Brilliant Observations

Taking a break from our near-constant discussion of precipitous bowel release (just kidding, friends), we venture into the oft-overlooked territory of stealing from one's siblings. Time was, we stole sweatshirts, devil dogs, prime seating on car trips. This week, it's friends. Next week, who knows?  Plus, Amy gets hacked. Feeding the children ramps up. And Missy yearns for a return to her sandy seaside escape. 

Of all the delicious things we could offer you, Dear Listener — and let's be honest, we're offered you quite a few — there's nothing more enticing than what we have loaded up for you this week. Friendship. Get ready for all the feels when Missy remembers just who the F she is during these troubled, trying times. And yes, we sample the mayonnaise. 

Lu La Roe. Olympic breakdancing. Aging parents. Volunteering for jobs you have no intention of doing. And of course, Disneyland. Care to join, Dear Listener, as Melissa audibly implodes? It's a roaring good time, we promise. Just don't mention Tom Cruise.  

Where shall we begin, Dear Listener? Oh I know! The toilet. It's a riotous week for podcasting, gang, replete with questionable topics, sex dream recaps, depilitories gone wild, and — you guessed it — how many fingers is Melissa holding up? We go there, kids. And there, and there, and oh my goodness there, too.  Definitely not suitable for the kids this week. But as the french pole vaulters say, I got your medal right here.

Quick question: does violence make every sport better? We're speaking of course, Dear Listener, of the oh, oh, oh, oh-LYM-pics, you knoooooww (sung to the tune of Ozempic), and the global awareness of yet another competitive event made that much more exciting by the threat of fullly sanctioned mid-competition paddling. And we do mean paddling.  We're talking all things "Schports!" this week, Dear Listener, including regionally stereotpyes team uniforms, international phrases (are they, though?) heard on the sidelines, and of course, our favorite sport: people watching at the Costco.  Plus Maya Rudolph's sneaky new venture, kiddo updates and much more. 

Lewd, much? It's defnitely a not suitable for work episode this week, Dear Listener, as we stumble through the sudden rise of female-centered sex acts in mainstream Hollywood. But not to worry. We also cover hostess gifts, double chins, the rising cost of law school and rats at the bedside. Fun stuff!

It's the People Doing Bad Things episode, Dear Listener, and to be honest, what else would you expect in a week when a former POTUS and prospective nominee gets shot? Vigilante Teen-Led Pedophile Sting Operations, of course! We're riding the wave of insanity that is July 2024, Dear Listener, and that means no shortage of content for us to laugh about. Join us as we dissect the moral obgligations of bystander parenthood, Fetish Feeding (are you a victim?), saying goodbye to Dr. Ruth, Toxic Tampons (you know, for the kids!) and Riding the Ole Hobby Horse, Fit'land Style. Got a long drive planned? Then this is your soundtrack. Just give the kids some earplugs first. Enjoy!

Up this week: unexpected nuclear alerts (both about and completely not about Joe Biden), Beverly Hills Cop the remake featuring what's-his-name, and Middle Schoolers Behaving Badly (TikTok Edition). All that, plus unpaid labor, the trouble with generational trauma, and lessons from Hurricane Beryl. We even throw in a banging popcorn recipe to keep it light. Lots to love in this one, Dear Listener. So grab a friend, pull up a chair and press play. Cheers, big ears!

Swifties forgetting themselves, Costco is the new venue, and the biologic inevitibility of duck vitamins (it's a thing). Where would you be without us, Dear Listener? Slightly sadder and a wee bit wiser, I'd say.  Sounds like a fair trade. 

Ahhh, nudity on camera. Will you ever not fascinate us? This week, Melissa and Amy uncover (see what I did there?) the difference between acting, Bridgerton, and porn. We also cover shieding one's Littles from dangerous words and deeds. And the Police make a special appearance in a very showy Tesla. Why, what were you looking for? Documented evidence of Amazon delivering your package to the wrong address? Bucket list aspirations for your children over which you have no control? Hurting people for no reason — and taking zero responsbiliity for your actions? Yep, yea, yes. Got all that, too. So give us a listen, send us a comment, share with a friend. You know the deal, Dear Listener. 

Ever wonder how conspiracy theories and complex, multisystem traumas get their start? Let's ask Melissa's Mom.  You sincerely won't believe this one, Gang.  No spoilers, but you might never see the Clean Plate Club the same way again.  All that, plus the wonders of evening weed, New York Times Games round up, the true purpose of luxury items, fake influencers, berries at Erewhon, and the endlessly fascinating weirdness of Utah "dating." 

Looking for a gentler way to fall asleep than My Chemical Romance? Don't use this episode — unless laughing is your favorite way to drift off (see what we did there?). Join us as we recap a raucus Bat Mitzvah among friends, some gentle penis humor, and a few favorite accounts you have to see on TikTok. 

If you're looking for a man in Finance, Trust Fund, 6'5", blue eyes, then keep looking. All we got here is a Waffle House training manual, the world's weirest obiturary and a long-overdue congressional censure. Serve that up with a lil no-tip salami and a brief dive into dating before cell phones, and you've got yourself a podcast. There's laughs here, friends. Dig in.  

Holy Suprise Audio Feed Swap, Batman! Amy FUHG!-azi strikes again with a badly mangled cable connection resulting in some seriously compromized audio for this week's show. Try as we might, Dear Listener, we were only able to clean things up so much. Then again, you like it a lil dirty, don't you?  Either way, Amy sincerely apologizes for once again falling victim to the Universe's highjinks. Swear she'll get 'em next time, folks.  Meanwhile, enjoy our weekly recap of milestone moments like college graduation, the perils of engaging with social media, GoFundMe and the Broh-letariat, and a sudden aligning of the planets. Juicy stuff!

Which came first: the two drink maximum or shooting a dog in the face? And to think, these aren't even the most controversial things we joke about this week. Join us for a rousing conversation that includes ill-suited funeral home administrators, voting stickers, Middle East unrest, avoidng your life's purpose and (everyone's favorite), "Tubby People."  It's every bit as weird, free-ranging and surprisingly metaphysical as you think. Just one more reason to love us. 

The things this woman makes me say on behalf of your entertainment. Lord help us. 

From Thoughtful Shoppery to creative tax code interpretation, exposing toxic espoinnage networks and raw pork hostess gifts, Amy laments the reputational erosion this podcast expands each and every week. Meanwhile, Missy's self-diagnosed neurospiciness takes center stage with her approach to secret keeping, tax preparation, protein consumption and New York sports teams. Far reaching topics connected only through nonsequitors? Perhaps. Hilariously relatable? Always.