Therapist + Writer + SpeakerIn this long-form interview format Rhett explores the lives of various thought leaders to discover what helped them thrive in multiple areas of their lives, and what lessons we can learn from them. Rhett is particularly interested in the intersection of self-care and relationships, and he loves to explore how one can thrive physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. He interacts with people such as therapists, athletes, spiritual leaders, entrepreneurs and many others, covering a variety of topics from fitness, leadership, mental health, and spirituality.What would your marriage look like when you are thriving? What does your parenting look like when you are thriving? What does your work look like when you are thriving? What does your faith look like when you are thriving? When we thrive in these areas of our lives we become people who are "life-giving." And when we are "life-givers" we impact all the relationships around us in positive ways. So engage the podcast and discover how you can thrive personally and relationally.


  • People Are Complex, So Dont Judge

    People Are Complex, So Don't Judge

    18/07/2018 Duración: 26min

      "I'd like to know more, of course, but I've accepted that there's nothing more he has to say; I've accepted that there's a limit on our knowledge of even those who are closest to us. The older one gets the more one realises how saturated life is in mystery, and the biggest mystery of all, it often seems to me, is the mystery of the human personality." -- Lyle Ashworth   Scandalous Risks by Susan Howatch In this episode I explore the mystery that are people, and how it's not really until we create a safe space for others, become curious about them, and acknowledge that not all is to be known about ourselves and others, can we truly live in grace with one another.   Mentioned in the Episode Lost Susan Howatch Starbridge Series Glittering Images Glamorous Powers Ultimate Prizes Scandalous Risks Mystical Paths Absolute Truths Dallas Willard Renovation of the Heart Jean Marie Rilke Letters to a Young Poet Kalil Gibran The Prophet

  • 8 Simple Principles to Help You Achieve Your Goals This Year

    8 Simple Principles to Help You Achieve Your Goals This Year

    17/01/2018 Duración: 36min

    One of the things that happens at the beginning of every year, or at the start of a major transition, is that you see people setting goals. If you were like me you probably thought about all the goals you wanted to achieve in the New Year, and you might have even taken the time to write them down. But if you are also like me, it's possible that you have declared goals in the past, but never quite saw them to completion.   I count it a privilege that I get to spend about 1200 hours a year in session with people because I get to learn all kinds of helpful tools and tips from them. Though they are coming to get help from me (and I hope they find it helpful), I too am learning from them.   So in this episode I want to share with you 8 principles that I have found to be helpful in setting and completing goals. These are principles I've gleaned from reading, and from clients and colleagues and friends, and most importantly, they are principles I have put into action and had success with in my own life.   So in this

  • Managing and Using Your Anxiety in the New Year

    Managing and Using Your Anxiety in the New Year

    10/01/2018 Duración: 40min

    The new near can bring forth a lot of varying emotions from people. In my experience, a large number of people come into the new year very excited about change and all the potential possibilities that await them. It's often a time to start anew. But there is also a large number of people who come into the new year with a lot of fears about what awaits them, perhaps because the prior year was so challenging. And when I think about these varying experiences I think about anxiety. Anxiety is both an excitement about something new and that we care about, but it can also be about things that create fear for us. Anxiety can be healthy or unhealthy as I have written about and said many times before.   In this episode I want to explore some principles and strategies that you can implement for yourself, or help others with this year. So if you work with a group of people this could be very helpful for you. And to do this, I primarily "piggyback" off a recent article I wrote for the Fuller Youth Institute called Helpin

  • 3 Important Relational Postures: Ask, Let Go, Hold On

    3 Important Relational Postures: Ask, Let Go, Hold On

    13/11/2017 Duración: 33min

        Often when I'm working with someone in session I try to think of visual and tangible ways that they can remember some of the things that we are processing together. And what I have noticed a lot about relational interactions is that there tends to be this movement that I have found to be helpful for people.   This movement goes something like this: a) Ask for what you need/want/desire; b) But then let go of expectations of what you just asked for; c) And then hold on to yourself. Basically the posture is about opening yourself up to be vulnerable in relationships to communicate what you desire, while at the same time not demanding or holding your spouse to that request. And as you do that, learning to emotionally regulate yourself ("hold on").   People who are able to do this in their relationships tend to have very healthy and successful relationships in my opinion.   So in this episode I talk explore what it means to: ask for what you want/need/desire let go of those expectations hold on to yourself

  • Life Lessons Learned from My Recent Palo Duro 50K Race

    Life Lessons Learned from My Recent Palo Duro 50K Race

    13/11/2017 Duración: 25min

          As many of you know, I love to run. And over the last 3-4 years I have been getting more and more into trail running, as well into ultrarunning (which is technically anything over 26.2 miles). And about a month ago I finished my second ever 50K race, and my second race ever at the Palo Duro Trail Run. My first 50K was the Cowtown Ultra, and a year after that I ran my first race in Palo Duro which was a 50 miler. This time I decided to dial back a bit in terms of race mileage for several reasons...but primarily so I would finish earlier in the day and have more time to hang out with my family, since camping is a big part of this trip.   And like any long race I've done, I usually learn some amazing life lessons that help me grow as a person. And often these life lessons I am able to apply into my counseling practice with others, and help them grow as well. In this episode I talk about: The importance of preparation and training and practice for any goals we are trying to achieve. And how all of our prac

  • The Importance of Adventure in Marriage -- with Director of Winshape Marriage, Matt Turvey

    The Importance of Adventure in Marriage -- with Director of Winshape Marriage, Matt Turvey

    09/11/2017 Duración: 01h15min

          Over the last several years my wife and I have begun a new journey in our life. That journey has involved a couple of elements: 1) Trying to incorporate more adventure into our marriage (i.e. trips, taking on challenges, etc.); 2) Working on ways to partner together in marriage. And last month we took another step closer in combining these two elements when we went away for a few days to WinShape Marriage to be trained as a leaders to lead their marriage adventures.   What is a marriage adventure? Imagine sailing on a catamaran in the BVI's for 8 days with 3 other couples, why you work on your marriage with daily activities and conversations, all while taking on daily adventures. This was something my wife and I were invited to participate in 3 years ago, and it was an experience that changed our life.   Or imagine leading couples through Machu Picchu in Peru, or leading couples on a contemplative pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago in Spain, or working with other couples in orphanges in Guatemala?   W

  • The Key to Why Some Couples Can Work Through Conflict and Problem Solve, and Why Other Couples Cant

    The Key to Why Some Couples Can Work Through Conflict and Problem Solve, and Why Other Couples Can't

    05/10/2017 Duración: 46min

          One of the reasons many couples can't solve conflict in their relationship is because they often get stuck thinking that their argument is really about the topic at hand (i.e. money, sex, parenting, work, inlaws, etc.). And as long as they believe that, then they will stay perpetually stuck. What I've learned in my experience as a therapist is that the problem isn't about the topic, but rather the problem is the negative pattern of interaction that the couple has created over time in their relationship as they try to work through problems.   I'm obviously not the first to come to this conclusion, but this point has become more clear to me day by day in my work. I think that many of us counselors are guilty of sometimes just focusing on better communication techniques (which are super important), rather than helping a couple understand their underlying destructive pattern of interaction. My work in Restoration Therapy really helped me understand how guilty I was of this, and it helped provide me with a n

  • The Importance of Discerning the Different Between Feelings and Coping Behaviors to Get to Deeper Work

    The Importance of Discerning the Different Between Feelings and Coping Behaviors to Get to Deeper Work

    02/10/2017 Duración: 16min

          This is a very short podcast episode, but it's a really important one.   One of the most important tasks I have in the counseling room is to help people to discern between what their feelings and coping behaviors are. In fact, I spend a lot of time helping people understand their feelings, and what coping behaviors they often lead to. When a person understands this level of awareness, they are often able to do deeper work and gain not only the insight they desired, but achieve the transformational change they were seeking.   But one of the things I started to learn during my training under Terry Hargrave in Restoration Therapy, is that not only the feelings that I thought were feelings....were really feelings. For example, I always classified anxiety and anger and depression for example as feelings. You would find me saying things like "I'm feeling really anxious right now", or "I woke up feeling depressed today." And people I work with in my office would often say the same thing.   Terry Hargrave helpe

  • A Personal Story About a Good Kind of Anxiety

    A Personal Story About a Good Kind of Anxiety

    22/09/2017 Duración: 11min

    I talk a lot about anxiety on this podcast. And sometimes anxiety can seem vague or too theoretical, unless one really has experienced. And even then, just talking about it can seem like an intellectual exercise.   But today I had a personal experience that really makes concrete what I mean when I talk about a good anxiety...the kind that is there in the midst of peace, and just reminds you of the quality of your relationships. In that case, that anxiety I believe is a's a reminder of what you have.   In this episode I share my experience of dropping my wife off at the Dallas Ft. Worth airport as she was flying to Rwanda. So check out this episode as I share about the anxiety that I experienced as I dropped her off and why I cherish it.

  • The Intertwining Voices of Vocation and Anxiety

    The Intertwining Voices of Vocation and Anxiety

    22/09/2017 Duración: 28min

    I have recently been thinking a lot about the intertwining of vocation and anxiety. What I mean by that is that it seems that part of the journey towards finding vocation is that anxiety is often along for the journey.   In my writing and speaking on anxiety, and in my work with clients, I talk a lot about listening to the voice of anxiety. I believe that anxiety speaks to our life and if we listen to it, it can help guide us along our life's journey. The problem is that we live in a culture that wants to bury and numb out anxiety as much as possible. And when we drown out anxiety, we can't hear how it is informing our life.   But there's also this other voice, and that is of vocation. Parker Palmer in his wonderful book, Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation, talks about the Latin root of vocation, which is voce. It's literally a voice that is summoning you towards it.   And in this episode I want to explore how these two voices interact with each other and why that is important. I discuss

  • Parenting in the Age of Smart Phones and Social Media

    Parenting in the Age of Smart Phones and Social Media

    29/08/2017 Duración: 50min

    One of the most prevalent topics that I come across in my counseling and when I'm speaking, is the topic of technology and relationships. Specifically, the technology of the smart phone/iPad/computer...but usually the smart phone. And along with this technology there is typically a conversation around the online tools that are used with it...mostly, social media (i.e. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, etc.). And the reason these topics come up so often is because so many people find themselves with an unhealthy relationship to their technological devices which often impact their relationships. I spend a lot of time helping couples navigate their technological devices and how it's impacted their relationships, and talking through how to put proper boundaries on it. But one area of life that I think can be the most challenging for people is trying to know how to parent kids in an age of the smart phone and social media. Not a week passes where I'm not working with a teenager who is struggling with pornogr

  • Listening for that Voice of Vocation and Calling

    Listening for that "Voice" of Vocation and Calling

    17/08/2017 Duración: 29min

    Wow! I can't believe I am already at Episode 100. I published my first episode back on March 24, 2015, with the goal of trying to get at least one episode published per week. With that in mind I was hoping to hit 100 episodes right around the two year mark, if not before. But, things don't always go as planned, and two years and five months later we come to 100.   I set out doing this podcast, not really knowing what I was doing, or where I was going to go with it. And it probably took me a good 55 episodes or so before I began to even feel like I was finding my voice.   So in this episode I talk about that journey we all take where we are trying to listen closely to what our next steps our. The Latin word for vocation literally means voice. That is, there is a voice that calls us, guides us, directs speaks deeply to us and compels us towards our vocation, whether it be professionally, or a service, or a hobby. But it can be hard sometimes to hear that voice, and we often find ourselves waiting around,

  • Some Thoughts on Taking Next Steps in Your Life

    Some Thoughts on Taking Next Steps in Your Life

    27/07/2017 Duración: 21min

    Sometimes I have thoughts that I have been processing and I just want to explore out loud with others. In this case, the others is you. So in this episode I explore what it looks like to wrestle with taking the next step in your life, and how you discern what the next step is. Though this could be the case for many things, I mainly look at the next step in terms of work, vocation, hobby, etc, rather than relationships for example.   In my counseling practice in Plano, TX I work with a lot of individuals and couples and families who are trying to do this very thing...explore their next steps. So in this episode I lay out a tentative, in the process...working framework of: exploration/experimenting committing and refining doing the work/putting in the hours/mastering the craft letting go and being open Check out this episode and let me know what you think.

  • What Emotional Regulation Is, And Why Its So Important

    What Emotional Regulation Is, And Why It's So Important

    27/07/2017 Duración: 32min

    A couple of weeks ago, my colleagues and I at Thriiive Practices did a lecture for the Meadow's lecture series on emotional regulation.   What is emotional regulation? It's essentially one's ability to control or manage their automatic, reactive responses to an emotional trigger, and instead, respond accordingly (and in a healthy manner). That is my definition of sorts, though I say it a lot of different ways. My mentor Terry Hargrave in my training for Restoration Therapy said at one point to our training group, "emotional regulation is the name of the game." And it is. As you look at the mounting research on the brain, especially through fMRI scans and other data, we find that one's ability to emotionally regulate themselves is the key to healthy relationships. If you want a more thorough definition, read this.   Or if you want a really good, but simple understanding of it, check out Dan Siegel's demonstration of his strategy of name it to tame it. I've also written about this strategy here.   In this episo

  • Four Game Changing Books: Simply Your Life, Regulate Your Emotions, Practice Deliberately to Get Into the Flow, Work Deeply, and Perform a Bigger Purpose

    Four Game Changing Books: Simply Your Life, Regulate Your Emotions, Practice Deliberately to Get Into the Flow, Work Deeply, and Perform a Bigger Purpose

    19/07/2017 Duración: 22min

    I read a lot of books, but I don't consider myself the best book reviewer. Even though I read with pen in hand and underline and take notes throughout my books, I'm not great at writing about the details. But what sticks out to me are those big ideas in a book...the ones that you can't stop thinking about. The ones that cause paradigm shifts within. Those I obsessively think about, and figure out ways to practice them in my own personal life, and in the work of my clients in my therapy practice.   Over the last two years, four books have stood out in my mind like no other because of some lasting ideas that have created big change for me. Some of these books are fairly new (like this year) and others are a few years old. But their thoughts are ones that I have been writing and speaking about a lot the last 18 months. And I have found ways to implement the ideas into multiple areas of my life (parenting, marriage, running, therapy practice, etc.).   So I want to mention these 4 books to you and the big ideas th

  • A Transformative Roadmap for Therapy: For Those Who Have Been to Counseling and Those Who Havent

    A Transformative Roadmap for Therapy: For Those Who Have Been to Counseling and Those Who Haven't

    19/07/2017 Duración: 29min

    One of the things that I hear as a counselor a lot, typically near the end of an intake session with a client, is the question, "How is this going to look?" The question can be asked in a variety of ways, but what is implicit is usually either some form of anxiety over the next steps, or just a general curiosity about what people are signing up for when they enter into counseling.   Counseling can vary greatly from counselor to counselor, and with that, there can be a variety of varied expectations then that people going through counseling have. Some people have been to a lot of counseling and all their experiences are different, while some people have still not been to counseling, and wonder what that experience will look like.   Something I have tried to do a lot more in the last 4-5 years of my private practice is properly set expectations with clients when they come into see me for the first time. Whether they ask the question first, or I initiate the conversation, I usually try to walk clients through a

  • Pepperdine Bible Lectures Reframing Anxiety as God at Work in Our Lives

    Pepperdine Bible Lectures; Reframing Anxiety as God at Work in Our Lives

    11/07/2017 Duración: 01h06min

    This past May I had the opportunity to speak at Pepperdine University for the annual Bible Lecture's series. It's primarily a gathering of a combo of lay and professional ministry leaders, and as this event I was able to talk to them about one of my favorite topics...anxiety.   Anxiety is a huge issue both in and out of the church, and in fact, Walter Brueggemann has stated that it's the primary pathology in our culture that church leaders must deal with (see the excerpt starting at the 41:50 minute mark); I also believe anxiety to be one of the primary issues that our culture struggles with, and it can especially become toxic in a church culture where an extra stigma is attached to it.   In this lecture I walked the audience through several main points to better help them not only understand anxiety, but how to help them reframe it in a positive light, and what tools they can use, and steps they can take, to work with people who have anxiety. In this lecture I: help them identify the importance of what ever

  • Three Postures on the Forgiveness Journey

    Three Postures on the Forgiveness Journey

    24/05/2017 Duración: 25min

    Several weeks ago I had the opportunity to share with the ReEngage Ministry at Hope Fellowship the topic of forgiveness. It's such an important topic not only in all of our lives, but especially in the context of marriage where one's ability to forgive becomes an essential practice. In fact, forgiveness is the only topic that ReEngage covers on two different weeks.   In going into this talk I wanted to do something different on the topic of forgiveness. I have given other forgiveness talks in the past, but I know that when it comes to speaking to an audience they are probably more likely to remember the talk if it is embedded in an image and a story. So to do this, I reflected on Rembrandt's famous painting, The Return of the Prodigal Son. I did this by reflecting on the story of the prodigal son in the gospel of Luke 15:11-32, and by looking at Henri Nouwen's famous book on the topic, The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming. In this podcast I reflect on: 3 postures on the journey of forgivene

  • Understanding and Taking Care of You: Work, Relationships, and Self-Care

    Understanding and Taking Care of You: Work, Relationships, and Self-Care

    10/05/2017 Duración: 22min

    A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to speak to a group of employees for Marriott Hotels here in the local Dallas area. It was a great opportunity to help others understand how to have healthy relationships in and out of the work place by beginning to take care of themselves. So in this podcast episode I share what I shared with them: helping them understand how they are part of a larger system in which they are an emotional unit of. helping them understand that we are all "wired" from our early experiences, especially in our family of origin. I talked about our "wiring" around Love and Trust from the work of Terry Hargrave in Restoration Therapy. helping them how they are specifically "wired", by helping them identify their violations of love and trust and connecting their feelings to their coping. helping them to understand what self-care is, and how the practice of it can help them better emotionally self-regulate, therefore, helping them have a better relationship with themselves, and those in and out

  • What Are You Holding Onto, That Is Holding You Back?

    What Are You Holding Onto, That Is Holding You Back?

    17/04/2017 Duración: 14min

    I have shared in previous episodes that the journey through Lent has been one of the most helpful things I have done for my faith. And as we finished Lent this last week, culminating in Easter yesterday, I wanted to take a few moments to reflect on the next steps.   As we work on embracing and experiencing the resurrected and new life that Easter represents, what are our next steps?   One of the things I have been thinking about is how do we enter into this new season with open hands, full of expectation about receiving. The reality is that we often enter into a new season with fists clenched, holding on tightly to things in our, comfort, power, possessions, etc.   And I am reminded that after Jesus appears post-resurrection in the gospel of John, chapter 21, there is this beautiful and powerful scene picking up in vs. 18. Jesus is reinstating Peter and basically communicates to him that he (Peter) used to have the freedom and power to do what he wanted to do, but a time is coming when he wi

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