Alan Weiss' The Uncomfortable Truth

We all need friends, but not the same ones! Friends need to evolve as we grow, mature, and change. Marshall Goldsmith and I wrote Lifestorming together, and we somewhat disagreed on this, but he wrote the terrific book What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, so I think this applies to friends, as well! Your spouse is your best friend? That’s a cop-out.  You need people who will push back, tell you the truth, mourn with you, and celebrate with you. I’d prefer an honest critic to a lying friend. We don’t need our egos protected, we need to grow. Long-time friends can poison you with their poverty mentality, “guilting” you about your spending, habits, or lifestyle. They can insist on the same places and the same experiences “for old time’s sake.” “When it’s cold,” said Hemingway, “home is where you go, and they have to take you in.” Fair enough. But with friends, they don’t have to take you in, but they choose to do so. Have you been to school reunions? If so, you’ve found that people are basically the same

This election reflects a totally flawed Democratic strategy: • Painting your opponent as toxic but not having positive policies. • A candidate who cannot speak without a teleprompter and memorized sound bites. • A morally superior attitude that conveys people voting for the opposition are less educated, dumber, and morally inferior. • Rallying celebrity support, media support, Hollywood support, and academic support—which actually was terribly off-putting. • Somehow maintaining the paradox that their candidate was superior in every way yet claiming the election would be close, thereby implying half the population was stupid. • Transgender and DEI focus pales next to prices, immigration, and a sense of security in a turbulent world. • Calling illegal aliens “undocumented” and the homeless “unhoused” is simply disingenuous, like calling rioters “undocumented shoppers.” The overwhelmingly liberal newsreaders on election night were actually grimacing and shaking their heads in disbelief at the results, having pr

The turning point in the American Civil War—and probably world history—occurred in Gettysburg on a rise called Little Round Top. At that place, at that time, a Union general saw a vast threat, and a Union Colonel and his regiment averted the threat through the brilliance of a single command. We need more courage in our lives because, unlike Gettysburg, no one is shooting at us. We are too easily placed on the defensive by bullies, the economy, regulations, normative pressure, or simply fear. But we can easily regain control of our circumstances by playing offense instead of defense, by being assertive instead of timid, and by being bold instead of afraid.  This is the true story of a relatively few people doing what they were expected to do, under great pressure, and with great courage.  I remind you, once again, that no one is shooting at us. 

We all get the kind of government we deserve. If you voted for the winner of the election, that’s good until such time as you feel promises aren’t being kept. If you voted for the loser of the election, that means not enough people in the right places agreed with you, and you have to submit to the system. However, you’re still free to protest, be surprised by some things that are advantageous to you, and wait for next time. If you didn’t vote at all, then you simply have to accept the government that other people voted for, and you have sacrificed your right to complain about it. If you didn’t vote, you obviously don’t feel strongly about anything enough to try to affect the election. (The US ranks 31st of 50 countries in voter turnout, albeit 22 of them mandate voting, so you could make a case we’re high on the list, but with 40 million not turning out, that number would easily sway an election one way or the other.) To be somewhat cynical, we have no good metrics for politicians because most of them put t

Bill Russell, in Second Wind, defines pressure and performance. For example: - Brady coming back from 25 points down in the second half of the Super Bowl. - Houston, we have a problem (Apollo 13). - Sully Sullenberger landing in the Hudson River.  The need is to really stay calm. - Three Mile Island as opposed to Chornobyl. - Bluffing in poker (vs. the “tell”). - Is Mickey Mouse a dog or a cat? - Police overreaction. - The basketball player’s wink. Keep perspective, the world isn’t watching. Most pressure is self-generated. Think of Philippe Petit and the six feet. Use some humor. It’s usually not fatal if you fail. Puncture the pressure balloon.

Many people in Rhode Island have never been to Boston, let alone New York. I’ve coached a very successful entrepreneur who has never been to New York and doesn’t wish to go. Most people can’t locate Bolivia or Laos (or Nebraska) on a map. When Americans in a survey were asked the three most famous Japanese they could think of, it was Bruce Lee, Yoko Ono, and Godzilla. Or not? Through my travels abroad, I learned: - To eat “European style.” - People are far more multi-lingual than we are. - Computers in foreign airport restrooms tell you how many stalls are available, and you can rate the cleanliness. - Floating markets of Thailand (and the Cayman). - The immensity of the Great Wall (some of which can’t be fixed today). - The Acropolis uses the same machinery today to repair it as was used to build it. - The exquisite wines of Chile don’t travel well. - The modernized airport immigration systems. - There is better first class (Emirates, Air Singapore). - Some lamps are older than our country. - The timel

Esteem means respect and admiration. Hence, self-esteem would mean respect and admiration for yourself. Self-worth and self-esteem are the same thing to me, whereas self-confidence is your faith (or lack thereof) that you can do something: efficacy. Pride is feeling proud of your accomplishments, but vanity is insisting that others hear about them, as well. The pandemic, foreign wars, polarization, AI, demographic change, and climate change are all contributing to the diminishment of self-esteem. People feel as if they’ve lost control, need too much permission (TSA), and lack power. Pandemic approaches seemed to be more about politics than medicine. And the internet is rife with conspiracies and misinformation.  How do we resolve this and reclaim our power and esteem? • Be healthy. Exercise, have a reasonable diet, and get medical checkups. • Love yourself. How can anyone else love you if you can’t love you? • Don’t jump to conclusions and make assumptions. Find the facts. • Don’t fret. Find ways to take

The rate of failures of small businesses is astounding: 20% fail during the first two years, 45% during the first five years, and 65% during the first ten years.  While there are myriad reasons, such as succeeding generations of ownership not being as motivated or competent, most of these fail under the original founders and owners. That’s because they tend to think of their business and tasks and not the customer’s happiness and results.  In this episode, I discuss the 20 or so common mistakes and oversights that contribute to the problems. For example, most owners don’t sufficiently shop their own businesses, hire “bodies” instead of talented people, and view customers as an impediment to doing business the way they’d prefer! Instead of passing on every possible cost to the customer, client, or patient, small businesses should be passing on every possible value and benefit. They should make it easy for the buyer to buy. I’ve come to believe “Someone will be right with you” about as much as I believe “Th

Some suggestions to build credibility with a buyer during the initial meeting. (This assumes you’re meeting with a true economic buyer who controls the budget.) 1. Assume a peer mentality. Don’t allow yourself to be cast in a “dog and pony show.” (I suggest you never show up with visual aids for this very reason.) Adapt an attitude that the two of you are peers mutually exploring a working relationship. Either of you might accept or reject it. 2. Be patient. Don’t barge into silence and state, “Let me tell you about myself.” You’re not there, believe it or not, to get a sale. You’re there to develop a relationship. That might require several meetings. 3. Use provocative questions to get the buyer to talk about him- or herself, or at least the company. Show an interest in the buyer and the business. 4. Do your homework. Learn the current stock price, the company history, the major competition, and the primary markets served. Become conversant in the client’s business environment before you meet the buyer.

There are 330 million people in the US that we know of. There are 12,500 school districts, 18,000 police departments, 17,000 libraries, 400 different languages spoken, 45,000 flights per day, 5 million privately and commercially owned vehicles, 200,000 dentists, and 641 amusement parks.  There are nation-states (Japan, Korea), multi-state nations (Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Kuwait), and multi-nation states (US, UK). The US is probably the most pluralistic and diverse nation on the planet, especially in these numbers. Comparing us to Denmark, Thailand, or New Zealand is plain silly. I'm not disparaging those nations; I've been to them and another 60 besides, and like almost all of them (apparently, I'm alone in finding Iceland totally boring and Brazil scary). It's like saying if a hybrid Kia can get 60 miles to the gallon, why can't a Ford pickup? Well, because they're entirely different vehicles with different appeals and purposes. I pointed out to a client in Denmark while arguing these points that there are

This is a marketing lesson for the Catholic Church. I’m a lector and a Eucharistic Minister in the Church and converted 18 years ago. As some of you know, I’ve also spent a great deal of my coaching and consulting career in the field of strategy and have written two commercially published books on the topic. The average age in the church my wife and I attend is north of 60. Young people are not drawn to the church in the numbers of old, and as the population ages, it also diminishes. Churches are closing and being combined because there aren’t enough priests to go around. They, too, are aging as young men aren’t becoming seminarians in large numbers.  Strategically, the Church needs to permit women and married men to become priests, as is the case in many other religions. This would provide not only more people, but more diversity: female points of view (Mary is important only second to Jesus in the Church and many people feel they’re equal), and priests experienced in marriage, raising children, and intima

The agenda of inequality and wealth focused only on the richest might not reconcile with reality. There have been increases in home ownership (even though buying always has its difficulties, from interest rates to inventory). There is a record of intergenerational wealth transfer from retirement savings and the Regan-era IRA legislation. In the West, family prosperity is higher than ever: assets, cash in banks, pension funds, etc. Daniel Waldenström's book Richer and More Equal makes a case that the West is richer and has less inequality than in the past.  US wealth concentration is higher than in Europe but is lower than before WWII. Major improvements that lower wealth concentration have been pension/retirement funds and home ownership.  Wealth improvement leads to successful business ventures, hiring, and investment, and the most net, new jobs. We are not there yet. Many inequities remain. Capitalism does a fine job generating wealth but not distributing it. It is an ethical and societal responsibilit

Just tell me what I want to know. People instead tell you everything that they know. College professors are reading their dissertation notes. Electricians are telling you about high and low voltage, amps, and watts. The tree guy tells you about diseases of poplars when you asked if he could prune some dead branches on an oak. The auto guy explains why a repair isn’t as easy as it looks because of the wiring, which is different from last year’s, which is subject to weather conditions…. On the other hand, there are some benefits. Keeping someone talking at a bar and not having to talk back. Feigning interest in someone’s work by asking a question every five minutes. But it doesn’t work with politicians because they put no stakes in the ground. The phrase “How Are You?” isn’t actually a legitimate question because the asker is not seeking an answer but merely providing the secret handshake. Catholic Confession can be burdensome when you confess to impure thoughts, and the priest’s reply is, “Let’s begin wi

Even in truly tough times and horrible market segments, there are winners and strong companies. You have to play the hand you’re dealt, and you have to play it well. If anything is happening to you more than two times out of ten, it’s you, not them. With high interest rates, houses are still being sold. With food being expensive, people are still dining out. But you can’t expect yesterday’s ideas to thrill people about tomorrow. Nor can you tap dance on hot coals, in sweat tents, or with rah-rah speakers. You have to show people that you have ideas for tomorrow, anticipating change, not answers to past problems. Don’t create false narratives that drive your approaches, e.g., “I can help you cut expenses” or “We need to lower our expectations.” Don’t allow your prospects’ fear to scare you or infect your thinking. The Titanic was a bad idea: mistaken design, insufficient lifeboats, and a poor route. FedEx was a great idea: postal service weakness, hub and spoke, “guarantees.” We are accountable. Not the fa

If you win a race by .001 seconds, have you really “won.”? And certainly, you’re not the “best in the world.” On that day, in that place, at that time, you finished barely ahead of the next person. What if you did it again an hour later? Of course, if you constantly and consistently win, you might be the best in the world or the best ever: Yankees, Celtics, Tom Brady, Rocky Marciano, Serena Williams, Jack Nicklaus. In subjective judging, it’s really a joke. Those that are the best also get the most benefit in the scoring. Brady threw touchdowns, or he didn’t. But the ice skaters, divers, gymnasts, surfers—those with the best records get the best treatment. Then again, there’s the doping and the cheating. The Chinese escaped disqualifications for doping by claiming they consumed “tainted meat.” I wonder who slipped them that? By the way, if the Olympics are about simply the fastest, strongest, etc., why keep medal counts and raise national flags to national anthems? What about the bad calls and missed calls

The Olympics sparked several replays of an Australian swimmer, Cate Campbell, being interviewed on what I think was an Australian TV news show. In a prior competition, she had beaten out the Americans for the gold medal. The interviewer asked her what it was like.  She ranted on about how glorious it was because she detested the Americans using a cowbell to motivate the team and hated the chant of the fans, “USA, USA, USA,” which she mimicked in a sarcastic tone. Let me repeat: her team won. She was a sore winner. If you’re a world-class athlete and you can’t take the pressure of people rooting against you in favor of their teams or motivational techniques used to un-nerve the opposition, maybe you have some serious esteem problems. If you don’t want to endure the pressure of the limelight, don’t walk into it. I’ve been to Australia 19 times, I have friends and clients there, and I find Australians to be “in touch,” personable, and have a great sense of humor. It’s when we take ourselves too seriously whe

You’ve known wowsers. They’re always trying to be the “second smartest person in the room,” and they correct you even though you’re correct to begin with. They are official “killjoys.” They are critical of others’ pleasures and accomplishments. Lacking expertise doesn’t inhibit their critiques and corrections. They never converse; they lecture as perpetual professors. They’re distraught if they think someone else is having a better time than they are (and most people are). Wowsers are dismissive according to their own biased criteria. “You smoke cigars, so you don’t make good life choices, so your opinion on the climate is flawed.” For them, everything they do is the best, no matter what: The trip was the most thrilling, the play was the most sensational, the restaurant was seven stars, and the restroom was the cleanest. They announce awards and honorifics no matter how transparently unimportant they are. “I’ve been named as most likely to write my first book within four years in my zip code.” Knowing nex

People may think of a "Grand Challenge" as an exceptionally worthy and difficult problem to solve, and they'd be right. But it's also representative of a more formalized and impressive approach to what appear to be intractable societal issues. Seth Kahan specializes in these, his most recent being to remove stigma in mental health issues. This involves a farrago of interested parties, from television writers who want to depict the issue realistically and correctly to pharmaceutical companies which seek to develop the proper medications and police departments which need proper responses. These challenges can be about education reform, immigration reform, climate safeguarding, reproductive rights, and other such vast issues. They tend to be nonpartisan. The correct approach to mental health issues, for example, benefits a wide range of society, from treatment to facilities, from crime deterrence to cures. Learn where the funding comes from, how varied organizations become involved, and the timing needed for

My wife wasn't feeling well, so I went out to eat at 5:30 and brought her something back. When I do that, I bring my iPad and read a book at the bar. I finished, the takeout arrived in a shopping bag, and I drove home. At 10 pm I thought I'd play some Angry Birds before going to bed but realized my iPad was gone. I used "Find My iPhone" to determine that it was still in the restaurant. Although after hours, they answered the phone.  "We have it right here," said a manager, after a brief search, "come around to the door by the bar, it's open. We're cleaning up." They were cleaning up, and the same bartender from five hours earlier came out and handed me the iPad. We chatted, I thanked him, drove home (and played Angry Birds). That's the way it's supposed to work, right? Friendly people, honesty, using technology as a help to solve something. Yet we keep valuables locked in hotel safes, we're careful about where we keep our wallets or carry our purses, and some stores don't accept any cash larger than a tw

I recorded and wrote this prior to the presidential debate. When I couldn’t publish it before the debates, I was going to abandon it. But in view of what occurred, I’m publishing the recording and show notes now. In the upcoming debates, no notes will be allowed, and the moderators can mute the microphones. Moderators have had undue influence on past debates, becoming the inappropriate centers of attention. Think Meghan Kelly. It will be even easier now. One of the candidates is 78, and the other is 81. One has no vice presidential nominee as yet, and the other appears to be continuing with Kamala Harris, who was chosen originally solely because of her identity and her ability to gather votes to beat Trump. She has failed at every major initiative given to her since then. Trump often digresses into blather. Biden often falls victim to confabulation, where things he’s invented to fill memory losses become real to him. He was not at the top of his law school class, despite his claims that he was, but was 74t