Stinker Madness - The Bad Movie Podcast

A flashback to 2016 when we were all so much less wildfired. It's a movie that we all gave a "do" on and an special Sam choice about obsession, music, and of course, karate. You'll enjoy this rerun if you missed it the first time, so enjoy!

Nic Cage goes on a deep quest to prevent his own hiring decision from ruining his plans to get super-rich. Along the way he confuses us with poorly written treasure clues, crazy eyebrows, word-association and flaunting Jerry Bruckheimer's watch. National Treasure is arguably the most "blockbuster" movie ever made. It's filled with EVERY trick in the book for film-making that puts the butts in the movie seats. It's more crap that's ever been put in one burrito. The problem is that every single one of these tricks is as safe and risk free as can be. So yes, it's filled with stuff, but no is it anything you haven't seen 1000 times in other movies.  So likely, you've already seen this as it was a massive success and right in the sweet box for DVD, so you might be thinking of a revisit. I say thee NAY...tional Treasure 2. You're just not going to garner anything new on a repeat view unless you saw this when you were 9 and thought it was the best movie ever and want to have another helping of disappointment

A team of undeclared researchers go on a dig in the middle of the desert only to discover a secret tunnel that leads to America's greatest secret. But if they'd only gone through the IKEA, they could have saved a bunch of time.Truly bad film's greatest secret itself. Templar Nation is the true underappreciated and under served bad movie in the bad movie genre. While it should be on the same pedestals as The Room, Birdemic, and Fateful Findings, it sadly sits on Amazon Prime Video, buried in the midst of Asylum-like movies waiting for someone to please just take a chance on it. Sure, it doesn't have the behind-the-scenes "charisma" that say Tommy or Neil have, but the horrendously terrible job that Joseph James does to portray himself as a real-life LARPer stands as high as a vanity-piece gone awry as the other three. Go through the checklist of needs to rival "the bigs" in bad cinema: atrocious acting, scenery chewing leads, bad action sequences, terrible set design, the idiot-

Two former Knights Templars (however the plural of that works) roam "The Far East" in a vague period of time bust up a usurpation of the kingdom by moping, doing opium, terrible battle plans and becoming Caribbean pirates. Tempyarr!!! What you want to come here for is the bad acting and the incredibly stupid character decisions. As one could predict, Hayden Christensen is not good. Surprisingly, he's far from the worst. Unsurprisingly, that award goes to Nic Coppola. Look, here's on set for about 3 days. At some point, he went into his trailer for 30 minutes, came back out and then told the director that his character should transition into a voodoo pirate. Well even if one could agree to those terms, Nicolas couldn't because his Yarrr! pirate fades in and out even within the same set of dialogue. Outcast has to rank as one of the worst Cage has even given us and the number one reason to show up to watch this film. Secondly - why the hell is everyone so stupid? From important characters blowing themsel

It's disco fever time and the hottest club in LA manages to be one of the lamest clubs in LA at the same time. It's Jeff Goldblum, Donna Summer, Debra Winger and the Commodores giving us a 90 minute infomercial about disco life. While Sam manages to be correct that this film doesn't have a plot, he's wrong in that it isn't any fun. Sure, it's not going to be for everyone - pretty much if you won't even admit that there was any decent songs during the disco era (I say screw you) you're not going to like any of this. Not because it's chock full of disco (it's mostly funk music) but because disco was so content-free and so is this film. With that in mind, if you are a fan of American Graffiti, you aren't at least adverse to this type of project. We'll be honest with ourselves though. We think that this could be right on the fence of a do or don't, until Marv Gomez, "The Leatherman" has his big scene. Once he proclaims that everything besides dancing is "bullshit" the film gets a much needed injection of nonse

Bugs, bugs, bugs!!! This movie is chock full o' bugs! Large bugs, small bugs, bugs as big as your head - hell bugs that are MADE of your head. Heads that are made of bugs. I got bugs under my skin and bugs on my brain. Hope you like bugs. The Nest falls into the "body horror" genre as far from being a body horror film as one can be. This should fall into the "its JAWS but bugs are super cheap to work with" genre. Its just the JAWS plot but with bugs. Yes there is a smidgeon of body horror but its not exactly From Beyond. However, there is a lot of good here. You can see the touch of director Terrence Winkless breaking from the script and making some of the residents of Tiny Bug Town have horrendous and hilarious deaths. When the diner-side of the unnecessary love triangle meets her doom, she goes full-Ash on a pile of cockroaches using the methods she's most adept at - waitressing. It's hilarious. While the front-end is a little uneventful, there's still enough to carry you through

A likely candidate for favorite movie ever when you were 8 years old, this classic episode features the live action Disney superhero movie that lead the way to the MCU (no, no it did not). Condorman stars Michael Crawford, Oliver Reed, Barbara Carrera and James Hampton. Enjoy!

The faerie folk who may or may not be all leprechauns have been living peacefully in the center of earth (or Middle Earth as some may call it) while a smug little kid who needs to be punted says he wants to team up with them but ends up shooting all of them. Get to the Time Portal, Uter! Artermis Fowl is a giant piece of crap. With or without, the departures from the book series, this is a giant piece of crap. It's bad from top to bottom. Every single person failed at their job (with the exception of Colin Farrell who doesn't have time to screw it up). From the effects, to the writing, to the directing, to the editing, to the acting, to the sound design, to the props department. Failure. I'm surprised this team isn't in charge of the Covid-19 response. Yikes. The plot doesn't exist. This is what Sam calls "table-setting" for the later films that won't ever come because of how awful this crap is. Literally nothing happens here. We're not even sure where the climax is. Hell we're not even sure when the movie

This special episode we discuss the number 13, loads of Tales from The Baywatch, Stay Tuned, Mega-Shark vs Giant Octopus, My Spy, Cut and Run, Sam takes on Email, and Jackie gives us her most entangled Spookie yet out of Romania. Have some gratuitous exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paul, the dubiously employed dirt digger, gets a case of moon brain causing him to become a "were-gorn" and eventually goes to critical mass all while his new girlfriend keeps him away from doctors and his buddy just wants him dead because its dinner-time. Track of the Moon Beast is iconic drive-in/MST3K type material. You're sadly not going to find any surprises here. Just imagine Joel, Crow and Tom sitting down and whatever you can imagine to happen on screen will likely happen. There's just nothing new here for anybody. It falls into the same vein and suffering that Ssssssss does (and sadly last weeks Girl in Gold Boots). There's a smattering of good here but for the most part its 90 minutes of milk-toast. While the makeup and costumes might be some of the worst, what this film does "well" for bad-movie fans is the absolutely terrible script. Its lunacy. Its nonsensical. But again, it's draggy and too few and far between to get to the good stuff.  Sadly, there just isn't much to say

In a stunning display of some of the worst dancing ever beheld by the eyes of civilization, Michelle really just wants to be the #1 Go-Go dancer in all the world. Standing in her way is two dudes who just want to kiss her at beaches and her own ability to dance like a flopping fish. This movie falls into a very strange category of recommendation. It's truly about as good as other MST3K classics such a Secret Agent, Super Dragon, The Incredibly Strange Creatures who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies, or Eegah!. It's your usual terrible writing about youth out of the psychedelia era, it's got lead characters with dubious idioms and of course strange nonsensical dialogue. Yet there's some weird enjoyment that comes along with it as well. It could be that it's a super-star when it comes to riffing. It could come from the characters being absolutely unlikable and the antithesis of what we expect in theatrics character archetypes. Everything is a weird choice stemming from the opening

Voted Britain's Worst Movie Ever (by some blokes who must not have a very deep pool to chose from) Carry On Columbus becomes our first foray into the Carry On franchise. I think we can all agree; it's funnier than ACTUAL Columbus. We've entered into this in a very unconventional way. We imagine most viewers of the Carry On franchise have a few of their higher quality films under their belt before watching this - which is obviously going to be inferior. So likely, in those viewing specifications will lead many to absolutely loathe this movie. We don't fall into that camp. This ONLY made us to want to watch even more Carry On. Because if this is the worst, well the others have gotta be pretty good. Sure, it's corny. Sure, it's got some groaners. But there's some generally funny jokes in this. I'd say we laughed out loud about 10 times, which is pretty damn solid. Consider such ducks that we crap out in the US, looking at you Tom Green and Eddie Murphy. When it comes to bad comedy we hold the world crown here

Here comes a classic from our archives while we're away. Starring Betsy Russell, this is 80's schlock that rivals the stupidity of Teen Witch. It's completely offensive, chock full of boobs, blatant stupidity by the characters, and has one of the silliest endings of all time. Enjoy!

This coronasode we discuss Sam's new summer drink recipe, we ask if Joey and Chandler ruined America, a fan suggestion for Wacko, Sando takes on Global Economic Crisises and getting his lunch stolen, Troll 3, Contagion, Ready or Not, Blow the Man Down, Vast of Night and Jackie's got a turd of a Spookie out of Scotland.

When you gotta remake a Jaws movie, make sure to remake Jaws II, cause you really can't screw it up and here's exhibit A. Expect many exploding dummies, strange sequences and terrible models. In grand 70s/80s Italian film tradition, we've got a direct ripoff of both Quint from Jaws and the plot of Jaws II. In further grand tradition, we've got terrible voice-over, ridiculous action sequences, inept heroes, questionable film ethics, and nonsensical characters. But what really makes The Last Shark shine is the little things. From the start with a very laboring windsurfer, to DJ Exposition, to the daughter's strange habit of falling out of boats, and her mom's absolute lack of care the movie features little non-plot vignettes that leave the viewer thinking about them more than they think about how awful the shark looks - and the shark looks terrible. Let's talk about the shark though (whom we've dubbed Ultimo) - he not only looks terrible but he's a very strange shark. It seems h

This week we call to hear from our POC listeners, Jackie earns a new title, Tacoman gets his origin, The Brougham's maiden voyage, Sando Takes on Manual Labor, heroin songs, Upload, The Good Boys, another look at Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, a Jackie Spookie from the land down under and Eyes Wide Shut bang-parties.

In a formula that you've seen one thousand times before, we get a themed slasher around a date, a plethora of red herrings and a telegraphed and an obvious murderer that makes for a fairly mundane time. The first thing one will notice about Graduation Day is the decision to base the killings all around high school sports - while knowing absolutely nothing about high school sports. The second thing one will notice is who the killer is, within minutes of the movie starting. The third thing one will notice is the gibberish "teen" dialogue. Finally, you'll notice how unbelievably bad every piece of the film actually is. While that all sounds pretty good, Graduation Day suffers from 1/2 of the scenes being completely plot irrelevant and scattered with various characters getting put on screen that never return, have no connection to the story, and even their scenes could be just placed in any other film and fit better. This makes for a fair amount of tedium. It's not that it's not a fun time,

This week we discuss Hump Day, a motorhome update, camping bathroom use, some epic level Listener Feedback, Stripped to Kill, The Lovebirds, stripper food, Sando takes on butts and Jackie debunks her own Spookie.

The "Two who are as one" go on a wacky adventure with some very questionable themes all to end up at a ritual that doesn't make a bit of sense with unclear intentions. Buckle up folks, this is one of the best bad movies ever. I don't know what more you could want in a bad movie. There's not a single thing in this film that is done well, yet there's also not a single scene that isn't pure joy to watch. Most bad movies fail in a least a couple scenes for the viewer yet the true masterpieces (Troll 2, America 3000, etc..) are an absolute treat from credits to credits. Sorceress belongs on every top 10 list of so bad it's good. The truly unique thing about Sorceress is how far pass the socially acceptable line it goes. These are things I'm not comfortable writing in a movie review that gets passed to various websites but many of things that happen on screen are illegal in every country in the world. They are THAT bad. And it's all delivered to be comedic and it's icky. The acting is terrible, the plo

This week's show has a bevvy of listener feedback, some round-table discussions about life under COVID, a new Pop Quiz Hotshot, Sando takes on bad moves, Phantasm, Dolemite is My Name, Sam finally finishes GoT, and the day the clowns died.