Absolutely Not

On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather sits down with Jordana and Jared, hosts of the "U Up?" podcast, to talk about why couples pranks might be the worst side of TikTok, teach Jared maybe too much about feminine hygiene, and break down everything from relationships to why it just might be too late to save the turtles.   Episode Sponsors:   Shop jackets, jewelry, furniture, art, and more, made for all budgets and any occasion on Etsy. New to Etsy? Use the code NEW for 10% off your first purchase.   If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavorthat you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion –whether you're on the go or unwinding at home. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather hits the hotline and answers your voicemails about the thrills of becoming a regular at a bar, how cheering on the elderly should be a regular thing, what to do if there is a kids gifts registry for a bday party and should you break up with someone if they take you to a swingers party? She’s helping one listener at a time and questioning her own existence as to why she doesn't have a live-in hibachi chef.   Episode Sponsors: If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   To celebrate May, Mental Health Awareness Month, and to celebrate every step you take towards a better, richer, fuller life, Talkspace is offering every listener of this podcast $100 off your first month with Talkspace. Just go to Talkspace.com/ABSOLUTELY   You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support our show by going to Nutrafo

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather breaks down the details of the insane predicament she found herself in, at the Memphis airport, ran into a couple Lasso kids in Texas and was slinging art in Mississippi for Robin like drug dealer from the 80's. That and more!    Episode Sponsors: Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% on your first purchase of a website or domain.   Go to Zocdoc.com/absolutely and download the Zocdoc app or FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours.   Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorns brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavor that you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com   It's golf. It's not golf. It's Topgolf. Pro-tip, download the app & book ahead of time to Come Play Around on Half-Price Tuesday or any other day!    Get 50% off your first box of fresh

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather and Jeff are taking a walk down memory lane in their old neighborhood. They have some advice for the Rat Czar of the city and take you behind the scenes of what a VIP experience at the Garden has in store for the local celebs. A Homeless man calls Heather a lesbian, and so so much more!   Episode Sponsors:   If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   It’s golf. It’s not golf. It’s Topgolf. Pro-tip, download the app & book ahead of time to Come Play Around on Half-Price Tuesday, or any other day!   Try 21Seeds Infused Tequila for easy & delicious cocktails! Visit 21seeds.com to find 21Seeds near you. Enjoy Responsibly. 21Seeds. Diageo, New York, NY.   Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP is perfect for when I want a bold snack with a BOOM of flavor while unwinding at the end of the day. You can try Angi

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with the ultimate SCAMMMMER, Ray, to discuss how they scammed their way into the masters, yet again. It is an in-depth observation into the golf world that rarely few people get to see. They are honest and raw about how much merch they bought, how swollen their feet were and how many azaleas they really drank!    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Episode Sponsors:   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   For a limited time, get $20 off plus shipping on orders of $100+ with code absolutelynot at Brooklinen.com   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.

     On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her trip to Augusta with a new business idea that will take doggy day cares, water parks, and sushi restaurants to the next level. She hits the Absolutely Not Line to discuss sister fights, being hungover and how we need to rephrase the term "were trying". She's back on the road and saltier than ever!    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Episode Sponsors:   Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your fist purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book atop-rated doctor today.   For listeners of the show, Dips is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely   You can gro

On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather is back in the DMs answering your hard-hitting questions from how to deal with fuckboys and HOA drama to what she'd want to be reincarnated as in the next life.   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Episode Sponsor:   Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavorthat you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion –whether you're on the go or unwinding at home. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from a weekend of shows in the Lonestar state and wants everyone to know she has figured out the answer to world peace- a simple San Antonio Fiesta. Slap a little Barbacoa on a shell and sit down with your neighbor- its that simple- actually she is on the verge of a full nervous breakdown and becomes so completely unhinged she needs to call into her own HOT LINE. She explains the new viral sensation, "Yummy Water", refreshes everyone on airplane etiquette and believes Gwenyth was innocent.   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Episode Sponsors:   Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.   Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when y

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is back from her weekend of shows at the Ryman where she  set the fire alarm off in the middle of a tropical storm on Broadway! She hits the hotline and answers questions like “how does one get pink eye on a solo self care trip?” And “should we ban bachelorettes?”    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Sponsors:   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Prose is the key to achieving all your hair goals this year. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today at Prose.com/absolutely.   For a limited time, Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at checko

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is keeping it 100% that some days you just need to get into the back corner of your closet, suck on a J Crew sweater and scream. She's fresh from the road and trying to find the balance of staying uber professional and honestly, just not giving AF! The Voicemails are insane but also a fresh reminder to have manners at a theater, you dont get free refills in New York- and if you were fighting for your life as a kid in basic reading classes- what were you even doing?    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trail, and when you're ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support the show by going to Nutrafol.com an

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is fresh off her shows in New England and ready to buy a house next to the Bush family on the beach. She felt the cool crisp seabreeze across her tits and its reinvigorated her to take on turning 36 with gusto! She makes a list of all of the things she still wants to do before 40 and it turns out its just two things. She also hits the hotline and answers your questions like "do you want my grandma" and "why did a woman in florida try and break into my hotel". Its Heather's birthday episode and she is just getting the party started!    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   Let

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from serving her country by performing comedy for drunk white women. Not only did she get to visit the white house, but bamboozled her way into the hearts of the national press and will never have to worry about unflattering TMZ photos ever again. She also hits the hotline and tries to make sense of why women can't open marinara jars and how do we stop our elderly mothers from getting swindled by ex-cons. That and more!   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $100 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com/ABSOLUTELY   Go

On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather is back in the studio with friend of the pod, Raymond Padilla, to talk what they're giving up for lent, Ray getting high on THC drinks and channel their inner Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. Then they hit the Instagram DMs for some listener Q&A.   Episode Sponsor:   Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavorthat you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is fresh from the Philly show where she may or may not have gotten in trouble for being a little too honest with the sports takes a little too soon. She got cookies hand-delivered to the stage by one of her favorite chefs, and later it almost got sticky for everyone at the Ritz-Carlton Club. Heather also hits the Absolutely Not line to discuss Uber drivers doing too much, when to die with the lie, and doubling down on some get back for one of last week’s callers.   Episode Sponsors:   Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.   Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today at Prose.com/absolutely.   Go to HelloFresh.com/absolutely65 and use code absolutely65 for 65% off plus fre

  On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather introduces her new little nugget Macaroni to the world with a real attitude. Heather is coming in hot because she already knows some woman named Willow is gonna bitch that she didn't rescue- but the defense will rest that she freaking TRIED! Heather also hits the Absolutely Not line to answer questions like- "what to do if you get a pube stuck in your throat?" to "why did my boyfriend break up with me after he found out I  have an incurable disease?" Were solving the world's problems one voicemail at a time!    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE:ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Starface is offering all Absolutely Not li

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is back from a weekend sling jokes in the midwest! She saw a woman smoke a blunt while buying Zyrtec, ate some pasta in Ohio, and had a lovely gal sneak into her dressing room in indiana! I FOUND YOU!!! If the midwest doesn't keep you on your toes, well then hell, nothing will! She hits the Absolutely Not line to learn about the beef between Iowa and Indiana and has a moment of self reflection.    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   For a limited time, Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at Starface.world   Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely   Right now

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is sitting down with business gal and bff, Christina Tompkins- also know as TINA! They are reporting live from the turks and caicos on a very important Business trip, or at least that's what the accountant told them to say it was. They cover everything from vacation enemies, Robin's cough, what to look for in a man and a primary care physician. They solve to world one problem at a time, why? Because it's the year of the Rabbit!    Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today   As a

      On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is home from a wild weekend of shows in Augusta and Charleston. A woman tried to sit in Jeff's lap, she found a scammer at a hotel valet in Augusta and her to-do list is too long but she's keeping the attitude fresh.... until she fights with a crazy woman who is calls into the hotline to justify keeping her christmas tree up all year. ABSOLUTELY NOT.   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   For a limited time, Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at checkout at Starface.world   For listeners of the show, Dips is offering an extended 30-day free trail when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely   Grab your Liquid I.V.in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 2

     On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from Texas with cedar fever and some new boots. She is taking a quick breath before she is back on the road again this weekend to listen to your insane voicemails. One girl is starting a business and another is hooking up with a Bouncer who threw her out. It's a wild ride and we're leaving no stone unturned.   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   For a limited time, Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners freeshipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at checkout at Starface.world   Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support the show by going to Nutrafo

     On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is reporting live, from Austin,Texas! She narrowly made it to her hotel after riding in a maroon escalade with a drug dealer named Charlie, but is staying positive and looking at the brighter side of life. She got into a soft encounter with a woman doused in Aussie mouse and a man making 10 million dollar deals on the tarmac. She also hits the Absolutely NOT line to discuss y'all's bullshit too.   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   For a limited time, Brooklinen is offering 15% off comforters. Listening after the sale? Visit Brooklinen.com today and use code absolutelynot for $