Up Yours, Downstairs!

Kelly & Tom continue to enjoy Series 5 of Downton Abbey in their recap of E6. They come up with a portmanteau for Atticus and Rose, wonder if Baron Julian & NEAME recently discovered 30 Rock, diagnose two cases of Terminal Bummer Syndrome, redefine the word “Ainsty,” invent a new DA drinking game, problem-solve on behalf of Sir Anthony Strallan, finally get Rob James-Collier’s name right, and fear the possibility of a Murder Baby. Kelly extols the virtues of Pola Negri, Tom tops off everyone’s knowledge of the Beerkellar Putsch of 1923, and no one knows the correct pronunciation of the word “mores.” See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In their coverage of Downton Abbey S5E5 (the golden episode), Kelly & Tom cheer the continued existence of Empress Bitch Mabel Lane Fox, wonder what sheep would think of pigs, question Mrs. Hughes’ feminism, discuss Merty’s “single white female” approach to courtship, propose assassin training for babies, get excited that someone finally tips Carson, tell Molesley to stop mansplaining Baxter’s crime to Baxter, and try in vain to ignore the looming specter of Murder Prison. Kelly explains what “textiles” are, Tom enlightens and depresses on the subject of pogroms, and everyone is relieved that they don’t have to explain Burning Man to their grandparent See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom are in high spirits for this temporally complex recap of Downton Abbey S5E4, their favorite of the season so far. Among the many great points of discussion are a feminist reinterpretation of Candyland, shipping BrickG, a Downton/Marx Brothers mash-up, winelexia, missing Jimmy Kent, a cavalcade of terrible impressions, dealing with ghosts, and the Russian response to pretty much everything. Kelly laments the lack of historical context for fashion shows, Tom offers another bio of a socialist, and everybody just loves Mabel Lane Fox! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom are simply delighted with the goings-on in Yorkshire and the most romantic city in the world in their recap of Downton Abbey S5E3. They love absolutely everything McG gets up to, wax nostalgic for Series 1, figure out how The Brady Bunch would have gone down in Germany, talk smack about Little Gilly, pitch a Mr. Bates-inspired perfume, laugh at spotted dick, the continued return of Mary the Bitch, 1920s 900-numbers, and Spratt attacks, and just say no to surprises. Kelly delves into the life of the British EL James, Tom explains the twisted and stupid world of 19th century royals, and everyone declares for Team Mrs. Pig Man. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom celebrate 100 episodes of UYDS with a recap of the plate of semolina that is Downton Abbey S5E2. They liven it up as best they can with fart noises, banter, and other vocal effects as they discuss Sherlock Holmes as the original Mentalist, Sex as Job Interview with Mary Crawley, the perfect specimen of animal that is Isis, how many aliens were in Hitler’s army, Merty’s sly feminism, the ongoing scam of rent-to-own furniture, Daisy as a codebreaker, and the return of…The Duchess! Kelly provides an uplifting update on 1924 underwear, Tom throws some history into the canal, and everybody is hoping for the special boot room-free cut of the entire series. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom are thrilled to return to Downton Abbey for its S5 premiere! They wrap up some pressing questions regarding Dune and hanging meat til it’s high before getting into their discussion of Baron Julian’s email address, their newfound hatred of Gareth Neame, Chekov’s fire brigade chief, the fragility of footmen, Baxter still being ‘a thing,’ mantel-snoopery, Gregson’s signed copy of Mein Kampf, pig geography, Molesley’s rapidly morphing ethnicity, and Mary’s similarity to Senator John McCain. Kelly offers insight into Edwardian hair care, Tom explains the new Labour government, and they both get really excited about their proposed jukebox musical of public domain playground songs.Need more snark? Check out the UYDS Instant Take for this episode: http://tinyurl.com/kg3q3ao See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E9 (the Christmas Special). See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom interrupt their vacation to discuss the 1962 David Lean classic, Lawrence of Arabia with Bald Move network co-founder A.Ron Hubbard. They manage to clock in at about half the film’s 4-hour runtime, so this podcast is a real timesaver. Much lively chatter ensues about negging in the desert, the many parallels between Lawrence and Dune, bastards choosing their own names, the unbearable hotness of Sherif Ali, whether a woman would ever direct a movie about a charismatic leader, and the nonexistence of quicksand, Kelly gets really upset about the R2D2 and C-3P0 of the movie, Tom keeps everybody on track, and A.Ron’s beard steals the show. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom interview Lucy Lethbridge about her delightful and informative book, Servants: A Downstairs History of Britain from the Nineteenth Century to Modern Times. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom stall for as long as possible before recapping Soviet propaganda film Battleship Potemkin. They wonder if anyone has ever been satisfied with borscht, meet the Russian Gilly, discuss cooking with axes, wax nostalgic about M*A*S*H, declare most denizens of 1925 to be ugly, and marvel at the many mustaches on display. Kelly gets very worked up about hanging game til “high,” Tom continues to not be Liev Schreiber, and no one can pronounce anything correctly. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom eviscerate The Painted Veil, which they did not like at all, not one bit. They spend a surprising amount of time discussing Pablo Schreiber as they applaud the way Toby Jones is filmed in this movie, debate how cholera affects the real estate market in rural China, enroll at the Nicole Kidman School of Acting in Sydney, declare themselves Team Yu, explain the proper gifts for various wedding anniversaries, and wish this was a movie about British diplomats deciding where to boff their mistresses. Kelly is disappointed at the film’s total lack of veils, Tom wants a warlord, and both of them reveal that their apartment is not a hedonistic wonderland. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom make a passionate plea for peace in their recap of the 1930 classic All Quiet on the Western Front. Otherwise, this episode sees the return of the baby brigade, lots of made up German words, a terrifying pair of hands, the only conservatory in the country, the power of a busted face, the burden of love, a derriere, the correct way to make an omelet, and way too many tea cozies. Kelly makes experimental mask films, Tom swears he heard the Goblin King, and everyone pulls together to support Kathy Bates after her acting career tanks. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E8. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The tears are flowing in this recap of The Wind That Shakes the Barley as Kelly & Tom get back on the Empire Exhibition wagon. They try to keep it together and crack jokes about being torn asunder, Tom Branson’s unforgivable cowardice, the difficulty of a consistent Irish accent, the deliciousness of pretzel buns, kangaroo gouging, the merits of Peri Gilpin, and whether it’s possible to hit the knucklepuck. Kelly feels like Bill Paxton at the end of Titanic, Tom is a one-time fan of Johnny Tremain, and everyone is glad this film moves so quickly. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E7. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E6. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E5. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E4. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Due to the vagaries of travel, Kelly & Tom recap Upstairs, Downstairs S1E2 and find the series growing on them. They struggle to come up with shipping portmanteaus, fail to remember the name of that drunk footman, discuss the logistics of Madonna’s marriage to Guy Ritchie, are shocked by the horrific realities of everyday Fascism, declare Agnes to be the worst, marvel at the servant-of-the-week format, complain about Ivy’s orphanarium, roll their eyes at the definition of “water-ices,” and unexpectedly become members of Team Hallam. Kelly cannot remember Haile Selassie’s name, Tom deals with his Molesley issues, and everyone agrees that Solomon is the power behind the throne. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In an act of fan-service, Kelly & Tom finally dip into the fan-servicey world of 2010’s Upstairs, Downstairs reboot. They agree that Sasha was hotter than Spargo, discuss inappropriate ways to “rock the vote,” reveal Queen Victoria’s secret love of impressions, root for a “Maud & the Monkey” spinoff, wonder what happened between Mrs. Buck and that bannister, and realize that Lena Dunham jokes have a very short shelf life. All this, plus Kelly cannot remember that Nazi’s name, Tom revises his will, and everyone is bummed that they are missing Sadie & the Hotheads East Coast tour. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.