Intentional Living With Tanya Hale

It can be so easy to get stuck in resistance to middle-age.  This can often show up with patterns of behavior that damage our relationships and keep us stuck.  And yet, learning to lean into all of these mid-life changes, to accept them and, yes, even embrace them, is the key to really creating the life we want and discovering ourselves at a deeper level.  Believing that the best is yet to come will move you into the most amazing time of your life, which is now!  

When we feel disempowered, we often don't recognize it as a result of our own thought processes.  And yet, when we allow ourselves to settle into shame or blame, we are creating just the right environment to feel disempowered.  Feeling in control of our lives requires that we counter our shame with self-acceptance, and our blame with self-awareness.  

Learning to replace shame and judgment with compassion and curiosity in our relationships with ourselves and with others will create a huge shift in the quality and intimacy of those relationships.  Whereas shame and judgment will shut us down and stop our progression, compassion and curiosity will create a safe space for growth and exploration.  They give us the opportunity to really come to know ourselves and others, and to move into deeper connection.  And isn't connection what we really want in developing relationships?

Contrary to what your mother told you, life really is all about you!  This episode has nothing to do with ignoring others pain or being selfish, but rather intentionally choosing to take on the responsibility for being the person you really want to be.  About showing up as the best version of yourself.  This is what you can control in any circumstance, and it has everything to do with you!

The time in our life when we put divorce on the table is tough.  There are so many things to consider, tons of pressure, the grief of unfulfilled dreams, and the pain of perceived failure.  We really want to make sure that we make the best decision for us, that we don't walk away when things could have gotten better.  From my own work, and work with a lot of clients going through this process, today I am sharing some ideas of what you really want to make sure happens so that you can make the best decision for you, so that you're really content with the reasons for your decision, whether you choose to stay or to go.

Divorce is often one of the biggest challenges in a person's life.  And it impacts a lot of people, not just those in the immediate family.  So often friends and family struggle with knowing how to handle the divorce of people they love.  What should they say?  What should they do?  Today we're going to talk about the best way to show up for the divorce of someone you love.  

I love low maintenance things, and I put a lot of value on being low maintenance in my marriage.  But with the tools I now have, I can see that in my previous marriage the things I considered would me a low maintenance spouse, were actually very damaging and hurtful, and in reality, very high maintenance that added to the demise of my marriage.  Now I still value being and having a low maintenance relationship, but it looks almost the opposite of what I used to engage in.  Let's take a look!

I used to think that if I was doing life 'right', that I would be happy all of the time, that I wouldn't need to have challenges or trials.  I was so cute and misguided back then!  Now my understanding of the struggle has deepened and grown so that now I see it as an amazing place for growth and progression.  The tension created by struggle is actually necessary for our progression and happiness, and learning to take responsibility for our responses during struggle is a vital piece of the truth about the struggle.

Most people I know would put honesty at the top of their values list.  But there is one place that many of us consistently lie - and that is in our relationships.  Not so much about things happening or what we're doing, but in not showing up as the real us, in pretending to be someone we think the other person wants, or someone who we think seems safer.  This is one of the most harmful things we can do in a relationship, and today we're going to talk about what that looks like, how to step into vulnerability, and how to start showing up as the person you really are inside.

Just what is the connection between self-respect and being wrong?  I'll give you a hint - it has to do with self-awareness and self-honesty.  When we are truly able to acknowledge when and where we are wrong, we provide opportunities for growth, and this creates greater self-respect.  Being wrong is a human condition, we may as well embrace it and use it for good!

When we think that someone is better or worse than we are, we are engaging in one-upping or one-downing, and it's really harmful for our relationships.  To really created connection and intimacy with those in our lives, it's important to start learning how to create equality, to see each other as equals, whether this be in a marriage relationship, a parent/child relationship, or a friend or co-worker relationship.  All of these can benefit by learning how to step out of one-upping and one-downing.

Women in middle-age can often struggle with feeling seen and heard.  And with the social conditioning of the 70s and 80s, it's not surprising.  But if we are to create the intimate, equal partnerships we really desire, it is imperative we start standing up and speaking up.  Today we talk about why we may struggle with this and how to start creating a pattern of being seen and being heard.

Do you identify with being a 'Fixer'?  Here's the thing.  We really do think that we're fixing things and making them better.  But the hard truth is that we're actually making things worse and breaking down connection with the people we love the most.  So, how do we stop trying to fix things that really aren't broken?  Let's chat about it!

This week I had the honor of being interviewed by Jody Moore, another life coach.  In this interview, I share my top recommendations and advice for anyone going through a divorce. I show you why pointing fingers at your spouse is preventing your healing, how to approach yourself with compassion as you take responsibility for your next chapter of life, and why a mid-life divorce can be the perfect storm for creating a better version of ourselves. 

Most of us have relationships where we feel disconnected.  Sometimes things have happened in them and now there is a rift and we don't know how to feel the same closeness and connection that we used to feel.  Today we're talking about tools you can use to help heal and repair these relationships.  You won't want to miss it!

This work can be hard.  It takes a lot of self-awareness, a lot of humility to see yourself for who you really are sometimes, and a lot of determination to create the changes you want in your life.  So if it's just a lot of hard work, why invest in this process?  Why take the time to work with a coach or do self-coaching?  Why invest time and money to do something that can be so heart-wrenching and overwhelming sometimes?  Today, I'll share with you why I do it, and it will probably sound a lot like the reasons you'll want to do it as well.

It seems so easy to think that if we change our circumstance that things will get better, and they might, for a very short time.  Eventually we will catch up with circumstance and find ourselves in the same place.  When we learn to change ourselves first and our circumstance second, then we can walk away, or not, feeling complete and satisfied.  Let's chat today about loving your circumstance before you leave it.

One of the best ways to start digging deep into ourselves and seeing what's holding us back is to start looking at our motivation for what we do.  And ultimately, always, it comes back to love or fear.  When we're motivated by fear, we destroy.  When we're motivated by love, we create.  Understanding and choosing love as our motivation can help us start creating the life and the relationships that we ultimately crave.

If you want to be right, you are not alone!  Being right is a primal desire for humans, and sometimes we will work to be right at any cost.  But the thing is, the cost can be huge, and the biggest casualty is our relationships with the people we value the most.  Today let's look at our reasons behind being right and how we can let go of it.

What is the right path and how do we determine if we are on it?  Join me today as I share with you my recent personal revelations about what I've learned about my path and the paths of others.  I love growing up and learning these kinds of things about myself!