Zen Parenting Radio

Our daughter was struggling to get out of bed this morning - struggling to get dressed, struggling to eat breakfast.  The trick to dealing with a scenario like this is to check yourself before responding (even if you have to fake that you are not frustrated). If we meet this situation with a sense of calm and trust natural consequences, we may be able to sidestep some possible landmines. We discuss how to support your loved ones when they are grieving. Todd shares his insights after losing his mother last week. Power School is an on-line resource that monitors our daughter's progress at her school on a daily basis.  We must balance out the positives and negatives of such a resource and figure out what works best for both parent and child. We also discuss the best way to create change in your life.  The answer is more simple than you think.  Sometimes it's as easy as "do something different." Other resources If you think there are times when we put too much educational pressure on our children, then check

Instead of posting a new podcast, we are reposting one of our favorites, the one where we interview our moms. Unfortunately, Todd’s mom passed away last weekend, and we wanted to share this to honor her. We share some great stories, have some great laughs, and near the end, Sharon (we call her GG) shares how at peace she is with her family. Please listen and enjoy – and even more important, be good to each other. In honor of Mother's Day, we invited our moms to talk about what we were like as kids.  We also talk about the changes that have taken place from the time they were kids (a.k.a. the olden days) to  raising us in the 70's - we also discuss how their grandchildren are being raised. We get nostalgic and we have a lot of laughs. We love our moms! Other resources If you think there are times when we put too much educational pressure on our children, then check this out! Be U, Inc and Field School PTA are sponsoring a FREE screening of Race to Nowhere, The Dark Side of America's Achievement Culture on S

We lost our "Zen Bunny" Greeley last week and it was a shock to our family.  How do we deal with the grieving process, and how do we help our children deal with their sadness?  As parents we need to allow our children to grieve, and respect that it's an individual process. We also discuss how to handle "disrespect" from our children - are they trying to be mean, or are they trying to communicate something? If we can do our best to not be offended and communicate in a productive way, it will keep our relationships healthy. Have you seen the movie "Boyhood"?  It's a special movie and we give a quick review of this incredible film. We also answer a listener's question about how to deal with energy vampires. Other resources https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiDztHS3Wos Donate to Red Door Shelter If you think there are times when we put too much educational pressure on our children, then check this out! Be U, Inc and Field School PTA are sponsoring a FREE screening of Race to Nowhere, The Dark Side of America

We discuss the newly revised version of  "Stop Teaching Our Kids To Kill" a book written by Lt. Dave Grossman and Gloria DeGateano, Founder and CEO of the Parent Coaching Institute. Originally published in 1999, the book is updated and includes even more indisputable research that demonstrates the affects of violence on the child and adolescent brain. We also talk about the "Ignore No More" app created by a mom who wanted her son to respond to her texts/calls, and also Cathy's blog titled , "Want Change, Then Rethink". We also discuss why mini-breakdowns are the key to a healthy marriage (or any other relationship!). Other resources: If you think there are times when we put too much educational pressure on our children, then check this out! Be U, Inc and Field School PTA are sponsoring a FREE screening of Race to Nowhere, The Dark Side of America's Achievement Culture on Sept. 11th @ 7:00 PM Click the link below to reserve your seat.http://cathycassaniadams.com/events/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uem

Robin Williams' death prompts a discussion about mental illness and depression.  We play some clips from his most meaningful roles as well as some of his stand-up. Mental illness carries a stigma that makes asking for help difficult.  We support a group called NAMI (National Association of Mental Illness) and we discuss the importance of removing the stigma from mental illness.  A few other clips discussed in the show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3yqXeLJ0Kg&list=PLZPBiTEeqgyqoiyay3UOAQoEwJO3r3tEI ****Warning- the clip below has explicit language https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wi-JlvBCl3A We also discuss Cathy's blog about back to school anxiety - she suggests feeling it rather than avoiding it - this helps you process your feelings so you can be more available to your children. Other resources: Click the following links to purchase Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent Part 1  & and Part 2 Click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent column. Todd has a few spots opening f

Sometimes we make decisions based on old patterns from childhood, even though they are unnecessary or unhelpful today. The first step toward understanding why we make certain decisions is to become more self aware and introspective. It also necessitates listening to other viewpoints and being conscious of our own defensiveness. Our children, spouse, and friends can all act as mirrors - allow them to help you see yourself better. For example, when Todd was younger he always asked friends to come over/join his family get-togethers because it reduced the possibility of family chaos (everyone was on their best behavior). But as a father in a calmer household, he still feels a "need" to have others around rather than just be present with his family. This "need" is based in an old pattern, an outdated method of protection that is no longer necessary. But it takes self awareness to recognize this - what are your outdated patterns? We also discuss an amazing blog written by Lea Grover called "This Is What Sex-Posit

The NFL and Comissioner Roger Goodell handed down a punishment to NFL player Ray Rice for allegedly knocking out his fiance in an Atlantic City Casino.  Some players have been suspended for 5 games for memorabilia violations, others 4 games for violating the league's drug policy.  Ray Rice received a suspension of ..... wait for it ..... 2 games!  We discuss the inconsistencies of this decision and why this sends the wrong message to players and society. Two other resources  supplied by one of our listeners can be found @ http://www.ncadv.org/need-help/what-is-domestic-violence and http://www.injuryclaimcoach.com/domestic-violence-help.html We also role play a conversation Cathy and I overheard during breakfast - a little girl wanted to share a story with her grandma, but Grandma was in "teaching" mode and missed a big opportunity for connection. We discuss how to listen and communicate with your children so you can both feel heard and appreciated. The Aspire App for victims of domestic abuse as presented

Is there a difference between a happy life and a meaningful life?  We explore the subtle differences and why this understanding can change your life.  We discuss a blog by Jed Diamond (Founder of the health program "Men Alive") titled How the Science of a Meaningful Life Can Help Us Live Joyfully and Well: Happy people satisfy their wants and needs, but that seems largely irrelevant to a meaningful life. Happiness involves being focused on the present, whereas meaningfulness involves thinking more about the past, present, and future—and the relationship between them. Meaningfulness is derived from giving to other people; happiness comes from what they give to you. Meaningful lives involve stress and challenges. Self-expression is important to meaning but not happiness. In a recent New York Magazine article they summarize a study that concludes Men Would Rather Give Themselves Electric Shocks Than Sit Alone With Their Thoughts. We discuss why we're so uncomfortable with our minds. In this week's

The topic of contraception and women's rights can be so emotionally charged, it often leads to to yelling and judgment. But our listener, Charles, left us a respectful and informative message sharing his viewpoint. Can we disagree but still listen to each other in a respectful manner? It takes awareness and compassion, but it's always possible. We also talk about listening with an "Empty Cup": Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era, received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.  Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring.The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!""Like this cup," Nan-in said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?" Sometimes we think it's easier to complain about the perceived "shortcomings" of our loved ones rather than deal with the problem. In the long run, this can be the tougher way to

Have you ever heard of Kawasaki Disease?  Chris and Monisha Lozier's daughter Mae was a healthy and happy 4 year old until she got swollen glands and a fever. They found themselves living in a hospital for the next 9 days and eventually discovered their daughter had Kawasaki Disease. This is is an immune disease in which the medium-sized blood vessels throughout the body become inflamed. It's cause is unknown, and it's largely seen in children under five years of age. It affects many organ systems, and it's rarest and most serious effects are on the heart - it can cause fatal coronary artery aneurysms in untreated children. Chris and Monisha takes us through their experience with Mae and how they eventually arrived at this diagnosis.  They talk about advocating for your child in a hospital, misdiagnoses, and the blessings that can arise from such a challenging experience. No worries listeners, the story ends well (Mae just received a completely clear heart scan, she's doing great!), but it is an important a

We discuss a blog by Gayle Allen and Deborah Farmer Kris called “Why It’s Important To Teach Empathy To Boys”. They define empathy as the ability to sense other people’s emotions coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.  How does this relate to parenting?  We discuss three benefits of raising an empathetic child: It breeds courage- this will help your child stand up for those in need of help. It breeds happiness- it gives our children the ability to have stronger interpersonal connections, and are more eager to collaborate, effectively negotiate, demonstrate compassion, and offer support. It breeds thoughtful problem solving. Empathic problem solvers put themselves in others’ shoes in a way that allows them to design solutions to problems that will help us evolve. We follow up on our talk from last week’s podcast about the Hobby Lobby Supreme Court decision. Todd also shares a few “tricks” or “reminders” to reduce the possibility of forgetting your child in t

We discuss Hobby Lobby and the supreme court decision affecting contraception and women's rights. Cathy gets all riled up, so watch out! We also remind you to put that bathing suit on and get in the pool - your children are watching you! Cathy explains what it means to be an empath, and we also answer a listener question about bossiness and bullying. At the end we have a conversation with The Joyful Mother Sigrid Kjeldsen. We discuss a blog called "Moms, Put on that swimsuit" Many moms out there have self-image issues and are unconsciously passing them down to their children. We are not meant to look like the women on the magazine covers and yet we cover up our bodies because we don't look like them.  The message that is being conveyed is we don't love our bodies.  We need to show our kids our whole selves so they can embrace their whole selves. Dads- you're not off the hook - Todd challenges the dads to "show up" in a different way - by being vulnerable. An emapth is a person that is hypersensitive to the

We discuss Dr. Daniel Siegel's new book titled "Brainstorm- The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain". Dr. Siegel explains that adolescence has an ESSENCE that is often overlooked. ESSENCE stands for: ES: An Emotional Spark is revealed in the enhanced way emotion generated from sub-cortical areas washes over the cortical circuits of reasoning. The downsides are emotional storms and moodiness; the upside is a powerful passion to live life fully, to capture life being on fire. SE: Social Engagement emerges as teens turn more toward peers than parents, the downside being falling prey to peer pressure simply to gain membership in a group, the upside being the central importance of supportive relationships in our lives. Relationships are the key factor associated with medical and mental health, longevity, and even happiness. N: Novelty-seeking emerges from shifts in the brain’s dopamine system with the downside of risk-taking behavior and injury, and the upside of having the courage to leave the familiar, cer

Casserly had always been on the top tier soccer team only to find out from her coach that she was being moved down to the next level.  Her reaction to this gut punch might surprise you.  Casserly is going into 6th grade and graduated from our first "Be U Girls Club" in the fall of 2013. We asked Casserly and her mom Rita to share this story in an effort to remind us that children are here to teach us as much as we are here to teach them. From a parent's perspective -  how would have handled this situation?  Would you have tried to fix it?  Would you have reacted with anger or thought it unfair? From a preteen's perspective - do you feel you have the tools and the self understanding to react in such a compassionate and authentic way? Other Resources: For more information on Rita's Coaching business go to http://www.ritahyland.com/ Click the following links to purchase Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent Part 1  & and Part 2 Click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent column. T

How do we introduce cell phones to our kids? It's a big step into an adult world, and concerns such as these are common: Will they abuse it?, Will they turn into "phoneheads"?, What kind of phone is appropriate?, What are the expectations around use of the phone? A few years ago Janelle Hoffman wrote a blog about phone expectations that went viral. We used her blog as "bones" for a list we created called "Jacey's Phone Smarts": We own the phone, but it’s yours to use. We will know all phone passwords. Answer calls/texts from your parents, and answer the phone politely when it rings. Phone stays plugged in downstairs at night. Listen to your instincts and call and text only at appropriate times during the day. During the day the phone is for safety – (specifically so we can communicate). Talk to people during the day, do not become a “phone head”. If it breaks or get lost, you will cover the cost. Use technology only for good. Do not use it to harm or lie. Do not involve yourself in group texts

In the second half of this 2 part interview, we continue the conversation between Aaron Krueger and Erin Kuhn-Krueger about their experience with multiple miscarriages and stillbirth. In this moving and inspiring interview they share their challenges, coping tools, and their strength and determination to become parents. This show is a must if you have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, or if you know someone who is trying to navigate the grief associated with baby loss. This is Part 2 of a two part interview with the Krueger family - Part 1 was aired on Friday, June 6th.  Part 1 can be found here.   Erin has a website and blog called "Will Carry On". She  shares her experiences and insights and offers resources and tools for other families in need. Click here to hear an episode about Cathy and Todd's experience with miscarriage. Click here to watch the movie "Return to Zero" about a couple's experience with stillbirth. Other Resources: Click the following links to purchase Cathy's books The Self-Aware

Of course there are plenty of men who are not misogynists, but that doesn't mean that women are not subjected to misognystic behavior. We have to take responsibility for ourselves and also recognize what we tolerate- our friends inappropriate jokes or behavior, the song lyrics we listen to, the movies we love, the people we idolize. And it's not just men, women need to recognize how they contribute  - gossiping, judging, and disrespecting other women can add to the overall problem. Todd gets on his soap box. There are numerous youtube clips, blogs, books articles helping and supporting the girls, but he is seeking more support for the boys. If we are going to make change, it can't be one sided.  Girl empowerment is essential, but so is supporting boys in expressing their emotion. If we focused on both simultaneously, real change could occur. They also discuss The Fault in our Stars and Malificient, two great summer movies. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=642lKXC97c4 Other Resources: Click here to find Ca

We speak with Aaron Krueger and Erin Kuhn-Krueger about their experience with multiple miscarriages and stillbirth. In this moving and inspiring interview they share their challenges, coping tools, and their strength and determination to become parents. This show is a must if you have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, or if you know someone who is trying to navigate the grief associated with baby loss. This is Part 1 of a two part interview with the Krueger family - Part 2 will air Friday, June 13th. Erin has a website and blog called "Will Carry On". She  shares her experiences and insights and offers resources and tools for other families in need. Click here to hear an episode about Cathy and Todd's experience with miscarriage. Click here to watch the movie "Return to Zero" about a couple's experience with stillbirth. Other Resources: Click here to find Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent 1 & 2, click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent column. Todd has a few spots ope

Of course you are the parent and your role is important, but can you sometimes just drop the role and relate to your child as an individual? We break down the the role of parent to redefine what it means to support your child. When your child comes to you with a problem, do you deal with the internal or the external?  Most of us deal with the external - focus on how it looks and how to fix it. But do we consider what our child is feeling and experiencing? Instead of trying to "fix" the problem immediately, can we first: Listen Validate Normalize If we initially put more attention on the internal, our children we will be better able to hear our opinion and probable solutions. Other Resources: Click here to find Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent 1 & 2, click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent column. Todd has a few spots opening for his Men's Group.  Email me @ comments@zenparentingradio.com Tree of Life Chiropractic Care have some interesting workshops planned.  An

Do you want to be happy? Guess what, you've got the tools to do it! Happiness can be cultivated regardless of your childhood or genes - you just need to make it a daily priority! Shawn Achor is a Harvard Professor who teaches a class on how to be happy -  research shows it comes from the INSIDE and has little to do with the external experiences. It's not about waiting to be happy until you find success, it's about being happy and then achieving success due to your happiness. Happiness comes from striving for something that has value, not the attainment. Genes and environment can play a role in your everyday feelings, so you need to strengthen your happy muscles, you have the power! Here are a few specific steps you can take right now to make yourself more happy.  Pick a few and practice for 21 days - see if it makes a difference: Spend two minutes each day expressing gratitude either verbally or written. Write about one meaningful thing that happened to you in the last 24 hours and provide as much detai