What Fresh Hell: Laughing In The Face Of Motherhood

When our kids reach a certain age—as young as eight, some experts say, and definitely well before thirteen— they suddenly don't think their parents are as great as they once did. Congratulations, you're officially the parent of a tween! This week we're talking about what tweens are going through emotionally and psychologically... and how we can give them room to grow while still seizing opportunities to connect with them as (big) children. Margaret and Amy discuss: The cognitive shifts that happens in tweens' brains Why the ways we relate to our tweens has to change along with them Why "not taking it personally" is, and isn't, the right advice We may feel the urge to defend our actions or intentions to our tweens when they spar with us, but we don't actually have to get down "in the mud" with our kids whenever they push our buttons. Links! Michelle Anthony for Scholastic Parents: Cognitive Development in 11-13 Year Olds John Mersch, MD for Medicine Net: Tween: Child Development (9-11 Years Old) He

Should we avoid talking about our children when spending time with friends who are having difficulty conceiving? A member of our Facebook group asks: "I’m having lunch with a lifelong friend who I don’t see or talk to frequently. I do know that she recently started IVF. My life is currently extremely overwhelmed because I have 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 year-olds that I was fortunate enough to conceive very quickly. How do I support her and also talk about my life, without seeming like I’m complaining about what she wants so badly? I’ve never been nervous to see her in my life and I just feel like I’m going to indirectly hurt her feelings in some way." Your friend can both be sad about her difficulty conceiving children and excited to hear about yours. The best thing you can do, Amy explains, is to be open with your friend - explain that you want to respect her feelings about the situation and be there for her. She may cry, and that's ok, because it means both that she's letting out her feelings and that she feels you'r

From playing the "Newman" character on multiple sitcoms to keeping the Steve Harvey show audience off hard drugs, Amy and Margaret have had some wild times in the business we call show. In this month's bonus episode, they tell some of their juiciest tales. To listen to the full episode, you can subscribe to What Fresh Hell Plus at http://whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm/ for $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Get monthly bonus episodes and all of our content ad-free! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why does it feel like our career and our family are pulling us in different directions and making it hard to be fully present in both arenas? In her book Work, Parent, Thrive: 12 Science-Backed Strategies to Ditch Guilt, Manage Overwhelm, and Grow Connection (When Everything Feels Like too Much). Dr. Yael Schonbrun explains how we can move from a zero-sum mindset to a life in which our work life and our family life are enable to enrich each other. Yael Schonbrun is also the co-host of the "Psychologists Off the Clock" podcast, an assistant professor at Brown University, and a mother of three little comedians. In this "Best Of" interview Yael and Amy discuss: Why the guilt that often accompanies parenting is hard-wired into us What values clarification looks like Why starting a "stop doing" list can be surprisingly helpful Here's where you can find Yael: Twitter: @DrYaelSchonbrun #WorkParentThrive Buy Yael's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781611809657 Links! Our Fresh Take with Dr. Jill Stoddard on

Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.  There are certain phrases that many of us pepper our conversation without a second thought, never pausing to think that we might be working the listener's very last nerve. We have quite a few phrases we'd love to never ever hear again, and our listeners brought a lot more. In this episode we make the humble request that phrases like "at the end of the day" and "fur babies" be permanently retired from the lexicon. Is that too much to ask? We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do you keep your very active kids safe when they constantly want to roughhouse with each other? Someone in our Facebook group asks: Boy moms… help! The fighting, the yelling, the running, hitting, jumping, climbing…I have a 4.5yo and a 3 yo… Any advice or tips? We separate them to different levels when it gets out of hand. Or we say any running needs to happen outside, but it’s difficult to execute when I’m home alone (which is often). How do you all handle it? Margaret, who has two boys of her own who love roughhousing, explains the house rules around the "sport" that work for her family. There are actually a lot of benefits to letting kids roughhouse with each other once there are certain safety parameters in place. It gives kids the joy of physical touch, the opportunity to explore and set boundaries, and the benefit (for you!) of tiring them out! You may find that MORE, not less, roughhousing is just the ticket for your active kids! Here are links to the resources Margaret references: Jessica Wozins

If someone asked you "What do you need right now?" would you even be able to articulate it? In her new book NEEDY: How To Advocate for Your Needs and Claim Your Sovereignty, intuitive coach Mara Glatzel lays out a roadmap for how to ascertain our needs as human beings, how to ask for it, and how to be comfortable with receiving it. Mara's work helps humans stop abandoning themselves and start reclaiming their humanity through embracing their needs and honoring their natural energy rhythms. In this episode, Mara and Amy discuss: The societal pressure to be perfect and need-free as mothers The difference between a "want" and a "need" and how they intersect Why it's uncomfortable both to ask for what we need and to finally receive it Mara argues that the more in tune we are with our own needs, the more we are able to peacefully coexist with others and form authentic relationships. Here's where you can find Mara: https://www.maraglatzel.com/ on her own podcast, "Needy." Here is the link to Mara's free

The Instagram account @mindfulmadre recently went viral with this post: "We are becoming less tolerant of the pace of childhood. In a million ways we tell children: hurry up. Grow up. You are already behind."  Sometimes we rush our kids because we're rushing ourselves—or because we fear our kids will fall behind if they don't keep up with the increasing demands the world has of children, even very small ones. But who decided that precocious preschoolers are really what we should be aiming for? What are the costs to rushing children? Are there small daily ways in which we can let kids do their own thing at their own paces? In this episode we discuss: how a "daily context of stress" affects developing brains whether small pushbacks are enough, or at least better than nothing the moments when we've let our kids move at their own paces—even (especially) at Disney World Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Laura Markham for Psychology Today: 11 Reasons to Stop Rushing

Is your child who seemingly overreacts to ever minor scrape and bruise really suffering, or are they just looking for some extra attention? Amy explains what could be behind this behavior and how to address it constructively. A listener in our FB group says: "I have a 5 year old boy who cries wolf. He's constantly crying as if he broke a bone or has been severely injured after minor bumps and falls. It's gotten so frustrating that I've stopped responding altogether. Has anyone had a kid like this? What did you do/find helpful?" Amy explains that it's important to contextualize your child's emotionality. When during the day are they acting out - when they're tired and rundown or when they're well-rested? Are they truly experiencing a sensory overload because they have a naturally sensitive nervous system? Are they easily redirected when you offer distractions like a snack or a show? You can't ignore or diminish the sensitivity out of your kid, but when navigating this issue, it helps to frame your child's reac

Now you can Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast! You'll get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes no matter where you listen. What Fresh Hell + is $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Subscribe in two taps! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm.   Raising a child with a disability is complicated, especially when you're navigating an ableist world on their behalf. Beth Leipholtz is an inclusion and accessibility advocate who believes in creating a more accepting world for our children. As the hearing mother of a deaf child, Beth is raising her son, Coop, bilingually in both hearing and Deaf cultures. Beth shares her parenting journey on TikTok, YouTube, Facebook and Instagram @bethandcoop, where she has built a community of more than 1 million people around disability inclusion. Beth's new new children's book is THE ABCs OF INCLUSION. Beth, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Beth's experience learning about and processing Coop's disability Learning ASL as a hearing person Why she decided to

Flat tire? Mismatched kids' socks? Lost luggage? Here's part two of our listeners' minor, life-changing tips that might just make some aspect of your life much easier from now on. Margaret and Amy discuss: Tasks you should delegate to your butler How to fit all that stuff you need in your glove compartment Margaret's next birthday present from Amy We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you've ever had a child bolt from you in a parking lot or at preschool drop-off, you know it can be a scary experience. Today's question comes from email (questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com): I am a mother of 4-year-old twins, a boy and a girl. In the past six months my daughter has been running out to the car, not listening to me when I ask her to walk with me or when I say "stop." I'm always asking both my kids to "stop" and "come back." It became almost a dangerous situation for us just yesterday when my daughter just kept running through the parking lot during school pickup. She thought it was a game and began giggling when I yelled "Come back!" I was partly terrified and partly so angry. I love my kids to the moon and back, and I know part of this is four-year-old boundary-testing, but my job as a parent is to keep them safe. How can I teach and motivate my kids to walk with me and not to run ahead? Sometimes when we are reactive to our kids' behavior – like when we yell out because we are terrified

What do we do when it seems like there's nothing new or wondrous in the world for us to enjoy and feel deeply connected to? Katherine May, author of the new book ENCHANTMENT: AWAKENING WONDER IN AN ANXIOUS AGE. tells us about her own journey of rediscovering the world and her own sense of wonder. Katherine May is the author of the New York Times bestseller WINTERING: THE POWER OF REST AND RETREAT IN DIFFICULT TIMES, which has been translated into 25 languages. Katherine, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Why we're all suffering from a "pandemic hangover" How to make space for reflection and worship in today's world Why you can't force enchantment (and how your enchantment may vary) Flaco the escaped owl Here's where you can find Katherine: Buy ENCHANTMENT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593329993 Katherine's newsletter: https://katherinemay.substack.com/ Katherine's podcast: https://katherine-may.co.uk/podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deal

Want to see a mother get mad? Tell her she's "nagging" you after she's been obligated to repeat an entirely reasonable request several times over. And just why is "nagging" a word that's almost exclusively applied to women? We need the other members of our households to show up and do their share. As the default parents, we own the lists. So do we stop caring whether others like how we ask and remind? Do we enforce a back-to-one where we're not forced to ask repeatedly in the first place? In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: The sexism and etymology of the word "nag" What Amy says are the three types of "nagging," and why we should separate them out What to say when our repeated asking is framed as annoying to other people (guess whom it's also annoying, too?) Links! Jessica Zhang on LinkedIn: "What's In a Nag?" Episode from If Books Could Kill podcast: "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" McClelland, T., & Sliwa, P: "Gendered affordance perception and unequal domestic labour." Our episod

Is the postpartum support you're getting actually more harmful than helpful? Here's how to ask for what you really need in the days and weeks after birth. A listener wrote in to ask: Has anyone found that 'more is not more' when it comes to help/house guests with a newborn? My in-laws have been here for a week (my newborn is two weeks old) and I'm finding it all more annoying and inconvenient than helpful to have "extra sets of hands." I also feel like I'm exiled to the bedroom for all breastfeeding and just in general, because I can't handle the constant interaction and endless questions about what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I'm looking for in my own kitchen every time I wander into a common area. I know my in-laws have the best of intentions and I feel in some ways I should be grateful for the extra help and grateful my son has such loving grandparents who want to spend time with him - but I'm just overwhelmed with resentment at the moment and taking it out on my husband for indirectly facilitating

How do we know when our anxiety as parents is warranted and when we're catastrophizing? Dr. Dana Dorfman, author of the new book When Worry Works: How to Harness Your Parenting Stress and Guide Your Teen to Success.  gives us a framework for channeling our anxiety into something productive rather than something that hampers us. Dr. Dana Dorfman is a New York City-based psychotherapist with 30 years' experience treating adolescents and parents in her private practice, schools, and agency settings. In this interview she explains Why anxiety is actually advantageous How to contain our teen's anxiety without absorbing it Cognitive distortions Knowing your values is key to managing anxiety - what are the three or four core principles that guide everything you do? In a non-anxious moment, reflect on those values, and then use them as your guiding star for parenting decisions - rather than fears you may have about your children's future or current wellbeing. Here's where you can find Dr. Dorfman: https://drdan

From avoiding shuttles, to separate inside pants and outside pants, to always ordering a different meal than your dining companion, we reviewed - and sometimes eschewed - our listeners quirkiest quirks. Amy and Margaret discuss: Nanking Chicken Merging onto the GWB Whose husband can fall asleep the fastest Read the rest of our listeners' quirkiest personal rules on our FB group page! Now you can Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast! You'll get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes no matter where you listen. What Fresh Hell + is $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Subscribe in two taps! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm.   Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.  Care.com is wh

A listener asked: "How do I respond when my child gets upset about something during a playdate and they are dealing with their own feelings and end up ignoring their friend?" Margaret explains that as mortifying as this may be from our perspective when our kid acts out at a playdate or other event, we've all had this happen to us, because kids are kids. Once there's a blowup, an immediate and completely smooth reset is probably not possible. The best you can do is let your kid cool off by themselves and check in with them every few minutes about possibly rejoining the others. Check in with your kid's guest to make sure they can keep playing happily. And if your kid feels bad about how they acted after the fact, it's okay to confirm that and help them sit with the discomfort of how their bad choices affected everyone else. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. L

How do we find support when our family of origin is no longer around or has otherwise rejected us? Francesca Royster, author of the new memoir Choosing Family: A Memoir of Queer Motherhood and Black Resistance, explains the concepts of chosen family, finding joy in the everyday, and the resistance that is part of telling hard stories. Margaret and Francesca discuss: What inspired Francesca to write her memoir What it's like to enter motherhood at an older age The process of adopting her daughter Taking pleasure in the reality of everyday life can really help you connect with loved ones in your family, chosen or blood-related. And telling stories about hardship and tragedy can actually help us gain perspective and have more hope about the world, not less. Here's where you can find Francesca: Her faculty page on the DePaul University website @roysterfrancesca on IG @francesca.royster.1 on FB Buy Francesca's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781419756177 Special thanks to our sponsors for this mon

This month we are reaching back into our brain archives for the worst, best, and jobbiest jobs we've ever had! To listen to the full episode, you can subscribe to What Fresh Hell Plus at http://whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm/ for $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Get monthly bonus episodes and all of our content ad-free! Topics include: Petty cash BJ McKay and his best friend, Bear Baskin-Robbins flavors How to thank a waitress (money - it's money.)  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices