What Fresh Hell: Laughing In The Face Of Motherhood

Here comes the summer of nothing! For older kids, camps and sports leagues and internships and jobs are canceled. For little kids, even "Camp Grandma" isn't a sure thing this year. We usually look forward to summer as a lazy-living, sleep in and lie around break from our usual hectic lives. But our kids have already *had* three months of lying around doing nothing, and the thought of three more months of cranky pajama time is not reassuring. How are we going to make July different from March this year? Our guests this week are Ashley Hearon-Smith and Keri Setaro from the Momtourage podcast. We talk with Ashley and Keri about the "special hard" of each age group when you're looking at a summer calendar with basically nothing on it. No matter how old your kids are, we think the answer is pretty much the same: give your kids the gift of free play, also known as the Land On The Other Side of Boredom. Here are links to writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode: Melissa Bernstein for Thrive Global: How

Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question. Today Amy answers the question, "What can I do about my toddler who is giving a hard time to my older child?" Submit your question to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What’s the one thing that’s actually working right now?  Not grading on a curve, not a barely acceptable Band-Aid for these crazy times, but something you have found during these last months that you actually love and will totally keep doing?  Our listeners told us all the things, from walking the dog to Grateful Dad cover shows, that they’re doing by themselves, with a socially distanced friend, or with a loved one at home, that are really enjoyable right now.  The light-bulb moments for us in this episode were in order to have fun socially-distanced friend time, you need to have a shared secondary activity. Even if it’s a beer pong app.  in order to have renewing personal time, you need to have a fully engrossing, sensory-filling activity. Even if it’s mowing the lawn.  keep it bite-sized. We don’t have to talk to our friends for half an hour, or not at all.  What all these discoveries have in common is that it took what our listener Mollie calls “the leisure to dwell on little things” in order to fin

Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question. This week Margaret answers the question, "What Do I Do With a Four Year Old Who is Making Bedtime Last Forever?" Send your questions to questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Potty training back-sliding? Pacifiers showing up at breakfast? Preschoolers in your bed? Tweens suddenly engaging in baby talk? Welcome to The Great Regression. It's no surprise that regressive behavior shows up in times of stress. Sometimes it's not as easy to spot, but whether it's more clingy behavior or more temper tantrums, regression is our kids' way of communicating that they are feeling insecure. As child development specialist Claire Lerner explains, "When kids feel out of control on the inside, they lose control on the outside." In this episode, we discuss how regressive behavior can manifest, including for grownups when we should let it be what works to address it, and what definitely doesn't Does it matter if your kid is still sucking her thumb in first grade because she was involved in a global pandemic? It does not. But addressing the underlying need for reassurance is the best way forward, for your kid and for you. Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss

We're now on YouTube! Subscribe and catch our video shorts here: http://bit.ly/WFHyoutube After eight weeks in this new normal, our to-do lists have started to get a little lengthy. These days, we're all full-time stay-at-home AND work-at-home moms, and while the larger world seemed willing to let things slide for a while, we're feeling a lot more pressure to actually get stuff done. How do we get to what's most important in the extremely limited bursts of kid-free productivity we might have? Our guests are Laura Vanderkam and Sarah Hart-Unger, co-hosts of the Best of Both Worlds podcast, on how to get more out of life at work and at home. We're featured on their podcast this week too- you can find that episode, on how to find humor in parenting right now, here! Here are links to research and ideas discussed in this episode: the concept of extinction bursts Strangers Drowning: Impossible Idealism, Drastic Choices, and the Urge to Help by Larissa MacFarquhar Alice Boyce for Harvard Business Review: How Worki

Every week Margaret or Amy answers one listener's most pressing question. Today Margaret tackles the question, "Should I sleep-train my baby while we're all stuck at home?" Submit your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked all of you to tell us your “mom wins” since quarantine life started- the smaller, the better. We're all taking success wherever we can find it these days. Whether it’s synchronized napping, picky eaters trying meatballs, or a 5-year-old who finally slept past 7 a.m., we salute all these successes, no matter how miniscule. Thanks to all of you for making our own mothering journeys so full of community and laughter. Happy Mother’s Day! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener's most pressing question. This week Amy answers the question, "How can I help my three-and-a-half year old daughter who is having nightmares?" Submit your question to quesitons@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Six weeks in, and most of us are having a lot of trouble with what one of our listeners called this "very strange limbo." That listener asked in our Facebook group what she might do to make herself get off the couch, stop looking at her phone, maintain momentum. Because that is the usual goal: we all know that once we stop running and rest, we won't be able to run as far when we try again. A body at rest tends to stay at rest. But here's the thing: when you run a marathon, and mile 19 gets really hard, you know what mile you're in. You know how much farther you have to go. And the people on the sidelines aren't small children yelling at you. Do the usual ideas we have about productivity and energy and momentum even apply in this moment? And if not, what are the new strategies we can put in place to help us make it to the next lamppost? Here are links to research and other things we discuss in this episode: our own Episode 142: Letting People Into Our Mess Brené Brown's podcast Unlocking Us The Lancet: The ps

Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question. This week Margaret tackles the question, "What Can I Do About Relatives Who Constantly Want to FaceTime with My Kids?" Send your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Back by popular demand: an all-new Quarantine Edition of What Kind of Monster? What kind of monster decides to go keto during a pandemic? Trades away toilet paper for sourdough starter? Finishes Mom’s chocolate stash, her razor-thin tether to sanity? Slices an avocado horizontally? Our listeners weigh in with the straws that will break their quarantine backs. It goes without saying that during these unprecedented times, we must greet other humans- particularly those with whom we share close quarters- with our maximum generosity. But THEN... come and vent about #WKOM is ruining your quarantine in our Facebook group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast And if you'd like to download Margaret's quarantunes playlist, it's here: https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/covid-19/pl.u-78dpTpN1MZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week Amy answers a question from a listener whose 17 and 15-year-olds who are "finally starting to lose their minds" with this extended no-school lock down, and time away from their peers. Dr. Lisa D'Amour did an excellent interview on the NYT Book Review podcast on how to help teens through this moment- you can find it here: https://www.drlisadamour.com/2020/04/05/april-2020-parenting-under-stay-at-home-orders/ Amy also mentions Bark as a good way to monitor your teens' online activity without snooping- here is our affiliate link: Bark.us/?ref=2R4XYRK Submit your question- Amy or Margaret might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As we round the curve into what’s been a full month of Uno, math worksheets, and never going anywhere, we’ve all learned a few things. Here are our stay-at-home revelations about our homes, our cooking, our relationships, and our kids. We’re undergoing a Big Reset about what our families “need,” whether it’s another box from Amazon, family dinner conversations, or maternal interference in sibling squabbling.  The head of school at Amy’s daughter’s elementary school called this moment a “semi-colon for their childhoods.” Some parts of it have been pretty good, actually. Some parts horrible. It’s okay. We don’t have to pretend that this isn’t significant; we just have to do what we can to make it all a little easier.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener's most pressing question. This week Margaret answers the question, "What Should I Do When My Kid Won't Play Alone?" Send your questions to questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Don't get us wrong: in most ways, we've gone feral. But here’s what’s actually working during this stay-at-home time, for us and for our listeners: for our anxiety for our family chore buy-in for our kitchen ennui for laughter for exercise and for our senses of hope. Above all, we offer you this: never interrupt a happy quarantined family member while they are doing... whatever it is that is making them happy. We love this quote from our listener Shannon: “Instead of having a schedule for your day, consider having a routine. If you have a nice routine of activities you do each day, you get into a comfortable rhythm. If you try to stick with a time to schedule, you might miss out on some lovely moments. Five minutes before we were supposed to be starting schoolwork, my kids built a blanket fort where my son read to my daughter. What a gift! School will start, but this moment is more important for their relationship and this mama's heart.” Here are links to things we mention in this episode: Power Withi

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question. This week Amy tackles the question, "How Do I Talk to My Kids About Missing Milestone Events?" Submit your question- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We’re still collecting data, but from our limited household samples, the realization that we’re all in this for somewhat longer than we had bargained for is having some ramifications. Homeschooling feels doable when it’s a snow-day novelty. It feels different when you’re relearning middle school math while also learning how to work from home and provide three meals a day instead of two.  On the plus side, a lot of things we usually spend our precious bandwidth on have become blessedly hypothetical. Anything that isn't this doesn't matter. Anything that is this? Is not something for which we are yet required to have any perspective at all. In the meantime, here's how we're coping and keeping it going. As always, laughter is helping, and that's why, more than ever, we're so grateful for this podcast community. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question. This week Margaret tackles the question, "How Seriously Should I Take This Homeschooling Thing?" Submit your question- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Great Stay-Home Experiment continues, and no matter how many kids you have or how old they are, if you're a mom, your life just got more complicated. This episode is full of ideas for keeping kids busy, both indoors and out, with stuff you probably already have around the house. Some of these projects involve parental setup, but *not* parental participation, which is particularly clutch right now. Grab that videoconference time wherever you can! Lots of this episode's ideas came from our listeners. Our Facebook group is the perfect community right now! Tons of resources, laughs, and support. Join us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices