Monster Crush

Why have one when you can have it all? This week's singletons are a grab bag of delights. He's part man, part snake dick, part butterfly, part dog? Say no more. Seriously, please, say no more, that sounds horrifying. CW: rape. Featuring: Ghost Shark; WEIRD NEWS!; Demon Facts; Erect Snakes; Are Predators Pro-Life?; Direct to Kindle; Bird Don't Have Boobs. Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (@churboje)

Did you love those handsy boys featured last time? Well, Derek is back with more! The projected hugs are off the charts. We get carried away at the start of this episode and talk a lot about the theater and having sex with ghosts. Good points were made. Heaven-Leigh then shares her most recent experience with maybe an alien abduction? CW: cults, colonialism, body horror, mention of genitalia. Featuring: Ben Franklin’s Tentacle Porn Collection; We do not smooch serial killers; WEIRD NEWS; Consensual Ghost Encounters of the XXX kind; We gotta get to the bottom of this hole!; There is no I in ghost-team, only horrifying implications; Angelina Jolie and Grendlebob.Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (@churboje)

Who has a variety of hands, at least one thumb, and is ready for love? This week's singletons! Featuring our first monster with daddy issues. CW: Sexual assault in Greek mythology. Featuring: Pool Playing Pandas; Otter Crimes!; Camping Horror Story; Ghostly Hand Massage; Jesus v Devil: Dartmoor Drift; Zeus is at it... A G A I N. Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (@churboje)

Monsters these days only know eat brains, lie, tweet, and straight-to-DVD-sequels. If you want a monster who knows how to treat you right and has the chivalrous charm of a knight they probably killed at some point, look no further than the Middle Ages! Heaven-Leigh has a selection of three singletons that will show you how to party like it's 799. CW: body horror. Featuring: Power Dynamics and Time Travel Romances; Guess These REAL ANIMALS; Horse/Man Quandaries; Animal Symbols. Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (@churboje)

April Fool's Day can be yours all year round in this special all hoax edition! In honor of pranks, mischief, and tomfoolery, Derek presents Heaven-Leigh with some options that may just be too good to be true. CW: mention of animal death. Featuring: Violence Against Aquatic Apes; Mermaid Theories; ARE-Kansas; Where Did the Germans Go?; Mass Effect; Kaiju Highway.Special thanks to our super-producer Richard; music by Alexander Geiszler, @churboje (insta)

Since we're all stuck inside and time means nothing, we can all pretend this came out before St. Patrick's Day, right? Either way, grab a Guinness, pucker up, and get ready to kiss some Irish monsters! CW: Alcohol Consumption, SA, Death, Supernatural Mischief, DV, and Blood. Featuring: Derek absolutely DID NOT go out for St. Patrick’s Day (Social Distancing y’all); Heaven-Leigh will commit crimes with her dagger-nails; a Saint Patrick history lesson; cube-snake; otters are sociopaths; piggy-back rides from hell; the ‘Mean Girls’ of monsters; the Tale of Bluebeard; Giveaway Update.Special thanks to our super-producer Richard; music by Alexander Geiszler, @churboje

New decade new standards We are shooting for the stars in this episode and on the way up we may give a smooch to these ultra tall dates Derek is going to need a step ladder CW Suicide shark attack Featuring Godzilla predictions it was San Diego Derek has a mountain Dont throw dogs A beautiful collection of ladies SHARK ATTACKSpecial thanks to Richard our super producer music by Alexander Geiszler churboje

A bit of a palate cleanser or not were talking about monsters that eat people These creepy cuddlers think you look good enough to eat and cant wait to have you for dinner Those are threats HeavenLeigh and Ellie wade through some nastiness to find the inner beauty of creatures who hunger for humans CW Cannialbilsim necrophilia war demonology body horror gore starvation Featuring A NEW THEME SONG Movie Rec Maynard the Cat Pigs Riding Deer Succubi Sex Positions Tall Man Hot Meat and Cold Salami

This week HeavenLeigh is joined by Derek Sword to discuss spooky places We joke a lot about sleeping with cryptids but what about when you find The One and are looking for the spot to settle down and begin building your new life Youll need some real estate maybe some villagers and very tolerant neighbors We take a tour of some of the hottest and scariest places found across the world in search of a forever home CW Torture genocide against Indigenous North Americans racism CSA JK Rowling cattle mutilation Featuring first dates werewolf facts snowman criminals occult Nazi rituals mix n match cryptids a life without chocolate chip cookies Satanic panic hitchhiker stories cow crimes past deaths spooked ghostsTheme song by Seth DavidAndrew Hubbard Palmersmedic Sender

This episode is a bit unusual Did we get sidetracked from what we meant to talk about Yes of course Was it a lot of fun I THINK SO HeavenLeigh is joined by artist and musician Lloyd Daylight find him on Instagram lloyddaylight to talk about boring home towns demons and the hidden racism in all our favorite alien jokes Also I lost the file that had our introduction so I did the best I could from memory CW inappropriate relationships with teacherspeople in power graphic talk about sex Featuring Rockford IL Jeff Bezos Roleplay Capitalism is Killing Us Strong Feelings on how Jung is Pronounced Aliens Queer Empathies Coffee ASMR Sumerians Are White People Balls Deep in the Caves Joanne Cantor Demon Possession Genetic Memory BDD All the Racism Hidden in Our Favorite Jokes Mud Fossils Theme song by Seth DavidAndrew Hubbard Palmersmedic Sender

We really ghosted yall for a second there huh But this episode is fresh and its spppoooooookkkkkyyy Ghosts galore CW for possible animal abuse csa Featuring WEIRD NEWS A Very Good Camel Joke Humongo Goose Baberaham KinkolnTheme song by Seth DavidAndrew Hubbard Palmersmedic Senderpp1 margin 00px 00px 00px 00px font 120px Helvetica Neuepp2 margin 00px 00px 00px 00px font 120px Helvetica Neue minheight 140px

WE ARE BACK Its been a minute and a half and a few months but your favorite monster lovers are back with a pickled episode If any of you can remember the listener poll you wanted creepy and so creepy you get CW for gun violence Featuring Sexy Ghost Voices Point Break Point by Point Break Down Hole Science The Queen of Englands Butthole Being Touched by Strangers Phil of the Future Got so SexyTheme song by Seth DavidAndrew Hubbard Palmersmedic Sender

HeavenLeigh is joined by special guest Jason for a tour of hell Featuring Nerdsmith Sub Drive a free recipe Food Nuggets Unhelpful Pacts with Demons Extensive Online Search Role Play RatTheme song by Seth DavidAndrew Hubbard Palmersmedic Sender

Our dates this week are a deep dive so take a deep breath and prepare yourself because you will get wet And also drown But hey whats some light drowning between lovers Featuring Warning Two Sick Girls Incoming WeIRd NeeEEEWWS Cat Infidelity Horny Dolphins aka Dolphins Sentence Construction Gone Wrong Google Talks Reverse Movies Tiddyborn Theme song by Seth DavidAndrew Hubbard Palmersmedic Sender

The PNW is known for a few things rainfall serial killers and Bigfoot Also the very first episode of the XFiles and like all of Twin Peaks But there is more to the luscious greenery and temperate climate than meets the eye The PNW is chockfull of cryptid bachelors waiting for that special someone and now is their time to shine CW for disturbing animal facts and body horror Featuring Simon Pegg Dad Cast Book Recommendations Lessons from Capt Janeway The Town from Twilight and then the House from Harry Potter A Wolf PSA Gross Facts About Hyenas Sorry The Gruesome Politics of Centaurs Theme song by Seth DavidAndrew Hubbard Palmersmedic Sender

A SECRET SURPRISE EPISODE NO ONE WAS EXPECTING We are joined by two supremely sexy guests for a love fest unlike anything youve seen before For the first time Elly can ask her potential dates a few questions Shenanigans ensue Thank you to our guests Kelli the Opera Geek and Tommy aka Dave Theme song by Seth DavidAndrew Hubbard Palmersmedic Sender

VEGETABLES So you wanted vegetables You love corn eh YOU DESIRE CABBAGE If so maybe one of these tasty veggies will be what youre looking for If you dont like vegetables then perhaps this will reaffirm for you that youve made the right call Featuring AntiNight Owl Bias Cat Update More Ladies in Tank Tops Star Trek Fan Cast Jon Bernthal Edition Hot Literary Head Canons Literary Fan Cast Jon Bernthal Edition Theme song by Seth DavidAndrew Hubbard Palmersmedic Sender

Three dates one really big continent Who stands a chance at finding love One is an actual literal god so they do have that going for them But the other could kill your enemies without even breaking a sweat Priorities Featuring What Did Those Ancient Christians Do This Time Find the Run on Sentance The Great Elephant Conspiracy Check out our Twitter for a link to our sources Theme song by Seth DavidAndrew Hubbard Palmersmedic Sender

It may be getting cold outside but these boys can keep you hot They may not be able to control the temperature and there is a chance you will catch on fire and maybe even die but youll be nice and toasty Featuring Ears of Ice Breakin and Enterin 101 Virgin Sacrifices Beach Culture Flamiens Ring of Fire not the song like the bad kind THANK YOU FOR PAYING FOR MY CATS SURGERY Check out our Twitter for a link to our sources Theme song by Seth DavidAndrew Hubbard Palmersmedic Sender