home (for children who are old enough to understand). We end by talking to Kelly Pietrangeli from MyProjectMe.com  Her website and Facebook page is for busy moms, and it's all about self care. The website is a toolbox for motivation, inspiration and solutions - it's a  place to ‘check in’ with yourself and get back on the right track. REMINDERS: Virtual Relationship Retreat starts this Wednesday, Feb 5th 2014- For individuals, couples, friends, or the workplace.  Practice self awareness, develop communication skills, and discover ways to create peaceful and more harmonious relationships. Click here for more details. If you shop Amazon by going through our website first (there is an amazon link on

We talk about personal responsibility as well as Kathy Caprino's blog titled "7 Crippling Parenting Behaviors That Keep Children From Growing Into Leaders"  A link to the blog is listed under "resources" below.  The 7 beahaviors are: 1. We don’t let our children experience risk 2. We rescue too quickly 3. We rave too easily 4. We let guilt get in the way of leading well 5. We don’t share our past mistakes 6. We mistake intelligence, giftedness and influence for maturity 7. We don’t practice what we preach We also answer a listener's question on how to not feel like a drill sargeant when she's getting her kids ready for school.   Resources Kathy Caprino's blog- 7 Crippling Parenting Behaviors That Keep Children From Growing Into Leaders Josh Becker's Podcast- I Simply Am Podcast Po Bronson's Book- Nurture Shock ZPR's archived podcast-Why Failure is a Good Thing Asia's "Heat of the Moment" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDpPoytXVvo REMINDERS: Virtual Relationship Retreat- For individuals, coupl

Help is on the way!  We interview a truly inspirational person- Jonny Immerman.  At 26 years old, Jonny was diagnosed with testicular cancer and began his fight against the disease. Throughout his experience, Jonny was lucky enough to have loving support from his family and friends but had never met anyone his age who was a cancer survivor. He wanted to talk to someone just like him, someone who truly understood, and was intimately familiar with his experience. In short, he was looking for someone who had already beaten the same type of cancer. This was the beginning of Jonny’s vision and in 2003, it became a reality when he founded Imerman Angels. Imerman Angels provides personalized connections that enable 1-on-1 support among cancer fighters, survivors and caregivers.  Listen in and become inspired.   REMINDERS: Virtual Relationship Retreat- For individuals, couples, friends, or the workplace.  Practice self awareness, develop communication skills, and discover ways to create peaceful and more harmonio

We discuss the importance of the inner world, specifically how this relates to preadolescent/teenage boys. They generally don't ask for help, but that doesn't mean they don't need support.  We offer tips and guidance in how to understand and relate to "boy world".  We also discuss the "innerscape" and "outerscape" of a person and why "remembering and forgetting" are part of the consciousness process. REMINDERS: Virtual Relationship Retreat- For individuals, couples, friends, or the workplace.  Practice self awareness, develop communication skills, and discover ways to create peaceful and more harmonious relationships. Click here for more details. If you shop Amazon by going through our website first (there is an amazon link on the bottom right hand of our home page), a portion of your sale will help fund our Be U program.  Thanks for supporting us! Check out our new website & be sure to sign up to get all new podcast sent direct to your inbox @ ZPR. Todd's Men Adventure Retreat is February 28th through

In the first half of the show we discuss ideas a blog written by Dr. Mark Goulston on how to increase the happiness of your "couplehood"  The 10 habits discussed: 1. Go to bed at the same time 2. Cultivate common interests 3. Walk hand in hand or side by side 4. Make trust and forgiveness your default 5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong 6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work 7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning 8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel 9. Do a “weather” check during the day 10. Be proud to be seen with your partner The second half of the show we discuss a blog written by Kate Hunter titled " The Age Your Kids Need You Around The Most"  Many times parents tend to take a less active role of parenting during the pre-adolecent stage as children begin to spread their wings.  Many experts believe this is the time when they need us the most. Todd also submits two entries into the Tournament of Bad- G

We interview Dr. Shefali Tsabary the author of the The Conscious Parent (with a forward written by the Dalai Lama) and her new book Out of Control  which questions why and how we discipline children. Some of the issues we discuss with Dr. Shefali: - What are the first steps we can take to become a more conscious parent? - What prevents us from being the parent that we want to be? - Why most discipline strategies don't work. How parenting our children can help us heal our past wounds. - How to release guilt when we recognize our parenting challenges are less about our children issues and more about our issues. - Can our children be an instrument for our own personal growth? - How do we release the power of natural consequences? REMINDERS: If you shop Amazon by going through our website first (there is an amazon link on the bottom right hand of our home page), a portion of your sale will help fund our Be U program.  Thanks for supporting us! Check out our new website & be sure to sign up to get all new podc

It's Cathy's turn to share what she learned after 11 years of marriage.  Her mistakes: 1. Being a martyr 2. Pretending to like things I didn't like 3. Not trying things I haven't tried (paradox) 4. Worrying about the small stuff (and not seeing the big stuff)5.Not trusting Todd's ability to parent 5. Wanting Todd to read my mind 6. Shutting down instead of saying what I felt 7. Not saying thank you and sorry 8. Not admitting to my mistakes 9. Not recognizing that letting go is the best way to love In the second half of our show, we interview our new Partner, Hunter Clark from hunteryoga.com/zen. In our continual effort to provide resources to our listeners, we introduced Hunter's 28 day Daily Practice Immersion.  This program will help our listeners develop a home yoga practice that will fit into your day; help you form the new, positive habit of self-care; and teach you practical ways to relieve stress and relax the body and mind. The first 7 days are free so we encourage you to signup by going to hunteryo

When I do the annual job of washing the windows in my house, I always say without exception, "I never realized they were that dirty."  I can now see how green the trees are, how blue the sky is. We see the world through our own filter.  Our soul needs to to be cleaned as well by doing things such as reading books, working with a therapist, meditating, taking a mindful walk, etc.  These are all actions that can give us a better perception of the world. Conversely—if you are filling your thoughts/heart with negative things, that is the world that you will see.  If we can all make this shift, our lives will be happier because of it.  We share some resources that may help including Mark Nope's "Book of Awakening" , Gary Chapman's "5 Love Languages" and the documentary Man on Wire (trailer is below). In the second half of our show (22:48 mark) - I go over 11 mistakes I have made in my 11 years of being a husband.  We discuss each one and share some stories.  They are (in no particular order): I made up for my

We interview Josh Becker, a teacher for Breakthrough for Men and host of the I Simply Am podcast.   Breakthrough for Men is dedicated to making real change in the quality of men’s lives.  We discuss why it's much more difficult to gather a group of men (vs. women) for the purpose of self exploration.  Josh helps redefine the definition of manhood - society encourages men to be strong and not vulnerable, intelligent and not thoughtful, powerful and not beautiful.  And men are using unhealthy coping mechanisms (alcohol, drugs, sex, gaming, gambling) to to deal with their unrecognized feelings and challenges.  Josh can be found here and information on Breakthrough for Men can be found here. How can women help men open up? If and when your husband shows any sense of vulnerability, do not use it against them or make fun of them in any way, and create a safe and trusting environment for your husband to express emotions.  Men need to know they're safe before opening up. How can men open up? Take a look at the pe

We interview blogger/editor Ben Martin of The Good Men Project.  We discuss his blog which asks the question Why is it socially acceptable to speak down to children when we would rarely (if ever) speak to another adult in the same way?  Cathy also shares her thoughts on the lessons from the movie Frozen (the trailer can be found @ the bottom of this blog). This movie is all about self acceptance, shining as brightly as we can, and how to utilize our gifts. Cathy and Todd shares some personal experience with feeling freedom after a personal breakup, miscarriages, and forgiveness. We also preview Friday's Conversations With People We Love with Josh Becker. Ben's blog can be found here. We also discuss smaller items like google calendar, sleeping in movies, & walking out of movies, the poower of empathy (Brene Brown video clip below) Don't forget to: Check out our new website & besure to sign up to get all new podcast sent direct to your inbox @ ZPR Vote for us for the Best Health & Lifestyle podcast @ St

Among the topics of todays podcast: We discuss a blog title "Is Disney TV poisoning our kids"?  Some people thinks so.  Some shows are OK, whereas others are just not good for your kids to be watching. Where's the balance between prohibiting certain shows for your kids and letting them figure out for themselves what is good/bad and then having a discussion about the shows.  We contrast the "perfection" of the female actresses of Disney TV vs. what was popular in our day such as the girls on Facts of Life or even current shows such as Modern Family.  The blog can be found here The badness of the cartoon "Might Mouse" and the goodness of Captain Caveman.  See clips below- Lastly Santa pays a visit to ZPR.  What can I say, it's one of the more interesting interviews we have done.  Santa shows up @ the 34:37 mark in the show. Don't forget to: Check out our new website & besure to sign up to get all new podcast sent direct to your inbox @ ZPR Vote for us for the Best Health & Lifestyle podcast @ Stitcher We

We talk with Annie Burnside, author, blogger, and teacher who focuses on spiritual development for individuals and families. In this podcast we discuss the problem with parenting books, why personal growth is the key to parenting, and how to infuse spiritual language and lessons into digestible bites. Annie also talks about raising teenagers and the true definition of success. Towards the end of the show, we talk about the YouTube clip included below.  Annie is the author of Soul to Soul Parenting and she offers Soul Circles in the Chicago area. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIsCs9_-LP8 We have arranged for a screening of the documentary "Girl Rising" in Lombard.  Click  here to purchase your tickets as there going quickly. Todd's men retreat is February 28th through March 2nd.  Please email @ comments@zenparentingradio.com for details. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ comments@zenparentingradio.com You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ http