Drunk Ex-pastors

In this episode, the DXPs sound less like former pastors and more like philosophers, waxing profound as we address such topics as the nature of certitude and the role of evidence in achieving it, what the ramifications of artificial intelligence may be, whether aliens exist, and how we know we weren’t just created five minutes ago and pre-programmed with a bunch of false memories we mistakenly believe to be true. And orgies. We also mention those. We then tackle the issue of marriage and divorce, wondering whether ideals can just be good or whether they also have to be true. Christian’s bieber has to do with the clap, while Jason is biebered by being told what to do.  Also, is it better to succeed at something easy or suck at something awesome?

In this episode, the drunk ex-pastors begin by reveling in the power we recently wielded to divest the former president of FIFA of his position, after which we debate whether one of last week’s callers was a dot- or feather-Indian, as well as whether saying that is totally racist. We then reminisce about our favorite ‘80s TV shows for some reason, which the cool ones of our audience will love and the ones who are the wrong age will find incredibly boring. Christian gets some much-needed support from a caller, and another listener defends the idea of snobbishness (which Jason, of course, also has no problem with). We answer a challenge to what we said last week about whether death gives life meaning—this time with Jesus brought into the mix—and then we get to the main event: Caitlyn Jenner. Does gender inform sexual preference? Does genitalia determine gender? We tackle these and other questions as we stammer and stumble our way through this important issue. Christian’s bi [...]

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we consider our audience’s insistence that Christian is the reason people hate pretty much everything, and then delve into the nature of physical attraction and reflect on whether beauty is objective or in the eye of the beholder. A caller introduces the topic of Calvary Chapel, to which we respond by pointing out that our former megachurch has now become the “establishment” that it once stood up to (hashtag, IronyRules). The possibility of religious certainty is mulled over, and the corruption of FIFA is discussed (“FIFA,” for you Americans, is like the NBA. Just replace “National” with “Worldwide” and “Basketball” with “Football.” Then replace “Football” with “Soccer.”). We then spend a considerable time breaking down the scandal involving the Children of the Corn. I mean, the Duggars. Christian is biebered by technology, again, while Jason’s bieber stems from his resentment at being marketed to.

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, after Christian brings our attention to a recent sex scandal involving a middle school teacher’s storage closet and Jason weighs in on how little Israel matters to the issue of biblical prophecy, the DXPs put the matter of the “dad bod” to rest for good (not because it’s not an interesting topic, but because it apparently can’t be addressed without anger, hurt feelings, nearly destroyed iPads, and the majority of the discussion left on the cutting room floor). After the mid-show break (and after Jason issues his hat-in-hand mea culpa) we take a few listeners’ questions, addressing such fundamental questions as “What does God look like?” and “If Jason is so smart, why the hell can’t he find a job?” Christian is biebered by something technological (now there’s a role reversal), while Jason’s bieber involves the food-ordering practices of adventurous eaters. Also, we’ll take The Rapist for $200, Alex

In this episode, Jason takes one for the DXP team by saying all kinds of controversial crap about Israel, Texas, and women (he’s not all detestable, really. He’s just tired of his BFF getting picked on over the whole “Christians should kill their children” dust-up and wanted to divert attention). Christian tells a story involving a near brawl at his son’s soccer match. Between the parents. Speaking of skirmishes, a caller asks about the conflict in the Middle East to which we offer nothing remotely resembling constructive advice (beyond Christian’s prohibiting the Bible from having any say in the matter). Jason defends his track record of insulting Texas to a caller from Texas, and is thankfully made to understand that the Lone Star State isn’t nearly as trashy as Arkansas. We then plunge headfirst into the “Dad Bod” craze, much to Christian’s discomfort. Jason is convinced his dismissal of the controversy over the so-called double standard is justified, and tha [...]

In this episode, the DXPs reluctantly revisit the topic of murdering our children: Christian makes it clear that he does not encourage this, while Jason entertains the idea on grounds of annoyance rather than religion. We then seek to get to the bottom of the sinister satisfaction that many fundamentalists seem to display at the idea of hell involving eternal torment (they give the phrase “Lot pitched his tent toward Sodom” a whole new meaning). Christian then observes that Catholics and Muslims seem to be having a culture war “baby-off,” which worries him significantly regardless of who wins (Jason is rooting for the saintly Westerners against the filthy war-mongers). Christian is biebered by bottles and buttons, while Jason’s bieber involves bothersome boxing bouts (our biebers this week are brought t [...]

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian test out their interview skills on one of their oldest and closest friends, Michael Hernandez. After trying to figure out why Michael would choose to be gay with all the girls who were throwing themselves at him in high school, the DXPs do their best to determine if this choice of his means eternal darkness or whether or not God may spare him since at least he’s not Agnostic. (Sorry, Christian.) They reminisce about their good old days as bigoted fundamentalists and aspiring professional bowlers, acknowledging that Michael probably “bumped the twig” quite a bit more often than they did. Christian tries to get to the bottom of why marriage is important to the gays (or to anyone for that matter) while Jason offers his views of how Christians should treat the gay community. Christian refuses to accept Tom Cruise as gay and Jason refuses to accept Neil Patrick Harris as straight, while Michael is un [...]

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Christian opens up and shares with us good saintly folks what it’s like to be a vilified, persecuted agnostic (and if he thinks God’s going to help him out with this problem, he can frickin think again). He then amuses Jason with his slurred speech, which must be contagious since by episode’s end Jason sounds like he is speaking in slow motion. The issue of the Baltimore riots gives way to a discussion of such systemic issues as wage slavery, sweatshop labor, and the crime of Driving-While-Black (geez, some people always find a reason to complain, right?). A listener’s call opens up the matter of marriage equality, causing the DXPs to discuss whether the church or the state should have any say in marriage in the first place. Jason is biebered by mathematically incorrect attempts at voicing one’s agreement, while Christian’s bieber stems from his being way too gentlemanly a spectator at sporting events.

So this is 40, meaning Drunk Ex-Pastors is now officially old (like a 40 year-old man or 27 year-old woman [hey, don’t shoot the cultural messenger]). In this episode, Jason and Christian celebrate their geriatric status by swapping stories about shaving and unwanted body hair. We then bicker about whether Christian’s constant interrupting of Jason is due to the latter’s verbosity or the former’s impatience, both of which we trust are incredibly endearing. We then consider an alternative voting system that makes enough sense to never be implemented in a million years, after which we tackle the issue of money in politics. A listener’s question about the so-called “age of accountability” opens up a massive can of worms, leaving Jason vulnerable to the thorny charge of not being faithfully religious enough to murder his own children. Christian’s bieber involves his obsessive attention to a balanced check book, while Jason is biebered by any problem that can’t be solv [...]

In this episode, the Drunk Ex-Pastors do their best to live up to their names (Christian introduces a new cocktail to the arsenal, while Jason does his part by drinking several margaritas before show time). After briefly revisiting the issue of police brutality, we let our inner Californians show by divulging some of our driving habits, including the theory that driving twice the speed limit reduces one’s chances of getting a speeding ticket by half (math is hard). The DXPs then share some tips for avoiding traffic fines and ignoring overly-inquisitive borders patrol guards, as well as give a bit of insight into why we ignore all of your Facebook friend-requests. We take a listener call about whether we are prejudiced against Islam, that most violent and backward of all religions (of course we’re not). Another caller tries to drag us into a debate over abortion, which bait we wisely slash fearfully refuse to take. Christian is biebered by New Jersey governor C [...]

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian discuss the various forms of police brutality that have been making headlines of late (yeah, yeah, we know: Not all cops are bad cops. But the way things are going, the po-po’s gotta earn the benefit of the doubt rather than being given it). We then discuss C.S. Lewis’s argument that Christ is either “a liar, a lunatic, or Lord,” and even listen to Bono’s version of the trilemma, and yet Christian still manages to harden his heart and resist the holy and inspired Word of Bono. And God. We take a listener call about the relation of faith to science and, much to Christian’s annoyance, Jason takes a completely reasonable and intellectually respectable position that refuses to see any rift between the two. Another voicemail [...]

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we witness a stunning turning-of-the-tables as Jason (the happy one) seeks to cheer up his pal Christian (the sad one). Once “Let Go, Let God” has done its job, the DXPs offer their condolences to a heartbroken caller, reflecting on the fact that, deep down, we’re all still lovesick teenagers. Christian then begins a drunken retraction of last week’s intolerance, only to change his mind and dig his heels, insisting that it’s human nature to blur the line between respecting a person and respecting his ideas (Jason reluctantly kind of agrees, but is mostly just amused at his BFF’s drunken demeanor). Christian reads a selection from Jason’s forthcoming book in which he argues that God’s archetypal fatherhood demands that divine mercy always gets the last word over divine punishment (and even Christian, our resident atheist [ahem], is impressed). We then take so [...]

So this is the episode where we talk about sex (and true to form, the DXPs leave no stone unturned. Perhaps we should call ourselves the DXXXPs?). We tackle extramarital relations, masturbation, contraception, Onanism, homosexuality, and whether sex-for-pleasure is actually more human than animalistic (with Christian giving a rousing defense of his views and Jason giving a half-hearted one of his). This leads into a debate about whether a family should adjust the amount of children they have to their desired lifestyle, or the other way around. We take a caller’s question about fraternities, which springboards into a discussion about the racism and misogyny not only of SAE but of the Greek system as a whole. Christian’s bieber shows him desiring to go postal on the postal service, whi [...]

In episode #35 of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian address one of the former’s most well-known detractors (a man who is far more concerned about Jason’s Catholicism than he is about Christian’s “agnosticism, or atheism, or whatever”). We then tackle some listener questions about which religions tend to be most progressive, as well as about how to question your faith without rocking the boat (something Jason knows absolutely nothing about). Another voice mail leads to a discussion about whether business owners whose religious convictions preclude them from serving gays are douches, or morally principled douches. Since we wouldn’t be DXPs without veering into theological topics, we then discuss which command is harder for God to get his primitive people t [...]

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, our correction of a misstatement about the occult leads to a discussion about whether religious rationalism spelled the triumph of Muggles over Magic. We then revisit our favorite Monster Energy Drink conspiracy theorist and watch in horror as she blows her shot at web redemption (and perhaps divine redemption as well), and then wind up agreeing with an online Christian pundit who bemoans the rabid persecution of American believers (don’t worry, there is irony involved). We turn our attention to the issue of capital punishment, agreeing on our conclusion while differing on how we each arrived at it (Jason’s position is bound up in the dignity of the human person, while Christian’s just comes down to math). We tackle a few voicemails, one of which involves determining the best rock ba [...]

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors one of your hosts, due to an impromptu get-together that was completely outside his control, may have prefunked just a tad more than usual (but he holds it together quite well, really, despite imbibing something like five drinks beforehand). We consider ten characteristics of a cult and seek to determine whether our old megachurch, Calvary Chapel, fits the bill, and then launch into a discussion of whether Christianity is shrinking and why. Jason answers one listener’s question about crazy preaching stories with a tale involving the New York Yankees and the Albanian mob, and Christian agrees with another caller’s comparison of theism to belief in the Tooth Fairy who, apparently, isn’t real either. This prompts a debate about whether God can be re [...]

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors Christian, despite his best efforts, continues to be used by God, an arrow in the quiver of the Almighty if you will (this goes for Jason as well, but unlike his agnostic co-host, he is merely indifferent about this rather than annoyed). The DXPs then discuss the film Fifty Shades of Grey and try to determine whether to dislike it because it’s so rapey, or simply because it sucks. Their attention then turns, as it should, to the power of the Big Paleo lobby whose “scientific research” into the “existence” of “dinosaurs” makes them the single greatest threat to our way of life since The Pentavaret itself. The issue of Christian privilege is then discussed (as well as the Fundamentalist martyr complex mocked), but then, seemingly o [...]

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason renounces Christianity and decides to try nihilism on for size (God, he has learned, is only worth worshiping if he makes our lives easy and comfortable and gives us everything we want). But don’t worry, we’re sure he’ll return to the fold. Christian then recounts a harrowing tale from Vegas involving a Scandinavian snowman on the attack, and the DXPs delve into the thorny issue of whether believers should be “against” dinosaurs, or just ignore them altogether. The discussion turns to gambling and whether it’s really as sinful as religion has portrayed it over the years. Speaking of religion, we learn in this episode what’s really behind Christian’s utter disdain for Jesus (hint: it involves wearing hats in church), which segues into a discussion of just [...]

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason, in various forms and sundry ways, suffers abuse and scorn from Christian, his irritable co-host (causing Jason to wonder, for perhaps the first time in his life, whether he is this much of a dick when he’s in a bad mood, which is quite often). Useless self-reflection aside, the discussion begins with the moral ramifications, if any, of actions committed in a virtual-reality world, and then turns to the abject hatred that President Obama displayed toward Christianity during his speech at the National Prayer Breakfast for the 1% of the time he wasn’t praising Christianity. The DXPs then tackle a couple listeners’ questions about whether true love necessitates free will, causing Christian to moan and complain, not about [...]

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason faces the difficult challenge of choosing between a sport he doesn’t care about and a job he hates. After answering a question about online dating, Jason and Christian discuss the recent statements of atheist Stephen Fry, pronouncing god, if he exists, as stupid thanks to bone cancer in children. After a quick discussion about GMOs, they begin working through listener voicemails. A question that has nothing to do with the new Microsoft HoloLens leads to a discussion about the new Microsoft HoloLens. They discuss whether or not Christians would give up being “right” in order for more people to get into heaven. They then get asked about demonic possession which leads Jason to talk in a way that Christian can’t help slow-blinking at, and after solving the topic of free will, Jason is biebered by [...]