Shut Up A Second

In which our heroes have a question, can't find the answer, and so turn to Google for help as we discuss Google. We worry about people living in our cupboards, trash talk the far inferior search engines of Yahoo and Bing, and inevitably discuss Nan . Jackson Googles just about everything under the sun, Zoe reminisces about a barbie PlayStation 1 game, and Duscher just wishes everyone would play Slime Soccer. So jump online, politely ask Jeeves if he can choof off, and turn to the search engine everybody knows and loves, Google. Thanks Google, we love you. Want Google to change Google Shopping back to froogle? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month we can start writing up a petition. And don’t forget to head to http://google.com/usability/sanspants to sign up and take part in helping Google improve their not at all hostile takeover of the world.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In which our heroes hack the mainframe, surf the information superhighway, and search the ‘net as they discuss The Internet. We reminisce over internet sounds, turn the internet into a butler, and partake in arts and crafts. Jackson describes the first computer ever, Zoe describes the first, very depressing, email, and Duscher just wishes movies knew what hacking was. So plug in your internet cable, yell at mum to get off the phone, and listen to that sweet cacophony of noises that is the 56k internet dialling up. It's the most beautiful music there is. It’s almost like a lullaby. Want to help Siri understand Duscher better? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month we can get him some elocution lessons. And don’t forget to head to http://google.com/usability/sanspants to sign up and take part in helping Google improve their not at all hostile takeover of the world.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In which our heroes find a running body of water, decide they need to get across to the other side, and try and nut out a solution to their problem as we discuss bridges. We talk about the historical use of canyons, Jackson's personal memoirs, and make Dads mad. Tessa creates an ornamental bridge of skulls, Edgoose creates a bridge of flesh, and Jackson is scared of youths and their penchant for digging. So build a bridge, thank god we can connect landmasses this way, and merrily drive across. Bridges are great.  Want to help Tess keep her Skull bridge in a warehouse? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month we can pay for general upkeep. And don’t forget to head to http://google.com/usability/sanspants to sign up and take part in helping Google improve their not at all hostile takeover of the world.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In which our heroes steal horses, rob carriages, stand and deliver and talk about bush rangers. We enjoy Australian's excuse for battle armour, want to take selfies with dead crooks and laugh at dumb past scientists for think Australia was a different shape to what it actually is. Gabe fills us in on the history of the Kelly gang, Jackson wants to know when we decided we weren't cool with corpses and special guests Liam and David from DCM Works both just want to look down on all of us dirty Victorians. So sit back and hand over all your valuables as we quit this podcasting nonsense and take up bush ranging. Want to get robbed? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month you can pretend you didn't donate that we robbed you like the outlaws we are. And don’t forget to purchase your copy of Plumbing the Death Star Vol. 1 right now available at https://audiobooksontape.com/shop/plumbing-death-star-bonus/.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In which our heroes cross their fingers, cross their toes and howl in agony when the sound of snapping bones reminds them that “crossing” isn’t really in toes’ wheelhouse as we discuss Digits. We reach a very quick consensus on extra thumbs, consider the drawbacks of nub justice and struggle with the concept of amphibious life. Edgoose dishes out some straight-up murder, Tessa repeatedly counts to eleven with potentially Satanic implications and Jackson just wants a concrete definition on pudding. So join the gang as they largely ignore toes to talk about fingers. Apologies if you wanted an hour on the joys of imperceptibly better balance and guidance when counting to numbers between 11 and 20. It’s done now and you don’t deserve better. Digits. Want to help us count to 10? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help us with basic math. And don’t forget to purchase your copy of Plumbing the Death Star Vol. 1 right now available at https://audiobooksontape.com/

In which our heroes erroneously prepare for a big turnout, cut mammoth slices that nobody would sensibly request and are forced to follow a satisfying meal with gigantic slabs of sugar as we discuss cake. We push our pathetic plastic dessert forks into region-specific cooking literature, consider practical applications for cake and propose substitutes for sugar and flour. Jackson breaks into houses, Alli delivers a message to Mark Ruffalo/Buffalo and Zammit just tries to ruin all of your favourite foods. So join the gang as they attempt to refuse seconds, but, hindered by food-induced lethargy, end up with more cake. Never again. Want to help us make the perfect cake? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help us gain weight for the winter. And don’t forget to purchase your copy of Plumbing the Death Star Vol. 1 right now available at https://audiobooksontape.com/shop/plumbing-death-star-bonus/, grab some Sanspants Merch here http://teepublic.com/user/sanspan

In which our heroes are confronted with the unknown and the mysterious and do their best to solve the unsolved mysteries of the world. We pay too much for meat pies, get distracted by Jackson's fantastic dog and get stung by bees when we sleep in their hives. Zoe wants to turn the Hindenburg into a mystery, Adam gets mad when people don't understand bikes and Jackson just wants to keep you all posted about Dogwatch 2016. So sit back, put on your Sherlock Holmes hat and try to help us solve unsolved mysteries. Or at least cause some more. Want to help us understand the mysteries of fire? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month you can make a difference in our day to day lives. And don’t forget to purchase your copy of Plumbing the Death Star Vol. 1 right now available at https://audiobooksontape.com/shop/plumbing-death-star-bonus/, grab some Sanspants Merch here http://teepublic.com/user/sanspantsradio and vote for us in the Podcast Awards here http://www.podcastawards.c

In which our heroes clean their aquarium, go down to the local fish n chip shop, buy too many dim sims and chat about all things fish. We discuss fish funerals, steal the superpowers we assume that sea creatures  have and inevitably create a wet apocalypse using nothing but the ocean and moth dust. Jackson idealises a whole new way of fishing, Leo shares a cautionary tale about shrimp and Duscher just ate stupid pills for breakfast. So join the gang as they cast a line, relax and stare into the empty void that is the ocean as it stares back and maybe, just maybe, fall in love. Want to help Pope Fish rebuild the Church of Fish? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month you can help convert those dirty fish heathens. Head to TeePublic to grab some sweet Sanspants Tees for only $14! And don’t forget to purchase your copy of Plumbing the Death Star Vol. 1 right now available at https://audiobooksontape.com/shop/plumbing-death-star-bonus/  See acast.com/privacy for p

In which our heroes shuffle the deck, criticize each-other’s deck-shuffling techniques and angrily reshuffle the deck as we discuss playing cards. We find ourselves underwhelmed by the nominally supernatural world of tarot, demand a greater level of sophistication from our magicians and express our disgust at anyone daring to assail us with mathematics. Jackson takes the opportunity to make his feelings known about kangaroos, Alli defends her knowledge of Alice in Wonderland and Zammit just wants the king to be sickeningly greasy. So join the gang as we offhandedly mention suit ranks and imply the existence of a game called 500 somewhere within a conversation about animals, nobility and bogus illusions. Playing cards.   Want to help us make our own deck? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help us in this game of poker. Come see D&D is for Nerds Live Dungeon Crawl on the 28th of May, you can book tickets here: https://www.trybooking.com/LKBE And don’t

In which our heroes select their murder methods, leave their calling cards and attempt to evade an ever-growing investigation as we discuss serial killers. We propose applications for disembodied arms, exploit the shortcomings of island law and examine the in-and-outs of running a successful murder hotel. Joel defends Charles Manson, Jackson fights the urge to needlessly declare his guilt, Zoe tries to describe an irregular bucket and Zammit just wants his cats to wait for the police. So join the gang as they publicly dissect their darkest instincts, causing irreparable damage to their social and legal standing, while acquainting themselves with serial killers. Want to help us cover up these murders? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help us avoid the chair. Come see D&D is for Nerds Live Dungeon Crawl on the 28th of May, you can book tickets here: https://www.trybooking.com/LKBE And don’t forget to purchase your copy of Plumbing the Death Star Vol.

In which our heroes look up the meanings of our name, change them all to better ones and immediately regret it as we discuss Alberts. We find weird fatty lumps on our bodies, discover how being an Albert would change our lives and turn Albert into an 80s cartoon style acronym. Jackson takes up wind-surfing to spite a village, TDB is forced to watch movies and Zammit just wants to find more animals designed to be eaten. So join the gang as they learn how to spell names. It’s a time. A time with someone called Albert. Want to help Jackson change his name Albert? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in his new identity. Would you like to help figure out how the human body clock may be related to depression? A study by Monash University is looking for otherwise healthy participants with depression, aged 18 to 30, to find out. You will be reimbursed for your time. If you would like more information, or to find out whether you’re eligible to

In which our heroes make a mess in the ocean, try to clean it all up and wonder how water gets so clean while discussing sponges. We have a guess about how many people tried to build the Ark before Noah, try to sell effective crime scene cleaning sponges on late night TV and hold the world ransom as we suck up the sea. Jackson furthers scientific knowledge by discovering a kraken, Alli makes a bet about flies and Zammit just wants to sponge up a giraffe. So join the gang as they marvel over what can only be described as the best argument for the existence of god; the humble sponge. Want to help Jackson establish a cult? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the public’s acceptance that cousins is okay. Would you like to help figure out how the human body clock may be related to depression? A study by Monash University is looking for otherwise healthy participants with depression, aged 18 to 30, to find out. You will be reimbursed for

In which our heroes move out to the woods to escape the hustle and bustle of a modern big city, overcome a mid-life career crisis and wonder what to do with all these logs as we discuss cabins. We make our own three bedroom cabins, dissect the motives of Robin Hood and attempt to do our best Brian Blessed inspired Tarzan calls. Jackson tries to understand old timey toys, Zammit learns to pronounce heirloom and Alli just wants endless fireplaces. So join the gang as they vaguely touch on the concept of cabins. It’s almost as nice as sitting by a wood log fire with a hot chocolate and a good book.   Want to help with our bathroom renovations? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in Jackon’s dream cabin in the woods!  Would you like to help figure out how the human body clock may be related to depression? A study by Monash University is looking for otherwise healthy participants with depression, aged 18 to 30, to find out. You will be rei

In which our heroes take out their pencil sharpener, sharpen the lead to a perfect point to only have it instantly break as they discuss pencils. We discover the corruption of kid’s birthday party games, break pencils all day long and bask in the nostalgic smell of pencil shavings. Jackson never got his pen license and is therefore a criminal, Alli loves the four-colour pencil and Tessa just wants kids to be impressed by her colouring skills. So join the gang as they bust out the Derwents, get drawing and try to colour inside the lines. If you lend us a pencil don’t expect it back. Want to help keeping those sectional pencils together? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the longevity of kids stationary. Would you like to help figure out how the human body clock may be related to depression? A study by Monash University is looking for otherwise healthy participants with depression, aged 18 to 30, to find out. You will be reimbursed

In which our heroes avoid the dentist, go hunting for an everlasting gobstopper and eat their body weight in sugar as they discuss candy. We become the star attraction on the circus circuit, send letters to candy suppliers for nefarious reasons and discuss the Cronenberg-esque body horror of slowly turning into candy over a week. Jackson gets annoyed at giant lollypops, Alli finds out what gummy tummy is and Duscher just wants to subtlety put his headphones back on. So join the gang as they get tooth decay and ruin a lot of different kinds of candy for you. Want to help supply Alli with a lifetime supply of fairy floss? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in her acquiring diabetes. Would you like to help figure out how the human body clock may be related to depression? A study by Monash University is looking for otherwise healthy participants with depression, aged 18 to 30, to find out. You will be reimbursed for your time. If you wou

In which our heroes put on their lycra, pump up their tyres, find their safest helmet and start peddling as they talk all things bicycles. We take a look at the four set phrases bosses say, wonder if death threats make something cool and then just spaghet about it as we hop into our saucy side car! Jackson defines a bike poorly straight off the bat, George has fond memories of Shallow Hal and Duscher just wants to learn how to pronounce statistician correctly. It all goes downhill quick and then never really recovers, which is good because uphill is hard.  Want to help us develop the first ever bossicycle? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help us reach the next step in employee/employer relationships. To see more of George and to book tickets to his one man show head to http://www.georgedima.com. George & Co. (the solo tour) is running from now til Sunday the 3rd of April downstairs at the Grand Mercure, so come on down and we might see you there! &#

In which our heroes climb the stage, regress ten years, and head to class as they discuss high school. We look at the unjust nature of some teachers, try to fix education, and wonder what kind of hellschool would ban best friends. Zammit channels his inner bully, Jackson wants to help kids fight swans, Zoe struggles with her taxes, and Duscher just wants to teach teens how not to be dickheads. So throw on your backpack, crack open your locker, and try not to get beat up. It's the least important part of existence. Want to help us do a live show in your hometown? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help in our quest to see your handsome faces.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In which our heroes put on a pair of gumboots, douse ourselves with insect repellent and wade out into the depths as we discuss swamps. We attempt to work out the difference between a swamp, a mangrove, a wetland and a marsh, feed carrots to human teeth wielding fish and talk about Man-Thing. Jackson has to exasperatedly explain what mud men are, Alli isn’t afraid of the ocean and Tessa just wants people to know Spongebob Squarepants is riddled with inaccuracies. So join the gang as they delve deep into the swamp lands down by the bayou. It’s kinda goopy, a little gross and full of nothing that great. Want to help Man-Thing in his advocacy for education of swamps? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in raising awareness of swamps all around the world.  And don’t forget to help us work out where to go for our Australian tour! Head to https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/sanspantstour and your handsome faces might be seeing our handsome faces

In which our heroes don’t turn up to recording, take a week off and decide to do a clip show instead, so it’s the best bits of Shut up a Second Season 1! Alli shifts through the archive to find the best moments, we remember Duscher’s dad’s tussle with a furby, revisit our bestiary creations and touch upon the many crimes of Caligula. Jackson’s strong and clearly foreign accent has yet to be gentrified, Zoe’s vocal chords haven’t been ruined by years of cigarettes and Duscher just hasn’t changed. So take a stroll down memory lane, relive some of our finest moments and remember why you fell in love with us in the first place. Want to help us make another clip show? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in Alli gearing up for the best of Season 2! Help support Comedy Cures charity by going over to https://groupees.com/rofl and purchasing some fine comedy bundles! We’ve got D&D is for Nerds Season 1 completely ad free and there’s a bunc

In which our heroes go out for a night on the town and can’t decide between high-heels, sneakers and our much beloved crocs as they discuss shoes. We work out why shoes don’t make sounds, reinvent rollerblades and discover pocket socks. Jackson thinks socks aren’t that clever of an idea, Duscher wants all shoes to be platform shoes and Sonia just looks like an idiot for her high school years. So join the gang as they learn to tie their shoelaces. It’s a lot harder than it looks and involves many overcomplicated and unnecessary knots.  Want to help reinvent the shoe? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in something that is probably good enough as is.  Want to some books to explain the birds and the bees? Head to http://sexedrescue.com/2016/giveaways/book_giveaway/ and enter for your chance to win!  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.