Life With Herpes

Herpes has been around since humans have walked this earth. The fact is we have to learn to  live with this virus. What’s odd about this is as a culture we’ve decided that this virus is dirty and one of the worst things we could catch. With that being said, as a society we really don’t even know that much about herpes and it’s probably because we choose not to. I mean, we’ve made this herpes thing out to be worse than the boogie monster under your bed.    With that being said whether you have herpes or not there’s someone close to you that you love who does so here’s 3 things you need to know.    ⅔ people have HSV  1 and  ⅙  people have HSV 2 So with that being said the majority of the population has herpes. The funny thing is that when you get herpes you become the majority not the majority. We’re made to believe that because we have herpes we’re the only person in the world who has herpes and no bode ever will understand or want to be with us. But the truth is that 84% of the population has herpes.  You c

The quick answer is no! You can absolulty have unprotected sex even if you have herpes. Before we dive deep and go into explanation on this let’s talk about how this is a huge myth and is one of the drivers for the stigma. When we are diagnosed and told that we have herpes we automatically think that we’re going to be forced to use condoms for the rest of our lives, even when we’re married. Yuck! And this is not true. Yes, condoms are great! They do a great job at preventing pregnancy and they do an okay job at preventing the transmission of herpes. Condoms definitely have their pros and thank goodness we have them. But let’s face it, there comes a time in a relationship when you don’t want to “have to” use one. I get it.  Here’s the deal with condoms. Like I mentioned before they are great at preventing pregnancy in fact they’re 98% effective when used correctly. And when it comes to preventing herpes transmission they are 30-50% effective when used correctly. So this great news but it also explains why if

This is one of our biggest fears when we find out we have herpes. The last thing we want is to pass it to someone else and have them experience what we went through. I mean it’s physically painful and emotionally painful.  One of the aspects I like to bring up is normally when we’re diagnosed with herpes it came to us by surprise. Either our partner didn’t tell us or our partner didn’t know. Either way it’s a surprise. So when we’re diagnosed we’re in shock wondering how this happened, we’re physically in pain and want some relief and then we’re pissed! We’re so angry at our partners for not disclosing or not telling us.    Moving forward when we’re in a new relationship and going to become sexually active with a partner who doesn’t have herpes the transmission is a huge fear! I get it and it’s a valid concern.  Personally, I’ve never given a partner herpes so I can’t speak from personal experience. But I do know that this was something I was extremely worried about in a past relationship. I can remember taki

These herpes myths will surprise you. I know they sure did for me. The reason why there’s a stigma against herpes is because of all the myths out there. We say that someone was irresponsible and that's why they have herpes. We say that people were promiscuous and that’s why they have herpes. We think that condoms will protect you from getting herpes and so on.  Really what this all boils down to is the lack of education about herpes and the snickering that continues about herpes and STI’s.  The truth is that 84% of people have herpes. You can’t say that 84% of the population were irresponsible or promiscuous or that their sex life is over. The truth is that we as humans get herpes by enjoying life and by spending time with other people. You don’t have to have sex to get herpes and you really can’t tell who has it.   I want to break down the 10 most common myths that are associated with herpes. If you have herpes you should keep reading and if you don’t have herpes you should keep reading also. Chances are the

Ok I’m sure you’re reading this going...what are you crazy!?! Before you start wondering about transmission and how this is going to work out let me calm you down and explain.  Sex doesn’t have to mean vaginal sex. That’s typically what we think of when we hear the words sex. It’s pretty conventional and socially we’ve been programed to think of sex as vaginal intercouse. Well, there are many other ways to be intimate with your partner and avoiding your outbreak. Let me talk about my relationship for a bit. As of writing this, my husband and I have been together for 5 years, we have sex regularly and he does not have herpes. Me having herpes, does not get in the way of our relationship, our marriage, or our sex life. We’ve found ways to get around it when I have those pesky outbreaks or when I feel like they’re coming on.  In case you’re wondering how I haven't transmitted herpes to my husband I attribute it to being very open when it comes to communication. I let him know if I feel like something is going on

You probably have herpes and you’re not alone.    When you get diagnosed with herpes you feel like you’re all alone and the only person in the world with herpes. Well guess what!!! You’re now the majority. Yes, the majority of people have herpes. In fact 84% of the world population has herpes.    Let’s break that down for you...   First let’s talk about the United States and people with herpes. I pulled up numbers from the census and data from the Center of Disease Control to get as exact as we can. Unfortunately the CDC only had numbers of people from the ages of 14-49 with herpes. Now we know that there are plenty more people with herpes that are over 49 but we have to go with the numbers and data that’s provided.    In the US there are 112,806,642 people in the US between 18-44. Of people aged 14-49 in the U.S., 47.8% have HSV-1 and 11.9% have HSV-2. Or if you want to total the percentage of people with herpes both type 1 & 2 it’s 59.7%.  That’s a lot of people and remember we’re not even including peo

You get the call from your doctor saying you have herpes and they’ll fill your prescription.  Eek… right? Here’s the deal. Take the antiviral. Chances are you’re in pain and feel horrible and all you want is for your outbreak to go away. Getting that antiviral in your system ASAP is the best thing you can do. In fact, the soon you get it  in your system on the onset of an outbreak, the sooner your outbreak will clear up. I’ve heard of people being too embarrassed to go to the pharmacist to pick up the antiviral, don’t be. Seriously they medication will be a god send and get you feeling better.  A quick note, however, you don’t  need the antiviral to recover. Unlike having say strep throat or some other type of bacterial infection where you need an antibiotic to get better you don’t need the antiviral your outbreak will clear up on it’s own but it will take a lot longer.  Also, a quick disclosure, herpes is a viral infection so you will never get rid of it. Taking the antiviral does not “cure” you or get rid o

Disclosing is one of the things that we fear the most when we’re diagnosed with herpes. There’s so much that we wrap up into dating and wanting to feel desired and now with a herpes diagnosis we are fearful that we’ll get rejected.  We either don’t disclose because we’re so caught up in the stigma and with the fear of rejection or we just got caught up in the moment and didn’t get a chance to disclose. Ok this happens...I get it but let’s look at some possible consequences of not disclosing.  Here’s what happens when you don’t disclose you have herpes:   Your partner is at a higher risk of getting herpes Yep, this is true. Lots of times we think out of sight and out of mind, however that’s not the case with the herpes virus. This virus works a little different. While you are most contagious when you have outbreaks and if you expose someone to the virse with an outbreak you’re probably going to transmit it. But the thing is with the HSV virus is that you can still transmit it when you have no symptoms at all!

If you don’t have herpes then hearing that everyone has  herpes virus probably just freaked you out! Well, it’s true that everyone has a herpes virus and it’s nothing to be worried about. You’re going to be just fine. Promise.  We’ve been living with these dang herpes viruses for as long as humans have been walking on this earth. The herpes virus want to survive as much as we do and they’ve done a pretty good job at it.  Let me explain.   There are more than 100 known herpes viruses out there! Yep 100! The good news is that there are really only 8 that infects us as humans. Here’s the list and I’d bet you have more than one of them: herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV) or commonly known as cold sores or fever blisters herpes simplex virus type  2 (HSV) commonly known as genital herpes Varicella-zoster virus (VZV) or commonly known as chickenpox or shingles cytomegalovirus is very common and doesn’t really have any symptoms Epstein-Barr virus or commonly known as mononucleosis or mono and the Symptoms include fa

Will herpes impact your child's health? There’s been a lot of parents or people who want to become parents  recently asked about their kids. When were diagnosed with herpes were worried that we could potentially pass this to someone we love and of course accidentally to our kids.  I want to cover the facts and how you can prevent transmission to your kids.  Over the years I’ve had people reach out to me with questions and of course stories when it comes to herpes and their kids. I’ve had parents not hug or kiss their kids because they didn’t want to pass it to their child. Or I had a dad say he never got in the swimming pool with his kids because he was worried his kids would catch it. THe stories go on and on and it truly saddens me to hear that parents are missing out on such tender moments with their children.  So let’s get down to it and talk about herpes and your kids.  Let's start at the beginning and cover what herpes is and how it’s transmitted. I go into this in real depth here but here's the cliff n

I get questions all the time about pregnancy and herpes. In fact, this was one of the first questions I asked when I was first diagnosed back in 2011.  There are so many myths out there that demonize herpes and make us feel like we no longer have the same rights a people who don’t have herpes. It’s 100% BS and yes, you can have a baby.  I talk about herpes and pregnancy in other episodes and I’ll have them linked so you can hop over and check them out as well. But today I want to talk about fertility specifically.  It’s so funny right, we spend forever doing our best to not get pregnant and then when we want to get pregnant we have a ton of questions and wonder if we really can. Oh and add a herpes diagnosis to the mix.  Personally as a woman, my fertility was something I never worried about. I mean were not taught to worry about it were taught to worry about getting pregnant so why would I worry about “if” I could get pregnant. I’m going to side track to me a bit and right now I’m 4 months pregnant! Yay! But

In the Life With Herpes community, the number one question I get has to do with dating. The questions range from will I ever date again, will anyone ever love me, how do I tell my partner and anything in between.  So here’s the answers….Yes, you’ll date. Yes, you’ll find love. Yes you’ll get the courage to tell the cute person your dating. And Yes you’ll have sex again!!! PROMISE! There’s good news when it comes to dating with herpes. I’m being serious.   The good news is you now are in control of your sexual health. I’ll speak for myself but I’m guessing you’ll fall into this category too. So before being diagnosed with herpes, I knew what herpes was and I knew about STD’s. I was very educated in this because I taught for planned parenthood.However,  even though I knew everything I still believed that I was immune to everything because I’d never sleep with anyone who had anything. I believe I’d just know by looking at them. Feel free in insert an eye roll right now! Because we have herpes it’s our wakeup cal

So the person you like just told you they have herpes. You’re thinking should I date them? What does this mean for me? How’s this going to play into our dating and sex life?     Ok so first let me calm you down and let you know what it feels like when you’re first diagnosed with herpes. Seriously, dating or being able to date is the number one fear. We think that nobody will date us and that our life is over! The fear of rejection is a real thing and so telling the person we like that we have herpes is really scary.    So firstly before you make an decisions I want to make sure you’re aware that the person you’re dating really respects you. He or she took a leap of faith and told you their deep dark secret. They told you that they have herpes. This was really hard for them so I hope that you give them some credit and acknowledge that it was hard for them.    Here are the top questions you’re going to have when dating someone with herpes: Can you still have sex?  YES, the answer is yes! You can still have a no

One of the most common misconceptions I hear when I read comments or get asked questions are about oral herpes and HSV 1.  So let’s break it down and get right to it.  Before we break it down let’s just do the 101 on herpes. There’s two types; HSV 1 & HSV 2. Both have very similar symptoms and we can not tell one virus apart from the other one unless testing is done.  HSV 1 prefers to live in the oral region meanwhile HSV 2 prefers to live in the genial region. However, the virus will live or go wherever you give it a place to go. In other words, HSV 1 can be genital and HSV 2 can be oral. More people have HSV 1, its ⅔ globally and ⅙ globally  have HSV 2. If you want more information on HSV you can go here where I give a full breakdown of symptoms and all sorts of goodies. HSV1 is  known as oral herpes or because we don’t like to use the word herpes we call them cold sores or fever blisters. Oral herpes is also known as the “good” herpes and genital herpes is known as the “bad herpes”.  This is total BS a

After launching the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm I’ve been getting lots of questions from you all about CBD and why we should use it.  Well… I’m convinced that CBD has so many health benefits and they completely fit with the lifestyle of people living with herpes.  Let’s face it. Outbreaks hurt! They’re annoying. They show up when we’re stressed out or run down. They absolutely are a buzzkill and change our mood. Oh and not to mention the outbreak that never seems to go away. And guess what? CBD helps with all of this. I’ll tell you how.  Here are 5 ways that adding CBD into your life will benefit your herpes outbreak. Calm Your Anxiety Regardless of just being diagnosed with herpes or if you’ve had herpes for years anxiety can set in and wreak havoc on you. There’s nothing worse than an anxiety attack and CBD Oil mimics serotonin which plays a key role in our mood. It’s the gatekeeper to anxiety or depression. Reduce Inflammation CBD can reduce your inflammation from herpes outbreaks. When the outbreak is in

Yay, you’re pregnant or thinking about becoming pregnant and want to know what herpes has to do with it.  Wow, this is exciting! Time in your life so let's talk about herpes and pregnancy.  I can remember one of the first things I was worried about and asked my doctor about pregnancy. I was curious if it would impact pregnancy, birth, and the child. I’m sure I wasn’t the only woman so here are some great details on this next exciting big step.  Let’s break this down into two sections, people who already have herpes and want to get pregnant or are pregnant and then people who get herpes while pregnant.  So first let’s talk about having herpes and then getting pregnant.  Genital herpes can be treated safely during pregnancy. You will be offered antiviral tablets which are safe to take during pregnancy and while breastfeeding. A mother can infect her baby during delivery, often fatally. But if a woman had genital herpes before getting pregnant, or if she is first infected early in pregnancy, the chance that her

  This vaccine is one of the most sought out vaccines and it would help millions of people throughout the world. Not to mention on the business side of things how it would monetarily reward the people or company who solved the puzzle. But here’s the deal, as of now there’s no research happening for the herpes vaccine.  If you feel like the wind’s been taken out of your sails go watch or read the other episode about waiting for the herpes cure. I promise, having herpes is NOT the end of the world!  According to an article published by Healthline, pharmaceutical companies are taking a break from the research. I’ll breakdown what the article has to say. You can also check it out for yourself.  The pharma companies have a double-edged sword when it comes to herpes. There are two-thirds of the world population living with herpes and they would really benefit from a vaccine. This means there’s clearly a need but the problem lies in the nature of the viruses. It’s a very complicated virus and so, therefore, it wil

Okay so I have both oral herpes and genital herpes. The good news is I get what it’s like to have both oral and genital outbreaks and I also don’t have to worry about getting herpes from anyone else. Lol.  Personally I think having oral outbreaks are far worse than having genital outbreaks. I know that might sound crazy, especially because the stigma has made having genital herpes like the worst thing in the world.  However, when I have an oral outbreak it really messes with my ego, my self-confidence and I feel like I can’t go anywhere without anyone staring at me. The last time I had an oral outbreak was right before my wedding so I was a little stressed. But I can remember being so mad...like the mad that makes your blood boil. I was humiliated because I had this huge blister on my lip and I felt like I couldn’t touch anyone or be around anyone. I was emotionally a mess. Then not to mention the pain I was in. It was sooooo painful and it hurt to eat and just do normal daily activities. URG...it’s the pits

148: What’s It Like To Date Someone With Herpes With Alexandra Harbushka Life With Herpes.com has been used as a resource for people who are dating someone with herpes or want to date someone with herpes. The good news is now all the information is at our fingertips and there’s a community there to help.    This situation of liking someone with herpes comes up a lot. It’s not as uncommon as you think considering that one out of sex people have HS2 and two out of three have HSV1. There are many couples where one has the virus and the other does not. So don’t think you have to find someone who has you’re the same virus.    Anyway, when you’re in the shoes of not having herpes and you’re partner has “the herpes talk” the ball is now in you’re court. Here’s the great news, your partner cares about you and wanted to be open and honest and told you. It’s a really hard conversation for us with herpes to have so make sure you acknowledge that tender conversation.    With the information you’ve now received it’s up

When you have an itch, a tingle or maybe slept with someone that you know has herpes the automatic OMG phase kicks in. It turns to panic and your mind will take you down the rabbit hole of horrible thoughts. Oh and then you turn to google. PLEASE, whatever you do...don’t turn to google. You’re in the right spot to find out more answers and not see scary photos on the internet.    There are 3 basic ways to confirm you have herpes. But before we break it down let’s talk a little bit about symptoms and what that feels like. I talk about this in detail here so you can go check it out too.    Symptoms can be slightly different for everyone and sometimes symptoms can pop up immediately after a person comes in contact with the virus and then sometimes it can take, months, weeks or years.  But her are some common symptoms: Blistery sores Burning when you pee if you have sores Trouble peeing if you have sores covering your urethra Itching or pain around your genitals Sometimes the blisters can blee Swollen, tender gl