What Fresh Hell: Laughing In The Face Of Motherhood

When we worry about our kids being behind on reaching milestones, that's natural. When we fear it's proof of our own terrible parenting, that's our anxiety taking over. Here's how to reframe kids' development in a way that lessens our mom guilt and feelings of failure: the power of "not yet" Amy and Margaret discuss: Why we feel so anxious when our kids aren't developing the way we think they should How we can show our kids that we believe in them—and why that helps us too Why humans learn more from mistakes than from things we get right Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Sarina Natkin: The Power of Not Right Now Leo The Late Bloomer by Robert Kraus TED Talk Tuesday: The Power of Yet Our episode "Growth Mindset" Carol Dweck at TEDxNorrkoping: The power of believing that you can improve Neuroscience News: Mindful Mistakes: How Brains Learn from Errors We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our

This is one of our deep dives on how kids are shaped by their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. Most people believe middle children are prone to feeling insecure and left out because they get less attention. Their primary emotional state? Jealousy of siblings. Studies show that we think these problems are real and inescapable. A City College of New York study found participants were most likely to use words like “overlooked” to describe middle children— while completely unlikely to use the word “spoiled.”  Psychologist Dr. Alfred Adler first proposed a “middle child syndrome” in the 1920s, and ever since, most of us have assumed the Jan-Brady worst. But Dr. Adler also believed that middle children’s place in the birth order made them “uniquely poised to succeed.” Are we getting it wrong? Are there lifelong benefits for kids who grow up neither the pressured oldest nor the coddled youngest?  In this episode we discuss:  “middleborns” vs “classic middle

How can we prevent our kids from developing substance use disorders? Dr. Kevin Simon is an Attending Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and Addiction Medicine Specialist at Boston Children's Hospital and an instructor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. In this interview, Dr. Simon explains The different ways that kids use substances, and why they use What puts kids at higher use for developing addiction Why the "just a sip at home" strategy isn't a good idea What to watch for in order to intervene sooner Here's where you can find Dr. Simon: https://www.kevinsimonmd.com/publications @DrKMSimon on IG, X, and LinkedIn Here links to a few resources mentioned in the episode: Felice J Freyer for the Boston Globe: "Boston's New Mental Health Czar Lays Out His Goals" "This Is Your Brain on Drugs" PSA We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom

What words, phrases, or annoying habits do you wish your family would just quit once and for all? Here's what our funny mom friends had to say. Amy and Margaret discuss: What rules work in Margaret's house What behaviors cause them to "catch a bit of an attitude" Which tropical islands they would run away to if given the chance Read the original thread on Facebook here Listen to Molly and Blaire's new podcast Unsticking It! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent Learn more

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes on birth order and how it can shape both kids' personalities and their relationships with their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. Is birth order a thing to fight back against? Is there a way to make the older child less stressed, and the baby maybe a little *more* motivated? And is it a problem if our own birth order has shaped who we are as adults and how we parent? We think the answer is: not really. These stereotypes are so ingrained because the effects of birth order are real. But that's not to say the things that result are all negative, or completely determinative, or that your middle kid is doomed to a life of unhappiness just because she was unlucky enough to get a younger sibling. Still, awareness of the effects of birth order seems important, if only to catch ourselves when we're inadvertently reinforcing those roles. That's when we can give the youngest a little more responsibility, the oldest

What does it mean to parent grown children? How can we embrace those changing relationships? Kelly Corrigan, host of "Kelly Corrigan Wonders", four-time New York Times bestselling author, and the host of PBS’ long-form interview show Tell Me More, talks with Amy about the process of letting our big kids go. Kelly and Amy discuss: why the thing our older kids might most want to hear from us is, simply, "I know" why mothers and fathers might get different versions of the same stories from their kids Kelly's top advice for younger parents Here's where you can find Kelly: https://www.kellycorrigan.com/ @kellycorrigan on IG Listen to Kelly's podcast "Kelly Corrigan Wonders" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies

Need some new indoor activities for kids? Are you completely out of ways to keep your little ones busy while winter's cold and icky weather continues to drag on? Bundling up and going outside is worth the trouble, when you can make it happen—but when you can't, here's how to make those long and boring days inside more fun. Amy and Margaret discuss: The "third quarter phenomenon" How to change things up to create new experiences out of old toys for kids Listener tips for keeping kids occupied on cold, rainy, or snowy days Here are links to some of the things mentioned in the episode: Elmo checks in on all of us this week: Elmo on Twitter / X Watch this interview with Elmo and his dad Louie on TODAY Nathan Smith and Gro Mjeldheim Sandal for Astronautics: "The third-quarter phenomenon: the psychology of time in space" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/

What can we do to help our kids feel welcome and make friends in a new town? Margaret shares her own parenting tips for helping kids adjust after a big move. A listener asks: "We're about to move across the country and I'm wondering what are the steps we need to take to "make friends" and help the kids do the same. What are some ways you can suggest for them to "break into" the already formed groups that I'm sure their new schools will still have? Also, it will be a very strange dynamic because in the fall, I will have one in high school, one in middle, and one in elementary. Send help!" Margaret suggests reaching out to the community you're moving to ahead of time and trying to make connections before you get there. Even just one person to talk to in your new hometown can be really helpful. When it comes to your kids, find groups that they might want to be a part of, whether it's theater, soccer, or Scouts, and contact the leaders of those groups to tell them your kid will be coming. See if you can get one k

What's the difference between being a father and being a dad? What does it mean for a man to become intentional about fatherhood as an integral part of his identity? Adam Flaherty and Marc Checket, co-hosts of the "Modern Dadhood" podcast, discuss how fatherhood has and hasn't changed in the last few decades. Amy, Margaret, Adam, and Marc discuss; Why women identify (and are identified) as moms more readily than men do as dads The difference between "dadhood" and "fatherhood" How to make parenting partnerships more equitable Here's where you can find Adam and Marc: http://moderndadhood.com Instagram: @moderndadhood YouTube: @moderndadhood TikTok: @moderndadhoodpodcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategie

Why are the solutions to other people's problems so easy, while our own problems seem so much harder? Turns out this phenomenon is real, and even has a name: "Solomon's Paradox." In this episode we discuss how distance from a situation gives us clearer perspective, and how we might transfer that clarity to the problems in our own lives. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why it's easier to see other people's situations more clearly than our own Why it's easier for us to see what our kids need to do in sticky situations than for them to see it Why we sometimes may not be solving other people's problems as well as we thought How to apply the wisdom we bring friends' issues to our own situations Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kean Poon: "Hot and Cool Executive Functions in Adolescence: Development and Contributions to Important Developmental Outcomes" from Frontiers in Psychology Journal Maggy Elsousou for Medium: "Why It’s So Much Easier To Solve Other People’s Problems Than

How can we get our reluctant readers to read a wider range of books? Here are some parenting strategies for getting kids excited about reading. Jennifer asks: "Any thoughts on how to get my eight-year-old son to listen or read anything outside his go-to genre?" Although Jennifer doesn't specify, it sounds like the go-to genre for an 8-year-old boy is probably some books about gross bodily humor. But remember: kids have to learn to read before they can read to learn. At that young age, many kids are still working really hard to ingest information as they read, so they need something really engaging to make it worth the effort for them. You can also view the problem as: at least they're reading, and that's good! Even if it's not as educational as you wish it were. Some parenting strategies for encouraging your child to read include modeling reading at home, creating a visual representation of how many books your child has read for them to see, and taking them to the library to get the full book-borrowing experi

How can busy moms reduce their stress levels in a way that DOESN'T involve the word self-care? Dr. Linnea Passaler, author of the new book HEAL YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM, explains the biology behind the stress response and how to address it. Dr. Linnea Passaler is the founder of ‘Heal Your Nervous System,’ a platform that offers tools and resources to help individuals worldwide understand the root cause of anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, and physical and emotional symptoms. Dr. Passaler and Amy discuss: When and why our nervous systems become dysregulated Where most people run into trouble when trying to become more regulated Solutions for shifting to a more regulated state Here's where you can find Dr. Passaler: https://healyournervoussystem.com @healyournervoussystem on IG Buy HEAL YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780760385654 Listen to our interview with Carla Naumberg We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our cur

We each have those things that we don't hate, exactly; we just don't get them, don't get why everyone but us is so obsessed. Our listener Melanie posted in our Facebook group: I have a show idea! Things that it seems everyone in the world loves, but you don’t get it! For me….Taylor Swift. I don’t get why people lose their minds over her! One of my students went into debt to pay $4000 for a ticket to her concert….and it wasn’t even a good seat! As usual, hundreds of listeners weighed in about the things they just don't get, from Stanley cups to pretty cookies. Here are some of the widely appealing things that make them—and sometimes us—scratch our heads. One of the top things Amy doesn't get: Tom Waits. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skill

What parenting advice works when kids are being excluded from friend groups? Margaret shares some parenting strategies for keeping calm ourselves and for modeling healthy behavior when our kids are faced with rejection. A listener asks: "Help! My 12-year-old son lost his only friend because his friend's other friends didn't like my son. Most kids find my son annoying. I have tried to explain to him how some of the things he does might make other people feel, but he is quite immature for his age and has ADHD. As a child, I also didn't have many friends. I'm like my mom, not super social, don't know what to do." One of the best things you can do for your kid is model a healthy response to the situation. Acknowledge that rejection hurts but that it's a normal part of social dynamics in life and it may be a tough season socially for a little while. If you throw logs on the fire by reacting too strongly, it will cue your child to do the same. Your kid may be in need of some social skills classes if they find frien

Finding out that you, or your child, has ADHD can be a great relief: so many things finally make sense. But the diagnosis, and the self-acceptance that comes with it, is just the beginning of the work. Jessica McCabe, author of the new book HOW TO ADHD, tells her own story of learning all that ADHD can affect, and gives helpful tips for living, working, and parenting while neurodiverse. Jessica McCabe is the creator of the YouTube channel "How to ADHD," where she shares fun, relatable and research-based educational content about ADHD and neurodiversity with her 2 million followers. Jessica and Amy discuss: Jessica's own journey with her ADHD diagnosis—and why it took her so long to understand it Why people with ADHD should own and claim it as a disability Helpful strategies for daily living for households where family members have ADHD—including the parents Here's where you can find Jessica: https://howtoadhdbook.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/howtoadhd @howtoadhd on all social platforms (Yo

Mothers have long been held at fault for anything that might occur in their children's lives, from autism ("refrigerator mothers") to colic, and everything in between. Why is there such a long history of blaming everything on Mom? In this episode, we discuss how mom blame has manifested in both psychology and parenting advice over the years, and how we can start to push back on it in our own lives. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Joseph E. Davis, PhD for Psychology Today: "For a Moratorium on Parent Blaming" Mitzi M. Waltz, PhD for the AMA Journal of Ethics: "Mothers and Autism: The Evolution of a Discourse of Blame" Rosjke Hasseldine for Medium: "How Mother Blaming Harms the Mother-Daughter Bond" Bonnie Zucker for Scary Mommy: "From a Psychologist: No, It's Not All Mom's Fault" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/pro

It's developmentally appropriate for a toddler to shout "That's mine!" every five seconds instead of sharing. That's because toddlers and preschoolers are still learning what sharing even means. So what should a parent do when they have two little ones who are fighting over every toy? Our listener Katie sent us a message on Instagram asking: "I have two boys, the older almost two and a half, the younger a one-year-old (they're 18 months apart). My 2 1/2 year-old just says nonstop, "Nooo, this is mine!" and takes everything away from his little brother all day long. I'm constantly having to keep the younger one away from the older one, otherwise he will try to kick or hit him. It's frustrating and exhausting, and I know it's a normal stage, but I also feel like there must be something I can do to help." First, a parent should focus on the kicking or hitting, which is the immediate danger. Give that behavior a firm no, and then separate the children as necessary. Don't feel like you have to enforce playing tog

Self-help culture rewards women and mothers who "stay strong." But that can lead to us people-pleasing even as we struggle, making sure no one sees that we're actually drowning. Andrea Owen, host of the Make Some Noise podcast, explains how some conventional self-help advice needs to be kicked to the curb. Andrea Owen is also a professionally-certified life coach and the author of three books, including How to Stop Feeling Like Sh*t: 14 Habits that are Holding You Back from Happiness.  In this episode Andrea, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Being a "compassionate witness" Quieting our inner critic Why it's okay to fall apart sometimes Here's where you can find Andrea: -https://andreaowen.com/ -@heyandreaowen on IG, FB, and TikTok We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Kids have a less time for unsupervised, unstructured play than they did 40-50 years ago. Kids are also a lot less happy then they were back then. But has one actually caused the other? A new study says it has. Psychologist Dr. Peter Gray and his associates at Boston College recently published the paper Decline in independent activity as a cause of decline in children's mental well-being, which suggests that the decline in play and the decline in children's well-being are directly correlated: “Our thesis is that a primary cause of the rise in mental disorders (among children and teens) is a decline over decades in opportunities for children and teens to play, roam and engage in other activities, independent of direct oversight and control by adults.” In this episode we discuss the fascinating research explored in this study, the difference in our freewheeling neighborhood childhoods and our own kids' more curated daily existences, and how letting our children take independent risks—and even get a few bumps and

How do we start to get our babies sleeping through the night, and how do we know whether they're old enough to do so? Margaret shares what worked for her when she had little ones. For at least the first eight weeks of a baby's life, ignore the people telling you that your baby needs to be on a schedule. Their schedule is feeding upon demand, and that's going to involve some nighttime wakings. Once the baby is at least eight weeks old, and with your pediatrician's go-ahead, you can start to shape the baby's day versus their night. Day should be bright, exciting, and lively. Night should be dark, calm, and quiet. When the baby wakes up during the night, they should be put back to sleep with minimal activity and sound—feedings and changing of diapers should be quiet and quick. It can help to send in the non-breastfeeding partner for the first waking of the night to get the baby back to sleep without feeding, and to start building longer stretches of time where the baby will sleep. Always consult your pediatricia