Again With This: Beverly Hills, 90210

Almost four months after becoming a shock box office hit, The Blair Witch Project still has a stranglehold on culture, if we want to be generous and use that term to describe Dawson's Creek. The core four are reading The Crucible in English class, and naturally Dawson decided that he's too special to do assignments as assigned; he's convinced Principal Green -- who's teaching their class to free Mitch up for football stuff, presumably -- to let him make a documentary about a local witch legend. ("Isn't The Crucible kind of...not really about the Salem witch trials?" We'll get into it.) He'd already arranged to have Pacey and Jen "help" so that they could also blow off their papers, and when a desperate Joey runs into the video store to rent The Crucible because she's run out of time to read the play AND the last copy is gone, Dawson belatedly remembers she exists and offers to let her in on the scheme too. On the island, the kids ignore warnings not to get lost in the woods or stay past dark. Joey and Dawson

It was just one episode ago when Dawson thought he'd discovered a link between Eve and Jen, but that's not the titular secret -- it's about Gale and therefore much more boring. Jen wouldn't have time to deal with the bombshell of a possible half-sister anyway: as Capeside's latest Homecoming Queen, she has the responsibility of...planning a gala for fifty years' worth of past Queens? When Jen visits apparently the oldest Queen, Miss Constance Freckling (K Callan!) to try to weasel out of it, she has a bee-facilitated interlude with Henry, aka Miss Freckling's handyboy "Hank." Pacey is keeping busy enlisting members of the police auxiliary to help turn the Potter cottage into a B&B, but drops everything when Andie calls Joey crying that Rob committed sexual misconduct against her, but then won't agree to report him to the authorities. Joey's like, "Hmmmmmmmm." We're like, "Uuuuuuuugh." It's no secret OR lie that we've brought you a new episode -- listen now! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Dawson has arrived at the film noir section of his film class, and why not -- he's living in one, what with femme fatale Eve mysteriously popping up and disappearing all the time, making him feel like a mark! He's just snapped off The Lady From Shanghai when he notices shady doings across the way at Grams's place, and wouldn't you know it: the person creeping around with a flashlight is none other than Eve, who immediately tries to deflect questions about what she was doing by hitting on Dawson. When that doesn't work, she threatens blackmail with the stolen PSAT. Dawson is so fired up that he does some actual PI work! Is the information he uncovers worth the trouble he gets in with Doug? Henry is still so smitten with Jen that Jack tries causing a date to break out spontaneously without Henry's having to ask Jen (since he is physically unable to speak to her). And when Joey finds out that her latest rejection sent Rob after Andie, she takes extreme measures to protect her friend. Fire up the fan, but not too

We are NOT here for football, and yet it keeps happening to us! Offscreen Gale gives Dawson an opportunity to produce a human interest piece for a national news broadcast, completely on his own. He decides to do something about Jack, the gay football star, and gets signoff from everyone except Jack's coach, Mitch. Jen is also implicated in football culture when the other cheerleaders make a kiss from her a prize in a silent auction, and is so appalled that she resigns as head cheerleader (although events leading up to this do suggest that she was ready to do that regardless and the auction just provided a convenient pretext). Now sprung from his relationship with Andie, Pacey involves Joey in his latest shenanigans; getting caught cutting class for a trip to the post office lands them an unorthodox and moderately punishment from Principal Green that -- get this -- ALSO braids into the football storyline. Andie is trying to put her PSAT cheating in the rearview, but when Principal Green tells her he needs to s

The entire junior class is in a tizzy about the imminent PSAT, the practice for the test that could possibly determine the entire course of their lives. But maybe they don't ALL have to stress about it so much: somehow, Eve comes into possession of a copy, which -- in her established role as a chaos agent -- she gives to Dawson. Then, he lets all his closest friends know he has it so that they can tell him what to do about it; unfortunately, that's when they all have to go outside for a fire drill, leaving their stuff, and when they come back in...the test is gone. Suspicions start flying around as to who the culprit could be, and the complete lack of evidence, apart from past behavior possibly informing actions in the present, doesn't stop Dawson making some pretty uncharitable AND unfounded accusations. Meanwhile, football is apparently still happening whether we like it or not. Jack suspects his teammates are being extra-hard on him for homophobic reasons; Henry tries to help him so that Jack might return

Mitch is, as we learned in the premiere, Capeside High's football coach, and both he and Principal Green are very focused on turning around the team's years-long losing streak. (This contradicts what we were told about now long-gone football star Cliff, but never mind; he's in a better place.) Mitch and the principal thus enlist Dawson to create a promotional film for the team, and somehow he finds the time around condom shopping, because Eve is still around -- now as a Capeside senior -- and still very openly coming on to Dawson whenever she sees him. It's too bad Dawson can't use footage of the current team, because freshman quarterback Henry Parker (Michael Pitt) is actually good, and by chance finds the wide receiver of his dreams in Jack, whom Mitch soon drafts to join the team; this should provide a nice break for Jack from worrying about why his dad, who has moved his business to Capeside so that Andie can resume her studies there, doesn't want Jack to join them. Speaking of Andie: she's inconveniently

Dawson, returning from spending his whole offscreen summer in Philadelphia with Gale, ends up on a bus next to a very confident pixie-cut blonde. When she disappears after he apparently bores them both to sleep yammering about Joey, he assumes he'll never see her again. He assumes wrong, and is no match for her aggressive come-ons. Her sexual overtures while Dawson's out driving them around in Mitch's boat lead Dawson to make some reckless choices with expensive consequences; knowing this girl works at the local exotic dance establishment, Pacey gets the idea to knock off Risky Business with a stripper party at the Leery house. Through all this, Joey has alternated between parrying the unwanted attention of Rob Logan, her new boss at the marina, and regretting the way she told Dawson off in the Season 2 finale. Roomies Jen and Jack have reached a new level of platonically intimate friendship and are so adorable even Grams seems like they're giving her a cavity -- but in a fun way! Less fun: the tyranny of che

We’re off this week but we bring you two Again With Again With This episodes full of SPIDERS?! and death traps. AWAWT 092: Let's Watch Thomas Calabro, Patrick Muldoon, AND Vanessa Williams In Ice Spiders! What happens when a top-secret scientific task force tries to breed gigantic spiders in order to harvest their extremely strong and versatile silk? Well, the spiders break out and menace a ski resort. Obviously. Find out how three ex-Melrose Place stars acquitted themselves in the process! AWAWT 144: Let’s Watch Jack Wagner AND Gabrielle Carteris In Trapped: Buried Alive! 2002’s labored, spark-less Trapped: Buried Alive features an avalanche (of laughable CGI), nonstop bickering, a bratty stepdaughter, gas leaks, Shatnerian line deliveries, and one of the few pregnant women in scripted entertainment NOT to go into labor during a natural disaster. Everyone’s trying…but very little of it’s working. Put down that crossbody full of cash and have a listen! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

We’re off this week but we bring you two Again With Again With This episodes full of Jasons Priestly. AWAWT 123: Let's Watch Jason Priestley In Christmas At Tiffani's! In this special holiday episode of Dinner At Tiffani's, our titular hostess -- with some assistance from her real husband, Brady Smith -- throws a dinner party for two of her TV husbands, the guy who was her 90210 love interest for a few seconds in one season finale, and their wives. Cheese is on the menu in more ways than one. AWAWT 171: Let's Watch Jason Priestley And Liz Vassey In The Christmas Episode Of Tru Calling! Did you know that Jason Priestley was basically a series regular on Tru Calling, Fox's mid-00s sci-fi show as a guy who could see dead people's last moments, and go back in time, or...something? We didn't, and after watching the series finale -- which also features recurring guest star Liz "Marcie St. Claire" Vassey! -- we still don't totally get what was happening in this thing. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Dawson has a secret and REALLY wishes he didn't. Hoping to avoid telling Joey about her dad's return to drug dealing, he takes Gale's advice and goes straight to Mike, telling him what he knows in the hopes that Mike will...knock it off? Or something? Instead, The Icehouse gets firebombed while all the cocaine -- oh, and also all the kids we know -- are inside. The situation does bring Pacey's dad, Sheriff Witter, back onto the scene to be an even bigger jerk than he was the last time we saw him, which is saying something. The Leerys -- other than their poor boundaries with regard to adult/child friendship -- remain the best in parent class, Gale's decision to leave Capeside for the job in Philadelphia also causes some minor turmoil. Fortunately, we'll always have Grams to model chosen family goals. Warning: parental discretion IS advised for our episode on...well, you know. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Jack having resolved, at the end of the last episode, to call his dad for help with Andie since he couldn't put it off a single second longer, Joseph arrives with a distinctly unhelpful announcement: he's selling the house and bringing the kids back to Providence so that both Andie AND her extremely offscreen mother can get full-time medical care. This is, of course, bad news: Andie doesn't want to say goodbye to the best boyfriend any teenaged girl ever had, and Jack doesn't want to resume living with a parent who definitely hasn't accepted Jack's coming out (and barely accepted him before that anyway). The McPhees' possible relocation has Jen wondering if it's time for her to leave Capeside too, but a call home to HER extremely offscreen mother lets her know that at least one move she took for granted as an option may no longer be available. After his stressful dinner with Miss Kennedy in the last episode, Dawson is stressed out about his final film assignment, but his idea of interviewing the people around

However Joey and Dawson might classify whatever they're currently doing relationship-wise, they've been doing it for a month, so Dawson is taking her out for dinner at Capeside's fanciest French restaurant, Entre Nous. Except oh no, when Dawson made his reservation two weeks ago, the maître d' didn't realize there were TWO Leery parties of two, and he's already seated the only one he thought he had that night, which is how Joey and Dawson end up celebrating their month-iversary with Mitch and Miss Kennedy. (No offense to the maître d' but it's probably crap like this that has you working a fine dining establishment in a dying Massachusetts fishing town.) Jen is now crashing at the Leery house, and Gale seems to appreciate having an inappropriately young gal pal to talk to about all her problems. But when she burns the pot roast she'd been making for their girls' night, they decide to dress up and hit the town and you will NEVER GUESS where they ALSO end up!!! Meanwhile, Andie hasn't seen any Abby apparitions

As the news of Abby's passing spreads through Capeside, everyone gets a chance to make it about them. Girls at school who were definitely not Abby's friends distribute yellow armbands in her memory. Jen displaces her guilt onto Andie, then starts drinking. Andie -- worried that Jen might be right when she says Abby would still be alive if Andie hadn't kicked her and Jen out of the wedding -- doesn't correct Mrs. Morgan about her supposed friendship with Abby, AND agrees to deliver a eulogy at her funeral. Jack realizes he may have been the last person to kiss Abby before her death.  Joey tries to keep a lid on her feelings so old grief about her mother's death three years earlier doesn't boil over. And Dawson takes the opportunity to rewatch all the footage he shot of Abby for Creek Daze -- which he might as well, if only to take his mind off the possibility that Gale is going to take a fancy network job in Philadelphia and leave him behind. Find a comfortable spot (satin pillow optional) and join us for our

The Icehouse caters a wedding for Capeside blue-bloods! What could go wrong?! (Actually, it's...mostly fine.)

Dawson has a new teacher for film class, and (presumably) unlike Mr. Gold, she has an actual track record: Nicole Kennedy (Mädchen Amick!) is in town on sabbatical to write a screenplay and is just teaching as a lark? Also teaching as a lark: Mitch, who has apparently taken over Mr. Peterson's course load. Dawson's being as normal about it as he is able, but Mitch is not able to be normal about him, and bragged so much about his movie in the teachers' lounge that Miss Kennedy asks Dawson about it. He's excited...at first! Joey and Jack have fallen into the post-breakup friendship groove she and Dawson couldn't quite manage. At the fair, he urges her to talk to another artist -- a college freshman photographer named Colin -- and he ends up being so taken with her beauty that he gets her to pose for him. Andie seeks a reading from a psychic at the fair, then wishes she hadn't. And Jen tries to make a love connection for Grams and Whit, another vendor at the fair that Grams already knows -- but is she ready to c

Dawson Leery makes the world bend to his will most of the time, so you can just imagine how much more of a monster he is around his birthday -- or, actually, you don't have to, because that's what this whole episode is about. As if Joey doesn't have enough on her mind right now in the hours after her second-ever boyfriend came out as gay, Dawson has decided that the thing that will make him feel complete is getting her back. Joey is, in fact, working harder on their friendship, including throwing a surprise party for him, which is why Pacey makes plans to get Dawson out of the house during party setup. Unfortunately for Pacey, Dawson is coming to their night out straight from getting shot down by Joey in an attempt to reconcile; also unfortunately for Pacey, Andie's coming with them and she's on therapist's orders to have a night of imperfection. Both Andie AND Dawson throw themselves into acting out, with disastrous consequences for both the party and for the musical art form known as The Blues. If what YOU

As Pacey wraps up his week's suspension, Capeside High is still abuzz with speculation about Jack's sexuality -- including from a very offscreen Mr. Milo, who's given up on getting Mrs. McPhee in to the school to discuss the situation (thanks to Andie running interference) and calls their dad to make his first-ever on-camera visit to town. Mr. McPhee endures Andie's nonstop chatter over dinner, then turns his attention to Jack to make sure he knows that if he were gay, he would take it as a personal insult. Elsewhere, Joey is, seemingly, under near-constant torment as to whether the rumors about Jack could be true, and getting moderately bad advice about it from, who else, Dawson. Ty also decides to weigh in, telling Jen he doesn't know why Joey would waste her time with a "fruit fly" (no) like Jack. The answer to what you should spend your time on today is: our episode on "...That Is The Question"! NOTES

Jack is suddenly in Mr. Peterson's class with Pacey and no one else we know for not-at-all-contrived reasons: everyone is assigned to write a poem, but Jack is the only one Mr. Peterson calls on to read it aloud. Jack is upset enough by the reading to flee the class crying, and that combined with the fact that the subject was male causes the rumor to spread with lightning speed: Jack is gay. Joey shrugs it off until Dawson urges her to ask him. Pacey can't help noting that Andie isn't being very supportive. And the next day, when Mr. Peterson isn't done victimizing Jack, Pacey gets involved, and so do his mucus membranes. After taking Jen to Bible study didn't exactly inflame her desire to see Ty again, he decides to show her there's more to him than reading scripture for fun. Tisn't nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune: duck and listen to our episode on "To Be Or Not To Be..." instead! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

It's so fortunate that Dawson happened to stop by Joey's art class the day she was sketching nude female Devon (Rachael Leigh Cook!) because it turns out she's also a drama student at the college and she's PERFECT to play "Sammy" in his movie...which is starting production mere hours after Dawson casts her! Jen's been busily lining up volunteers. Jack agrees even though he and Dawson only stopped openly hating each other in the last episode. Ty agrees because he's got a crush on Jen -- and she seems just as interested in him. Andie agrees even though her meds (an empty bottle of which Pacey finds in her trash) don't seem to be calibrated quite right. Grams agrees, and yay, it's been weeks since we saw her! Joey agrees, not knowing how uncomfortable it's going to be to watch people she barely knows perform barely disguised scenes from her real life. It's a real bad time for nearly everyone. Boston Film Festival, you have a LOT to answer for. Our latest episode on "His Leading Lady" will tell you whether She is

The Capeside we heard way back at the end of Season 1 was wrapping up its tourist season is, months later, having a fishing contest. Pacey is going with his father John even though they hate each other. Mitch is going even though he knows nothing about fishing, so Dawson is going too, for the bonding. And: surprise! Jack is also going because Andie asked Pacey to invite him, and whoops, Pacey forgot to warn Dawson that his nostrils were in for a workout well before he gets anywhere near smelly bait. Back at home, Jen comes up with a segment idea for Gale's newscast (?) about teen girl consumers (??) and invites some teen girls she knows, including Abby (???). Gale's ability to tolerate Abby is limited even though Joey is being almost as bitchy as the show's designated bitch. Don't bother with a map: you won't need it to find our episode on "Uncharted Waters"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB