What Fresh Hell: Laughing In The Face Of Motherhood

This week Lindsay asks: How do you discipline a 1-year-old? Specifically, with pulling my hair and dropping his food on the ground. I say “no" in a firm way and he laughs at me. Any advice you could provide would be much appreciated. Thanks for all you do- love your podcast! You can't discipline a 1-year-old. They don't get it. But you can redirect, and in this episode Amy explains how that can work. Toddlers drop food on the floor because they’re fascinated by cause and effect, and in repeating the few things they can control. It's a behavior kids will bore of sooner than you can correct it. But if the parental reaction is swift and predictable, it can actually encourage more food-throwing. The challenge is to make throwing food on the floor more boring than NOT doing it. Pulling hair is another brief but intense stage of toddler behavior, and the quickest way to discourage that might be by adding an incompatible behavior– something that can't happen at the same time as the hair-pulling. If you hand a toddle

We asked all of you to tell us your super-secret awesome things: the life simplifiers that you think everyone else needs to know about. This episode has an incredible collection of indispensable condiments and doo-dads, portable boredom busters, and things that will keep any kid happily busy for a surprisingly long time. Head to our website for links to everything you hear about in this episode- you can find it all here: https://bit.ly/WFHep183 Most are affiliate Amazon links– but we encourage you to shop local if you're buying! * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week our listener Raya asks, "How do I deal with a 4-year-old who is afraid to go to any doctor's office?" Doctors' offices are scary! There are shots, there's vulnerability, and there's an adult in charge who might be really intimidating to a little one. No kid is ever going to dance off to the pediatrician. The goal is to make your child's experience as manageable as possible– by communicating openly about why the visit is necessary, discussing what is going to happen during the visit, and placing a little emphasis on the reward (okay, you might call it a bribe) that your little one can look forward to for good behavior. Margaret quotes this article in this episode :"Fear of Doctors" (whattoexpect.com) Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! Email us: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com. * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://w

In our latest “Fresh Take” episode we’re talking to Ali Wentworth, host of the "Go Ask Ali" podcast. If you're raising teens during this pandemic, you definitely want Ali's funny, wise, and useful interviews with experts on your podcast playlist! Ali Wentworth is perhaps best known from her iconic roles in Jerry Maguire, Office Space, and Seinfeld. She’s the host of the Daily Shot on Yahoo!, has also written several books filled with wry self-help observations and tips, and regularly stops by Good Morning America to chat with hubby George Stephanopoulos. Ali and George have two teenage daughters. In this episode we discuss Ali's family's experience with Covid how to parent teenagers during a pandemic how to create "space" in your relationship when you're stuck together 24/7 just how much ice cream is allowed during lockdown Follow Ali on Instagram @therealaliwentworth and find the "Go Ask Ali" podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/go-ask-ali/id1523352034?at=11lo6V&ct=podnews_podcast * Le

Parenting as a team is an ongoing challenge– even when your relationship with your co-parent is usually harmonious. But matching headspaces with your co-parent about a problem your family, or one of your children, is dealing with doesn't have to be the goal.  Parenting as a team can often mean taking turns, whether it's with the pancake-flipping, the hard talks with teenagers, or the 3 am worried Googling of ICD-10 diagnoses. In this episode we talk about what’s worked for us in moments of disagreement or struggle with our spouses, and how we found common ground. If getting through the pandemic means zooming in, just getting to the next lamppost, parenting as a team means zooming way out. If you know you're on the same page about the adults you want your children to become, it's a little easier to chill out about how they’ll get there.  In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss their "Pre-Cana" experiences in the Catholic Church, and the usefulness of the Engaged Encounter program in particular. To find out m

This week's question is from Rachel in our Facebook group: Help! My 2-year-old used to sleep from 7 pm – 7 am. It was glorious. We recently had to start quarantining again due to exposure at my job. Since then, she has started waking up earlier and earlier. We pushed her bedtime back to 7:30 but it hasn't made a difference. This morning she was up at 5:30! I was thinking about one of the clocks with the light in her room but would she understand that yet? Kids' sleep patterns can change for a number of reasons. Rachel's probably on to something with the quarantine being a factor– that might have led to less sunshine, or exercise, or a loss of other guideposts in the day that made sense to her little one. But Rachel's goal isn't really to get her daughter to sleep later; it's to get her to roll over and close her eyes after that first early-morning stirring. Amy suggests several techniques to make that option more inviting, including these paper blackout shades that are super-easy to install and make bedrooms

In our latest “Fresh Take" episode we’re talking to Calysta Watson, creator of Epicurean Therapy. Calysta combines her love of cooking and her training as a LCSW and psychotherapist to create awareness of the connection between food and our mental and emotional health. As a mom raising a child with multiple anaphylactic food allergies, Calysta also talks about the challenge of enjoying creating meals and making great food memories with our kids, no matter the obstacles. In this episode we discuss what the obstacles are to us enjoying creating meals for our families how to avoid using food as a punishment or a reward how to create "food memories" our children will carry with them how to make food work for kids with specific food challenges (from rigid preferences to serious food allergies) Follow Calysta's Instagram at: on https://www.instagram.com/epicureantherapy * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: http

There are quite a few things we’ve changed our minds about over our years as parents. From minivans to Minecraft, moms on phones to kindergarten dress codes, focus meds to front-yard holiday inflatables, in this episode we discuss them all.  As always, here's our main takeaway: it's worth it to step away from the rushing stream of Other People's Opinions in order to do what's right for your family. Special thanks to our listener Jana for suggesting this episode. Join the conversation in our Facebook group about this topic, or whatever you'd like to talk about– 3500 no-judgment parents are waiting for you! * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad

This week Margaret answers this listener question: "All I hear is "me first!" I have two boys, 4 1/2 and 2 years old, both constantly insisting on being first and having meltdowns when they aren't. Doesn’t matter what it is–first to be handed their applesauce pouch, first to be unbuckled from the car seats, first to get out the door, down the stairs... help!" Competitiveness is developmentally appropriate behavior for these kids' ages– it's reasonable behavior to expect at this age. Even so, there are ways to work against it. It's a good idea not to respond to demands to "be first," to talk with your kids about why this behavior is frustrating (when it's not happening), and to keep working on the concept of taking turns. In this episode, Margaret cites Karen Levine's article "Why Kids Are Competitive" for parents.com. Read it here: https://www.parents.com/kids/development/behavioral/why-kids-are-competitive/ Send us your parenting questions– we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com *

We asked all of you to tell us about the times you had to be "that mom." You responded with tales of IEP meetings, and airplanes full of tiny sacks of peanuts, and kindergarten bullies– all the times you went full mama-bear because advocating for your kid (or someone else's kid) was more important, in the moment, than being liked. In this episode we discuss: whether there's such a thing as "that dad" (what do YOU think?) how to pick your battles how to come prepared for combat but ready to listen how to bring solutions, and not just problems An unexpectedly touching side topic: many of you wrote in with memories of your own mom standing up for you. That's important to remember when you're being "that mom" and the biggest eye-rolls are coming from your own kid. They'll look back on that moment a lot differently. This was such a terrific discussion on our Facebook group- join us and check out the full thread: https://www.facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast/posts/3745278268817917 Here are links to two of our o

This week's question is from Britnee: How long should we wait to get our kids a cellphone? I have a 13 year old boy who begs for a cellphone because ALL kids have one. He has a tablet and a computer so it's not like he can't contact his friends or me if need be. But I'm just not comfortable with him having access to the world– or the world having access to him–24/7. Phones are lifelines to peers for adolescents– and more than ever during this pandemic. Kids usually get phones when their increasing independence means they need a way to contact you while they're apart from you. But even if you're spending every moment together these days, if your child is remote-schooling, social media is an important means of connection. Britnee also mentions that her son has access to a tablet and computer, so his access to the internet (and all its wondrous horrors) already exists. The phone adds a constant-access factor, to be sure, but there are ways to put controls around that, and Amy discusses a few in this episode. One

Do you love crunchy leaves and chunky sweaters? Or do the shortening, darkening days fill you with nothing but pumpkin-spiced dread? Amy's hiding under her weighted blanket with her pandemic gloom. Margaret's doubling down on the backyard firepit and everything that's spooky. And our guest, Biz Ellis of One Bad Mother, is turning the entire outside of her home into a candy-covered Halloween wonderland. We talk about our various approaches to this year's Halloween and Thanksgiving plans- and how involving our kids in thinking creatively might just be what gets us through this very unusual fall. Get One Bad Mother's book- and all the books you hear about on our show- in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast. Here are links to some of the things we discuss in this episode:  CDC's Halloween guidelines for 2020: "If screaming will likely occur, greater distancing is advised." Amy's Instagram Live conversation with Sarah Powers of The Mom Hour Sears Wish Book  Learn more about your ad ch

This week Margaret answers the question: I know Margaret has talked about giving in to Fortnite at her house. Well I have too. My question is how do I discuss internet safety with my son (7) who wants to play online with his friends when I have no clue what playing online entails. I have never been a gamer and neither has my husband and I feel like we are flying blind. I don’t want to hold him back from socializing with friends, especially now, but I don’t want him to get into a bad situation either. Thank you guys! In this situation (especially at 7 years old) it's important to dial in and be involved in how your kid is playing. Make sure the gaming setup is in an area you (the parents) frequent. You don't need to know how to game to overhear inappropriate comments and keep an overall eye on how your gamer is behaving. Set strict expectations around your rules for gaming and outline the consequences if they are not followed, and have conversations around violence and language that your gamer may encounter. I

We told you to ask us anything.  You kept it PG (thank you) and we’re giving you the answers: What shows are we binging?  What gets us dancing in our kitchens?  What do our kids think of this show?  Listen and find out... ver3d5zqf4UsaO0gU0rz Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

“Don’t you dare hug Grandma.” “Stop playing on the floor and get on screen.” “Yes, we can go to the playground, but you may not play with the other children.” We asked our listeners in our Facebook group to tell us all the things never thought we’d say– and now are. Not all of these things are bad. Amy has become a fan of dog walking, now that it's a guaranteed 15-minute respite from Zoom. Others, of course, are not so great. Life on the coronacoaster can be pretty surprising sometimes. (One correction: Amy makes a half-remembered Biblical reference to sparrows who neither toil nor spin. It's actually the lilies of the field.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's question is from Melissa, who says: Sweet mother of pearl, my five-year-old is in grade 1 and I’m already getting a LOAD of sass at homework time. Things I have tried and said to make it go more smoothly: 1. Telling him: “Everyone in your class is doing their homework right now too" 2. Sending him straight to bed after supper for yelling at me during homework... twice 3. Positivity and encouragement 4. Reasoning with him: “homework will be done as soon as you write out your words twice” 5. “Would you act like this with your teacher?” 6. Pure bribery- candy and/or tablet time. Help- I need some new ideas! Melissa doesn't say whether her son is attending school in person or remotely. Either way, the pandemic offers unique challenges that make the school day even more exhausting than usual, particularly for a first-grader who is only five. Amy offers some tips on making homework time less of a burden for kids and parents, including some great ideas offered by our listeners. There's also room for a wh

In our latest “Fresh Take” episode, we're talking to Dr. Jill Stoddard, author of BE MIGHTY: A Woman's Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry & Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance. Jill's mission is to share cutting edge, evidence-based tools based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to help people find meaning and vitality in their lives even as they struggle with anxiety. We talk about why anxiety is a particular concern for women, especially right now– and how we an change our relationship to our anxiety and stress by becoming more flexible around it, rather than trying to shut it down. If you'd like to find out more about Jill's book and the tools of ACT, you can sign up for a 4-week Virtual Book Club about Be Mighty, including Live Q&A sessions with Jill, here: https://www.jillstoddard.com/pages/virtual-book-club. Jill Stoddard is a clinical psychologist and director of The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management. She is the author of two books: Be Mighty: A Woman’s Guide to Liberation from Anxie

Saying no is a lot harder for women. We’re conditioned to be compliant; studies show that by middle school, girls shy away from expressing authentic preferences in order to fit in. And when we do say no, the world holds that against us more than it would a man. Perhaps that explains how we might find ourselves running the grade school bake sale *again,* and being resentful, when we could just have said no in the first place. In this episode we discuss the difference between a hard no and a soft no where to practice your no how to decide once what's a no why you should say you “don’t” want to do something, instead of that you “can’t” In order to let go of our people-pleasing tendencies, the best place to start might be by looking within. Are we really the only one who can keep her finger in the dam in this particular situation? If not, saying 'no' might be worth the discomfort; it makes more room in our lives for the things we want to be there. Here are links to the studies and other writing on this topi

In our latest “Fresh Take” episode, we've got an interview with Jessica Lahey, author of the bestseller THE GIFT OF FAILURE: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. The Gift of Failure came out in 2016, when giving our kids healthy doses of autonomy and outdoor exploration felt a little more possible. But even during pandemic life, there are opportunities for us to be less protective as parents and to let our kids learn by failing. Jess tells us how to apply the book’s ideas to pandemic life, at-home learning, and living together 24/7. Jess also tells us a little about her next book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, coming in April 2021. We can't wait! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After a listener on our Facebook page declared “This is a sexist pandemic!” we got to thinking: what are the quantifiable ways in which life has gotten even harder for moms in 2020 than it has for our spouses? We all know it HAS, but why? And how? A study from Syracuse University found that four out of five adults who have stopped their usual work schedule due to the pandemic are women.  Another study followed the possibility that, as the "invisible workload" became more visible to male spouses and children, it would spur more equal participation in household duties. That study's answer? No. They see it, they just don't care. The increased demands of this time have indeed fallen on women more. If it's taken a million small interactions to get to the place where everybody just assumes that if there's 40% more work to do, Mom is going to do it all, it's going to take small interactions to reset that expectation as well. In this episode, we talk about how to get started. Here are links to the research and other