Stinker Madness - The Bad Movie Podcast

2 down on their luckers attempt to right the course of their financially destiny, but a young Joe Manchin stands in their way and he's serving up deadly coal for breakfast. What Home Sweet Home Alone manages to do is cause empathy for struggling Americans in a way that MSNBC could never home to imagine. This whole time we only needed Max Mercer to unite the country and feel bad for those less fortunate. Its as if we were Ebenezer Scrooge and Max Mercer is all 3 Ghosts of Christmas who just repeatedly puts poor people in comas with billiard balls. "Take it away, spirit. I can endure no more" said I as little Max stabs Jeff in the heart with a three foot long icicle. Yes the whole thing is a giant misunderstanding that could have been all avoided if adults would just use their words (so wait, were Jeff and Pam Joe Manchin, then?) or if little Max wasn't such a heavy sleeper in luxury cars (no, he's definitely Joe Manchin), but what frightens me is Max' inability to hesitate to kill people. Sure, Kevin Mc

A traitorous group of ex-military hatch a plan to hijack an airport so that they can move a pilot from one plane to another. They only thing they didn't account for was John McClane. Oh, and other airports, radios, emergency vehicles, electrical tape, power lines, and the media. But mostly, John McClane! I mean...why is this so highly rated? Its sitting at a 7.1 on IMDB as of this writing. That's only 1 star lower than the first one. This movie is seriously only 1 star worse, super fans? Its like at least 3! Why? Why Die Hard 2 is a 5 star movie The Plot The Effects The Writing Bruce Willis So the plot is incredibly stupid as it purely doesn't need to exist. The terrorists (which they aren't really terrorists) have seized control of an airport (not the airport itself, just control) and are holding flying planes hostage unless an extradited criminal (that at some point they became besties with?) is permitted to hop a board a fully fueled 747 and they all fly to Bolivia or somewhere undeclared. Mid m

Beloved (by us) director Renny Harlin shares with us his vision of Frankenstein in which Man isn't just the monster, Man is a bunch of bumbling idiots that have a hard time avoiding killing themselves. It isn't just that this is full blown idiot plot, its that these people are so stupid in ever maneuver they do, including the entire reason the film happens that its a surprise they are able to understand which appendage socks go on. We're talking bovine levels of intelligence. I mean, they leave the shark in the science lab while conducting "science" and its only secured by a ratcheting tie-down - the kind one buys at Home Depot when they need to move a mattress across town. Of course, you all are gonna get eaten! The ineptitude and holes in common sense just escalate from their and culminate with the protagonist (maybe? this is a topic for much debate) tries to be a hero but only manages to make the situation far worse and also results in getting chomped up pretty nicely. The CGI is bad. Real bad. Bad by 19

An shining example of what an "anti-movie" looks like that stars everyone you've ever heard of with none of them ever having looked at the script. Its got gangsters, nostalgia, betrayal and fast ladies. Sounds cool right? For the masses, no this is not cool. Far from it. There's an air of intended cleverness like other nostalgic gangster movies, like if peak Guy Ritchie had made a movie about gangsters and their deviousness (oh, he DID do that?) but comes nowhere near where it needs to be at for that. In fact, it doesn't get near anything. Its as if it lives in the parallel universe that is Vic's World. Its a Bizarro film. It must have been filmed on opposite day. It manages to do everything different than any other film does. It really achievement. Its a "so bad its good" but not in the manner that Troll 2 is. You can explain Troll 2 and why its good. This isn't that. Again, everything is opposite in an anti-film. I feel like you'd need to have a master's degree in bad film to be able to explain why it is

A father and son criminal duo trek across the US on the unbeknownst path to mommie's house. Will we ever find out who gets control of the radio? Straight up this movie sucks and its all the fault of whomever thought ruining Corey Haim's life was a good idea because he had a baby face. Let me put this straight, Vanilla Ice is more likeable than Corey Haim's Nelson. I mean he's truly the least likeable person one could imagine. Nelson needs to be punched in the face. He's intolerable. His dad, Sam, Leo Rossi, isn't much better. I guess they somehow managed to make a "like father, like son" directing choice, but the choice was "Lets stick two people in a car that needs to be blown up but never does. Audiences will go wild with annoyance! It'll be great!" Aside from the frequent annoyance that will leave you wanting to claw your ears off, there is only a smattering of things that one can be considered "fun" in the flick. Cynthia Rothrock beating the crap out of Sam for one. The final action sequence is pretty e

The male version of Teen Witch steals a magic lamp from his work and goes on a series of misguided adventures with his new dad, The Jinn who is just as drunk and disorderly as his bio-dad who went out for smokes and never came back. Our hero, Al Haddin, isn't a good guy. He's a thief, conceited, a GHB bro, and only cares about one thing - himself. One could argue that's because he's never had a positive father-figure in his life but I think its much deeper than that. Which, if I remember, I'll get into later. But either way, it's hard to root for little Al. Once he gets the lamp and subsequently the genie and his powers, things really go off the rails. He first wishes for a car "that rockstars drive", a Rolls Royce. Fine, I would probably do the same. Secondly, he wishes that the car doesn't have to obey the laws of physics and can fly. Sure, I get it. Traffic sucks, until you realize the military has scrambled F-18s to you as you are now a UFO. Ok, chalk it up to a simple misunderstanding. Then he wishes to

This episode originally aired in November of 2017. In "the before time". Enjoy.   Spectacularly over-rated director M. Knight Shyamalan gives us his vanity piece in the vein of Neil Breen and Tommy Wiseau and not only shows us he stinks at film as badly as they do, but that he's a giant, narcissistic, arrogant, terrible person. Good job! So it's a fairy tale that involves water people called Narfs, who want to help mankind solve their problems. Standing in the way is their lack of sense of meeting people and a solo grass dog, but also the rules of being eaten by one of Gandalf's eagles. Ok... Now we know that if you look too deeply into most fairy tales, you'll find plenty of problems within the logic and that's fine. However, that is not what this jackass is trying to get us to not do. He tries to put forward some moral about man's desire to destroy itself without some sort of altruistic outside influence as a vehicle to change. What he succeeds in, is to say that he is the greatest story-teller ever

Once again, those randy monsters try to break into an underground lab of dubious intent and the only man whose ever fought them does nothing to help anyone but himself to some horny waste-lander. But this time, he fathers his own monster baby. Daddy's home, sucka! Continuing the story of David, one of two survivors from Mojave Lab of the first film, we find him on his way to Rocky Mountain Lab where he plans to spend the rest of his days on a weekend booty/peyote hunt. I guess they don't have vaccines to the virus that killed all of mankind but now they have a method of creating one. The sole missing ingredient comes from cacti that he must gather for them on his way. As one could predict his journey is hampered by the monsters as well as a cult that sacrifices hot ladies to the monster's lusty ways in order to save themselves (that doesn't make sense). He meets a randy lady who comforts his grief for the world by offering up her luscious bits. She manages to get pregnant with his child only to later have th

Freddy Krueger he is not. What the Candyman actually is and how he works is as big of a mystery as Amelia Earnhardt's disappearance. Nothing makes sense! What is Candyman? Well we know that he was murdered for the mistake of being born black. Ok, so he comes back as the spirit of racial injustice vengeance? Nope. The person he kills that drives the narrative is an impoverished black woman. Ok. Well what else? They murdered him by covering him in honey and bees stung him to death and he seems to have a real affinity for the buzzy bugs. So is he bees? Maybe, but if he's bees then why isn't other Candymen (yes there are other Candymen as shown in the ending) also bees? Nope. Only he's bees. He also poops bees and actual poop which is pretty weird. The most baffling thing about Candyman is his modus operandi. Call him 5 times in the mirror and he murders you? Nope. Our protagonist, Helen (Virginia Madsen) does that and she doesn't get killed by him. One of his murders is just busting into a ladies apartment uni

Wherein a dragon saves a terrible person's life and everyone blames the dragon for said terrible person's terribleness. Its a funny old world we lived in back in 984 AD. So yeah, the plot here is that a oppressive king dies in a moronic manner and his awful Joffreyesque turd of a child becomes king. Before he can reimplement prima nocta, a girl falls onto him; knocking him into a lethal cheese cart. Yes that's right. Before the movie even starts up, the villain has been killed by a cheese cart. So his mentor, Bowen (played by Dennis Quaid) takes him up to a dragon's cave where Draco (Sean Connery) takes a chunk of his heart and stuffs into said brat and revives him, all while making him swear an oath to be a just and kind king. Before the little wanker can make it back to his castle, he's already issued a decree to enslave the people to build a vanity project for him. Bowen, being the perfect judge of character that he is, blames Draco for King Twat's cruelty and vows to hunt him to the ends of the earth. 1

In a post-apocalyptic world, a group of scientists find a pregnant lady and then the shenanigans ensue. A tea-drinking monster finds its way around their base, operating elevators and smashing speakers like The Who all with the singular objective of lady butt. The terror within, indeed. Essentially, this is Alien but underground and in a singular location ("singular" twice in as many sentences? take that English 102). Somehow, somewhy monsters called "gargoyles" are around wandering the wasteland. They don't eat people or animals. They just kill men and have their way with the women. Once a lady is impregnanted a new gargoyle comes out and the process repeats. However the host is killed. And because they killed the men, there's no more ladies being born to sustain their species. These things are dumb. Their lifecycle is about 7 days and they have holes in their skin and can't close their jaw. I think the remnants of humanity will be just fine. You just need to wait them out, they'll die out on their own

Cyndi Lauper has psychic powers. Jeff Goldblum is tall and is Jeff Goldblum. Are they a match made in Hollywood for the 80s? Obviously not. Hope you like everyone being at an 11! So Vibes is part of this weird genre that only really happened in the 80's. The closest the men in ties will call it is a rom-com, but there's a x-factor with this type of 80's flicks. There's always a BS gimmick such as what we have here - psychic powers. These are more of screwball comedies but with a love interest penciled in because "Oh I guess we have to". So the romance is an afterthought which means that its shouldn't even be a rom-com at all since the rom is so far down on the list of priorities in the writing. It's unfortunate for a lot of these films as the masses tend to stay away from rom-coms. Aside from the teenage girls. But why are we catering our films around selling to this very small niche? I guess I digress. None of this is to say that we've got a good one here. Frankly, Vibes is a mix of cringe

Dar reunites with Seth and his home planet in order to save his bro, but screw everyone else. I need a hero, but could I get someone besides this Dar guy? So if you're a big fan of Dar, well this one isn't for you. It sure exposes Dar to be a cadre of negatives. He's dumb as dirt. He's a bit of a dick. He only thinks with his dick. He doesn't give much of a crap about his friends or the other citizens of his planet. And lastly and most importantly, he's not even a damn Beastmaster. His friends (the lion (who was a tiger before), the hawk and his two ferret pals) refuse to do as he commands but even past that a damn camel bucks him off. The man who controls beasts gets bucked off a dromedary. Inexcusable. Dar sucks in BM:III. Outside of Dar's inexplicable ineptitude, BM:III is not the level of fun that the first one is because, well, nothing is. BUT its night and day compared to the second one and for a made-for-tv movie, this is a true gem. It's as dumb as you can make them and is easily one of the most acc

If the d-bags from Weekend at Bernie's got involved in a mob murder caper... oh wait that's still Weekend at Bernie's. Ok, well imagine if they go on a butt hunt for 15 minutes too. Terminal Exposure is classified by some as a sex-romp comedy but I frankly don't see it. Maybe I'm desensitized to boobs at this point but the nudity is fairly mild with only one real sex scene (that ranks up there with the grossest of all - despite Hope Marie Carlton being in it). What this to me is a screwball comedy. Its truly in the same vein as Weekend at Bernie's (but not annoying or painfully tedious) or Dumb and Dumber (which shares many of the same plot elements - maybe Dumb and Dumber is also Weekend at Bernie's). However, for the talent that is here that should deliver a groan-inducing cavalcade of boner jokes, somehow Terminal Exposure just kind of works. At no point was it approaching the stupidity that one would expect. The jokes were solid and well delivered despite being launched at

A believe it or not commercial success, but working more like a confused mess that doesn't know who they want watching it, Burt Reynolds teams up with a precocious scamp to take down a drug ring - because early 90's. Talk about 90's stereotypes and whatever rules to life. Of course, the kid doesn't have parents - it's 1993! Of course the cops cave to his demands to be a cop despite being 10 - it's 1993! Of course, Burt Reynolds drives over everyone's yards without consequences - its 1993! Pop Rocks for a drug prop? You betcha its 1993! Its a weird mix of Robocop, Kindergarten Cop and then a ton of crap that people thought worked in 1993 but in the end its just painfully boring and when its not, its painfully uncomfortable. This is a don't.

audio alert - Sam was on his webcam for the first 7 minutes so there is a weird audio shift when he switches to a good mic. Nothing painful to your earholes, just figured we owe you an explaination. Proceed! Knocking off Beverly Hills Cop while showcasing Gary Daniels as a cheaper JCVD but forgetting that he can't act past his gob being open, White Tiger can't figure out what it is or what it should be so it just manages to be mid-90s karate mush. Why doesn't the movie work or why did I absolutely wish I'd watched something else? Well I'll tell you who's fault it is. It isn't Cary Tagawa. He's fantastic, of course. And he's allowed to go to 11 so it's not director Richard Martin's fault either. It's not even Gary Daniels fault despite his lack of acting, as the big draw is the fight sequences which he co-choreographed with prolific stunt-man Lauro Chartrand. So whose fault is it that White Tiger is a total boring slog of a film? Well, I'm blaming the 90's. See all the big stinker makers were

A film that rips off Justin's novel 35 years before he wrote it. Its a prison film (obs) that gets fast and loose with the rules of early release - time off for punchin' dudes. Prepare for a short film review. I don't like it. It should be fun. It looks like it would be. The scenario lends itself to be fun. Its just not somehow. They get it right in the later films but somehow this just isn't really worth anyone's time. UNLESS - you're a student of film history, based on its budget, technical ability and how its a part of a larger movement in cinema.

Nobody crosses the bridge between Uptown and Jungleground! Except the dope pushers, of course. Oh, and the cops. Well we gotta give 'em a little action every now and then, right? Oh and the Feds, hookers, delivery companies, truckers and constructions workers. Seems like everyone does actually. What you've got here is fairly standard fair for a mid-90's DTV action movie with a few standout exceptions. Roddy is, of course, great despite his terrible dialogue in the script. The relationship between Roddy's "Jake" and his fiancé(?), Samantha, is unique in that its just a straight-up good relationship with no getting sidetracked in backstory or conflict between them. Even Samantha takes a few departures away from cliché' by supporting his copping, standing up to sexual harassment and not being a helpless damsel. The film also does one thing very well - it never loses focus. Its "get home, Jake, before they kill your love". No pauses in that goal. Even with the addition of a helpful hooker who just wants to start

Two truckers (an old hat and a young buck) and a waitress manage to defeat an army of the most unstoppable killing machines, which even the Predator wouldn't stand a chance against, using the rules of the space highway. Honk, honk, pew, pew! What you've got here is a decent stinker but gets bogged down by how awesome it SHOULD be. It's called Space Truckers. That should be enough to make it amazing. Then Stuart Gordon is directing. I'm no huge lover of Gordon and think most of his projects are just ok, but he's competent enough that he could helm a movie called Space Truckers and not make it not amazing. Tack on Dennis Hopper, who is honestly either great or terrible and either would work here.  Yet, there's hardly any of the space truckin' that I want. Now there is a large amount of actual "trucking" but not much "truckin' ". You see the difference? There's lots of talk about shipping rates, independent contracting vs employed trucking, fulfillment services, and contract negotiations. Its li

*Warning - Jackie's mic was backwards so her audio isn't perfect. Sorry for any inconvenience.* Want to save the environment but are only a Brazilian princess? Well, show off your pretend dance craze skills on American Bandstand! So long, climate crisis! The merengue is coming for you. So what you've got here is a basket of terrible sequences from the minds of Meneham Golen and Greydon Clark. As the pair rushed the film out in just 56 weeks (from concept to release) in order to hedge their bets against Yorum Globus' Lambada (which released on the same day), what was given to the public was exactly what it deserved. See the lambada was no such dance craze as we've been told. It was a made up craze, likely pushed by the Cannon Group boys so that they could sell tickets to, you guessed it, these two movies. You show us evidence of there being a lambada fervor pre-1990 and we'll eat our shoulder-pad shirts. So yeah, suckers, you bought into some baloney dance fad, you get this thinly put together film in r