Up Yours, Downstairs!

Kelly & Tom are joined for their recap of Peaky Blinders S3E2 by the esteemed Dowager Cousin Jackie! They discuss non-vaginal sapphires, Soviet SVU, acceptable amounts of tea slurping, and whether or not pizza is allowed in Britain. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Open that bottle of champagne as Kelly & Tom wrap up their coverage of Peaky Blinders S1 with this recap of E6. They invent the term “laundrobrothel,”roll their eyes at Comrade Baby’s actual name, unexpectedly warm to Moss, applaud Mumper and Esme’s general approach to life, enjoy what is possibly the show’s very best scene, hope God gives everyone a moral exception like he does to Jeremiah, pitch a Nick Cave podcast, and make fun of Grace’s singing one last time. Kelly starts “the final countdown,” Tom tries to figure out how to deal with a cliffhanger, and everyone loses their Sam Neill accent (almost). See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In their recap of Peaky Blinders S1E5, Kelly & Tom can hardly believe they’re already covering the penultimate episode of series one. They worry about Comrade Baby’s welfare, feel absolutely gutted by Arthur, accidentally call Cillian by his character name, speculate whether Sam Neill and Scarface have ever been seen in the same place at the same time, wonder when Finn started drinking, and get back to the most important work of all: making fun of Grace’s terrible singing. Kelly antagonizes Jake Lloyd for no reason, Tom can’t adequately parse the word tinker, and everyone apologizes for the audio quality of the first 9 minutes of the episode. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom find themselves alone again (naturally) for their recap of Peaky Blinders S1E4, which sees Steve!Knight get a new CD, the semi-return of Sam Neill, a fish with a terrible hat, Cillian’s ill-advised hiring criteria, one of the shows most emotional scenes, plus here a Lee, there a Lee, everywhere a Lee-a-Lee. Kelly wonders how hard it would be to quit sex work, Tom proposes a memoir title, and regrettably, everyone forgets to make fun of Grace’s singing. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom are joined by fellow podcaster Lauren Parker for their recap of Peaky Blinders S1E3. They chat about Fire Street, whine about the relative lack of Sam Neill, wonder if Ada has matured at all since the age of 9, debate whether Freddie Thorne or Arthur Shelby wears their terrible haircut better, clarify the difference between Scotch and Irish whiskey, take Cillian Murphy very seriously, and make fun of Grace’s singing even though Grace doesn’t sing at all in this episode. Kelly demands Charles Bronson, Tom incorrectly describes Birmingham’s location, and Lauren wants everyone to focus on the class struggle and shut up! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom are joined this week by the very manly Lee Keeler to recap Peaky Blinders S1E2, and that means three dueling impressions of Sam Neill’s insane accent! They pay homage to the Hops Council, explain the plot of Spartacus, try to decipher the meaning of “Diddicoy,” suggest that Aunt Pol start her own ob/gyn,theorize about the Lee clan’s first names, and continue to make fun of Grace’s singing. Kelly hopes to find Hemingway’s secret diary, Tom makes fun of Steve Knight!’s CD collection, and Lee channels Saving Private Ryan to fill in details of a key episode death. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In the premiere episode of their Peaky Blinders podcast, Kelly & Tom cover S1E1 in stripped down, very manly fashion. They are pleased to report that there is more diversity in a single episode of Peaky Blinders than in an entire five seasons of Downton Abbey, plus Cillian Murphy. They also have more to say about horses than usual, make fun of Grace’s singing and Sam Neill’s everything, express their disappointment in the show’s lone communist, get turnt up for the Sorrowful Mysteries, and point out that Winston Churchill really doesn’t look like himself. Kelly gets amped up about opium, Tom prescribes Adderal for Monaghan Boy, and everyone once again takes this opportunity to talk smack about Titanic BS. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom wrap up Mr. Selfridge S3E9 and E10 in this supersized recap (thanks to Viking River Cruises, we assume). They identify the YouTube commenters of post WWI Britain, make merciless fun of Gordons Dumb, New, and New New, cheer Mr. Crabb’s vulgarity, explore the limits of the Defence of the Realm Act, ask important questions about a certain family’s barbecue, and try to get a baccarat prescription. Kelly talks about opium far too much,Tom tries to explain about Sam Neill, and everyone fervently prays for the return of Our Dark Mistress Beatrice Selfridge in Series 4. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom say well-done Eyeliner in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S3E8. They speculate about monogamy amongst cavemen, root actively for Faircut and against Ceorge, wonder if Loxley’s new cronies are just Neil Gaiman characters in the wrong story, cheer as Fake Doris serves up some serious working class realness, wonder what the heck Gerrard does all day, harken back to the psychic powers of the Earl of Grantham, and continue to talk smack about New New Gordon’s kissing technique. Kelly gets her Dalek on, Tom wishes for a Selfridge/Mad Men crossover, and everyone agrees that love rarely conquers anything. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Eyeliner rides again (in a new car!) as Kelly & Tom recap Mr. Selfridge S3E7. They reveal the first rule of baby daddy club, offer shares in Pets.Commissary, declare themselves fans of Regan, give some admittedly useless marital advice to Harry & Rose, grant Matthew Crawley a surprise cameo, kick a cokehead out of their apartment, and demand The Continuing Adventures of Haircut.  Kelly plugs her (fake) one-woman show, Tom plugs his (fake) new podcast, and they both hope to be rewarded for their excellent production values. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It’s another Eyeliner of an episode as Kelly and Tom recap Mr. Selfridge S3E6. This time, they discover the Elliott Stabler of Selfridge’s, sleeves that do not roll, Sergei looking like a hatrack or something, sexy telegrams, Loxley’s villainous competence, the Dowager Countess’ Shame Baby, Harry’s Nailin’ It scrapbook, and the return of Violette’s Couch Cape of Seduction. Kelly can’t believe you’re all still standing for the intro, Tom encourages people to “be cool,” and everyone remembers the importance of bribing the liquor control board. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom finally catch up to PBS with their recap of Mr. Selfridge S3E5, no thanks to Viking River Cruises! The Homely Architect drops a bombshell, New New Gordon outs himself as history’s worst kisser, Moustache’s soft hands are in jeopardy, Shame Baby’s origin story is finally revealed, and everyone gets Mardled. Tom’s a bit under the weather, Kelly waxes nostalgic about Reel Big Fish, and a dedicated Customer educates us about the Princess Wiz-Waz’s alleged heritage .ALL HAIL THE RETURN OF BEATRICE’S DEVIL CHILD PORTRAIT. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom recap Mr. Selfridge S3E4 and marvel at Violettes’ theatricality, debate the merits of mutton, decide who the Heisenberg of Selfridges’ is, talk a lot about The Honeymooners, wonder if the Homely Architect is a Hufflepuff, and applaud the shockingly effective sexiness of Fat Thomas. Tom discovers that politics are hard, Kelly thinks Mardle and Grove are totally going to bang, and everyone agrees that ours is not to reason Whyliner. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom recap Mr. Selfridge S3E3, which continues this season’s trend of being dark and awesome. Shipping New New Gordon and Fake Doris finally pays off, Mustache gets up to some weird facial hair editing, George Towler continues to live out the plot of “Flowers for Algernon,” and Violette begins the exciting journey of sleeping her way to the bottom! Everyone feels bad that Ma gets stuck with such a crappy storyline, but console themselves with a new signoff and their terrific new startup idea: AirBnB for auctions! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom very nearly have their sign on and sign off sorted out in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S3E2, which is a good thing, because they also have a lot of reactions to what is happening on the show. They are skeptical of the Russians’ Russianness, intrigued by the introduction of Mean Fat Thomas, applaud the fudgy burns of Keebler, wonder how boards of things work, decide that the LeClair’s honeymoon is an Outlander situation waiting to happen, come up with a new name for Conehead, worry that Mr. Crabb is going to off himself, and recount the adventures of the Towler Prowler! No Ellen Love Letters this week, so be sure to write a bunch for upcoming episodes! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom kick off their first podcast spinoff with this recap of Mr. Selfridge S3E1! Despite a severe lack of our Dark Mistress Beatrice and no sign of Lady Mae or BLENKINSOPP, the episode delivers on all the old favorites–plenty of Piven, many mustaches, husbands behaving horribly, Fat Thomas making terrible life choices, the wit and wisdom of the Artful Porter, plus Dorises Classic and Fake. This season looks to be significantly darker than the previous two, on account of things being different than they were before the war, but Kelly and Tom keep it light with their trademark banter and the introduction of both Ellen Love Letters and the Selfridge Awards (aka “The Selfies). See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom discuss the additional scenes aired in the US version of Downton Abbey S5, announce a short break, discuss other TV shows they like, and get ready to start NAILIN IT on their upcoming coverage of Mr. Selfridge. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom recap the S5 Downton Abbey Christmas Special with a non-violent bris and much more! They wonder what will become of Mertobel, wish for an all-McG series 6, get excited about bacon on a turkey, remind Baxter that snitches get stitches, debate the correct plural for “grouse,” celebrate the show’s new Muppet overlords, declare young George the Daniel Baldwin of Downton Abbey, and hand out drinks, Oprah-style. Kelly loses her mind over Matthew Goode, Tom proposes death by nose, and everyone hopes for the return of the stick-poking kid in S3 of Mr. Selfridge. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In their recap of the penultimate episode of Downton Abbey S5, Kelly and Tom can’t quite believe how little actually happens. Thankfully, they do manage to spend 2.5 hours talking about it, banging out several new portmanteaus, ragging on Denker from the block, making a lot of Rebecca jokes, pulling a Gilly, wondering about taking a “raisinette” to the train station, suggesting that Thomas hang out in Weimar Germany for a bit, chastising the Downton haters, and speculating about Edith’s marital prospects. Kelly offers an update on wedding customs and tradition in 1924, Tom lays out the awfulness of the Amritsar massacre, and no one is made of snakes. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Yes, Kelly & Tom get very weepy about a certain canine’s illness in this recap of Downton Abbey S5E7. They are not made of stone. They also manage to share two separate Edith/Gregson AUs that suck less than the actual canonical storyline, accuse Rosamund of going a hat too far, speculate about the trainability of dachshunds, wonder again what happened to fun, casual sex-having Rose, laugh and laugh about the pronunciation of “kinema,” try to figure out how MLF is spending her copious free time, and start a band called Dickie Merton and the Sinderbys. Kelly delves into the many complicated relationships of John Barrymore, Tom paints a picture of Hong Kong in the 1920s, and everyone agrees that UYDS needs its own Alastair Bruce. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.