This Is Not A Test - Books, Music, Movies, Art, Culture And Truth

I come fully prepared to talk about supper clubs, The Hat Pack, the futility of it all, professional locksmiths, unprofessional landlords, professional "contractors," ladders, distinctive tape measures, flashlights and sticky fingers, flying buttresses, Appalachia, apes painting window trim, you and your stereo and how great you are, whether or not it's socially acceptable to call someone a mental case, red plastic shopping bags, what a $250,000 house in Los Angeles looks like, shoes dropping, best case scenarios, water water everywhere, Puerto Rico, Dominica, and what the hell is a U.S. territory anyway?

We may as well talk about modern day lynch mobs and public shaming, that Nazi rally in Charlottesville, Twitter, getting "good PR" by piggybacking on a tragedy, censorship, Godwin's law, Trump bulldozing people into mass graves, remembering the days of the free exchange of ideas with no governing body, Nazis having trouble finding online homes, riding in shopping carts, the price of freedom, the fact that Scientology is a dangerous and toxic mind control cult, Xenu and body thetans, cute Aryan chicks, realizing that everything you're doing is wrong, squishy dead brain tissue, the Westboro Baptist Church, Jewliciousness, the veins in your forehead bursting, the Civil War solution, Bob Marley, David Letterman and Peter Tosh, war and peace.

Amble down the path with me, if you will, toward finishing the writing of books, promoting and getting reviewers to read said books, plastic and metal, pushing birds out of nests, motors with moxie, selling window fans, oral histories, Roger Steffens and Bob Marley, faulty and fragile memories, tipping over a street vendor's cart because you're an asshole, Slash, doxing, lynching and the Sony HAP S1/B as lord and savior.

I have the best of intentions when I record these, but sometimes things just get away from me. So I'm not sure what this one is "about," but aside from what's listed in the title you'll also hear about PJ Harvey again (including never-before heard audio from an interview I did with her 10 years ago), discographies, demo versions of songs, why the last song on the side of an LP sounds worse than the first, obsession, Eraserhead, why everyone n the Internet is an asshole, I'll say "the N-word" (twice) without spontaneously bursting into flame, heads on pikes, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, N.W.A. and Apple. Not the fruit, the company that rules your world.

I caught PJ Harvey's "The Hope Six Demolition Project" tour at the Greek Theater here in Los Angeles. Allow me to tell you about that, and about psychic space, outdoor music shows, croaking for dollars, staying relevant in the face of increasing waves of nostalgia, First Aid Kit and Fiona Apple, retiring from live shows, people putting on a groovy act, jalapeno nachos and spinach wraps, the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, cannibalism, Cirque du Soleil, voicemails and chirping of many kinds.

46 reviews in 50 minutes? How is that even possible, you may be asking. No wonder they call it an extravaganza! Well, that's what this is. Maybe not an extravaganza, but 46 reviews in 50 minutes, as advertised. Though, honestly, it may be more of an opportunity for me to complain about what I don't like about TV. There's a lot to like these days, don't get me wrong, but you know how it goes.

This episode is ostensibly about Snapchat taking over all the buildings in Venice, but it's really just an excuse for me to tell stories about living in Venice - where the debris meets the sea - a long time ago. You know , that and mucus, khakis, "Silicon Beach," wombats, sticky carpets, sleeping bags, Sanford and Son, empty beer cans and pizza crusts, pagodas, driving stick, failing to stay out of Los Angeles County Jail, heroin, radio knobs, Bentleys and Maseratis, Boyle Heights, Leimert Park, gentrification (yes, again), snowbirds and Publishers Clearinghouse.

Chaos and disorder fall upon a nation while millions march in the streets demanding...something. I'm just not sure what. So we may as well talk about protesting. And snakes, hot coals, stereo speakers, being polite, agitating, Century City, Reagan, patchouli, which hats are in fashion, Vietnam, the ERA, diet Coke, catastrophe and emergency, hypocrisy, mental illness, conscience, violent overthrow, economic pressure, Apartheid, inequality, having nothing to lose, lawyers, being part of the problem, being on the wrong side of the majority, lectures, solidarity and tacos.

It's Bukowski time again, sort of, and along the way we may or may not touch on hair again, hopping on pop, nuclear winter, Ronald Reagan, "Baby, it's cold outside," Christmas songs, Cap'n Crunch, slapping broads around, male privilege, Rudy Vallee, amplified ants, Vietnam, the looming Trump era as a glass-half-full kind of thing, how you suck at doing Christmas, Rupert Murdoch, Abel Debritto, tarring and feathering, reruns of Seinfeld, breaking people who don't want to talk, in praise of killing some trees, diseased pilgrims, Google cardboard and all virtual reality, ViewMaster, chirpwatch and pie and coffee.

You didn't think I'd let this presidential election pass without saying something, did you? Well, actually, I had hoped to, but the whole thing didn't exactly turn out the way a lot of us had hoped or expected, so here we are. As you may have noticed, the truth took a beating in the campaign and election. The way I see it, it took the death of the truth for Trump to triumph (try saying that five times fast), so that's what we're talking about today: how the death of the truth happens, and how those who wanted it dead carried out the murder. It's just like the NPR podcast "Serial," only it's a lot shorter and only my opinion rather than a lot of meticulous research and reporting. Otherwise it's just like it.

Thrill to the description of my DNA test results, and stay on the edge of your seat as I also provide grandiose oratory on Bob Dylan's Nobel prize, Leonard Cohen, Tony Orlando, Casper the friendly ghost, tar and feathers, lefse and lutefisk, astrology, whimsy, turpitude, sushi, Eve, culture wars, old white men, ISIS or ISIL or JIMINEY DING DONG or whatever it's called, women in the kitchen, David Copperfield, Criss Angel, Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, Merrill Lynch, our Ethiopian ancestors and A Boy Named Sue.

On Thursday night Cat Stevens played a 50th anniversary show at the Pantages theater in Hollywood. If you couldn't be there I have the rundown for you.

Bright ideas, Amazon reviews, everyday miracles, McMansions, Mark Lewisohn, anything for a quid, reading on a Kindle, how many books are too many, bar bands, Mozart, Ron Howard, take me out to the ball game, comparing politicians to pop groups, our magnificent political system, the fog of nostalgia, Chairman Mao, back hair, outsiders, your savior, cars and shuffling off to Buffalo.

I had a hard time titling this one because I'm more all-over-the-map than usual. I blame this brutal non-stop heat wave of a summer. But if you take a chance you will hear about soaking electronics in beer, the last VCR, digital cameras, the future, Ludwig von Köchel, (not) paying $150 for a CD, charming quirks vs. psychotic behavior, developing photographic film, trigger warnings, Vietnam, knolling and the end of the Internet.

Bunny Wailer: Blackheart man, soul rebel, ruler of dancehall, legend. Plus Garbage - the band, not the stuff out behind your house - pink hair, people looking old before their time, Madonna, orthopedic shoes and K-Mart t-shirts, The Wailers, avoiding night flights, Madison Square Garden, electronic reggae, that rapper that Prince used, the Electric Slide, obscure Japanese dub stores, David Bowie, Prince, Jehovah, leaves turning brown, trillions of photographs, tidal waves, Instagram, Bob Dylan and King Crimson, the Hollywood Bowl, cheese, listening to music outdoors, velodromes, Hillary Clinton's nomination acceptance speech and the Great Wall of Trump.

I know it's not time for the monthly episode yet, but I just wanted to pop in, say hi, and talk about white people and black people in America. Just a little light hearted chit chat about race. Don't be scared. We're all friends here.

It's hot outside - here in the northern hemisphere, anyway - so let's talk about the San Gabriel mountains, the Sahara desert, soldering, female foxes, marketing things to women, painting guitars pink, Elektra Records, Jac Holzman, accidental business, jug bands, the Stooges, odd pieces of art, West Hollywood, isolation and a short story called, "Good evening St. Louis!"

You have to wonder about things like guns, and June Gloom, the LGBLT community, preaching love, calling things "the worst in U.S. history," Wounded Knee, your high school history book, wars, genocide, subjugation, cupcakes, immigrants and queers, throwing rocks at politicians, gun control, unemployment checks, Kickstarter, the emperor's new clothes, swimming upstream, fluffing up your eggs, the NRA, Jesus Christ himself, your fellow citizens, Mexican hats, rumpus rooms, 7-11, Wyatt Earp, Vivienne Westwood boots, cops, taking care of each other and Phil Hendrie.

Here we go with the three day weekend, vacation, the near-impossibility of relaxation, Richard Nixon, gadgets, machines and thing-a-ma-bobs, fainting couches, VARIDESK, regular desks, making things disappear, harboring a grudge, robots, brain surgeons and grocery baggers, lanyards, key cards, backstage passes, Royal Crown Cola, spaghetti, the Clash, broom closets, elaborate props, the Rolling Stones, Donald Trump, George Orwell, El Nino, body oil, incense and environmental records. Check.

I'm going to talk about my job for a minute, just because, but we'll also talk about landlords, moving, the Mars rover, rejuvenating a 13 year old website, repetition and tedium, baby seals, crafting a lovely box, Cinderella, feeling ridiculous, magical thinking, talking goats, unicorns, the NATIONAL ENQUIRER, TMZ, rat kings, big-gulps, incubators, Paisley Park, dignity, paparazzi, Howard Stern and Stuttering John, being thrown out of a club for being too drunk, Entertainment Tonight, hyperbaric chambers, podiatrists, poison toads, the de-elevator, cockfighting, synapses and Japanese fish. Among other things.