Important If True

This week things really hit the fan. If you're finding yourself clogged up with steaming, burning questions, if you're knee deep in problems and need advice, relax: We're here in a pinch to flush out the truth. This week: What are the Russians hiding in Britney Spears' Instagram feed? What are the real motives of a man who offers free liverwurst to children? And what am I going to do with all this garlic? Plus: How many times can we be hoisted by stories about poo? Find out inside. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: The triple hoisting, Bristol stool scale, apartment hunting, Britney Spears Instagram comment hacking, garlic surplus, the kindly old neighborhood liverwurst man, Christmas and/or Hoistmas traditions that are definitely real, CRISPR clarifications (browse this Idle Forums thread for lots of fascinating discussion from smart people!), crisper cl

What stuff, exactly, are dreams made of? Can a robot priest interpret them and, if necessary, absolve you? And, if you didn't believe our embarrassing story about poop, maybe you'll believe this other guy's? All of your questions, your problems, your fears will be individually discussed and assessed by us personally (or handed off to an automated Gmail feature we just learned about). Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: A Landis update, the meaning of dreams, a new truer poo story, Dishonored Hoistmas, Google psychotherapy, ELIZA, Dr. Sbaitso, Reformation-celebrating robot priest Chris' Endorsement: Lost in La Mancha, the making of Terry Gilliam's "The Man Who Killed Don Quixote" Jake's Endorsement: Art of the Title Nick's Endorsement: Stand-up comic Tig Notaro (meeting Taylor Dayne, Conan guest appearance, "Boyish Girl Interrupted" HBO special: Amazon, iTu

We cannot sanction your buffoonery. But we can, and will, personally hand-deliver your questions to Lord Hoistmas. Questions like: What is the true secret of the real 90s? How do you cleverly cover up an regrettable tattoo? And would you eat the best pizza you've ever had in your life if it came with bees? Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: The Real Ghostbusters, good web addresses, Amazon bookstores, Boss Coffee, Tommy Lee Jones, Jim Carrey, trash can robots, Sony Bravia ad, Google Home/Blade Runner 2049 mashup, techno-seniors, tattoos, a history of the Peeing Calvin, crisper, CRISPR, Lord Hoistmas, pizza, bees Chris' Endorsement: Shoe care products: saddle soap for cleaning, Saphir Renovateur for treating and polishing (usage tips) Nick's Endorsement: Garth Marenghi's Darkplace (Amazon, YouTube) Jake's Endorsement: Learning about the interoperability of

Your questions, advised definitively. This week: Would you forego the need to eat if it meant you couldn't reproduce? Can a person like sneezing too much? Like, WAY too much? Is the Law & Order theme song actually a dog? And finally, were we—technically—not totally hoisted by a story in last week’s show? Let's take a closer look. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: being a lame adult, Chris' dumb Snopes hoax, terrible tattoos, an excellent tattoo, how to podcast, self-revelation, Second Life bunny genocide, dogs howling at Law & Order, photic sneezing, snatiation, sexually induced sneezing Nick's Endorsement: The "Shreds" music video series by StSanders Chris' Endorsement: A Dark Room for iOS Jake's Endorsement: Kamenstein Perfect Tear Paper Towel Holder Sponsored by: Quip electric toothbrushes, our Twin Peaks Rewatch podcast

The world is full of minutiae so inconsequential and baffling that sorting through it all isn’t worth your time. Good thing we’re here to sort through it for you! This week: How does a factory farmed chicken cross the road? Do the ‘90s have the emotional capacity to love you back? And who will Luigi doorbell ditch next? These questions and more can be safely checked off your list after listening. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: Being left alone in someone else’s house, Second Livestock, mobile phone app reviewing warehouse, scientists imaging your dreams, Batman Forever 60FPS HD footage (more), recurring inexplicable horrible imagery, the 1990s Nick's Endorsement: "When We Held Kings" by Eric Raskin Chris' Endorsement: Learning about the Jewish concept of the eruv Jake's Endorsement: 1. "Snatch" movie trailer, 2. "House" opening titles

If you come across a stranger on a dark, empty road in the middle of the night, and they tell you they can answer any question you ask, we hope you pick one of these: Does somewhere exist because you've dreamed about it over and over? Why does Lightning McQueen always keep his doors locked? Has anyone ever made a recipe from the back of a Triscuit box, and if so was their name Tristan? If you never encounter that stranger, but still want those answers, listen to this podcast instead. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed Triscuit cracker recipes, implicit egotism and major life decisions, being chased by maniacs while lost, the interior life of Cars, medically-induced nightmares Jake's Endorsement: Twin Peaks Rewatch Podcast, Twin Peaks TV series (Amazon, iTunes, Netflix) Chris' Endorsement: Photic sneezing Nick's Endorsement: Poo-Pourri poo spray

One day you open the photos app on your cell phone and find it's identified and categorized all of your best friends. Why look, there's a whole album of Chris playing Jurassicanji. Do you even know anyone named Chris? And there's your buddy Herbert. You don't recognize him, but your phone does, so you go with it. It even correctly sorted all of your anthropomorphic candy friends -- including the skinless ones. But why does it think the genie from Aladdin is also this disheveled man covered in dirt? And it has the new Jaws, but why doesn't it have the old Jaws? How is it saying this chicken is a dinosaur? And why is it confusing your dad with a werewolf? We're out of ideas, but we'll be happy to pass you on to a support manager. Please enjoy this podcast while you hold. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: A lauded short story by Nick Breckon, iOS photos app,

Learning something new can feel like someone flipped on a light switch in your mind. If that person in your mind could flip the switch off and on whenever they wanted, controlling which things you remember and which you forget, we hope you’d hold onto these thoughts: Why is the Genie from Aladdin afraid of commitment? Did a fourth grader create the world of Banjo-Kazooie, and what grade did he get for it? And, did I just get here, or is that guy with the light switch controlling my brain again? We’ll get to the bottom of it, assuming we can remember to. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Dicsussed: The return of NyQuil dreams, appearing on the local news, Disney’s Aladdin, co-dependent relationships, artificial memory augmentation in rats, Alien: Covenant, The Dempster Family (of products, and people), Banjo-Kazooie lore, stealing Banjo-Kazooie lore to cheat on Creat

You've been given the chance to re-live your life from the start, with everything you know now. A chance to right wrongs, a chance to show them all? Maybe, if you're lucky. A chance—with our help—to really figure out the mysteries of the world that you missed the first time through? Things like: What do roosters have against Swedish labor unions? How did Sinbad hide himself in plain sight, in every child's copy of the movie Kazaam? What was that guy yelling about outside your apartment that one time? What is a "tooth worm?" Definitely. In fact, we just did. Your life wasted, you pursue one final question: Can you re-live your life from the start, knowing absolutely none of this? Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: ugh... "memes", Swedish labor union screaming rooster, Nick Breckon overhearing a disaster, psychic billionaire baby, John Titor, Early Edition

No one asked us to answer these questions. No one asked these questions at all, but as hosts of this podcast we must do our best: If a tree falls in the middle of a forest and it doesn't leave a will, who gets all its stuff? What's hidden in Chef Boyardee's past that someone really, really wants you to know? And when you meet a robot in the mall who could see through time, space, and maybe reality itself, what do you ask it? We'll need your help with that last one, but leave the rest to us. Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: knife-wielding stabbing machine, The Tree That Owns Itself, Pepper the robot, Wetzel's Pretzels, Chef Boyardee, dumpsters Jake's Endorsement: Better Call Saul (all seasons on Amazon & iTunes) Chris' Endorsement: Sliding down the stairs on your heels as a kid (or something) Nick's Endorsement: Walking an unfamiliar city alone

The truth often hides just beneath the surface. Especially when that surface is a Furby’s skin, which is also a ghost. So what happens when our children decide they love their robot friends more than us? Before that can happen, how many pounds of spiders would it take to devour us all? Where is the body of Cervantes, and what's it doing? Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: Cuties, a girl and her water heater, robot propaganda, Cervantes, "Alone Together" by Sherry Turkle, two thousand pounds of spiders, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Bob Hoskins on a blue screen, MIDI piano cacophony Nick's Endorsement: Ice cream sundae with vanilla ice cream, Spanish peanuts, and Sanders Hot Fudge Chris' Endorsement: The cold shower capper Jake's Endorsement: Something True, true tales from the footnotes of history

The universe is infinitely complex, filled with unlimited possibilities. To get to the truth we must tear down our preconceptions and ask real questions, like: Why does your friend remember a movie that never existed? How bad of a driver does your car really think you are? And which members of E.T.'s original family were human-pranking assholes? Send us email at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: buff bros, pork chops, Cafe X, way-too-smart cars, gyroscopic smart spoon, Hopkinsville Goblin Encounter, E.T. (Amazon, iTunes), The Net (Amazon, iTunes), The Conversation (Amazon, iTunes), the ending to Predator (sorry for the poor quality), the Mandela Effect, Jake's Endorsement: Interacting with humans Chris' Endorsement: The rapturous reaction to last week's shoehorn endorsement Nick's Endorsement: The experience of watching this subway saxophone confluence that occurred

If you could go back to King Arthur times, how would you impress all those medieval idiots? Would you dazzle them with memes? Would they celebrate you, or hoist you? Who's the man, they might ask? Are you the man? Find out, in over 45 minutes of audio content you'll actually want to listen to! If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Discussed: Snapple, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, Credit Human, Egg Cuber, meme dreams, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones DVD release TV spot, Jeff Goldblum Jake's Endorsement: Illinois Institute of Technology fight song Chris' Endorsement: shoe horn (approachable normal sized shoe horn; intimidating weird large shoe horn) Nick's Endorsement: Hot Winter Hot Sauce Also: Listen through to the end for a sneak peek at our new true history miniseries, Something True!

Some questions are like an itch you can't scratch, or worse, an itch you can scratch as much as you'd like, but the itch doesn't go away. Today we indulge our compulsions and scratch away at the unscrachable, like: When did George Clooney start showing so much skin? Why does the flu virus really want you to party? And what drew three painters of video game box art to the same back-alley brawl, in the same town, on the same night? We will tread these paths again and again until we discover the truth, or are tricked by our own minds into believing we have. Plus, thanks to a helpful reader, major steps are taken to record for all time the 45 brains that control existence. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Important Reference Material: self-driving car, self-driving flying car, robots wearing skin, The Terminator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, flu-prompted sociability, Streets of Rage cover art, Close Encounters of the Thi

The road to the truth can take you through some dangerous places, so keep the windows up, the doors locked, and never, ever get out of the car. Or ignore that advice, and follow us down the truth’s seedier and long-forgotten offramps, in search of the really important questions. Like: What happens when your smart house gets a little too smart? Where do those creepy Chuck E. Cheese pizza robots come from? And why is the society depicted in Pixar's Cars a mockery of the living and the dead? If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Important Reference Materials: Goldblum noises, Smart House, Alexa, Blank Check, The Rock-Afire Explosion, carbohydrillium, Disney•Pixar Cars, popes, geological butts Chris' Endorsement: Stayfocusd Chrome browser extension Jake's Endorsement: Logan Nick's Endorsement: Calling your aunt back; or The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild if you just want to buy something and be a consumer

A researcher has determined that by 2025, if you string all our smart devices together—our Amazon Alexas and always-online talking teddy bears, our color-changing light bulbs and remote-controlled doorknobs—they will have the combined thinking power of 45 human brains. But that raises the question: Who exactly are these 45 brains, and what do they want to tell us? Join us as we find the answer or, failing that, make something up. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Important Reference Materials: Morgan Freeman Turkish Airlines ad, CloudPets hack, Furby, Teddy Ruxpin, children loving Alexa, Alexa making questionable choices, Tomes and Talismans, Tommy Westphall Universe Hypothesis Chris' Endorsement: The Strange Undoing of Prudencia Hart Jake's Endorsement: Witness, starring Harrison Ford (iTunes, free on Amazon Prime) Nick's Endorsement: Finding and frequenting your local neighborhood bar

The great mysteries of our time lie before us, hovering tantalizingly out of reach, so instead we set our sights on the achievable. This week: What happens when flame robots battle garbage? Where's the intersection of George Michael and Matlock? And who brought Jaws to the friendly, rustic murder capital of the world? You may think these questions unanswerable, or barely questions at all. Friend, you may be right—but we'll do our best to pull them apart and see what truths they reveal.If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Important Reference Materials: flame drones,

I can't believe we've done this. It's a brand new podcast. Join us, won't you? We're delving into the minutiae of pop culture, technology, and our own lives to find some kind of meaning—or at least to spin everything out as absurdly as we can. This week: Why do hawks ride planes, when they could fly? Who oils The Terminator's pecs? And what's Snagglepuss up to, exactly? These questions and more are answered definitively, sort of. Important Reference: plane falcons, Snagglepuss reboot, zombie snails, Boston Dynamic's latest robot If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon. Chris' Endorsement: Fish Spatula, aka Fish Turner, aka Oliver Fishturner Nick's Endorsement: Farberware Nonstick Skillet Jake's Endorsement: Listening to Nick starting at 54:30 Note: Endorsements are our personal recommendations, not advertising content. We aren't paid to talk about that stuff. Sorry if that was unclear!

In an effort to understand the baffling world around us, we take your questions about the most fascinating, inane, and inexplicable happenings you can find, and draw them out to their most extended—and almost definitely inaccurate—conclusions. Join Chris Remo, Jake Rodkin, and Nick Breckon of Idle Thumbs each week as they attempt to find truth and meaning through absurdity. Will they succeed? Probably not, but we'll all enjoy the trip. Explained: Some aspects of this podcast, Terminator pec oilers