Zen Parenting Radio

Most of us do.  Why do we sometimes feel like fakes at work, at home, in the world?  Why are we afraid that someone is going to figure out that we really don't know what we are doing? We discuss how this feeling plays into our parenting and how we can practice feeling as "real" as possible. We play a clip (below) from Amy Cudder's Ted Talk on self doubt and how to deal with it. We also discuss our upcoming "The Good Life Virtual  Retreat" . What does it mean to live a good life? It means to "shed the veils over our souls" (a quote from Elizabeth Lesser) and learn to live in love. Our retreat starts next week and we will practice "letting go" so we can actually notice all the goodness around us! You don't want to miss it, click here to register. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4xYENd02_E Other notes: Click here to find Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent 1 & 2, click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent column. Todd has a few spots

Do we want our kids to be popular?  How important is this? What makes our kids popular? Is it athletic ability and physical stature or is it physical attractiveness and attention from the opposite sex? We share our perspective and discuss why parents play a role in how their children are perceived. We also use great 80's movies like Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, & Revenge of the Nerds to make our "popular" points. We are facilitating our next virtual retreat! It's called "The Good Life" and it's in celebration of Mother's Day. Register and gift the retreat to someone for FREE!   Other notes: Click here to find Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent 1 & 2, click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent column. Todd has a few spots opening for his Men's Group.  Email me @ comments@zenparentingradio.com Tree of Life Chiropractic Care have some interesting workshops planned.  An outline can be found here. If you shop Amazon by going through our website fi

Typically pessimists respond to problems by believing these three things: It's Personal- They blame themselves for an event that has occurred. It's Permanent- They think it will never get better. It's Pervasive- They assume failure in one area of life means failure in life as a whole and that failure is happening everywhere and can't be stopped. Do we carry some of these traits?  Does it affect our parenting?  We discuss this and offer options for turning these thoughts around.   We also discuss a few scenes from The Shawshank Redemption and Terms of Endearment.   We answer a listener's question regarding a rivalry between her two sons- (ages 8 and 10) and how we almost lost Goldie the goldfish. We are facilitating our next virtual retreat! It's called "The Good Life" and it's in celebration of Mother's Day. Youtube clips https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4xYENd02_E&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw Other resources discussed on the show- The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel R

Is it manly to take paternity leave? When Daniel Murphy's (a player on the New York Mets) wife had a baby, he utilized the paternity leave that is allowed under the collective bargaining agreement set forth by Major League Baseball.  But why is he being criticized?  Is it "man code" to get back to work as soon as the birth is over? If we are a nation of family values, why do we place work over family? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbMFHX5iq We also discuss Todd's blod titled, Am I a Bad Dad? Am I a Bad Husband?  where he discusses "traditional" father/mother roles and whether it's nature, nurture, or gender (or all three?) that influence our ability to parent. Lastly we review some previous podcasts titled Grieving a Miscarriage and The Business of Being Born and Honey, it’s time!  Todd has a few spots opening for his Men's Group.  Email me @ comments@zenparentingradio.com Tree of Life Chiropractic Care has some interesting workshops planned.  An outline can be found here. If you shop Amazon by going

We discuss 8 different ways to help your children be more mindful: 1. Mindful breathing 2. Past/present/future 3. Take in the joy 4. Quiet time 5. Practice listening 6. Emotional awareness – feeling – asking questions about feelings 7. Gratitude – don’t judge what they are grateful for – role model 8. Do it yourself We also discuss the idea of creeping separateness.  This is when we "ignore the cracks" in a marriage.  The little things that are done (or sometimes not done) which create distance between couples.  We come up with a few practical ideas on how to fill those cracks. Todd has a few spots opening for his Men's Group.  Email me @ comments@zenparentingradio.com Tree of Life Chiropractic Care has some interesting workshops planned.  An outline can be found here. If you shop Amazon by going through our website first (there is an amazon link on the bottom right hand of our home page), a portion of your sale will help fund our Be U program.  Thanks for supporting us! Check out our new website & be s

Our friends and neighbors Jeanne and Jeff Plaisted walk the walk.  They decided that on their 15th anniversary they were going to do something special.  Massages on the beach in Hawaii?  Nope.  A cruise through the Caribbean?  Try again. They decided to make a difference.  They stepped away from their day to day life and packed up for a two-week trip to Nicaragua.  They were inspired by Spark Ventures, a Chicago-based nonprofit that partners with grassroots organizations to help children in developing countries. They told us about their experience and how it changed their perception of our world.  They also wanted to lead by example and teach their sons (3rd grade and 6th grade) what it means to be a global citizen.  Their story is truly inspiring! Todd has a few spots opening for his Men's Group.  Email me @ comments@zenparentingradio.com Tree of Life Chiropractic Care has some interesting workshops planned.  An outline can be found here. If you shop Amazon by going through our website first (there is a

We all know that most of us are overwhelmed.  The question is- what do we do about it?  Like most things- it begins with awareness.  We get into a discussion based on a book by Brigid Schulte titled -Overwhelmed- Work, Love, & Play When No One Has The Time.  We play some clips from an amazing interview she did with NPR's Terry Gross.  Some of the highlights include: The idea of "contaminated time" Is there a different set of expectations between men and women when it comes to parenting? We claim to be a culture of family values- Is this in alignment with the behaviors and policies we currently have? Balancing the responsibilities of parenting between mom and dad The dangers of being "fun dad" The biology that men have in regards to being a nurturer. Resources Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh A New Earth weekly interview with Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tolle  Hunteryoga.com has created another Daily Practice that begins on March 24th!!!  The first week is free.  Click the link for more de

In this compelling interview, our friend Katie Weiss shares her breast cancer experience, starting with the fact that she was diagnosed at 35. Due to her age she is told her lump is probably nothing, but she walks us through the series of incidents that lead to the mind-numbing news that she indeed had breast cancer. Recently separated and with a three-year-old daughter at home, Katie takes us from diagnosis, to chemotherapy and finally recovery. Katie's storytelling is vulnerable, raw, and full of humor - we were laughing and crying a the same time! There is so much to learn from her amazing story, this podcast is a must listen!

Todd confesses that he still feels intimidated by powerful women in our society, and he uses Oprah and Hillary Clinton as examples.  This leads to a discussion about the campaign created by Sheryl Sandberg called "Banning Bossy"  The campaign is designed to empower female leadership by making us more conscious of the words we use to describe young girls as they assert themselves. The confidence gap starts early- Between elementary and high school, girls’ self–esteem drops 3.5 times more than boys’. Bossy holds girls back- Girls are twice as likely as boys to worry that leadership roles will make them seem “bossy.” Girls get less airtime in class- They are called on less and interrupted more. They also discuss Cathy's blog- "Banning Bossy: It's not about the word, it's about the conversation" and why this campaign (which has been ridiculed by bloggers and the media) is worth another look. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dynbzMlCcw Other topics include the value of partner vacations and why being away can

Why do we get "triggered" by certain people or circumstances?  You could call it a "trigger", or you could call it   a "thorn".  A thorn is when you are disturbed because something you are experiencing feels similar to a negative (or uncomfortable, or unresolved, or painful) experience from the past. Instead of feeling/responding to something in present time, the experience can trigger old pain from the past.  That makes the present experience feel like too much to bear, and you may respond in an inappropriate or over the top way. An example is when you are driving and somebody cuts you off - you go from being calm to out of control very quickly, and most likely you are having a response based on old thoughts or experiences (that person thinks he's better than me, that person doesn't respect me, that person is a jerk driver just like that guy who hit me 10 years ago....).  When we pull up all of that pain into a present-time situation, it's understandable why we go from 0-60 so quickly. We played a few cli

"Leukemia messed with the wrong girl in November 2011 - my then almost two year old daughter, Maddy. That was when my family's journey with leukemia began...."~Erin and Dan McCarthy Last month, Maddy became a SURVIVOR, after 2+ years of treatment. It was brutal - Maddy had 3 surgeries, over 50 rounds of outpatient chemotherapy (as well as hundreds of chemo meds at home), 10 spinal tap chemo injections, 4 blood transfusions, 12 ER visits, hair loss, 16 body scans, numerous inpatient admissions, and on and on.. Dan & Erin share their 2-year experience with their daughter's Leukemia and take us through all of the ups and downs of diagnosis, chemo, and what it means to be a survivor. Dan has also been nominated as a person of the year by the Leukemia Society.  Please consider donating (click here to find his page.)  Every dollar counts as a vote, and we would love to see Dan receive this tremendous honor (not to mention raise a ton of $$ for cancer research)! Erin is a professional photographer and if a li

There are 5 attributes Google, Inc. currently looks for when hiring an employee and guess what?  The school you came from and your G.P.A. don't mean that much.  In a New York Times article titled "How to Get a Job at Google" Thomas Friedman interviewed Laszlo Bock, the Senior Vice President of People Operations for Google and asks what they look for when hiring employees.  Google determined that “G.P.A.’s are worthless as a criteria for hiring, and test scores are worthless. ... We found that they don’t predict anything.” What does count? General cognitive ability- and it’s not I.Q., it's learning ability. Leadership — in particular emergent leadership as opposed to traditional leadership. Emergent leadership is described as "understanding when to assert your leadership qualities and just as importantly, when to step back and allow others to lead." Humility and ownership- “It’s feeling the sense of responsibility, the sense of ownership, to step in,” he said, to try to solve any problem — and the humi

How do we react when our children have an emotional response? Yes, there needs to be some boundaries on how our children treat us, but we must also be aware of our own triggers and take responsibility for the energy we bring. We share a recent experience when our daughter had an emotional response (let's just say it wasn't handled perfectly). We also use the ocean as a metaphor to distinguish between fear and respect.  The easier and quicker lesson is to teach fear, but is there a more effective way to communicate without passing fear down from one generation to the next? Do you want your kids to like you more?  Ask them to teach you something you don't know.  I did this last weekend when I asked my girls to tell me about "Frozen". They lit up because they loved sharing a part of themselves (and teaching me in the process). We also answer a few questions from some listeners whose partners have different parenting styles.  We also talked about this in podcast our podcas titled "Are You On The Same Page As Y

Our friend Jenny Zabrocki shares her personal stories about her modern family.  Jenny and her husband Jon had three biological children and then decided to adopt.  They adopted a son, Mesfin, from Ethipoia and a daughter, Iris, from China.  She helps us understand the challenges and celebrations surrounding the adoption process.  Jenny's very honest and grounded way of sharing her story is an inspiration, and a reminder of how much each of us has to give. Click here to read Jenny's "Live by Family" blog. Resources: If you shop Amazon by going through our website first (there is an amazon link on the bottom right hand of our home page), a portion of your sale will help fund our Be U program.  Thanks for supporting us! Check out our new website & be sure to sign up to get all new podcast sent direct to your inbox @ ZPR. Todd's Men Adventure Retreat is February 28th through March 2nd.  Please email @ comments@zenparentingradio.com for details. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us

Do you forget names or what you are going to say next? Do you walk into a room and forget why you are there? Don't fear- we can relate, and we also have some ideas to make your brain less mushy.  There is a book called "Keep Your Brain Alive" that discusses Neurobics - these are ways to train your brain to stay alert and sharp. Cathy just returned from a vacation and discusses its importance and how we put "fake" importance on our day to day activities.  If we can all step back and re-prioritize we'd be in a much better place. Lastly we discuss boys and the stigma against physical affection.  A question came in from a listener about her 10 year old son being  one way during the day and another way at night.  Along the same lines,  we discuss a blog written by Shannan Younger titled, "Thank you, Shaun White, for not medaling in the Olympics"  Shaun White (famous snow-boarding Olympian) asks for a hug from another man in his moment of defeat. Resources: Mom Translator Skit- SNL Keep Your Brain Alive by La

Last Friday night was "pizza & ice cream night" in our house.  Nowhere to go, nothing to do other than watch the Olympics, eat some unhealthy but yummy food and spend some quality time together.  At least that was the picture I had in my head for the evening. The problem was one of my daughters was not on board with MY plan and instead told me how bored she was and how she wanted to watch "Merlin".  I instantly went to a place of judgement thinking- this kid has no idea how good she has it- pizza, ice cream, Olympics.  I think about Slum Dog Millionaire when the children are looking through the trash heaps for something edible to eat.  Cathy and I discuss this experience at length and give some ideas on how best to navigate through such a situation. What would you do if your kid decided to switch from Spanish over to French?  Well that's what mine did even though I view it as less practical.  It was a test to my overly-logical view point as well as my parenting.  How would you react? We also discuss the boo

We sit down with Amy Rodgers Duffin as she explains her tactics for striking that elusive balance of career/mom/wife.  Some of the things she explains in this conversation... I am not sure who came up with this term, but to most women, it’s something we dream about, but find it difficult to have. As valuable as a winning lottery ticket, achieving work life balance means that we would actually have the time to meet the expectations of our career AND have enough quality time for ourselves, our families and our hobbies so that we feel “balanced”. The demands of work in this electronic, 24-7 iphone world are intense. Many jobs are not just 8-5 anymore, but open for business whenever our phones are turned on. Whether your career is managing a household or a role in Corporate America, achieving balance is more challenging than ever. However, there are ways that we can work to have a more balanced life so that we feel satisfied. Here are some tips to help: 1. Identify your Balance Activities Identify the activit

When was the last time you asked somebody for feedback? Maybe from your partner, your work, or your kids?  We discuss the importance of feedback, specifically how to give it, and how to receive it.  We also discuss Phillip Seymour Hoffman's tragic death and how these real life situations can be discussed in the home (for children who are old enough to understand). We end by talking to Kelly Pietrangeli from MyProjectMe.com  Her website and Facebook page is for busy moms, and it's all about self care. The website is a toolbox for motivation, inspiration and solutions - it's a  place to ‘check in’ with yourself and get back on the right track. REMINDERS: Virtual Relationship Retreat starts this Wednesday, Feb 5th 2014- For individuals, couples, friends, or the workplace.  Practice self awareness, develop communication skills, and discover ways to create peaceful and more harmonious relationships. Click here for more details. If you shop Amazon by going through our website first (there is an amazon link on

We talk about personal responsibility as well as Kathy Caprino's blog titled "7 Crippling Parenting Behaviors That Keep Children From Growing Into Leaders"  A link to the blog is listed under "resources" below.  The 7 beahaviors are: 1. We don’t let our children experience risk 2. We rescue too quickly 3. We rave too easily 4. We let guilt get in the way of leading well 5. We don’t share our past mistakes 6. We mistake intelligence, giftedness and influence for maturity 7. We don’t practice what we preach We also answer a listener's question on how to not feel like a drill sargeant when she's getting her kids ready for school.   Resources Kathy Caprino's blog- 7 Crippling Parenting Behaviors That Keep Children From Growing Into Leaders Josh Becker's Podcast- I Simply Am Podcast Po Bronson's Book- Nurture Shock ZPR's archived podcast-Why Failure is a Good Thing Asia's "Heat of the Moment" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDpPoytXVvo REMINDERS: Virtual Relationship Retreat- For individuals, coupl

Help is on the way!  We interview a truly inspirational person- Jonny Immerman.  At 26 years old, Jonny was diagnosed with testicular cancer and began his fight against the disease. Throughout his experience, Jonny was lucky enough to have loving support from his family and friends but had never met anyone his age who was a cancer survivor. He wanted to talk to someone just like him, someone who truly understood, and was intimately familiar with his experience. In short, he was looking for someone who had already beaten the same type of cancer. This was the beginning of Jonny’s vision and in 2003, it became a reality when he founded Imerman Angels. Imerman Angels provides personalized connections that enable 1-on-1 support among cancer fighters, survivors and caregivers.  Listen in and become inspired.   REMINDERS: Virtual Relationship Retreat- For individuals, couples, friends, or the workplace.  Practice self awareness, develop communication skills, and discover ways to create peaceful and more harmonio