Zen Parenting Radio

We've made it to 200! We celebrate by hearing from our listeners and by listening to some of our "greatest hits". We also talk about the intention of Zen Parenting and why self awareness leads to more connected families and eventually, a more connected world. Thanks for listening, we appreciate you! We announce the release of Cathy's new book, Living What You Want Your Kids To Learn- The Power of Self-Aware Parenting as well as our two week Self-Aware Virtual Retreat.  Information can be found below. Other Resources Receive Cathy's new book Living What You Want Your Kids To Learn by registering  for our two week Self-Aware Virtual Holiday Retreat which begins on December 1st.  Click here for more details.   Cathy's 3rd book, Living What You Want Your Kids To Learn- The Power of Self-Aware Parenting, is now on sale! Scheduled ship date is first week of November. Go here to order your book. Todd co-facilitates The Tribe Men's Group and is now accepting applications for his 2015 retreat.  Registration can b

Do you get annoyed by your fear? Are you tired of being afraid? We discuss how to shift the way we look at fear. Pema Chodron said, Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth, so maybe our fear is trying to help us, heal us, push us closer to who really are. We never stop being afraid, but we can begin to have a gentler relationship with the discomfort. We discuss how to talk to your kids about hitting - punishment and consequences may not be working, but how about a down-to-earth meaningful discussion. What is your child hoping to achieve by hitting? How you can support your children when they feel like hitting? What tools can your children use instead of hitting? Instead of using fear or shame, we can shift the focus to the feelings behind the hitting. Todd shares his weekend retreat experience with The Mankind Project. He was awakened to a whole different definition of masculinity. Other Resources Receive Cathy's new book Living What You Want Your Kids To Learn by registering  for our t

Our guest Alfie Kohn, author of  The Myth of the Spoiled Child, says that the negativity thrown at parents and the supposedly narcissistic kids they are raising is unfounded. Kohn says parents should work to raise kids with high self esteem, and that the fashionable belief that kids must develop grit and self-discipline through failure and suffering is unproven and often counterproductive. A few of the topics we discuss with Alfie: Warm responsive parenting is often confused with over indulgent and permissive parenting Punishment and rewards don't work Competition is uniquely counterproductive We want to raise "reflective rebels" Other Resources Cathy's 3rd book, Living What You Want Your Kids To Learn- The Power of Self-Aware Parenting, is now on sale! Scheduled ship date is first week of November. Go here to order your book. Todd co-facilitates The Tribe and is now accepting applications for his 2015 retreat.  Highlights of last years retreat can be found here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

We are always told to avoid "toxic" people, but sometimes it's difficult to completely cut ties. This is when we learn to set boundaries. Cathy shares a metaphor she found in Glennon Melton's latest blog - the reason we can see the beauty of a tiger behind bars is that we are safe from being devoured. If we don't set up our own boundaries (bars), then we risk allowing others to take advantage of us (and we miss their beauty!). We also share the website worldpulse.com  - it allows women from all over the world to communicate with each other and transform their circumstances. At 22:00, we interview Todd's good friend Rick Williams.  Rick shares the story of his wife Trish - for the last 19 months she has been dealing with Hydrocephalus. Rick has persevered to support Trish in unbelievable ways, but they have reached an impass - recovery is possible, but insurance has run out. To learn more and donate, please visit Trish's fund raising page here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VM-MH0b6w44&feature=youtu.be O

Are you supporting your partner instead of listening to your own internal knowing? Are you choosing to support rather than voice your opinion? Supporting your partner and kids is important, but if you do it by hurting yourself, it can create resentment and disconnection. Cathy and Todd go deep on this one (think Zen Parenting grad school) and ask listeners to practice extreme self awareness. If you take care of yourself first, and do what feels right, it may create an environment for others to do the same. Cathy talks about Emerging Women, the conference she attended in New York this weekend. There were so many amazing speakers, and they all shared a similar message. Success comes from the inside, find your joy, and make a life, not a living. It's time to bring female leadership into the workplace and into the world - it will lead to greater strength, compassion, forgiveness, creativity, and balance. Other Resources We invite you to attend a live webinar with us titled How is your Child Sleeping? It's on W

Our friend Shawn Bowen tells her story about her son Matthew who was diagnosed with down syndrome in the hospital 4 days after he was born. Matthew is now 7 and is amazing as he was when he showed up seven years ago.  Shawn talks about her initial reaction to Matthew's diagnoses, advocating for her son in a school system, Matthew's health challenges, and how the perception of down syndrome has changed for the better as time goes by.  Hope you enjoy... Other Resources We invite you to attend a live webinar with us titled How is your Child Sleeping? The discussion revolves around assessing your child's sleep behavior and the effects on overall development.  Register by clicking here.  $15.00 to register.  An inspirational story related to this workshop can be found below.  It's called "Finding Connor Deegan" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk5qsmRyVcE Shameless plug for Cathy's sister's S.O.S. Pads campaign- Who knew? http://www.sosclorox.com/ Todd co-facilitates The Tribe and is now accepting application

Do your kids love to dance, or play sports, or be artistic at home? Do you keep insisting that they need to take a class?  We all want what is "best" for our kids, and that often means getting them into the "best" class with the "best" teacher at the "best" facility  The intention is based in love, but what if your kid doesn't want to take a class? Maybe he/she just wants to enjoy the creative process without being told what to do. We can always offer a class or opportunity for growth, but our kids know when they are ready to know more, and sometimes they don't need as much guidance as we think they do. A few examples are Ballerina Mindy Copeland who didn't start dancing until she was 13, and Saturday Night Live comedians Fred Armisen and Kristen Wiig who didn't start their life in comedy until their early 20's https://screen.yahoo.com/weekend-garth-kat-mothers-day-000000363.html We also answer two questions from our listeners - one who's husband is displeased with his work and allows his feelings to affec

Time-outs are typically viewed as an effective parenting technique, but the latest brain research suggests that they may be making things worse. Instead of using time-outs as a break, parents have used them as punishment. This isolates the child and eliminates the possibility for connection and compassion at a time when they need it most.  We discuss the blog written by Dr. Daniel Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, where they share how the latest brain research have proved time-outs ineffective. We share an update about Erin and Aaron Kreiger - they shared their journey of grief and infant loss back in June - (click here for Part 1 and Part 2 ), as well as a blog titled  25 ways to ask your kids "So how was school today?" Other Resources If you think there are times when we put too much educational pressure on our children, then check this out! Be U, Inc and Bethel Learning Center are sponsoring a FREE screening of Replace the Race followed by a discussion on October 8th @ 7:00 PM Click the link below to re

Have you heard of He for She?  This campaign, headed by the UN,  is asking men to stand up and support gender equality - not just for the sake of women, but also for their own freedoms and for the welfare of our nation. Emma Watson is the Ambassador for He for She, and she gave an amazing speech yesterday in front of the UN.  She was given a well-deserved standing ovation.  Click here to check out HeForShe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9SUAcNlVQ4 Todd reads a few questions from listeners about childhood anxiety. Cathy talks about the importance of being self aware, practicing self care, and why finding our calm can create calm in our kids. She also suggests that we ask kids how we can support them - if kids are met with understanding and compassion rather than fear and shame, they can usually offer their own solutions for change. Todd brings back "Tournament of Bad" and explains why he is frustrated with Sharon Osbourne. Other Resources If you think there are times when we put too much educational pr

In this "special edition" episode of ZPR, we discuss spanking and hitting, especially how it relates to the Adrian Peterson case. Three-fourths of our country still believes in spanking as an appropriate method of discipline, so instead of pointing fingers and demonizing, let's discuss, understand, and pay attention to why and how this became acceptable. Emotions, outbursts, and negative behavior are all messages; our children's way of communicating needs and challenges. Is causing them physical pain the best way to handle their self expression? Instead, can we take responsibility for the energy we bring, pay attention to our ability to listen and empathize, and focus on creating a connected and trusting relationship with our kids? In 1989 the United Nations proposed The Rights of a Child , this identified the human rights of a child, and made corporal punishment illegal.  38 countries ratified this resolution - the only two countries who did not were Somalia and the United States. As people and as parent

as they try to change their worlds....are immune to your consultations, they're quite aware of what they're going through - David Bowie's famous line from the song "Changes" sums up our misunderstanding of children today. Todd is sick of hearing people say kids are more spoiled than ever or kids are narcissistic, it was never like that when I was young...."The Myth of The Spoiled Child", a book by Alfie Kohn, proves that these assertions are simply not true. We play a few clips from the documentary "Moving Forward" - it helps us understand and respect the impact we have on our children.  More specifically we discuss the importance of two things that go wrong in childhood- things that should not happen, but do (abuse, neglect, etc.) and things that should happen, but don't (have you ever heard of the term proximal abandonment?) The full feature can be found on Netflix, but you can watch a 30 minute clip by clicking here.   We also discuss some improvements we have made to Be U, Inc, and how Cathy and I scare

Our daughter was struggling to get out of bed this morning - struggling to get dressed, struggling to eat breakfast.  The trick to dealing with a scenario like this is to check yourself before responding (even if you have to fake that you are not frustrated). If we meet this situation with a sense of calm and trust natural consequences, we may be able to sidestep some possible landmines. We discuss how to support your loved ones when they are grieving. Todd shares his insights after losing his mother last week. Power School is an on-line resource that monitors our daughter's progress at her school on a daily basis.  We must balance out the positives and negatives of such a resource and figure out what works best for both parent and child. We also discuss the best way to create change in your life.  The answer is more simple than you think.  Sometimes it's as easy as "do something different." Other resources If you think there are times when we put too much educational pressure on our children, then check

Instead of posting a new podcast, we are reposting one of our favorites, the one where we interview our moms. Unfortunately, Todd’s mom passed away last weekend, and we wanted to share this to honor her. We share some great stories, have some great laughs, and near the end, Sharon (we call her GG) shares how at peace she is with her family. Please listen and enjoy – and even more important, be good to each other. In honor of Mother's Day, we invited our moms to talk about what we were like as kids.  We also talk about the changes that have taken place from the time they were kids (a.k.a. the olden days) to  raising us in the 70's - we also discuss how their grandchildren are being raised. We get nostalgic and we have a lot of laughs. We love our moms! Other resources If you think there are times when we put too much educational pressure on our children, then check this out! Be U, Inc and Field School PTA are sponsoring a FREE screening of Race to Nowhere, The Dark Side of America's Achievement Culture on S

We lost our "Zen Bunny" Greeley last week and it was a shock to our family.  How do we deal with the grieving process, and how do we help our children deal with their sadness?  As parents we need to allow our children to grieve, and respect that it's an individual process. We also discuss how to handle "disrespect" from our children - are they trying to be mean, or are they trying to communicate something? If we can do our best to not be offended and communicate in a productive way, it will keep our relationships healthy. Have you seen the movie "Boyhood"?  It's a special movie and we give a quick review of this incredible film. We also answer a listener's question about how to deal with energy vampires. Other resources https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiDztHS3Wos Donate to Red Door Shelter If you think there are times when we put too much educational pressure on our children, then check this out! Be U, Inc and Field School PTA are sponsoring a FREE screening of Race to Nowhere, The Dark Side of America

We discuss the newly revised version of  "Stop Teaching Our Kids To Kill" a book written by Lt. Dave Grossman and Gloria DeGateano, Founder and CEO of the Parent Coaching Institute. Originally published in 1999, the book is updated and includes even more indisputable research that demonstrates the affects of violence on the child and adolescent brain. We also talk about the "Ignore No More" app created by a mom who wanted her son to respond to her texts/calls, and also Cathy's blog titled , "Want Change, Then Rethink". We also discuss why mini-breakdowns are the key to a healthy marriage (or any other relationship!). Other resources: If you think there are times when we put too much educational pressure on our children, then check this out! Be U, Inc and Field School PTA are sponsoring a FREE screening of Race to Nowhere, The Dark Side of America's Achievement Culture on Sept. 11th @ 7:00 PM Click the link below to reserve your seat.http://cathycassaniadams.com/events/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uem

Robin Williams' death prompts a discussion about mental illness and depression.  We play some clips from his most meaningful roles as well as some of his stand-up. Mental illness carries a stigma that makes asking for help difficult.  We support a group called NAMI (National Association of Mental Illness) and we discuss the importance of removing the stigma from mental illness.  A few other clips discussed in the show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3yqXeLJ0Kg&list=PLZPBiTEeqgyqoiyay3UOAQoEwJO3r3tEI ****Warning- the clip below has explicit language https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wi-JlvBCl3A We also discuss Cathy's blog about back to school anxiety - she suggests feeling it rather than avoiding it - this helps you process your feelings so you can be more available to your children. Other resources: Click the following links to purchase Cathy's books The Self-Aware Parent Part 1  & and Part 2 Click here to find her blog, and click here to find her Chicago Parent column. Todd has a few spots opening f

Sometimes we make decisions based on old patterns from childhood, even though they are unnecessary or unhelpful today. The first step toward understanding why we make certain decisions is to become more self aware and introspective. It also necessitates listening to other viewpoints and being conscious of our own defensiveness. Our children, spouse, and friends can all act as mirrors - allow them to help you see yourself better. For example, when Todd was younger he always asked friends to come over/join his family get-togethers because it reduced the possibility of family chaos (everyone was on their best behavior). But as a father in a calmer household, he still feels a "need" to have others around rather than just be present with his family. This "need" is based in an old pattern, an outdated method of protection that is no longer necessary. But it takes self awareness to recognize this - what are your outdated patterns? We also discuss an amazing blog written by Lea Grover called "This Is What Sex-Posit

The NFL and Comissioner Roger Goodell handed down a punishment to NFL player Ray Rice for allegedly knocking out his fiance in an Atlantic City Casino.  Some players have been suspended for 5 games for memorabilia violations, others 4 games for violating the league's drug policy.  Ray Rice received a suspension of ..... wait for it ..... 2 games!  We discuss the inconsistencies of this decision and why this sends the wrong message to players and society. Two other resources  supplied by one of our listeners can be found @ http://www.ncadv.org/need-help/what-is-domestic-violence and http://www.injuryclaimcoach.com/domestic-violence-help.html We also role play a conversation Cathy and I overheard during breakfast - a little girl wanted to share a story with her grandma, but Grandma was in "teaching" mode and missed a big opportunity for connection. We discuss how to listen and communicate with your children so you can both feel heard and appreciated. The Aspire App for victims of domestic abuse as presented

Is there a difference between a happy life and a meaningful life?  We explore the subtle differences and why this understanding can change your life.  We discuss a blog by Jed Diamond (Founder of the health program "Men Alive") titled How the Science of a Meaningful Life Can Help Us Live Joyfully and Well: Happy people satisfy their wants and needs, but that seems largely irrelevant to a meaningful life. Happiness involves being focused on the present, whereas meaningfulness involves thinking more about the past, present, and future—and the relationship between them. Meaningfulness is derived from giving to other people; happiness comes from what they give to you. Meaningful lives involve stress and challenges. Self-expression is important to meaning but not happiness. In a recent New York Magazine article they summarize a study that concludes Men Would Rather Give Themselves Electric Shocks Than Sit Alone With Their Thoughts. We discuss why we're so uncomfortable with our minds. In this week's

The topic of contraception and women's rights can be so emotionally charged, it often leads to to yelling and judgment. But our listener, Charles, left us a respectful and informative message sharing his viewpoint. Can we disagree but still listen to each other in a respectful manner? It takes awareness and compassion, but it's always possible. We also talk about listening with an "Empty Cup": Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era, received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.  Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring.The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!""Like this cup," Nan-in said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?" Sometimes we think it's easier to complain about the perceived "shortcomings" of our loved ones rather than deal with the problem. In the long run, this can be the tougher way to