What Fresh Hell: Laughing In The Face Of Motherhood

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Matthew Fray is a relationship coach who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage to help others avoid making the same mistakes that he did. He's a 43-year-old single father who is best known for his viral blog post "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink." Fray is the author of the new book "This is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships." Matthew gives us wonderful, poignant insights into how to validate our partners, find out their true needs, and re-establish trust when we've lost it. In this episode, Matthew, Margaret, and Amy discuss: Why we may not realize we're betraying our partner's trust Matthew's hierarchy of needs in relationships Why couples always have the same fight Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Maslow's hi

If setbacks are so common, especially in the trenches of motherhood, how can we learn useful lessons from them? Amy Shoenthal, author of the new book THE SETBACK CYCLE, offers a framework for navigating setbacks and becoming stronger because of them. Amy Shoenthal is a journalist, marketing consultant and a contributor to Forbes Women and Harvard Business Review. Shoenthal and Margaret discuss: Why our brains learn more from setbacks than successes and why people who have setbacks are better at problem solving Shoenthal's four-phase framework for navigating setbacks The "motherhood penalty" that women in the workforce experience Here's where you can find Amy Shoenthal: www.thesetbackcycle.com @amysho on Instagram and Twitter https://www.linkedin.com/in/amyshoenthal/ Buy THE SETBACK CYCLE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798888451687 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfres

We asked our listeners to tell us their lowest-stakes conspiracy theories, and as usual, you all really came through! Whether it's gum with flavor that goes extinct in thirty seconds or less, or printers that indicate the need for new ink well ahead of schedule, here are all the extremely minor daily occurrences that just may have sinister planning behind them. We're just asking questions here. Amy mentions this I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE sketch in this episode: "That's a Chunky" sketch Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.  We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts,

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Why does it feel like I do all the work around here? Why can't my partner take on a little more? Why does a dad get to go on Good Morning America for DOING HIS DAUGHTER'S HAIR TWICE A WEEK?? There is evidence that having kids reduces marital harmony. And for a woman, the birth of a child often means taking on a second shift while her partner's routine may barely be interrupted. So how can we find labor divisions that work for everyone? In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss: What the science says about relationships post-children Signs that a partnership is operating unsustainably Tips for how to start the conversation about dividing up parenting responsibilities Here are links to some of the resources we mention: The Infamous "Husband Crimes" episode What Happens to a Marriage After Having Chil

How can we maintain a strong attachment to our kids as they begin to look to their peers for approval instead of their parents? Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Gordon Neufeld explain the crucial importance of remaining attached to our children as they grow in their new and revised edition of their book HOLD ONTO YOUR KIDS. Dr. Gordon Neufeld is an internationally renowned psychologist and foremost authority on child development, and founder of the Neufeld Institute. Dr. Gabor Maté is a renowned speaker and bestselling author, highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development. Amy, Dr. Maté, and Dr. Neufeld discuss: Why "peer orientation" doesn't actually have to be the way things go How cultural shifts in society have accelerated the rise of peer orientation How we can reattach to our children and remain their most important role model Here's where else you can find Dr. Maté and Dr. Neufeld: gabormatemd (IG); @DrGaborMate (X); Gabor Maté (FB) @Neufe

What should we do when all the work we do to run our family's lives is done so successfully that they not only don't acknowledge it—they don't even understand it? How do we help our partners understand that saying "I left the doctor a message, but they didn't call back" does not really count as a completed task? It's all about what's called the "invisible workload." In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: whether "cognitive labor" (Allison Daminger) or "emotional labor" (Rose Hackman) might be even better terms for what we're talking about pushing back on "weaponized incompetence" the difference between taking on tasks and taking on outcomes The importance of giving voice to invisible labor in front of kids Here are links to some interviews/books we mentioned in the episode: Our interview with Eve Rodsky Mac Daniel for Harvard Radcliffe Institute: "The Unseen Inequity of Cognitive Labor" FAIR PLAY by Eve Rodsky: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943 EMOTIONAL LABOR by Rose Hackman: https://

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes about "getting our kids to...," from listening to what we say the first time, to talking to us about what matters most to them. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. If a three-year-old can't wait thirty seconds more for dinner, will she grow up to be an impatient adult? Is there anything we can do to teach our kids patience– and should we? Impatience is completely normal in kids (not to mention grownups), but there are ways to help our children develop this skill. It's worth the effort– not to make our kids more compliant and quiet in church, but because patience and overall happiness, as it turns out, are highly correlated. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: Why impatience is developmentally appropriate- and when kids are ready to become more patient The infamous "marshmallow experiment" How to model patience for our kids (and find a little more happiness ourselves) Here are links to some of the resource

How can we get our disabled children the support to which they are entitled? How do we find the confidence that we're adequate enough to provide what they need? Kelley Coleman, parent of a disabled child and author of the new book EVERYTHING NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT PARENTING A DISABLED CHILD, provides practical advice and templates for navigating systems and accessing services. Kelley and Amy discuss: Kelley's personal story of parenting her disabled son and the challenges she's faced the frustrating experience of "reinventing the wheel" for each parent of a disabled child why the language of disability matters—and why it was the first thing Kelley had to learn why the best place to get real, practical information is often from other parents—until we become the informed parents Here's where you can find Kelley: https://www.kelleycoleman.com @hellokelleycoleman on IG Buy EVERYTHING NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT PARENTING A DISABLED CHILD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780306831706 We love the sponsors that

What do we do when one of our kid's moods is affecting everyone else in the house? Whether it's anxiety, frustration, rigidity, or plain old temper tantrums, understanding where it's coming from is the first step. But even when we don't allow emotions to be an excuse poor behavior, that misbehavior can happen anyhow—and walking on eggshells is no way to teach the dysregulated person better emotional skills. In this episode, we discuss: the sometimes hidden needs of the other kids in the house why "fair" is not the same thing as "equal" the single most important factor for positive family well-being Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode "When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth" Nicole Schwarz for imperfectfamilies.com: When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner Pamela Li for Parenting for Bain: Emotional Regulation in Children |

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes about "getting our kids to...," from listening to what we say the first time, to talking to us about what matters most to them. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. Getting your kid to talk to you is never easy (unless you’re standing with car keys in hand, front door ajar, 15 minutes late for an appointment). Here are some parenting strategies that work to get kids talking at every age. Based upon empirical evidence, “How was school today?” is the most annoying question a mom could ever ask. So why bother trying?  Because Jennifer Kolari, author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise a Great Kid, says getting our kids to open up is part of our job description: It’s our job as parents to help our kids sort through and process the things that happen to them during the day. “They don’t have the higher-order thinking to do it on their own yet. In this episode we lay out what gets our kids to talk– at every age and stage. M

How can we make the parent-child relationship peaceful and enjoyable? Simone Davies and Junnifa Uzodike, authors of THE MONTESSORI CHILD, explain Montessori parenting strategies and why they're useful for raising independent children. Simone Davies hosts the blog The Montessori Notebook, and Junnifa Uzodike sits on the executive board of the International Montessori Association and runs a school in Abuja, Nigeria. Simone, Junnifa, and Margaret discuss: The core tenets of the Montessori parenting philosophy What it means to be a parental guide to our children How Montessori parenting differs from other parenting styles Here's where you can find Simone and Junnifa: @themontessorinotebook @montessori_nduoma Buy THE MONTESSORI CHILD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523512416 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, pare

Is creativity the domain of artists and artists alone? How do we get unstuck when we haven't picked up a paintbrush in decades? Blaire Brooks and Molly Lloyd, former hosts of "Toddler Purgatory" and now co-hosts of "Unsticking It," discuss why creativity is accessible to and crucial for everyone, no matter who they are. Blaire, Molly, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How to disentangle yourself from the "hamster wheel" of everyday life How famous artists have found inspiration for their great works The overlap between creativity and motherhood Here's where you can find Blaire and Molly: Listen to Unsticking It with Blaire and Molly @unsticking_it_podcast on IG Watch Molly in her State Farm commercial with Ludacris! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, famili

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes about "getting our kids to...," from listening to what we say the first time, to talking to us about what matters most to them. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. How do we get our kids to listen to us and do as we ask, without too many tears on either side? Here are some parenting tips for encouraging cooperation in kids (and modeling it ourselves.) Our listener Alison asked: I would love some insight into engaging the cooperation of my two boys, 5 and almost 3 years old. At what age is it reasonable to expect them to put away their toys, stay seated for meals, get in the bath without mind games, and get ready for bed in less than 60 minutes? They are capable, but rarely willing, and 8 out of 10 times it's an ordeal. We have routines, we announce transitions in advance, we give them choices and even try to make it fun, but I feel like I am either haranguing them constantly or seething with resentment or both. Do I

What is the happy parenting medium between raising our kids with zero boundaries, and yelling until we're blue in the face? Gwenna Laithland is creator of the wildly popular @mommacusses on TikTok and Instagram, and author of the new book Momma Cusses: A Field Guide to Responsive Parenting & Trying Not to Be the Reason Your Kid Needs Therapy. Gwenna explains in this interview how she eventually found her way to what she calls "responsive parenting." We also discuss: why there's no such thing as a "parenting expert" how responsive parenting helps parents become more intentional, empathetic, and emotionally available how helping kids regulate their emotions has to start with our modeling how to regulate our own . Here's where you can find Momma Cusses: @mommacusses on TikTok and Instagram @thismommacusses on Facebook Pleasant Peasant Media on YouTube buy the MOMMA CUSSES book! https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250882660 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all t

In a disagreement two things can feel like opposites—but it can still be a fact that both things are true. You wish they'd listen; they wish you'd not get so angry. Your kid isn't going to that unsupervised sleepover; your kid is going to be furious about that for weeks. When we start allowing for coexisting differences of opinion—when we stop feeling like the other person can only be super-wrong before we get what we want—something like change can start to occur. The idea that two things can be true dates back to the ancient Greeks, and in this episode, we discuss the history of dialectical thinking why our lizard brains love to overcategorize how we can use the "two things can be true" script in our parenting We're still figuring out how this works for ourselves, but the effort seems well worth it. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Dr. Becky on Instagram: How to Respond to Pushback With Firmness and Connection Raising Good Humans with Dr. Aliza Pressman: Two Things

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes on birth order and how it can shape both kids' personalities and their relationships with their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. Why is it siblings so often seem to be total opposites? If we notice that and lean into comparisons, are we bad parents? And if our kids really are completely different, are they choosing those divergent paths on purpose? Yes and no. Here's why kids in the same family can turn out so differently, and what it means for us as we parent them. In this episode we discuss: The definition of "adaptive divergence" The difference between knowing our kids and comparing them Why each of our children, even in the same household, grow up in their own "micro environments" At the end of the day, we're wired to compare our kids as naturally as breathing. And instead of punishing ourselves for doing so, noticing when we do it and why is a good start. Even if you think you already know eve

How do kids play differently when they're outside? What are the benefits of unstructured play and giving kids more agency over their leisure time? Ginny Yurich, host of The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast and founder of the 1000 Hours Outside movement, explains why getting our kids outside every day that we can reaps real benefits for kids' physical, cognitive, and social well-being. In this interview Ginny, Amy, and Margaret discuss: the ways time outside benefits kids that you might not have heard of why a few bumps and bruises are worth what kids can learn from taking risks the essential role of friends and community in outdoor play... if you're going to spend a thousand hours outside this year, get a friend with kids who's willing to try it with you! Here's where you can find Ginny: Listen to The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast www.1000hoursoutside.com @1000hoursoutside on all socials Ginny's book UNTIL THE STREETLIGHTS COME ON: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781540903402 We love the sponsors that make t

Were the concerns of Nemo's father actually pretty reasonable? Was Mrs. Doubtfire the bad guy? Were Baby's parents in Dirty Dancing... actually kind of right? We asked our listeners which movies and TV shows they perceive differently as parents, plus a few of our own. We also discuss: which child actor Margaret scarily resembles the weirdest Disney movie of all time, in terms of it ostensibly being aimed at children the one thing that could save every Disney princess problem in five minutes Read the original thread in our Facebook group! mom friends, funny moms, Disney movies, family movies, family programming Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes on birth order and how it can shape both kids' personalities and their relationships with their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. It’s not your imagination: kids raised in the same family really do push in opposite directions– and we mean POLAR opposites, especially for closely-spaced or same-sex siblings. But why the de-identification? And how is it even possible for kids reared in the same environment to be so completely different?  In this episode we discuss:  the three theories social scientists have about this phenomenon  why siblings may “evolve” like Darwin’s finches  how “the shy one” in a given family may not be that shy at all- except compared to that outgoing sibling  what parents need to watch out for in terms of leaning in to these (sometimes oversimplified) categories    Here’s links to the fascinating research, and stuff that it reminded us of, discussed in this episode:  Alix Spiege

How can we make our kids - and ourselves - feel truly listened to in our day-to-day conversations? Charles Duhigg, author of the new book SUPERCOMMUNICATORS, explains how to create meaningful connection in the parent/child relationship.  Charles Duhigg is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Power of Habit and Smarter Faster Better. He is a staff writer at The New Yorker and was previously a reporter at the New York Times.  Charles and Margaret discuss: The three types of conversations and why the distinction among them is important How we can connect with others when we have deep personal disagreements How our communication skills are connected to our happiness Here's where you can find Charles: https://www.charlesduhigg.com/ Instagram: @charlesduhigg LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/charlesduhigg FB: @CharlesDuhigg Buy SUPERCOMMUNICATORS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593243916 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and