Zen Parenting Radio

Sometimes we make decisions based on old patterns from childhood, even though they are unnecessary or unhelpful today. The first step toward understanding why we make certain decisions is to become more self aware and introspective. It also necessitates listening to other viewpoints and being conscious of our own defensiveness. Our children, spouse, and friends can all act as mirrors - allow them to help you see yourself better. For example, when Todd was younger he always asked friends to come over/join his family get-togethers because it reduced the possibility of family chaos (everyone was on their best behavior). But as a father in a calmer household, he still feels a "need" to have others around rather than just be present with his family. This "need" is based in an old pattern, an outdated method of protection that is no longer necessary. But it takes self awareness to recognize this - what are your outdated patterns? We also discuss an amazing blog written by Lea Grover called "This Is What Sex-Posit

The NFL and Comissioner Roger Goodell handed down a punishment to NFL player Ray Rice for allegedly knocking out his fiance in an Atlantic City Casino.  Some players have been suspended for 5 games for memorabilia violations, others 4 games for violating the league's drug policy.  Ray Rice received a suspension of ..... wait for it ..... 2 games!  We discuss the inconsistencies of this decision and why this sends the wrong message to players and society. Two other resources  supplied by one of our listeners can be found @ http://www.ncadv.org/need-help/what-is-domestic-violence and http://www.injuryclaimcoach.com/domestic-violence-help.html We also role play a conversation Cathy and I overheard during breakfast - a little girl wanted to share a story with her grandma, but Grandma was in "teaching" mode and missed a big opportunity for connection. We discuss how to listen and communicate with your children so you can both feel heard and appreciated. The Aspire App for victims of domestic abuse as presented

Is there a difference between a happy life and a meaningful life?  We explore the subtle differences and why this understanding can change your life.  We discuss a blog by Jed Diamond (Founder of the health program "Men Alive") titled How the Science of a Meaningful Life Can Help Us Live Joyfully and Well: Happy people satisfy their wants and needs, but that seems largely irrelevant to a meaningful life. Happiness involves being focused on the present, whereas meaningfulness involves thinking more about the past, present, and future—and the relationship between them. Meaningfulness is derived from giving to other people; happiness comes from what they give to you. Meaningful lives involve stress and challenges. Self-expression is important to meaning but not happiness. In a recent New York Magazine article they summarize a study that concludes Men Would Rather Give Themselves Electric Shocks Than Sit Alone With Their Thoughts. We discuss why we're so uncomfortable with our minds. In this week's

The topic of contraception and women's rights can be so emotionally charged, it often leads to to yelling and judgment. But our listener, Charles, left us a respectful and informative message sharing his viewpoint. Can we disagree but still listen to each other in a respectful manner? It takes awareness and compassion, but it's always possible. We also talk about listening with an "Empty Cup": Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era, received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.  Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring.The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!""Like this cup," Nan-in said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?" Sometimes we think it's easier to complain about the perceived "shortcomings" of our loved ones rather than deal with the problem. In the long run, this can be the tougher way to

Have you ever heard of Kawasaki Disease?  Chris and Monisha Lozier's daughter Mae was a healthy and happy 4 year old until she got swollen glands and a fever. They found themselves living in a hospital for the next 9 days and eventually discovered their daughter had Kawasaki Disease. This is is an immune disease in which the medium-sized blood vessels throughout the body become inflamed. It's cause is unknown, and it's largely seen in children under five years of age. It affects many organ systems, and it's rarest and most serious effects are on the heart - it can cause fatal coronary artery aneurysms in untreated children. Chris and Monisha takes us through their experience with Mae and how they eventually arrived at this diagnosis.  They talk about advocating for your child in a hospital, misdiagnoses, and the blessings that can arise from such a challenging experience. No worries listeners, the story ends well (Mae just received a completely clear heart scan, she's doing great!), but it is an important a

We discuss a blog by Gayle Allen and Deborah Farmer Kris called “Why It’s Important To Teach Empathy To Boys”. They define empathy as the ability to sense other people’s emotions coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.  How does this relate to parenting?  We discuss three benefits of raising an empathetic child: It breeds courage- this will help your child stand up for those in need of help. It breeds happiness- it gives our children the ability to have stronger interpersonal connections, and are more eager to collaborate, effectively negotiate, demonstrate compassion, and offer support. It breeds thoughtful problem solving. Empathic problem solvers put themselves in others’ shoes in a way that allows them to design solutions to problems that will help us evolve. We follow up on our talk from last week’s podcast about the Hobby Lobby Supreme Court decision. Todd also shares a few “tricks” or “reminders” to reduce the possibility of forgetting your child in t

We discuss Hobby Lobby and the supreme court decision affecting contraception and women's rights. Cathy gets all riled up, so watch out! We also remind you to put that bathing suit on and get in the pool - your children are watching you! Cathy explains what it means to be an empath, and we also answer a listener question about bossiness and bullying. At the end we have a conversation with The Joyful Mother Sigrid Kjeldsen. We discuss a blog called "Moms, Put on that swimsuit" Many moms out there have self-image issues and are unconsciously passing them down to their children. We are not meant to look like the women on the magazine covers and yet we cover up our bodies because we don't look like them.  The message that is being conveyed is we don't love our bodies.  We need to show our kids our whole selves so they can embrace their whole selves. Dads- you're not off the hook - Todd challenges the dads to "show up" in a different way - by being vulnerable. An emapth is a person that is hypersensitive to the

We discuss Dr. Daniel Siegel's new book titled "Brainstorm- The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain". Dr. Siegel explains that adolescence has an ESSENCE that is often overlooked. ESSENCE stands for: ES: An Emotional Spark is revealed in the enhanced way emotion generated from sub-cortical areas washes over the cortical circuits of reasoning. The downsides are emotional storms and moodiness; the upside is a powerful passion to live life fully, to capture life being on fire. SE: Social Engagement emerges as teens turn more toward peers than parents, the downside being falling prey to peer pressure simply to gain membership in a group, the upside being the central importance of supportive relationships in our lives. Relationships are the key factor associated with medical and mental health, longevity, and even happiness. N: Novelty-seeking emerges from shifts in the brain’s dopamine system with the downside of risk-taking behavior and injury, and the upside of having the courage to leave the familiar, cer

Casserly had always been on the top tier soccer team only to find out from her coach that she was being moved down to the next level.  Her reaction to this gut punch might surprise you.  Casserly is going into 6th grade and graduated from our first "Be U Girls Club" in the fall of 2013. We asked Casserly and her mom Rita to share this story in an effort to remind us that children are here to teach us as much as we are here to teach them. From a parent's perspective -  how would have handled this situation?  Would you have tried to fix it?  Would you have reacted with anger or thought it unfair? From a preteen's perspective - do you feel you have the tools and the self understanding to react in such a compassionate and authentic way? Other Resources: For more information on Rita's Coaching business go to http://www.ritahyland.com/ Click the following links to purchase Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent Part 1  & and Part 2 Click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent column. T

How do we introduce cell phones to our kids? It's a big step into an adult world, and concerns such as these are common: Will they abuse it?, Will they turn into "phoneheads"?, What kind of phone is appropriate?, What are the expectations around use of the phone? A few years ago Janelle Hoffman wrote a blog about phone expectations that went viral. We used her blog as "bones" for a list we created called "Jacey's Phone Smarts": We own the phone, but it’s yours to use. We will know all phone passwords. Answer calls/texts from your parents, and answer the phone politely when it rings. Phone stays plugged in downstairs at night. Listen to your instincts and call and text only at appropriate times during the day. During the day the phone is for safety – (specifically so we can communicate). Talk to people during the day, do not become a “phone head”. If it breaks or get lost, you will cover the cost. Use technology only for good. Do not use it to harm or lie. Do not involve yourself in group texts

In the second half of this 2 part interview, we continue the conversation between Aaron Krueger and Erin Kuhn-Krueger about their experience with multiple miscarriages and stillbirth. In this moving and inspiring interview they share their challenges, coping tools, and their strength and determination to become parents. This show is a must if you have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, or if you know someone who is trying to navigate the grief associated with baby loss. This is Part 2 of a two part interview with the Krueger family - Part 1 was aired on Friday, June 6th.  Part 1 can be found here.   Erin has a website and blog called "Will Carry On". She  shares her experiences and insights and offers resources and tools for other families in need. Click here to hear an episode about Cathy and Todd's experience with miscarriage. Click here to watch the movie "Return to Zero" about a couple's experience with stillbirth. Other Resources: Click the following links to purchase Cathy's books The Self-Aware

Of course there are plenty of men who are not misogynists, but that doesn't mean that women are not subjected to misognystic behavior. We have to take responsibility for ourselves and also recognize what we tolerate- our friends inappropriate jokes or behavior, the song lyrics we listen to, the movies we love, the people we idolize. And it's not just men, women need to recognize how they contribute  - gossiping, judging, and disrespecting other women can add to the overall problem. Todd gets on his soap box. There are numerous youtube clips, blogs, books articles helping and supporting the girls, but he is seeking more support for the boys. If we are going to make change, it can't be one sided.  Girl empowerment is essential, but so is supporting boys in expressing their emotion. If we focused on both simultaneously, real change could occur. They also discuss The Fault in our Stars and Malificient, two great summer movies. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=642lKXC97c4 Other Resources: Click here to find Ca

We speak with Aaron Krueger and Erin Kuhn-Krueger about their experience with multiple miscarriages and stillbirth. In this moving and inspiring interview they share their challenges, coping tools, and their strength and determination to become parents. This show is a must if you have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, or if you know someone who is trying to navigate the grief associated with baby loss. This is Part 1 of a two part interview with the Krueger family - Part 2 will air Friday, June 13th. Erin has a website and blog called "Will Carry On". She  shares her experiences and insights and offers resources and tools for other families in need. Click here to hear an episode about Cathy and Todd's experience with miscarriage. Click here to watch the movie "Return to Zero" about a couple's experience with stillbirth. Other Resources: Click here to find Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent 1 & 2, click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent column. Todd has a few spots ope

Of course you are the parent and your role is important, but can you sometimes just drop the role and relate to your child as an individual? We break down the the role of parent to redefine what it means to support your child. When your child comes to you with a problem, do you deal with the internal or the external?  Most of us deal with the external - focus on how it looks and how to fix it. But do we consider what our child is feeling and experiencing? Instead of trying to "fix" the problem immediately, can we first: Listen Validate Normalize If we initially put more attention on the internal, our children we will be better able to hear our opinion and probable solutions. Other Resources: Click here to find Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent 1 & 2, click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent column. Todd has a few spots opening for his Men's Group.  Email me @ comments@zenparentingradio.com Tree of Life Chiropractic Care have some interesting workshops planned.  An

Do you want to be happy? Guess what, you've got the tools to do it! Happiness can be cultivated regardless of your childhood or genes - you just need to make it a daily priority! Shawn Achor is a Harvard Professor who teaches a class on how to be happy -  research shows it comes from the INSIDE and has little to do with the external experiences. It's not about waiting to be happy until you find success, it's about being happy and then achieving success due to your happiness. Happiness comes from striving for something that has value, not the attainment. Genes and environment can play a role in your everyday feelings, so you need to strengthen your happy muscles, you have the power! Here are a few specific steps you can take right now to make yourself more happy.  Pick a few and practice for 21 days - see if it makes a difference: Spend two minutes each day expressing gratitude either verbally or written. Write about one meaningful thing that happened to you in the last 24 hours and provide as much detai

Did you know that May is Williams Syndrome Awareness Month? Williams syndrome is a genetic condition characterized by medical problems, including cardiovascular disease, developmental delays, and learning disabilities.  People with Williams Syndrome also tend to have enhanced verbal abilities, highly social personalities and an affinity for music.  It effects 1 in 10,000 people worldwide – an estimated 20,000 to 30,000 people in the United States. We interview Amy Connell-Donohue, the mother of 11 year old Emerson who was diagnosed with Williams Syndrome when she was 1.  Amy shares her road to diagnosis and the challenges of finding out that your child is not  typical. She also shares lessons from Emerson and says that she's the glue that holds the family together. Amy's article about her family is in the May issue of Chicago Parent, it's titled Having it All. We know Emerson personally and she is dear to our heart!  Learn more about Williams Syndrome here: http://williams-syndrome.org/ Whispering Trails

Todd and Cathy discuss their  disagreement over how "active" their kids should be in extracurricular activities. Keeping  kids "busy" is connected to our past experiences and our need for constant productivity. It is essential that we see ourselves and our motives clearly when creating expectations for our children. We also talk about some conscious parent foundational elements including self-awareness, mindfulness, and kindness.  Conscious parenting is not a "technique", it's actually a way of living and relating to yourself and others. Click here to find Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent 1 & 2, click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent column. Todd has a few spots opening for his Men's Group.  Email me @ comments@zenparentingradio.com Tree of Life Chiropractic Care have some interesting workshops planned.  An outline can be found here. If you shop Amazon by going through our website first (there is an amazon link on the bottom right hand of our home page), a portion of yo

Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb?  That's the first line in this epic song.  We disect the lyrics and use it to help understand conscious parenting. Roger Water's song (on the show we use the Natalie Maines version) points out that parents can have the best intentions when "protecting" their children, but if done unconsciously, or with lack of self awareness, it can backfire. Full Lyrics to Mother: Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb Mother do you think they'll like the song Mother do you think they'll try to break my balls Ooooh aah, Mother should I build a wall Mother should I run for president Mother should I trust the government Mother will they put me in the firing line Ooooh aah, is it just a waste of time Hush now baby, baby don't you cry Mama's gonna make all of your Nightmares come true Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you Mama's gonna keep you right here Under her wing she won't let you fly but she might let you sing Mama will keep baby cosy and warm Ooooh Babe Ooooh Babe Oooo

In honor of Mother's Day, we invited our moms to talk about what we were like as kids.  We also talk about the changes that have taken place from the time they were kids (a.k.a. the olden days) to  raising us in the 70's - we also discuss how their grandchildren are being raised. We get nostalgic and we have a lot of laughs. We love our moms! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUkE9qaVgmo&list=PLyfsVoKpa6Y3LqyDbc04-6M6V9rJETgt- Our guest Dr. Shefali Tsabary is about to rocket into the Oprah stratosphere.  She'll be on Oprah's Soul Series and Life Class on Sunday, May 18th.  Time to set your DVR's. Click here to find Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent 1 & 2, click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent column. Todd has a few spots opening for his Men's Group.  Email me @ comments@zenparentingradio.com Tree of Life Chiropractic Care have some interesting workshops planned.  An outline can be found here. If you shop Amazon by going through our website first (there is an amazon link

What's the difference between punishment, discipline, and natural consequences?  We discuss a few different events that happened in our house that allowed for natural consequences.  Rather than using fear to punish, natural consequences help children understand and integrate a teaching. We also discuss cell phone usage - specifically: What is the correct age to give your access to a phone? What conditions should be put on it? Are we telling our children that we don't trust them if we ask them to look through all their messages? There was a story in the Chicago Tribune about a middle school that had to deal with sexting.  We discuss the different technologies surrounding kids and their phones.   Our guest Dr. Shefali Tsabary is about to rocket into the Oprah stratosphere.  She'll be on Oprah's Soul Series and Life Class on Sunday, May 18th.  Time to set your DVR's. Click here to find Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent 1 & 2, click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent colu