Intentional Living With Tanya Hale

Our brain loves a good story, and what it doesn’t know in facts, it will make up with fiction. It also really like to have a villain, a hero, and a victim in its story, and it especially loves to put us in the victim mode because when there we don’t have to shoulder the responsibility for solving our problems, we can just stay in a place of blame, criticism, and accusation. If we are to move out of being stuck in victim mode, we have to learn how to banish the villain from our story and even stop expecting a hero to show up and rescue us. We have to learn how to step out of being the victim and become our own hero.   Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts:   #29 Validation #122 Your Story About You #139 Being a Martyr #140 Still Being A Martyr #152 Victim or Hero? #250 Being a Victim #268 Drama Response #291 Divorce and Self-Worth  Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyah

It can be so easy to neglect the relationships we most value because we have this ideas that they will always be there. And then, because of the neglect, they are no longer there. We may still be married, but we are distant and disconnected, and it can seem daunting to find our way back to connection. But it is possible to change the trajectory of our disconnected relationship and come back into feeling close and connected again. It will take some courage, it will take some intentional efforts, and it will require vulnerability, but you can do it if you really decide it’s what you want. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #244 The Relationship Circle #289 Why Our Relationships Need Validation. #295 Safety in the Relationship Circle #296 Creating More Safety in Your Relationships #298 Friendship In Marriage #302 Gottman’s Four Horsemen – Destroying Relationships Has Never Been So Easy #341 Choosing To Be All In #342 What Does Vulnerability Look Like? #343 Gr

When we over-function, we are stepping into other people’s lanes and taking responsibility that is not ours. When we under-function, we are stepping back and inviting people into our lane to do things that we are responsible for doing. These one-up and one-down behaviors are so detrimental to our relationships and not only stem from our own insecurities but also feed the insecurities of others and promote resentment in everyone involved. This conversation with fellow mid-life relationship coach, Jane Copier, discusses the impact of over- and under-functioning and provides great examples to help you see how you might unknowingly be adding to the dysfunction of your relationships. Want to find Jane? Podcast: ‘Happy in the Middle’, and specifically episode #83 How to Stop Over-Functioning Website: https://janecopiercoaching.com TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@coachformidlifewomen   IG: https://www.instagram.com/jane.copier.coaching/   FB: https://www.facebook.com/LDSChristianMarriageCoach   Email:  jane@janecopi

Continuing our journey this week of discovering ways that we can ive a more luxurious life by creating energy, living in alignment with our values, and stepping into the person we have the possibility of being. Living a luxurious life requires intention and focus, it requires discipline and dedication. And it is so worth it. When we are living with a bucket that is filled to overflowing, we are living a beautiful life. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #7 Boundaries, part 1 #8 Boundaries, part 2 #9 Boundaries, part 3 #37 Self-Care #86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish? #143 Stuck in Perfectionism #148 Grace & Grudges in Our Relationships #173 A Space for Grace #174 Better Boundaries #230 People-Pleasing #238 Overflow #242 Circling Back Around #268 Drama Response #270 People Pleasing and Kindness – What’s the Difference? #314 When Setting Boundaries Is Hard #331 Sense of Self #332 Sense of Self – It’s All In Your Head #333 Sense of Self and Dating #334 Sense

Many of us dream of living a luxurious life, and we tend to confine that idea to materialistic luxury, houses and cars and clothing and jewelry and travel, all the things money can buy. And yet there is another type of luxury I want to talk about with you today, and it’s the luxury of living in alignment with our God-given possibility, the luxury of living a life that creates more energy than it expends, a life of feeling amazing in the love we have for ourselves, for others, and for God. This is luxury that feels like a pearl of great price, something we are willing to sacrifice our tolerable life for. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #130 Exploring Our Darkness #183 Taking Risks and Becoming #204 Being a Peacemaker #218 Honest Relationships #238 Overflow #241 Forgiving Others #243 Having More Honest Relationships #271 Equal Partnerships #287 Equality in Your Relationships and Your Self-Worth #299 Love Is Not a Reward #309 What An Equal Relationship Loo

Sexuality between men and women can get complicated because we experience it so differently. And until we can begin to understand and accept those differences, and then learn to work with them rather than fighting against them, we will struggle to find the connection and intimacy that a great sexual relationship has to offer us. In this podcast I am speaking with Dan Purcell, a life coach and Christian couples sex expert about what women may not know about men's sexuality. You can find more of Dan on his popular podcast Get Your Marriage On. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife #337 Sense of Self and Our Sexuality #345 Men's Sexuality and Intimacy with Sione Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great dis

If we want to increase the intimacy and connection in our relationships, it is imperative that we show up as a safe person who creates a safe space. Often, the patterns we have established in our relationships are the opposite of safe, they cause our primitive brains to go into hyper protective mode and want to run away emotionally and physically. But when we can learn to show up safe, time and time again, we can create a space where our spouse may be willing to start engaging in vulnerability, in the openness and honesty necessary to deepen our engagement. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #3 Resolving Conflict #20 Blame and Responsibility #51 The Silent Treatment #60 Mental and Emotional Abusive Behaviors #61 Charity is the Antidote #75 Emotional Adulthood #143 Stuck in Perfectionism #193 No Back-Burner Issues #197 Connecting Through Conflict #230 People Pleasing #239 How to Own Your Own #240 Passive-Aggressive Behavior #242 Circling Back Around #270 Pe

Difficult emotions can be, well, difficult. And because they don’t feel good, we will often dismiss, ignore, or resist them, which can be unfortunate when there is so much amazing information behind the emotions we are feeling and why we are feeling them. When we can learn to be aware of the emotion and then step into curiosity to figure out what it is teaching us about ourselves, we become empowered to make the changes necessary for positive movement in our lives. And living in alignment with who we really want to be is one of the most empowering things we can do. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #75 Emotional Adulthood #194 When You Feel Sad, or Bad, or Mad #219 The Truth About the Struggle #225 Shame, Blame, and Disempowerment #252 How to Courage Up In the Face of Fear #254 When You Feel Resentment #306 The Problem with Happiness #348 Entitled Expectation Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coachi

Our insecurities and the protective nature of our primitive brain can make meaningful connection in our relationships difficult. These protective tendencies make it difficult for us to step into truly listening and seeking to understand the other person. When we can learn to consciously set aside these human tendencies to preserve and protect ourselves, in areas where we really don’t need protecting, we can step in to truly understand and connect with the other person, relationships change for the better. This podcast teaches you three things you can do to better understand and connect with others around you. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #3 Resolving Conflict #5 Learning to Listen #41 Correcting and Connecting #77 Other People’s Opinions #156 The Benefits of Being Wrong #197 Connecting Through Conflict #242 Circling Back Around #251 Contention is a Choice #258 Communication That Connects #283 How To Be a Better Partner #289 Why Our Relationships Need

When Stacey first met me for her free consult, she was months out from a divorce and really struggling getting her feet on the ground. She was stuck in victim mentality and it was impacting the relationships with her children, herself, and everyone else. We started coaching one-on-one, and within 1 1/2 years, Stacy was on solid ground, had cleaned up her relationships with her children, and met and married a man who has to be her soul mate. Listen to Stacey share her story of growth and progress and finding love again in her 50s. Spoiler alert: she didn't always like me when we got off of a call. . .  Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #4 How to Change #28 How to Coach Yourself #49 Fixing Yourself #117 Anti-Responsibility #118 100% Responsibility #139 Being a Martyr #140 Still Being a Martyr #141 Coaching & Counseling. What's the Difference? #213 Thriving Post-Divorce - An Interview with Jody Moore #246 Self Coaching Strategies #250 Being a Victim #291

Besides all of the life changes that occur in middle-age such as children leaving home, readjusting our marriage relationships, figuring out our next life steps, aging parents, etc., how about we add on a heaping serving of menopause where our hormones change and adjust and it affects us not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally as well. So much in such a small time space! On this podcast I'm speaking with Dr. Taylor Hahn, a menopause specialist, who answers many of your questions about what is going on and how can we manage our menopause in helpful and healthy ways. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #89 Mid-Life Teenage Angst #281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife #315 Mid-Life Crisis? Yes, Please! Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we c

For many of us, fun is something that became more elusive as we got older. We were so involved in making sure our children and our spouses were doing well, that they were learning and growing and having fun, that our own fun often got put on the back burner. And yet, having fun and engaging in play is an important part of our mental and emotional health and is also super important to our relationships. I recently discovered that I had some work to do around play, and it’s helping me to feel more complete,  whole and happy. What about you? Where are you at in figuring out fun? Here are some questions to consider: What are you doing, just for you, that is fun? What do you do that energizes you? What are you doing that you lose track of time doing? What are you doing that feels productive and meaningful? If you have a partner, what are you doing with them that is fun? What do the two of you do that energizes you, that feels productive and meaningful, and that you lose track of time doing? How can you add more pl

Many of us think that if we could just take a confidence pill that everything in our life would be different, because confidence impacts our courage to step into new and sometimes scary situations and to take risks that could make our lives better. And yet, we all have confidence. Sometimes that confidence is just in things, but what we mostly struggle with is confidence in our SELVES. The confidence to believe that regardless of the outcome we will figure it out and have our own backs and still love and appreciate ourselves. When we can learn to have confidence in us, then our lives become more of what we want them to be. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #11 I Am Enough #35 Self-Esteem #82 Courage and Fear #107 Why Our Thoughts Are So Important #113 Self-Acceptance #114 Confidence #137 Not Enough? Not True #260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability #305 When We Don’t Feel Good Enough #327 Learning to Love Your Human Self #331 Sense of Self #332 Sense of

Sione and I are just hitting our third anniversary. On this podcast we share what we have learned and incorporated this last year regarding how curiosity creates a safe space. Learning to slow down, to pause before responding, to remember that this is the person we love the most and choosing to show up curious and kind and compassionate have been important for us in creating a relationship that is remarkable. We can treat our partner with love and kindness and avoid the blaming, accusing, attacking, and criticizing trap. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #103 The Case for Curiosity #173 A Space For Grace #258 Communication That Connects #286 How Miscommunication Destroys Relationships #295 Safety in the Relationship Circle #296 Creating More Safety in Your Relationship #301 The Primitive Brain Problem #307 Curiosity, Not Criticism #326 Stop Being Right, Start Being Safe #344 Are You a Safe Place for Vulnerability? #346 How to Stop Reacting and Start Respo

Sometimes we go into a one-down space and spin in shame, other times we might go into a one-up space and justify our poor behavior by blaming others, both responses that harm our relationships. When we can, instead, approach our struggles from an ‘all people are equal’ mentality, we have the capacity to offer ourselves grace for our humanity. Understanding that all people are humans who make mistakes, who are figuring it out, levels the playing field and gives us permission to offer ourselves and others grace for those human moments. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #34 Self-Compassion #39 Guilt & Shame #148 Grace & Grudges in Our Relationships # 216 One-Up and One-Down Behaviors #225 Shame, Blame, and Disempowerment # 242 Circling Back Around #267 Should & Shame #290 Resentment and Contempt in Our Relationships #331 Sense of Self #332 Sense of Self – It’s All in Your Head #333 Sense of Self and Dating #334 Sense of Self and Marriage #335 Sen

Divorce is one of those experiences that kicks you in the chest and knocks you on your butt, and it can be so difficult to get back up. And yet, at some point we have to get back up and step back into life. And though it's a tough road, it isn't impossible and it doesn't have to take forever. In this podcast I share some of my own insights about my divorce and four suggestions on how you can get back up on your feet feeling stronger and more capable than ever before. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #22 Divorce and the Kids Part 1 #23 Divorce and the Kids Part 2 #32 My Divorce Decision #90 Divorce Trauma #119 FAQs About My Divorce #125 Love It Before You Leave It #167 I Didn’t Sign Up for This #170 Rewriting Your Divorce Story #187 Growing Up After Divorce #213 Growing Up After Divorce – An Interview with Jody Moore #222 When You Are Considering Divorce #268 Drama Response #291 Divorce and Self-Worth #292 Healing and Moving Forward After Divorce #312 Div

All of us have people who don’t like us, even if we are the most kind and Christlike person we know.  It’s just part of our human experience. When we can learn to accept other people’s agency to not like us, we can let go of self-defeating behaviors like people-pleasing, perfectionist tendencies, trying to buy their love with time, money, energy, or resources, or beating ourselves up for ‘not being enough.’ The stronger our sense of self, the more we don’t need other people liking us, or validating us, to feel valuable and of worth. It really is okay if other people don't like you. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #77 Other People’s Opinions #92 Clean Love #220 Being Low Maintenance #230 People-Pleasing #257 Other People’s Agency #268 Drama Response #270 People Pleasing and Kindness - What's the Difference? #272 Stay In Your Own Lane #305 When We Don’t Feel Good Enough #327 Learning to Love Your Human Self #331 Sense of Self #332 Sense of Self – It’s All

Expectation is a funny word. It means that we think something should happen a certain way or that someone should behave in a certain way, two things we rarely, if ever, have control over. What I’ve found is that expectations I have are often a cause of shame for the other person, and also for me. And shame is never a productive emotion. And yet, it’s hard not to have expectations. So, how do we move away from the expectations we feel entitled to have and instead offer more grace for humanity and more kindness for struggle? Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #148 Grace and Grudges in Our Relationships #216 One-Up and One-Down Relationships #227 Staying in Your Own Lane #241 Forgiving Others #257 Other People’s Agency #268 Drama Response #290 Resentment and Contempt in Our Relationships #304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at

All relationships struggle, so all relationships need repair. Knowing how to repair is an essential skill for creating healthy and happy relationships, and that darn ego of ours can make it so difficult to show up in loving and kind ways because it wants to be right and it wants to prove to our spouse how wrong they are. But learning to show up creating a safe space for our spouse, especially in the context of a relationship struggle, is a valuable relationship tool that will change the trajectory of your relationship, while at the same time providing you with the self-care necessary to increase your sense of self and continue to show up better and better. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 3 Resolving Conflict 37 Self-Care 86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish? 92 Clean Love 110 The Cost of Being Right 118 100% Responsibility 151 Connection 161 Developing More Intimacy in Your Relationships 167 I Didn’t Sign Up for This 219 The Truth About the Struggle 242 Circli

I love Viktor Frankl’s quote “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” I am reminded by this that my power, my strength, and my freedom is created in the space between the stimulus (circumstance) and my response (my actions). But sometimes that space can seem so, so, so small.  We can tend to react impulsively, without thought, rather than responding thoughtfully. How do we increase the space, so we respond with intention, with valued alignment, rather than reacting with without thought? This podcast talks about how. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 26 Taking Offense 77 Other People's Opinions 163 Difficult People 175 Happy No-Drama Holidays to You 231 Other People's Pain 274 When We Behave Badly 280 Living in Alignment 301 The Primitive Brain Problem 307 Curiosity, Not Criticism 326 Stop Being Right, Start Being Safe Are you curious about what it