What Fresh Hell: Laughing In The Face Of Motherhood

This month's Deep Dive series is all about how much fun we are—or aren't—having while raising our kids. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. When parenting feels like all work and no play, we may resignedly think "Well, that's the way it's supposed to be." But if you feel like parenting is more draining than fulfilling, there are ways to bring more presence, joy, and fun into the mix. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why having fun as a family usually means doing what kids think is fun, which is not the same as US having fun What psychologists say is required in order to have fun—and why those same things can be in short supply in our lives as parents The role of "flow" in fun, and whether eight hours of video games might start to have diminishing returns Sometimes parenting isn't fun. The reasons for that aren't our fault, and losing the guilt that it's not all more fun can really help. On the other hand, if it's never fun, there might be some rearrangements of our family life that can occur...and we've g

When we're the kinkeeper in our friend group—aka the one who organizes the get-togethers, remembers the birthdays, and sends out availability polls—it can get overwhelming, and we can even find ourselves resentful over it. Kristen Meinzer and Jolenta Greenberg, hosts of the podcast "How to Be Fine," discuss how to approach conversations with friends about sharing the kinkeeping burden more evenly. Kristen Meinzer and Jolenta Greenberg host the podcasts "By The Book" and "How to Be Fine." The current season of How to Be Fine is all about the loneliness epidemic and friendship quandaries, from jealousy to BFF breakups. Kristen, Jolenta, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Why new friends can actually be better than childhood friends sometimes What to do when one person is doing all the administration and planning in the friend group How to make friends as an adult Here are links to some of the things we mentioned in the episode: Allison P. Davis for The Cut: "Adorable Little Detonators Our friendship survived bad

We want to build a family that feels close and connected, but how do we know when the boundaries in our relationships are too porous? Here's what family enmeshment means, what it looks like, and how to look for signs of enmeshment in our relationships with our kids. Amy and Margaret discuss: The family systems theory and how it relates to enmeshment How clear boundaries create safety in relationships How enmeshment in family dynamics affects stress tolerability Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Melissa Porrey for VeryWell: What Is Enmeshment, and How Do You Set Boundaries? Sharon Martin, for Psych Central: The Enmeshed Family System: What It Is and How to Break Free Jesse L. Coe et. al for Journal of Family Psychology: Family Cohesion and Enmeshment Moderate Associations between Maternal Relationship Instability and Children’s Externalizing Problems Our Fresh Take with Gabor Maté and Gordon Neufeld, authors of Hold On to Your Kids: WHY PARENTS NEED TO MATTER

This month's Deep Dive series is all about how much fun we are—or aren't—having while raising our kids. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. The world wants us to believe that having kids will bring us untold happiness. It's a love you've never known! Your life will never be the same! The reality is a little more complicated, and that can be quite confusing. As psychologist Jean Twenge points out, "Parents might believe that it's their fault when the transition to parenthood is difficult, rather than seeing it as something that everyone experiences." So: does having kids make us happy? Is that even the right question? Is it supposed to? Are the benefits that come from parenting different, and perhaps larger, than happiness? Here are links to some writing and studies on the topic that we discuss in this episode:  Paul Bloom for The Atlantic: What Becoming a Parent Really Does to Your Happiness Dan Kahneman et al: A survey method for characterizing daily life experience: the day reconstruction method

How can moms feel empowered to make progress towards their personal and professional goals? Jenny Wood, author of the new book WILD COURAGE, offers tips for applying courage in your daily life, balancing personal ambitions with family responsibilities, and setting healthy boundaries. In her 18 years at Google, Jenny Wood grew from entry-level to executive. Jenny’s writing has been featured in Harvard Business Review, Entrepreneur, Inc., and Forbes.  Jenny and Margaret discuss: The nine negative adjectives women are often labeled as and how Jenny flips them in her book How to differentiate between the "truths" and the "tales" you tell yourself about a situation The very small ways you can start to exhibit courage in your everyday life Here's where you can find Jenny: www.itsjennywood.com @itsjennywood on IG and @jennyilles on LinkedIn Buy WILD COURAGE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593717646 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes f

Does your quality time with your spouse sometimes/always devolve into discussions about finances, kids, or future plans? Here's how focused weekly meetings—both for our partnerships and for our families—can strengthen, deepen, and save the sanity of our relationships. Amy and Margaret discuss: How marriage/family check-ins improve the day-to-day health of relationships Best practices for successful marriage/family check-ins How they tailor their own marriage/family check-ins to work for them Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: MARRIAGE MEETINGS FOR LASTING LOVE by Marcia Naomi Berger Brett and Kate McKay for Art of Manliness: How and Why to Hold a Weekly Marriage Meeting Julia Ries for Self: Scheduling a Weekly ‘House Meeting’ With My Partner Changed My Damn Life Jo Piazza for Bustle: The HR-ification Of Marriage We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https

This month's Deep Dive series is about parenting through uncertainty. Listen to all of the episodes in the series with this Spotify playlist. “Information overload” is defined as the tipping point when the input of information exceeds an individual’s capacity to process it all. When we begin to feel overwhelmed and stressed by the amount of information that is available, we can end up feeling more stressed and overwhelmed than knowledgeable. For parents, the urge to find certainty through online research—only to end up feeling even less certain—is particularly common. How can we make the constant availability of information, useful and otherwise, work for us rather than against? Amy and Margaret discuss: How "information overload" can reduce decision-making abilities Whether obsessive internet searching is the result, or cause, of low self-confidence in parents How to know your limits, and then set them Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Terese Glatz and Melissa A. Lippold

Women take on the lion's share of housework in heterosexual partnerships, and that gap in labor becomes a chasm once a child is born. Once Mom is the default parent, it becomes very difficult to even out the distribution of housework and parenting more equally. Mary Catherine Starr, author of the new book MAMA NEEDS A MINUTE, has renegotiated the distribution of labor in her own marriage post-kids and has tips for how other women can do the same. Mary Catherine Starr is an artist, graphic designer, and author. Her hugely popular Instagram account @momlife_comics explores motherhood, marriage, and the double standards of parenting. Mary Catherine and Amy discuss: What inspired Mary Catherine to start Mom Life Comics Why women usually become the default parent as soon as a baby is born Why Mary Catherine's cartoons help women explain the mental load to their partners Here's where you can find Mary Catherine: https://www.marycatherinestarr.com/ @momlife_comics on IG marycatherinestarr.substack.com Buy

As moms, it feels like we're always crunched for time without a moment to ourselves in a given day. And that really takes its toll on our mental health. Here are some tips for getting more "time affluence" in your day—and no, it's not about being more productive! Time affluence is about structuring your to-do list so it feels more manageable and working time for yourself into the fabric of your day-to-day so that you're not going months without any me-time. Margaret and Amy discuss: The difference between "time famine" and "time poverty" Why modern conveniences haven't given us more leisure time What studies show about the relationship between time affluence and happiness Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Wikipedia: Time Affluence Ross Bruch for Brown, Brothers, & Harriman Law Firm blog: The Value of Time: Understanding and Maximizing Time Affluence Barnaby Lashbrooke for Forbes: This is the Key to Achieving Time Affluence Jermaine Archer's TEDTalk: "A Matter of Ti

This month's Deep Dive series is about parenting through uncertainty. Listen to all of the episodes in the series with this Spotify playlist. How do we prepare for a future that isn’t clear? How do we prepare our kids for their future when what that might look like is also unclear?  Uncertainty is an unavoidable part of the parenting journey, but in this episode we’re talking about those really uncertain times: the “this might be nothing, but we’d like to run more tests” times. The “we actually aren’t sure what’s happening here” times. The "this could really go either way" moments in our lives. In this episode we discuss: why parenting through uncertainty is so hard how these times have played out in our own lives why “just try not to think about it!” is terrible advice  why the things we do to reduce our uncertainty can sometimes backfire Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:  Mark Freeston et al: Towards a model of uncertainty distress in the context of Coronav

How can women grapple with society's unattainable standards for beauty, femininity, and motherhood? Nicole Graev Lipson, author of the new book MOTHERS AND OTHER FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, discusses how she has started to divorce herself from these ideas and get more comfortable with uncertainty. Nicole Graev Lipson's essays have appeared in The Best American Essays 2024, The Sun, Virginia Quarterly Review, The Gettysburg Review, River Teeth, Fourth Genre, The Boston Globe, and more. Nicole, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The role that mothers are expected to play How society treats aging women as invisible How Nicole learned to sit with her own uncertainty about parenting Here's where you can find Nicole: nicolegraevlipson.com @nglipson on IG and @NicoleGLipson on X Buy MOTHERS AND OTHER FICTIONAL CHARACTERS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781797228563 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://

If you're a stay-at-home parent, how do you answer to the people who frequently– and annoyingly– ask, "So, what do you do all day?" A listener in our Facebook group posted? "During Covid, I quit my job and I’ve been home. I drive my kids to school, work out, and manage the house and family. I’m very happy and fulfilled, especially knowing that my eldest will be leaving for college soon, I’m soaking up this time. My problem is trying to explain this to others. I have a good college degree and worked in a decent field before I quit. I guess I feel pressure to work and use my skills. One well-intentioned retired woman at my gym was actually trying to figure out how I can not drive my kids to school so that I could go back to work. I’ve even considered lying and saying I work part time at home to get people off my case." A pre-pandemic Gallup analysis 60,000 women in the U.S. revealed that more than a quarter of SAHMs report feeling depressed. The researchers suggested that “societal recognition of the difficult

This month's Deep Dive series is about parenting through uncertainty. Listen to all of the episodes in the series with this Spotify playlist. Gloria DeGaetano, parenting expert and founder of the Parent Coaching Institute, recently wrote: "There's almost not a word to express the stress parents are under right now. 'Overwhelmed' doesn't cut it. It's beyond anything we've ever experienced." This really is a strange and scary moment for all of us, and parenting through our own anxiety is proving a special challenge. In this episode we discuss how to parent bravely–which doesn't mean parenting in denial but does mean creating emotional safety for our families even when we don't have all the answers. Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Kidpower.org: How To Choose Safety in Scary Times Ariana Eunjung Cha for Washington Post: ‘It’s like a fire alarm every day’ Alison Snyder et al for Axios: Parents Aren't All Right Fresh Take: Christina Hillsberg on How Bein

How do we navigate raising children when we were not set a good example by our parents? Melanie Shankle, author of the new book HERE BE DRAGONS, discusses how we can disrupt the harmful parenting patterns that we grew up with and do better by our own children. Melanie Shankle is the New York Times bestselling author of several books, co-host of the podcast, The Big Boo Cast, and creator of The Big Mama blog. Melanie, Amy, and Margaret discuss: What Melanie's relationship with her own mother taught her about parenting When to know if your kids need your help navigating a situation Modeling the importance of female friendships for our kids Here's where you can find Melanie: @Melanieshankle on IG and @BigMama on X https://thebigmamablog.com Listen to Melanie's podcast The Big Boo Cast Buy HERE BE DRAGONS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593601204 Listen to our Fresh Take with Judith Warner, author of AND THEN THEY STOPPED TALKING TO ME We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can alw

"People pleaser" is usually both a gendered and pejorative term. Some people really do love taking on the lion's share of work in a given situation. Some people do it but are secretly resentful that they always have to spearhead endless event planning, committees, and get togethers. Here's what "people pleasing" really means and how to unwind yourself from it if it's getting to be too much. Amy and Margaret discuss: The actual definition of people pleasing versus how it's commonly used Demand sensitivity and how it relates to people-pleasing How to differentiate between people-pleasing and altruism Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Gary Trosclair for The Healthy Compulsive Project: What, Exactly, Do They Want From You? How The Demand Sensitivity Lens Mucks Up Our Lives Nick North on YouTube: How We Avoid Stupid Fights - the Number System Reddit: The Term "People Pleaser" Allyson Chiu for the Washington Post: How to Know If You're a People-Pleaser and What to Do Abou

The audiobook reviews of HAPPY TO HELP (written and read by our own Amy Wilson!) are in, and they're amazing. Libro.fm has chosen Happy to Help as a "Bookseller Pick," and this week they're giving What Fresh Hell listeners a free audiobook chapter! It's Amy's favorite essay in HAPPY TO HELP, and in the intro she explains why. Libro.fm's review comes from a bookseller at Alexandria on Main in Elkins, WV: “Did we just become best friends? I mean, seriously Amy, you absolutely nailed type A extrovert motherhood. I usually shy away from memoirs and from essay collections…and I’m thrilled to have made myself start your book. Once I did, you could not have pulled my attention away! MUST READ THIS BOOK!” And Candace Smith's review for Booklist says: "The author shines as a reader and her performance adds so much to the text. The essays become private conversations with the listener that spark both laughter and tears." Enjoy what you hear? Get HAPPY TO HELP at libro.fm, on Bookshop, or wherever you buy books! libro.

This month's Deep Dive series is about parenting through uncertainty. Listen to all of the episodes in the series with this Spotify playlist. Is it okay for us to be emotional in front of our kids? Julie, one of our podcast listeners, asked this question in our Facebook group:  Is it good for kiddos to see their moms have emotions? And how can we talk through our emotions with our kids? My grandmother lost her husband when my dad was 11 years old. She had four kids, no job. She had to take care of everything. Once I asked her how she coped with all of that, and she said she just held it together, always, except when she cried in the shower at night. At first, I thought, wow, how strong of her. Now that I have kids, I kind of wonder: is shower crying always good? Never good? Sometimes good?  Shower crying is definitely better than swallowing emotions entirely. And there are times when our emotions, and/or the situations causing them, are too unsettling for our kids to handle. Sometimes it's good for kids to se

How do social media influencers themselves manage their expectations around parenting and their consumption of parenting content online? Renee Reina, creator and host of the "Mom Room" podcast, discusses how her ADHD diagnosis, her PhD in psychology, and her social media presence all shape her parenting. Renee, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How parenting norms have changed since they were children How Renee's ADHD diagnosis has impacted her work and her parenting How Renee manages her consumption of social media as a content creator herself Renee Reina is the creator and host of The Mom Room. She also has a wildly popular Instagram following and a PhD in psychology. Here's where you can find Renee: @thereneereina & @themomroom on IG Listen to The Mom Room podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ab

Did you know? Happy to Help is available on Audible- with Amy doing the narration! Should you brush your teeth with hot or cold water? Do you cut sandwiches horizontally or diagonally? How tightly should you screw on jar lids? We asked our listeners for their most longstanding, totally low-stakes disagreements with their spouse or parenting partner. And there were just too many juicy arguments for one episode! Here's part two of our final rulings on important topics. Join our Facebook group and be part of our next episode! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips,  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is about reflecting on our trajectories as mothers - looking back, reflecting on where we are now, and thinking about the future. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. We are the protagonist in our own story, but what happens when we become the antagonist in stories we weren't even aware of? Or when we assign antagonist roles to unsuspecting partners or kids? Amy and Margaret discuss why we as humans need to tell ourselves stories, when the stories we tell ourselves might stop serving us, and how we can change the stories we tell ourselves. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: why our brains are willing to ignore what doesn't fit our preconceived narratives the concept of cognitive mediation, which is how stories are created "taking things less personally" and the better approach to avoid feeling wounded by others' stories how to rediscover the agency we have over the stories we tell ourselves Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode: Esther Perel: How