What Fresh Hell: Laughing In The Face Of Motherhood

Amy and Margaret sit down with sociologist and author Allison Daminger to unpack the cognitive labor many of us fail to recognize in our families' daily lives— what's come to be known as the "mental load." In her new book WHAT'S ON HER MIND: The Mental Workload of Family Life, Allison unpacks her years of research to explain how cognitive labor—anticipating needs, planning, decision-making, and follow-up—shapes family dynamics and falls disproportionately on women. Allison explains why this imbalance persists, how gender socialization influences our roles at home, and what couples can do to shift from default patterns to intentional choices. What You’ll Learn in This Episode: What “cognitive labor” really is and why it matters Why moms carry the mental load by default How personality and gender norms shape family responsibilities The differences in how queer and straight couples divide mental work The impact of unequal cognitive labor on stress, leisure, and opportunity